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I have in my hands, in my mail, a box of my books that I have been waiting for for so long.

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I have been laughing, I'm hoping you can hear me, because a lot of my endorsers have been

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getting their books before I got my books.

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And I wondered why, and it was because my publisher had an old PO box of mine that was

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no longer able to receive mail.

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So now they are here, and I am so freaking excited to unveil to you, unveil to myself and

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the world my third book, my third book in the world, my second with a publishing house,

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my first book was self-published, and my first that is really, I don't know, everyone

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I talked to about this book says that this is my book.

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My first two books were also my books, like they, they, they came for me, they were written

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by me in different seasons of my life, but this framework, these tools are, are what

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I know to be the legacy that I want to leave in the world.

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That is how significant this book is to me.

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Look how beautifully packaged they are in Bubble Wrap.

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I have no idea how many copies are in here, but it also says it's a rush order, which

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is so wonderful because my book comes out in six days on March 31st.

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Try not to scare my group out, there she is, sweet baby.

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Of course I'm here right now, three actually helpful things to say to someone grieving.

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It's a hard back, baby's first hard back, I am so excited.

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Okay, let me, let me put this giant box down, and I want to tell you a little bit about

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the book, and then I'll read you a passage from it, because that's how excited I am.

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That, that this is today, that this is happening.

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And it can seem very, it might seem very odd to you that I am this lit about a grief book,

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because a lot of grief books are memoirs about the most tragic things that happen in our

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lives.

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And I believe that there is a space and place and time for those grief books to exist.

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They need to exist in the world.

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People need to see them on shelves in order to see themselves in story and to recognize

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not only that they are not alone, but that it is possible to survive those kinds of losses.

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This is not that kind of grief book.

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This grief book is for everyone who is adjacent to a griever, who wants to support them, but

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doesn't know what to say.

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So this is much less of a memoir, it's really not a memoir at all, and more a how-to guide

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of what to say to support somebody who's grieving.

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This is written for friends and family members, this is written for co-workers, this is written

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for bosses, CEOs, leadership, politicians should read this, please.

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It is also written for perfect strangers, people who deal with grievers on a regular basis.

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And if you don't think you deal with grievers on a regular basis, think again, I have had

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so many interactions with massage therapists, with hair stylists, with people at retail counters.

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I work in a flower shop four days a week.

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You think we don't get sympathy calls to do funeral arrangements, people talking about

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their loved ones who have died.

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This is for anyone who is adjacent to a grieving person in today's world.

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That means all of us.

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And society has taught us these garbage phrases of time heals all.

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Everything happens for a reason.

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God just needed another angel.

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You just need to be strong for your family.

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And not one of these phrases has ever meaningfully helped a grieving person.

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Feel as if they are seen, heard, comforted, supported, all they are doing is making grieving

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people feel judged and alone, and like their pain is going to last forever, especially

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if the grief waves keep coming.

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But they do.

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They always do.

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Grief is lifelong.

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So this three phrase framework, of course I'm here right now is my answer as a griever

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and a grief coach, griever for 13 years, grief coach for more than 10 now of how to support

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somebody who is grieving, regardless of the type of loss they faced, how long they've

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been grieving for and what medium you're communicating on.

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And what I pause it in this book and what I teach you how to do is use words.

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Our best free grief support tool that any of us has access to at any time to support the

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people in your life who are grieving.

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These can be your closest friends and family members.

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They can also be your coworkers.

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They can be your clients.

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They can be the stranger in the back of the Uber that you are driving because that is

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your side hustle.

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It can be someone you are serving tables to as a waitress in a major city.

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It can be someone a neighbor that you run into on the street.

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It can be someone you're waiting on the train platform with.

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These words work in all instances for all types of loss from the minor every day.

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I didn't get a part in the play.

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The bus drove by so fast it splashed water on my new dress and now there is a minor loss

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of some sort all the way to the person I love most in the world has just died and you

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as a comforter, a supporter are being looked to as the person to respond to it.

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That is what this book is for.

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It's very funny the process of trying to sell this book of getting anyone to buy it was

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a lot about proving that this book needed to exist in the world.

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My agent and I shopped this out to another publishing house and they said this is great but

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we would love for you to include some actions of what to do for someone who is grieving.

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These could include things like bring a casserole, mother lawn, offer to walk their dogs

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for them, send a grocery gift card and I said no no no no no no.

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You're missing the point.

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The point of this book is that words are the tool words are it.

