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Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast,

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a show for the new generation of leaders.

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Join Melissa R. Skog as she speaks to a wide variety of guests

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that bring new insights into leadership, prosperity, and personal growth.

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While now it has all the answers,

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by building a community of open-minded and engaged leaders,

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we hope to give you the tools you need to help you find your own path to success.

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[MUSIC]

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I am so excited to have my friend Spencer Horn here today.

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I have so many great questions in store for you,

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and I'm excited to speak with you and share your knowledge with our listener.

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Thank you so much for being here today, Spencer.

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Melissa, thank you for having me on.

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I am so excited to be with you.

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I'm just so proud to even know you.

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You're so sweet.

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I have five questions I want to ask you,

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and I'm dying to know more about as a woman leader.

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I'm just going to jump right in and ask you,

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can you share about the concept of flexible authenticity,

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and how it applies to women executives and their leadership journey?

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Yes, absolutely.

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It may be strange talking to a man and getting advice on women leadership and positions like that.

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But just for our listeners, I work with women leaders all the time.

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I absolutely love working with women leaders for many reasons.

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First of all, 75% of my coaching clients are women executives.

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I find that they are just so desirous and hungry to learn and

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grow and to be better and to make a positive impact in the world and in their businesses.

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I have three daughters, five children, two boys and three daughters.

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It was so much easier coaching my daughters because if I wanted to learn how to play football,

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I mean, they would listen.

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Here's how you roll the...

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When the boys would date my daughters, they were so impressed.

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I mean, your daughters know how to throw a football.

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Because they listen, they want to learn and my boys, they just didn't want any coach,

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they didn't listen.

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And I find that synonymous a lot of times in the workplace.

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So for me, it's just a joy to talk to women.

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You know what?

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Flexible authenticity is a topic that I am super passionate about, Melissa.

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And for several reasons, there have been thousands of studies of what makes a great leader.

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And I'm a behavioral analyst.

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Do you and I have spent some time together and I've done some behavior assessments with you?

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And we've talked a lot about how you show up and how others show up and how I do and

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the people that you work with.

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And that impacts a lot of our relationships and a lot of our outcomes.

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And so people ask me all the time because of this experience that I have, Melissa,

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what's the best style for an effective leader?

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Well, the good news is that there is no one style.

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So no matter what is your natural way of behaving, you can be an effective leader.

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And those studies that I just referred, they say that there is one thing that has the biggest impact

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in every of those thousand plus studies.

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And that is authenticity to be real, to be able to connect with people to,

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you know, not be faken and pretend you're somebody that you're not.

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But what's interesting is that this idea of authenticity, Melissa, I think derails a lot of

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careers and results because what happens is if, well, I can't, I can't behave that way.

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I can't do this because that's not my authentic self.

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And I think there is a flawed sense of what it means to be authentic.

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And because of that, people are not achieving the results that what they want in their careers,

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in their relationships, and in how they work in the workplace.

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And it creates, I think, a lot of frustration and confusion.

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Yeah, I agree. I love that. I think, I forget what study is.

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Like Myers-Briggs or one of the studies I've taken, they say it's like 10 times, 100 times

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harder to be somebody you're not, then just to be somebody you are naturally.

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And being authentic with it, so that kind of brings me to my next question.

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Being a woman that likes to make a strong impression myself, I think, you know, many women in

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their leadership roles show up kind of strong and type A personalities.

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Oh, yeah.

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Can you help and maybe give us some insight?

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On the balance between being assertive and confident without alienating other people within

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the organization or team?

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You know, this is such a great question, Melissa.

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It's important to be assertive whether that, because you're talking about people that are

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naturally outgoing and engaging and goal oriented and driven, and in some cases aggressive.

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Right? I mean, they have those tendencies and that can get them into trouble.

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So can people who are more

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passive is not the word, but maybe more patient, more waiting or not naturally wanting to jump in?

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Being assertive for them, you just said, you know, utilizing your strengths, sometimes utilizing

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behaviors that are not our strengths seems unnatural. And I am going to encourage, yes,

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everyone to utilize your strengths, but if you are not working on those areas that are

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challenging for you, then that's problematic. So for that person who is naturally driven and

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and goal oriented, learning how to have increased patients can have a huge impact.

