1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,000 [MUSIC] 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,840 Hello world, this is Just Being Intentional. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,280 My name is Thomas Harris. 4 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,280 There's a lot of shows you can be listening to right now, 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,840 but you're taking the time to hang out with us, 6 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,080 and we greatly appreciate it. 7 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:20,600 This is my first interview with an actual guest. 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,960 My first show was just myself sharing my story. 9 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:28,320 But for my first guest, I wanted to bring in a brother mine. 10 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,160 When I say brother, I mean brother in arms. 11 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:35,960 He's served in the military, United States Marine Corps, 12 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,720 and also a fellow member of Merging Vets and Players. 13 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,840 His name is Yves Cachuela… did I pronounced that correctly? 14 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,600 yeah, you said it like a robot though. 15 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,600 Yves! 16 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,080 My man, U.S. Marine Corps, let's go. 17 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:51,960 How you say it? 18 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,960 Oorah, how you guys say it? 19 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:54,480 Oorah. 20 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,640 I've heard it too many times. 21 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:56,360 I just get tired. 22 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,520 I just kind of drown it out. 23 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,440 But welcome to the show brother. 24 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,080 I appreciate you coming on. 25 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:02,120 It's a pleasure to have you here. 26 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,080 Thanks for having me here. 27 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,440 You know, the just of the show is we're just having people 28 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,480 on and they're just sharing their stories. 29 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,040 Stuff they've overcome, what got to them 30 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,520 to where they are today. 31 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,200 And just life experiences, we want to try 32 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,880 to encourage people to just kind of keep going with their lives 33 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,720 and share some positive moments, share some stuff 34 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,480 that's been incredibly difficult. 35 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:24,840 But it's your story. 36 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,200 I didn't write it for you. 37 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,360 But I wanted to bring you on because I thought 38 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,680 you would be a great guy to have one to just help the rest 39 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,840 of us to learn to understand people better in our lives. 40 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,320 But with that being said, what's your story? 41 00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:43,680 Like where did you come from, share some pivotal moments 42 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,680 in your life that have shaped who you are today? 43 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,120 Let's kind of start from the beginning. 44 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,120 Where are you from? 45 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,080 Where did you grow up? 46 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,800 I was born in the Philippines, born in a mud hut, 47 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,560 My birth certificate is just a piece of paper. 48 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,800 And it's handwritten notes, not a real birth certificate. 49 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,840 But that's how it was back in the days, in the 80’s 50 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,640 But, yeah, I was born in the Philippines. 51 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,800 And then came here to America, uh, my grandfather, 52 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,640 fighting the war with MacArthur, actually. 53 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:17,240 And he was actually MacArthur's guide during the war. 54 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,440 And after his service or after they left, 55 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,280 he was like, hey, you want to bring your family over? 56 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,280 So he just brought the whole family over to America. 57 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,360 And that's how we got there. 58 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,160 How old were you at that time? 59 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,960 I was two years old at that time. 60 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:30,840 Two years old? 61 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:31,520 Yeah. 62 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,200 And then we resided in San Francisco. 63 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,120 Stayed there for about up to my teenager years 64 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:42,040 from like late '80s to 2004 after 9/11. 65 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:42,280 Wow. 66 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,240 So you don't have very much-- 67 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,400 you don't have a lot of memory about the Philippines, 68 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,640 obviously, since you've been here since you were two. 69 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,760 Well, I go there, vist 70 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:52,360 and stuff. 71 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,680 And I see the poverty. 72 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,880 And then the way it's upgrading itself, 73 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,000 like with infrastructure and roads and pavement. 74 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,680 Because when I came there, I was like seven or eight. 75 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,120 The airship was a dirt. 76 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,200 I guess not even a runway. 77 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,200 There's no asphalt. 78 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:07,960 It was dirt. 79 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,240 And then the next time I went there, 80 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,440 it was like 13 years old. 81 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,560 they had some-- 82 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,960 they had pavement, little upgrades, 83 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,400 that you can see it developed is from jungle to like city. 84 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,440 So that was pretty cool to see. 85 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,120 So yeah, like I said earlier, can you 86 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,720 share a pivotal moment in your life 87 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,960 that made you who you are today? 88 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:33,240 During that time, when I met my wife, 89 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:38,280 I was already 16, going on 17, and I was already-- 90 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,520 I was into the gang sh-t 91 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,800 I was already on house arrest. 92 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,440 Not only that, we're really changed 93 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,920 that is that when I got my girlfriend pregnant, which 94 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:45,800 is now my wife. 95 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,840 And then that dawned on to, like, 96 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,240 do I want to be a statistic, with nothing to show for it 97 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,600 there's not like a legacy to show the kid. 98 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,200 So I'm like, you know, I need to-- 99 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,080 I need to man up and make sure-- 100 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,240 that's when I decided to join the military. 