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This is a guidebook for how to use language and how to change the language that we use as

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a society to comfort people in grief.

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And the biggest reason I wrote it was this.

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There were many reasons I wrote this book but the biggest reason I wrote it was this.

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Graving people over and over and over and over and over again feel so abandoned and left

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behind and judged by friends, family members, coworkers, all the other people in their life

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because of the language that is used towards them.

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The one that I won't forget in the story that I tell, one of the stories I tell in the book

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is about a professor who told me that I can't be sad forever two months after my mom died

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and it would have been so different if that professor had said of course you're still

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sad that your mom is dead just two months after she died.

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I'm here for you.

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Right now I can imagine this is a really hard season to go to class which I did two months

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after my mom died.

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It was 21 when she died and I was in my senior year of college.

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What a different experience that would have been as opposed to hearing you can't be sad

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forever after I ran out of a class that I didn't know was going to be about funerals two

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months to the day after my mother's death.

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Sorry, got off on a tangent.

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The biggest reason I wrote the book is this.

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Graving people do not want to be abandoned but they are by words.

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Words are what causes fractures and rifts and awkwardness and endings to friendships and

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relationships after loss and supporters, friends, family members, coworkers, people who care

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about them.

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They're like I don't want to screw it up.

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I don't want to say the wrong thing.

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I want to genuinely be helpful but I don't know what to say or do.

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But in the silence that exists between grievers and supporters, this is where relationships

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fracture and end.

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This is the book for supporters who genuinely give a crap about saying things that are comforting

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and supporting to their grievers.

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Not just so they have a script to say in the moment.

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This is not just your words.

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Now take them.

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Thank you.

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It is so that grief.

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The thing that storms through your friend or family member or client or coworkers life.

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Does not break your relationship but makes it stronger or makes it so that the thing that

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tears so many people away and causes grievers to grieve yet another loss.

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I grieve my mom.

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Now I have to grieve my coworkers too.

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I grieved my sister.

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I have to grieve my friend group as well.

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I grieved the death of a dream or disability or a diagnosis that I was diagnosed with.

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And now I have to grieve this community of support that doesn't know how to show up for

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me.

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That from happening.

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This creates a world and I'm going to be really so boxy for a second.

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This guarantees a world where everyone has the words to say to someone grieving.

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This is the simplest tool I could create.

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The most accessible easy to learn tool that I could create for everyone in the world

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to support someone they care about who is grieving.

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I want to read.

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I don't know what I want to read.

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Let's flip through.

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Also, "Hell of Hardcover."

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My publisher told me I broke a record for the most endorsements that have ever been received

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for a book.

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There are one, two, three, four, five, six on the back and there are 24 more inside.

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There are 30 people who have endorsed this book from fellow grief authors like Rebecca

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Sofer and Hope Edelman to podcast host Janet of Christophero is one, Dr. Julie Shaw.

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Another grief author, Colin Campbell, Christina Rasmussen, who wrote one of my favorite books

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right after my mom died called Second First.

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But there are so, so, so many other endorsements in this book from psychotherapists, from hospice

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workers, from people who are adjacent to the grieving and who write about the significance

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of words and loss.

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Oh, and a couple of TikTok stars.

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Hospice nurse Penny is in here as well.

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But like so, so many people who understand what it means and the power of language when

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someone that you care about is grieving.

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Okay, I'm going to read from the introduction because I don't want to spoil the ending by

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reading you the ending.

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So I'm going to read you the introduction.

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Ready?

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Here we go.

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This is like me recording the audiobook, which I also narrate.

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So if you would like this as an audiobook, please get it from libro.fm, which is a place that

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allows you to buy and own your audiobooks forever, unlike Audible, or if you have an Audible

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subscription, you can find it from Audible as well.

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Okay, this is from chapter one, the intro of the book.

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This is what you will hear or read when you get this hard back or Audible or ebook for

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yourself.

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1.

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The Power of Words and Grief.

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Picture this.

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Someone, a dear friend, a family member, a client, a patient, a member of your congregation,

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a stranger at the grocery store, has just shared a grief story with you.

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Someone has died or something very precious like a relationship, a job, or a dream has been

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lost.

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And now it is your turn to speak.

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It's almost as if this person has placed their heart onto an invisible table between

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the two of you, and now you feel the pressure to decide what to say next.

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Yet, when you fish into the recesses of your brain to retrieve an appropriate reply to

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their pain, you come up with an error message, response not found.

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Time is ticking by.