101 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,080 What I wanted to change, myself, is like — to grow up. 102 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,960 And then stop hanging out with the same people 103 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:04,840 that I hang out with. 104 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,440 And that was the biggest change because I changed my life. 105 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,840 Because I see them now, my old friends, 106 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,320 and they're still doing the same thing. 107 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,360 That's who I grew up in. 108 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,560 You know, I'm like, I'm glad that I made that choice. 109 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,000 It was my ego that got me. 110 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,920 So I went to the recruiters office where 111 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,760 you just like, maybe Marine, Army, so on, so forth. 112 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,560 So they all offered me a bonus, a signing bonus, 113 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,800 $5,000, $10,000 a year, and like, I'll join whatever. 114 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,200 And then the ring recruiter looked at me, 115 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,960 and I was wearing like, you know, baggy pants, you know, 116 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,120 tall tee, like a snap back. 117 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,440 And he was like, you ain't gonna make it. 118 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,560 And that's what he said. 119 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,720 He said I was gonna make it. 120 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,720 And I was like --- I went with him. 121 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,880 I did their PT became like a-- 122 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,280 it's called, preparing for MEPS and all that stuff. 123 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,040 And I was like, later down the road in hindsight, 124 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,520 I was like, that's how that mother --- 125 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,120 Got me to join the Marine Corp was to say 126 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,000 that I wasn't gonna make it. 127 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,440 I can relate to that experience of, you know, 128 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,840 join the military because you have to come to the awareness 129 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:04,080 that I need to change because my life is pretty much going 130 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,480 nowhere and is going there fast. 131 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,760 And you have to make a drastic change 132 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,760 to the trajectory of your life. 133 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,840 And I'm grateful for the military for allowing 134 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:19,200 me the capacity to move forward and away from my old life. 135 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,680 So I can definitely relate to that. 136 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,280 And I said before, and I say it many times, 137 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,960 is that there's one defining moment in your life 138 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,280 where it changes everything from there. 139 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,760 For me, that was deciding to join the military. 140 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,480 And I'm sure that's the same thing for you 141 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,080 because you just shared that. 142 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,760 You said why you joined the Marines and someone 143 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,280 like challenged your ego, and that's probably what it was, right? 144 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,000 Yeah, pretty much. 145 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,000 Yeah. 146 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,760 Because everyone else was giving me box of chocolate 147 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,560 and candy, you know, like you want a bonus? 148 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,480 And I was like, I'll take it with-- 149 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,920 Just him, man, he was just like, just look at me and say, 150 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,240 I wasn't gonna make it. 151 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:57,760 Simple. 152 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,120 How many years did you serve? 153 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,880 I did six. 154 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,040 Six years. 155 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,760 So at first, I was a marty operator. 156 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,280 So I was driving trucks around. 157 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,680 I was pretty much like the taxi. 158 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,880 But then I let move to machine gunner. 159 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:17,160 I went to the infantry because we were-- 160 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,640 Mortity was just with the infantry all the time 161 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,000 because we were transporting them. 162 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,160 It's found in-- 163 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,640 We're just doing exactly what they're doing. 164 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,920 So that we have licenses for drive trucks. 165 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,880 So I'm like, might as well do it. 166 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,320 So I went full fledged machine gunner, 167 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,240 and then I returned to my unit, 168 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,760 and then I became the machine gunner for my unit instead 169 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:36,520 of the driver. 170 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,040 But they said it was a good thing for them on their side 171 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,920 because if someone can't drive, if I'm there, 172 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,000 I could just drive four. 173 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,400 Where were you deployed? 174 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,200 To Iraq. 175 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,560 Yeah, that's one to Iraq two times, one, no six. 176 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,400 Just the end of-- 177 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,280 Apollegia. 178 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,760 And then my next one was in 2009. 179 00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,600 So how would you describe that experience going to Iraq? 180 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,440 Was it pretty rough? 181 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,920 So here's my story for that. 182 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,320 It's because it was eye-opener. 183 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,240 Because when we left, we went to Germany, 184 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,880 then food from Germany took away to Iraq and pushed to Iraq. 185 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,280 When we were in Kuwait, it was a blue sky, like, 186 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,080 clear as day. 187 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,680 Then we left that night, went on the AC-130s, 188 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,280 and went to Iraq, and when we sit ground in Iraq, 189 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,120 I'll tell you the guess where. 190 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,560 Like, it was just lightning storm, like thunder and lightning. 191 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,280 And we came out of the AC-130, and the flight deck 192 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,920 dude was just like, run. 193 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,040 I was like, why? 194 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,240 So he's just lightning. 195 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,360 So that's not lightning. 196 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,160 That's motor rounds. 197 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,760 I'm like, oh, and we just started running to the fucking bunker. 198 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,480 And that was my introduction to Iraq. 199 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,600 And I was like, damn dudes, I mean, got stuck out of the plane yet. 200 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,520 And stuff was already going off. 201 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,440 And I thought it was just the storm. 202 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,000 Me being a Navy submarine guy, you know, 203 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,480 I've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of what 204 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:02,120 I call real-life GI Joe's guys like yourself, 205 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,120 several other MVP members. 206 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,920 People that had actually been to war, 207 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,040 they've been in Iraq, I've got to stand. 208 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,080 They've shot at people, people've shot at them. 209 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,200 They've seen things blow up around them. 210 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,240 They've held some of their best friends in their arms 211 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,960 as they gave their last breath. 212 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:23,600 So I've always commended you guys for what you've endured. 213 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,080 And I used to think a little less of myself 214 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,560 because I was just on a submarine. 215 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:31,200 I just did circles and dunking and diving 216 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,960 and doing fire drills, flood drills, stuff like that. 217 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,640 So I used to kind of cheapen my experience 218 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,520 because I wasn't actually seeing action. 219 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:46,520 But I had to learn that I took the same oath as you guys did. 220 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,080 We all took the same oath. 221 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,320 And in that oath, whatever it takes, 222 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,240 it doesn't matter if I go to war or not. 223 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,320 I'm actually pretty fortunate that I didn't go to war 224 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,240 because with war comes with a lifetime of just battling 225 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:05,080 in your mind and overcoming those dark moments 226 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,840 that you had the experience firsthand. 227 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,720 So I'm grateful for that, but I don't have the same struggles 228 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,560 that some that have been in the battle have. 229 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,600 I can be that advocate, that friend for them 230 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,320 and at least be an ear. 231 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,640 So it's encouraging for me to meet guys like yourself 232 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,760 and to be a friend to you. 233 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,000 We're in the brotherhood, so we're connected for life 234 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,680 just based off of that. 235 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,520 I appreciate you, brother. 236 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,080 - Here's how I put it. 237 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,560 It's like, I know you're downgraded, but you're service, 238 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,200 but like you're still doing what you gotta do. 239 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,920 And if something were pop up, 240 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,760 you were there to go go and ho and help out on the fight 241 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,240 if we had to. 242 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,840 So I see it as those who shed blood 243 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,160 would mean the battlefield forever. 244 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,520 My brother, that's what I hold on to. 245 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:54,800 - Thanks, man. 246 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,560 Can you share a story about you and your wife 247 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:02,320 really encapsulates your journey together so far? 248 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,240 Like, how long have you been with her? 249 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,840 - Oh man. 250 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,800 We've been together total 18 years, 251 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:11,880 but we've been married for five, 15. 252 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,200 Yeah, man, we've a lot of ups and downs 253 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,200 that we were high school swing arts, 254 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,600 like we knew each other's ins and outs, 255 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,600 the bad stuff, the good stuff, you know, 256 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,400 like sometimes more bad than good, 257 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,200 but we were also trying to mature at the same time 258 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,920 and see what we could do to help each other. 259 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,240 And it was really hard. 260 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,160 It was really hard after a graduate college, actually, 261 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:38,160 because my goal was to have kids after I graduated. 262 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,040 The only reason why I said I had to graduate college 263 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,760 is because I wanted to invest my time to the kids. 264 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,040 I don't want to be out in school 265 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,000 and just not having any help, like, 266 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,400 not wanna be there because I truly believe that if, 267 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,960 like, you have kids, like, 268 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,160 at least dedicate a lot of the time to them. 269 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,800 Yeah, you gotta work, but then like, 270 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,600 if I could control me spending time with them, 271 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:02,800 then I would do that. 272 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,800 Being married is one of the greatest things you can do in life, 273 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,360 but it can also be one of the hardest things 274 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,480 you'll ever do in life. 275 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:15,960 And adding children to the mix just makes it that more complicated. 276 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:20,720 But what I came to understand and I'm still working through is that 277 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,760 when you make the choice to get married and start a family, 278 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,840 your life is not about you anymore. 279 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,520 It's not about you and you being in your feelings. 280 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,920 It's about doing what you signed up to do. 281 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,760 So sometimes I don't feel like loving my wife or loving my kids 282 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,360 the way they deserve it. 283 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,200 And that's when I'm in my feelings. 284 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,960 I'm like, I gotta get over myself because it's part of the deal. 285 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:47,760 The husband, the father is sacrificing for his family. 