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Beads of sweat are beginning to form on your forehead, and your standing stalks still

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while a voice of panic internally screeches, what do I say to comfort them?

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What words could possibly be enough?

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I don't want to make them feel worse.

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Don't screw this up.

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Meanwhile, your bereaved companion is waiting, fragile heart on the table for you to continue

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the conversation.

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This point in time, while incredibly short and measurable seconds, bears the heavy and

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timeless weight of grief.

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And in this moment, the onus is on you to respond to it.

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What can you possibly say that will comfort them, that will acknowledge the weight and uncertainty

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of their loss, that will let the person know that you not only care about them, but that

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you were also a safe place for them to take their pain?

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You try your best.

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You offer up and I'm sorry, or I can't imagine.

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You mirror back their feelings, replace a carrying hand on their shoulder.

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You stumble through a few more sentences, watching their face to see if anything you've said

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has had a meaningful impact, but you can't tell if you're actually comforting them, or

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just saying words.

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You end by wishing them well.

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With a "let me know if there's anything I can do, I hope things get better soon," or

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I'll be thinking of you.

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But you leave the interaction feeling unsatisfied, unresolved.

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Like there's something more you could have said or done, to help this person feel genuinely

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seen, heard, and held in the moments they were in your presence.

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You wonder if they feel better or worse for having talked to you, or if they may be even

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regret bringing their suffering into your orbit.

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As you watch them walk away, you feel a stone in your stomach and a nagging tug at the

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edges of your heart.

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You wonder if you'll ever be good at this, if you'll ever have truly helpful words to say

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when someone opens up to you about a terrible loss.

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You come over everything you said, examining your words for faults and cracks.

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You exhale, and hope to God you'll never have to go through that again, while knowing

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beyond a shadow of a doubt that you, like all of us, most certainly will.

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That is pages three and four of course I'm here right now, and what I really wanted to

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do was capture the weight and the real gravity that so many supporters, that so many of us,

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were all supporters, were all grievers at some points in our lives, that we all feel when

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someone's like holy crap suddenly a coworker texted me and said, "My brothers in the hospital."

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Or suddenly a friend says, "My neighbor's dad has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."

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Or someone calls and says, "Oh my gosh, a driver just ran over my talk."

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How do you respond to pain in that moment?

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This is applicable for the pain of people we know and we care about, but we can also use

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the tools in this book and I get into how to do this for the pain of the world, the pain

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of the political state we're currently in, the pain of what it is to be alive right now

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on the planet.

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There are so many different uses for the phrases in this book.

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I'll give you a little tour to France while we're on here together.

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So chapter one is all about words and stories, the power of words and grief.

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Why are words important?

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Why are they so impactful?

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Why do we agonize about not knowing the right words to say?

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And then the first little bit that I leave you with in part one of the book is called

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the Three Stories, where I introduce the three painful stories that almost every grieving

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people, every grieving people, every grieving person tells themself at one time or another.

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And this is based on 10 years of me working with grieving people as well as my own experience

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as a griever.

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The three stories are, "I'm crazy, I'm alone and it's going to be like this forever."

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And I tell you how to figure out what story your griever, the person you are comforting,

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is telling so that you know which phrase to use to respond.

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Because the second part of the book is devoted to the phrases.

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Of course, I'm here right now.

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Of course, is the emotional validator of "I'm crazy?"

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My dad's dead.

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I can't believe I'm still so sad it's been seven years.

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Of course, you're still sad.

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Your dad is still dead, even though it's been seven years.

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"I'm here" is the antidote to "I'm alone."

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No one understands how I feel.

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Even if I can't understand how you feel, "I'm here and I have not forgotten that you're

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grieving."

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I'll keep checking in on you.

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It's always of saying "I'm here."

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And then "Everything feels hopeless" or "My life will be like this forever."

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Right now I can totally see how everything feels hopeless or how hope is hard to find.

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I'm with you.

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Those are all ways to respond to these three stories.

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I'm crazy.

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I'm alone.

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It's going to be like this forever.

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Of course, I'm here right now.

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And their iterations.

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In each of the chapters, I go into why these phrases work for all types of losses and

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all types of grief.

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There are a whole bunch of like, "try them as you wish with yourself or with other people

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exercises."

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For how to like make the phrases fun or fold them into daily life, especially if you

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are someone who works with grievers professionally or like a friend or family member.

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You could do this exercise as a family.

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You could do this with a spouse.