286 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,960 They're number one priority on this earth. 287 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,560 And as long as you have them, 288 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,200 they can unfortunately be taken away from you. 289 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,880 But while they're there, you are solely responsible for them. 290 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,040 Yeah, marriage. 291 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,120 Let me tell you when I'm on my bottom alone. 292 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:07,680 So let me back up to one of the things that was most important to me 293 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,480 is that I was a machine gunner, right? 294 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,240 And I was always part of a team. 295 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,000 I was always part of a fire team. 296 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,120 I was always part of Guardian Angel, like Watch Me Bover Watch. 297 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,400 I'm being subversifired. 298 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,200 So it's like I'm always with a team of guys. 299 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,520 And then we always communicated. 300 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,200 And that was the camaraderie, the brotherhood. 301 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,640 And that was the biggest thing I couldn't let go 302 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,960 after leaving the military. 303 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,120 So I felt alone. 304 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,600 Like I didn't have any purpose. 305 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,160 I was like, what do I do? 306 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,360 No one wants a machine gunner as a friend in the civilian world. 307 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,480 So it's like trying to assimilate to the civilian life 308 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:43,200 something that is not relatable to the civilians itself. 309 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,960 So it's really hard to connect. 310 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,720 Not only that, I had PTSD. 311 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,240 And I was still dealing with trauma that I was still facing. 312 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,480 And then I was in denial. 313 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,080 Like, what got me help was my mom, my mom's. 314 00:12:56,080 --> 00:13:01,200 So my mom said, my son left to our rack, 315 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,400 but he never came back. 316 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,880 That's why my mom said, and I was like, damn, that's-- 317 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,800 I can't hurt. 318 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,200 Because that tells me that she sees me. 319 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,960 But I'm that same person. 320 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,800 You know, got me to the heart. 321 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,200 I got to go to this mental health. 322 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,600 I got to see B-Valley-Witted check on. 323 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,200 Like, tell my mind when they added to it this way. 324 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,240 You know, I used to kind of learn myself. 325 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:21,840 Right. 326 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,480 I like to use analogies a lot. 327 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:29,160 And being a movie guy, I love to use movies as analogies. 328 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,520 You seen back to the future? 329 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:31,800 Yeah. 330 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:32,320 Of course we had. 331 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:36,760 So you'd be surprised if people haven't seen it. 332 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:41,080 There's the part where Marty goes to the future. 333 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,720 And then he returns back to 1985. 334 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,680 But when he returns, it's not the same 1985 335 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,840 that he was used to. 336 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,480 It was an alternative 1985. 337 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,240 Right. 338 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,640 And it was a world that he didn't recognize 339 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,760 because it was happy and sunny and shiny and all that stuff. 340 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,120 But then it was dark. 341 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,240 That analogy for me makes me think of those of us that have served, 342 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,600 especially those that have really been in it, 343 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,360 really deep into that military lifestyle 344 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,040 where everything is pretty much the same every day. 345 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,240 For many years that you've served. 346 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,120 But then you come back and the world that you left 347 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,760 is completely different. 348 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,760 Like they moved ahead while you were still kind of in this bubble 349 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,680 of that lifestyle that you only recognized. 350 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,720 You were really involved in. 351 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,360 And I think that's part of the struggle 352 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,600 that some of us veterans have is that transition 353 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,800 back to the world that we left before, 354 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,720 whether it was right after high school 355 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:46,480 or a few years later, after four, eight, 10, 20 years, 356 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,160 it's like it's not the same world. 357 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,080 They've kind of moved on, you know, you weren't there. 358 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,680 So you have to decide like, 359 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,640 am I going to be a part of this new world 360 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,840 or am I going to just pretend like it's supposed to be 361 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,080 the way it used to be? 362 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,560 That's a good transition into talking about what's 363 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,160 on your shirt right there, emerging vets and players. 364 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:09,800 MVP is a transition program for military veterans 365 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,560 and former professional athletes 366 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,880 to bring back the brotherhood, the team 367 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,960 that we all used to share when we were active duty 368 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,800 and those athletes that were part of the locker room 369 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,400 that have to move on and try to figure out what else they 370 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,480 are supposed to do in this world. 371 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,880 So in that transition for you, how did you discover MVP? 372 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,360 The story will go full circle. 373 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,960 MVP literally saved my life, I would say. 374 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:43,440 And definitely showed me love that other organizations 375 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,040 have been, and I'm explaining. 376 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:51,760 Because like I said, once I left the military, 377 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,520 I lost my purpose, I lost my team. 378 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,160 I don't have a team anymore. 379 00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,120 And then so I was constantly looking for a team. 380 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:05,120 And so I've joined different organizations like the VFLVU 381 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,000 Solzers Project, RWB, what else? 382 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,560 Wounded Warriors Project, I joined all of them, right? 383 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,040 And then I came to notice that like, 384 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,480 each organization is like, you do a gathering, 385 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,720 and it would be different people every time. 386 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,120 I always have to create a new team, I could create a new 387 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,160 connection, but I was like, why can't I just be 388 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,520 that I've met the first time? 389 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,320 And that's why it's like losing a team again, 390 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,680 that made me more depressed. 391 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,840 I was like, what's my purpose? 392 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,200 While in college, I found a good team that was sustainable 393 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,240 until I graduated. 394 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,960 I was the president of a veteran fraternity in CSOM. 395 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,560 What we did was help veterans go through college 396 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,000 the easy way instead of the hard way. 397 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,320 And also being around other veterans 398 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,720 to kind of have our own little community in the college 399 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,840 itself. 400 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,560 And my goal was just to help every single one come back 401 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,880 to the real world. 402 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,320 And I know that's different now, but you just have to adjust. 403 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,880 Like we just have to adapt. 404 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,960 The worst experience I've had being a president 405 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:09,880 is that in November 7, 2008, a veteran named Ian Long, 406 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,600 Rincler veteran, he's the one that shot up the dozen 407 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,360 folks, a borderline bar, killing 13 people, and then 408 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,560 they killed himself. 409 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,680 That right there was a-- 410 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,000 it gave us a black eye in the veteran community 411 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,080 because they're like, what the paper said was, oh, 412 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,280 he was from CSOM. 413 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,320 And there's a veteran fraternity group. 414 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,920 He must be part of them. 415 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,920 This is their problem. 416 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,960 Like, you need to hone on to them. 417 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,760 So I had to write a letter and say to him, 418 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,280 look, I tried to help him. 419 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,040 There was such a sad tear. 420 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,000 But he didn't want to receive my help. 421 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,800 And then at the same time, I'm like, 422 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,480 he was an associate with my renunciation 423 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:48,680 to see he didn't want the help. 424 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,000 But in my back, my mind was like, 425 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,920 managed to write harder to help him. 426 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,880 But yeah, that gave us a black eye. 427 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,360 And then so I had to do something. 428 00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,280 What I did was I orchestrated a 5K, 429 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,800 and I made all the proceeds. 430 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,640 Any money that we made, we put it to veterans mental health 431 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,720 and their families. 432 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,880 And I partnered up with Soljush Project. 433 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,040 And I literally get, we made close to 5,000. 434 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,880 And then I just gave all that money to them. 435 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,600 It's like, hey, give it to veterans and families. 436 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:16,880 Like, to suffer you. 437 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,280 That was, I mean, that was like, I felt good doing that 438 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,680 because it shows that I'm trying to make us look good 439 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,080 in the civilian world. 440 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,360 And to the college, because they saw us as like, 441 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,360 like bad people, bro. 442 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,120 Like, they didn't want their associate, anything with us. 443 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:37,040 They didn't want to invite us to like social gatherings 444 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,120 because like being an infotainer, you're supposed to socialize 445 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,880 with other sororities and fraternities. 446 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,520 They didn't invite us. 447 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,640 They thought you were crazy. 448 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,600 Yeah, they thought like, as you were all crazy. 449 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,440 Yeah. 450 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,960 And so then like, I had to do something to make you like, 451 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,680 look, this is one bad apple. 452 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:51,880 We're not all like that. 453 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,600 No, I mean, yeah, that's stigma. 454 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,840 That's 5K. 455 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,840 And then not only that, like, I did, I wound up everything. 456 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,040 So we did the most volunteer hours, 457 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,640 most community service, 458 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,960 with the most involvement in school. 459 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,840 And we were the number one of fraternity in that school 460 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:17,440 at CSUN from 2018 to 2019 when I was president. 461 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:23,040 So like, I made sure that I solidified that we did good. 462 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,720 We helped those community and we don't look at it 463 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,920 as like crazy. 464 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:27,840 We're also human. 465 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:28,320 Right. 466 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,200 When you came to MVP, I got to hear your story. 467 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,320 You shared your story and it was very powerful. 468 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:34,840 Oh, yeah. 469 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,520 Which was, you know, there's more to it. 470 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,760 But I wanted, that's why I wanted to have you on the show 471 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,160 because it was powerful. 472 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,160 And you had brought something and you showed the people 473 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,880 there that night. 