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You could do this with grieving kids, especially, especially if you're a griever, a grieving spouse,

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maybe, supporting grieving children.

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Oftentimes, grievers are supporters and supporters are grievers.

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It's the combiocercle of life that we are all caught in.

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The last part of the book, because I don't want to overwhelm you with information.

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It really is a very quick in and out guide book, is your turn.

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It is your blessing, your benediction for the road of you now have everything you need

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to practice using these phrases in real life to begin using them with friends and family

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members in the workplace with strangers that you interact who are grieving.

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I take you through a day in the life of an imaginary comforter who is going throughout

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her day from six in the morning until 10 pm, interacting with different people from her

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children to her husband, to her co-workers, to her friend from knitting club.

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All different ways, all different losses and all how the phrases, of course, I'm here

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right now, fold into seamlessly her day to day.

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But I also finally offer you a blessing of like you have the words now and now you can go

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build a world where everyone knows what to say to comfort someone who is grieving.

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This is a cliche free book, platitude free book on what to say to support someone at the

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darkest and hardest moment of their lives.

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It is applicable again for all types of losses, all time frame sense to loss and all mediums

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where words are shared.

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So whether you are writing a sympathy card or coming up with a company wide email or texting

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someone or on FaceTime or sending what my friends and I call podcast voice memos, where we take

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five minute voice memos of our lives and then refer to them as a podcast from one to the

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other.

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If you are writing a bulletin for the church newsletter, like these phrases are so helpful

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in validating people's grief.

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I am so this is just I what a blessing it is to be obsessed with my work.

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And I really truly am.

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There are client stories in here.

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There are resources from other grief professionals, but ultimately is the definitive guidebook on what

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to say to someone you care about who is grieving.

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I am ecstatic that it's in hard back.

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I am so thrilled that it's here in my hands.

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It comes out in less than a week on March 31st, 2026.

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So if you are watching this video after that, guess what?

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You can go get it anywhere.

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Anywhere find books are sold.

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Please support your indie bookstore if you are able to do so financially.

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If not Amazon Barnes and Noble bookshop, these are all fine places to grab a book in this day

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and age.

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And if you really can't financially afford a book, the best thing you can do to support me

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as an author is to request this at your local library.

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People searching for what to say to someone grieving whether on Google or in your library's

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card catalog, we'll find this book and not only can you read it for free, but everyone

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in your community can as well.

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I am so delighted and just glowing at a sole level to share this book with you and

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with the rest of the world.

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Please, if you've read it already, write a review.

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And if it's in you, if it is on your heart, please order a whole bunch for your organization,

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for your local book club, for your mom's community, for whatever you are in, where you are adjacent

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to someone grieving.

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I write in chapter two, this is the last thing I'll give you just so I can drive the

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impact of this home and then we'll sign off for the day.

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But you are always adjacent to someone who is grieving.

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You probably just don't know it yet.

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Okay.

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Each year in the United States, approximately 2.5 million people die.

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For each person who dies, approximately five to nine people grieve their loss.

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That's at least half a dozen people whose lives are significantly impacted by the absence

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someone's death creates.

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The average American reports having three to five close relationships.

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That means if you extrapolate out that data, at least 37.5 million people are supporting

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someone who's grieving at any given moment in time.

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And this estimate only includes people grieving a death.

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It does not include diagnosis.

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It does not include divorce or breakup.

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It does not include world events or natural disasters.

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Every one including you is supporting someone grieving in every moment of your life.

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This book is the guidebook for what to say.

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I hope you will join me in creating a world where clichés finally meet their end.

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Where platitudes are no longer the first thing we reach for on our mental shelves when

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someone we care about is grieving.

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And where when the people around us are suffering, our default begins to become emotional validation

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through, of course, accompaniment, verbal and real show up accompaniment through I'm

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here and time anchoring contextualizing right now in this season.

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This is so hard in this chapter.

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I can see how hard you're trying.

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Abs of freaking.

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Lutely.

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These are so much more effective words than what we have been given by society.

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And we can create a much more grief, caring and compassionate and literate culture just

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by using the tools in this book.

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I am so proud I wrote it.

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I am so happy it's here.

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Now go forth, buy it, tell your friends about it, request it at your local library.

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I will be here and waiting and I cannot wait to hear what you think.

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Until my next book.

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I see you.

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I am so proud of you in the work that you're doing in the world and I love you because even

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through grief we are using our words and we are growing.

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Thank you so much for your support with me in this book.

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Bye.

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[Music]