474 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,000 Can you tell us what that was? 475 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:51,840 Oh, yeah. 476 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,680 Well, that was so I was going right to that. 477 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,880 So after I graduated, me losing my team, 478 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,120 like, once I graduated, you know, I don't have fraternity 479 00:19:59,120 --> 00:19:59,880 brothers and sisters. 480 00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,600 I do have a mouthline, but like, you know, 481 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,320 I don't see them as everyday because I'm at the school. 482 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,560 Then I just felt depressed. 483 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,120 And then like my wife and I were trying to have a baby. 484 00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,240 Like she couldn't, couldn't get pregnant. 485 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,600 It was like it took a year. 486 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,840 And then now our communication was shit. 487 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,440 Like everything was just going down the drain, 488 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,920 like being depressed and like, like, secluding myself. 489 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,440 Like, don't want to go outside. 490 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,840 Just just being in my head. 491 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:24,440 Isolation. 492 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:24,920 Yeah. 493 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:25,600 Isolation. 494 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,480 And then what was worse is like, like, 495 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,160 while my wife can't get pregnant, like, so she can't have kids. 496 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,480 Like, that was my goal is to have kids and pretty 497 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:37,400 just good legacy for my kids instead of like, you know, my old life. 498 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,640 Like this new life that I have now is way better to offer for them. 499 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,080 And that couldn't even get a kid to share that with in the parking lot. 500 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,880 And I had my, my M9. 501 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,920 And I was like, I tried to off myself. 502 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,480 And now once twice I show you the views. 503 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,960 Are they going to see this photo too? 504 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:55,280 Yes. 505 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:55,520 Okay. 506 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,040 Cool. 507 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,040 Thank you. 508 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:00,680 So I racked it and then I shot it. 509 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,720 I re-racked it and then I shot it again and it clicked. 510 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,040 And then this, this was the two. 511 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,360 I think you can see it. 512 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,360 The two does. 513 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,480 So and it didn't go off. 514 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,280 And yeah, man. 515 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,840 So I tried to take my life twice and, um, it's not. 516 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,840 Yeah. 517 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,280 So, but after I did, I did that and nothing happened. 518 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,280 Like, I just went back home. 519 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:28,280 Like, nothing happened. 520 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,800 And I didn't even tell her what I did. 521 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,520 And then, um, and then it was like a week or two later. 522 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,560 She, uh, we went to the doctors to check on her belly. 523 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,520 It showed that we had twins. 524 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:46,120 In my mind, I processed it as I tried to take my life twice and God said, you know what? 525 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:49,200 I'll give you two more, two more lives, uh, four years. 526 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:54,440 So they gave me twins and they just think God has a crazy sense of humor, you know. 527 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,440 Yeah. 528 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:02,720 I remember vividly when you shared those two duds, um, you said after a second one, you 529 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,080 said, maybe I'm not supposed to do this. 530 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,080 Yeah. 531 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,080 Pretty much. 532 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,480 You were absolutely correct. 533 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,280 You were not supposed to do that. 534 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,280 Yeah. 535 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,200 Suicide is hard for me as well. 536 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,840 I shared on my first episode about my dad, you know, taking his own life. 537 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,200 He was successful in that. 538 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:25,040 But, you know, I don't think I shared that I had, I definitely forgave my dad for what 539 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:30,680 he did, even though I thought that he cheated his family by, by leaving his world, you know, 540 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,840 voluntarily. 541 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,920 But, um, I've done my business with God through that. 542 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:41,040 And, uh, I definitely forgive my dad because, you know, he didn't know any better and he 543 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:47,120 didn't reach out, you know, and this is important for us to know that we have to reach out because 544 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,760 we can't do life by ourselves. 545 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,440 So, um, yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. 546 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:59,280 So, uh, transitions when we talk about the twins, um, it's been a rough, rough go with the 547 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,280 twins. 548 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,280 Is that right? 549 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,280 Yeah. 550 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:06,520 This is when I already met you guys at MVP after I, I tried to three more weeks after that, 551 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,520 after we found out that there were twins. 552 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,600 I was already with you guys. 553 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:15,160 And I started sharing it with you guys and it was like, you guys had nothing but love 554 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,360 and support for me. 555 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:22,120 And, um, even when we found a diagnosis of Kaya, like she was on the ultrasound, they could 556 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:29,560 see that she was missing her cleft lip and palate and her brain was, uh, underdeveloped 557 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:34,120 and she was already missing her leg and then, um, and missing some of her fingers. 558 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:39,040 So then like, and I expressed that to you guys and you guys said nothing but love. 559 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:43,360 And the best part of it was, is that it was never, it was never like new faces. 560 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,920 It was just like the same constant. 561 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,080 Like the normal, you know, that's what I wanted like a team once I clock in. 562 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,720 It was a little scary, you know? 563 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:56,760 And that's what I loved about MVP's because they, they were consistent and then, and they 564 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,000 were true to that because like, because they had their organization and every, if then 565 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,760 I went to, it's just like different people every time I had to build new connections, 566 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,760 build that got the work for friendship. 567 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,800 But instead of it, MVP's just like, we were just family. 568 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,360 As soon as we said hi, it was just like that. 569 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:16,120 And that's why I've been charging here in the Nashville area to get something going 570 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,720 here because I believe in the program. 571 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:23,880 The love and respect I have for my peers in our, our organization, you know, I want to 572 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:24,880 keep that going. 573 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:30,560 I want to just make sure people know that they have a family and that they are welcome, 574 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:34,520 despite what they, but their battles are, what their demons are, you know, we want to 575 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:39,400 provide a safe place for people to come and just continue to share their stories and 576 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,680 be a part of a community like you once were before. 577 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,960 And I feel like you're, you're an outcast and no one can understand you. 578 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:53,560 You know, we all have a relatability factor and that's the winning formula for us. 579 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,000 But it's all about community. 580 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,720 Again, back to the twins. 581 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,320 You have one that has some, some parents. 582 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,320 Yes. 583 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:07,000 Which she was diagnosed with is, listen, Seth Lee, micro Seth Lee, see that, actually, 584 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:13,240 she has hyperthyroidism, she has a cleft lip and palate missing, she had an antibiotic 585 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,840 bad syndrome on her fingers. 586 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:15,840 They were agitated. 587 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:20,240 They're actually the, they've done the local cord well, so wrapped around her neck. 588 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:24,360 So her brain was it fully developed. 589 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:27,840 So there was like an indent of where on her forehead. 590 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:34,480 Yeah, there was a, there's a lot of things wrong with what happened was that her DNA sequence, 591 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,960 the DNA, like, or maybe whatever they, they match, but they match incorrectly. 592 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:39,960 And then it just did that. 593 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,200 It just multiplied from there. 594 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,080 And it just got worse and worse and worse. 595 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:50,280 And like I said earlier, you know, marriage being as hard as it is, that's just added stress 596 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,120 on your relationship with your wife. 597 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:53,120 You're trying to be strong. 598 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:58,240 You're trying to be the supportive husband, but you're going through it just like she 599 00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:59,240 is. 600 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,640 But you've been a marine also, you know, you're trained to just toughen up butter 601 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,360 cup and not show any signs of weakness. 602 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:07,360 Yeah. 603 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:10,160 So how does that all play in that? 604 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:16,880 For me, it was a lot of thinking, a lot of logical thinking and how to make things better 605 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,200 for everyone else. 606 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,840 So I would, I would make the decisions for my, for my wife. 607 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,400 So she wouldn't have to, she wouldn't have to make those hard decisions. 608 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,520 Like I would invest my time into like, how can I make her comfortable? 609 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:37,440 And how can I make Kaya my daughter comfortable and just learning about her disabilities and 610 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,360 just feed off from her emotion? 611 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:43,720 Because obviously she can't communicate or my daughter can communicate. 612 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:48,760 So I just have to go through it with her, you know, and be at the moment. 613 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:54,400 But at the same time, I put all of my time onto Kaya and I didn't pour any time for the 614 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,560 other one, which I've kind of regret. 615 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:03,640 But at the same time, I don't regret because Kaya passed and I'm glad that I spent all that 616 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:04,640 time with her. 617 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:10,440 But at the same time, like I didn't spend I kind of the week, the other one, you know, and 618 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,160 that's else busy about it because like it would be too, it's always that. 619 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,840 I'm going to play, I'm like, I'm watching sister, I'm going to make sure your sister's 620 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:17,840 safe. 621 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,040 And then I'll just put her off, you know, and not I think about it. 622 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,040 I should not have done that. 623 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,040 Yeah. 624 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,040 Right. 625 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,760 I just want to encourage you, you still have time, brother. 626 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,280 She's what three years old. 627 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,280 She's three. 628 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,280 She's three. 629 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:37,960 So it's been what two or three months since Kaya passed. 630 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:38,960 Mm-hmm. 631 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:39,960 Yeah. 632 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:45,160 I remember seeing your stories on Instagram and I didn't add no idea. 633 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:49,640 So I wanted to make sure I reached out to you when I heard the news. 634 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:54,600 But I'm going to keep praying for you for all that you've been going through. 635 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:59,080 And just encourage you to keep going for you and your family. 636 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:06,320 So 2020 was the motivation, if you will, for this show with all the events that were happening 637 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:07,320 in 2020. 638 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,720 It was a rough time for a lot of people. 639 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,160 What was it like for you as we close? 640 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,520 It was chaotic, I'll say. 641 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,720 Here's how I would say it. 642 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:25,320 Kaya was in the hospital for six months straight. 643 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:30,640 So it was just me going back and forth from Lancaster to Tristan's Hospital and that's about 644 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:34,480 like a 50 mile drive right back and forth. 645 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:40,080 So with COVID around since no one was out, like the freeway was free. 646 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:45,200 And I was just speeding right through going to the hospital within like 30 minutes. 647 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:51,320 And that was helpful for me to get to her as quickly as possible. 648 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:59,440 But if there was no COVID, it would take me an hour to have two hours out of the plan. 649 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,880 But COVID helped me to get to her. 650 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,680 That's kind of a blessing in disguise. 651 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:11,760 Well, before we go, I like to, because the show is called just being intentional, what 652 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:16,120 is it that you feel that you need to be more intentional about? 653 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:20,400 Like the things that you know you're supposed to do, you just got to just get it done, get 654 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,400 her done. 655 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:28,640 Actually, I just had a conversation with my wife about this is that I'm going to be more 656 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:35,520 intentional about how to prepare her for the challenges that she's going to face throughout 657 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:36,520 life. 658 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:46,240 Like, for example, how to value herself, how to cope, how to use logic, not her emotion, 659 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:51,600 and how to listen to understand and not listen to respond. 660 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,000 And make sure she has self care. 661 00:29:55,000 --> 00:30:01,640 And I'm trying to, my intentional values, I would say is like building a structure and 662 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,080 the foundation with discipline respect and empathy. 663 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,080 That's great, man. 664 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:12,280 I think all of us could use a little more intentionality in our lives these days. 665 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:18,120 The days are hard and we just have to be intentional about being intentional. 666 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:25,320 Yeah, it's also keeping me accountable for my actions also because I have to prove it's 667 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,320 show her the right way. 668 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:32,000 And I can't be the one messing up and then like, well, you say that that you do things 669 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,240 like helps you know, to be right, right, and have integrity. 670 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:41,040 Yeah, I appreciate you coming on and sharing your story with us. 671 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,480 Always good to talk to you. 672 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:47,440 I don't want you to shy away from reaching out if you ever need someone to chat with. 673 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,480 I'm here for you, brother. 674 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:53,080 And I'll try to be mindful that to just keep checking on you myself. 675 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,080 It's been a while. 676 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,760 I'm glad we connected again, but let's keep them moving. 677 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:04,680 And I'll keep you updated on what's going on with MVP or in the Nashville area. 678 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,040 But I thank you, brother. 679 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:11,680 I'll be continually praying for you and love you very much, man. 680 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,680 You should, too. 681 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:13,680 You're in your family. 682 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:14,680 Thank you. 683 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:15,680 Okay. 684 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:16,680 All right, man. 685 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:17,680 Good chat with you. 686 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:18,680 Talk to you soon. 687 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:19,680 Let me see, man. 688 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:26,840 Hey, before we go, I wanted to make mention that he says a GoFundMe for his daughter. 689 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,960 Can you tell us what that GoFundMe pages? 690 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:37,440 The GoFundMe pages for her medical expenses and medical bills that were received and for 691 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,160 the funeral. 692 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:46,880 So her funeral cost about 6,800 and then her hospitalization bills and her insurance bills 693 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:47,880 coming in. 694 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,200 They're starting to call us. 695 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,360 They want another 8 grand. 696 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,600 We're like, do we do payments? 697 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,480 They're like, no, they want to lump some. 698 00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:02,280 I don't know why they want to lump some, but I've been trying to pay them a little by little. 699 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,280 It's just almost like 8 grand. 700 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:08,280 It's like 14 G's that have to pay. 701 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:09,280 It's hard, dude. 702 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:14,280 Not only that, I've tried to agree, but at the same time, it's like, I'm healthy. 703 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:15,280 Right. 704 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,760 That's the justice. 705 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:23,040 It's for her medical bills and her funeral. 706 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:27,640 And so that we can just grieve healthy, you know? 707 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:28,640 Right. 708 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:36,680 Well, to the audience, this man has fought for this country bravely. 709 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:42,440 No veteran deserves to go through any suffering, especially suffering and silence. 710 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:49,240 So if you're listening to the show, you feel so led to contribute to this GoFundMe page 711 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:54,640 and honor of his daughter, Kaya. 712 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,520 This family needs your support. 713 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:00,440 So why don't you go and tell us what the page is. 714 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,200 How can they get in? 715 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:06,960 The best way to find it is literally, you can spell her name. 716 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,280 That'll be easier. 717 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,160 It's going to be K-A-Y-A-H. 718 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:19,360 And the first couple pages that you'll see is going to be her. 719 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:20,360 She's still one. 720 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:21,360 I'm holding the babies. 721 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,360 What the book in my arms. 722 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,360 It helps. 723 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:25,360 K-A-Y-A-H. 724 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:26,360 Yeah, K-A-Y-A-H. 725 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,360 Absolutely. 726 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,360 We'll see what we can do. 727 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:29,360 All right. 728 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:30,360 Love you, man. 729 00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:31,360 Love you guys. 730 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,360 See you, bro. 731 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,360 See you, bro. 732 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:43,360 Love you, man. 733 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:43,360 Love you guys. 734 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,160 See you, bro. 735 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:56,160 [Music]