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It is going to take energy, however, if you're that person who is naturally more reserved and quiet

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and maybe avoiding jumping in right away, to learn how to be more assertive can have,

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and I'm going to share some stories, Melissa and give you some examples.

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Yes, yes. But to talk about your example, so I coach people all over the world.

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And I'm currently coaching a project manager in She's in the Czech Republic.

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And she's a project manager that has six direct reports and she has a multinational team of project

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managers that are all over Europe. You know, they're Italians, they're Germans, they're the

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Romanians, there's Polish people and Czechs. And so it creates so many different challenges.

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And what's interesting is, you know, we think there's sexism and racism here in the United States.

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There are real challenges when you're working with these cross-cultural teams because in many cases,

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you know, she's reporting to people that are based in Germany. Now she's not German.

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And she works for a major telecommunications company, a worldwide organization.

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And they do not treat you the same if you are not German and speak the mother tongue.

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And you're not given the same accommodation and patience. And one of the direct reports is a man

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who happens to be German and who is challenging her for her position.

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Now, this is an interesting conundrum to be in, right? Where you've got this man and he's of the

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the elk that her managers like and it's putting pressure on her to show up in different ways.

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And how is she to be assertive without alienating him or her managers? I don't know if that's

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interesting to you, basically. Very interesting. Yes, I'm curious to know how it's going.

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Yeah, so it's really, really challenging. How does she respond to these folks that are

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are not giving her the attention? And so we're just talking about how to

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show up with respect and patience and questions instead of making assertions because a lot of times it's

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like, well, this is the way it is. This is the way it needs to be. Here's what this person is doing.

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And he's not, he's not following directions instead. She's talking about, okay, what are my, what are my

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parameters? What authority do I have to manage this individual? She got very clear on that. And then

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with working together, we set up clear expectations of what this individual is supposed to do. Listen,

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you want to be a leader? So hear this. This man said to her, you need to be, you need to be actively

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managing projects so that I know I can trust you that you know what you're doing. She's managing

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everybody doing, doing the projects. What an arrogant attitude and question. She has proven

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herself, but that's not her job. Her job is to manage the project managers managing the projects.

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Not the projects. And so we had to handle that in a way that, listen, you want to have opportunities

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for leadership. You need to show up big on this team. You need to be a member of this team. And what

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I'd like to know is what are you going to do instead of saying, here's what you need to do. What are

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you going to do to be a more active participant on this team? And in a way that is constructive and not,

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you know, putting yourself first. And what are you going to do to make sure that your projects

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are finished on time? So she's putting pressure on him to put his, you know, money, where his actions,

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where his mouth is. And embrace his desire for growth, but within the parameters, instead of

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talking about it, go out and do it and then rewarding those behaviors and encouraging and letting

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them know what a good job he's doing and rewarding good behavior instead of focusing on the things

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that he's doing negative. And it's working. Some of the things that she's asking to do are really hard

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for him, but he needs to do that to be a part of the team. And if he's not willing to do that, she needs

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to be strong enough to hold him accountable and she is. And it's creating a few waves. And so she has

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had to learn. So I'm jumping around a little bit, but let me answer your question this way. To be

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authentic in my opinion means you are true to your goal. You're, let's say Melissa, you have

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a goal to be aspiring to have success, whether that be in in sales numbers, whether that be perhaps a

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promotion or gain additional experience in learning. That's what you need to be true to. Not

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necessarily the behaviors that you're most comfortable with. Because let me give you an example.

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So here's another example of a, of a different manager who happened to be in in Michigan,

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Grand Rapids, Michigan, originally from Serbia, also having five direct reports. She had an opportunity

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to get a promotion to a regional vice president. Incredible manager. She cares for her team. She's like,

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I wanted to get this promotion because I wanted to make sure that the next vice president

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was better than the last so that my little team could have a leader that they could look up to.

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Now that's her goal, right? And she said, I didn't get the promotion. And I want to know why because

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the person who got the promotion was not as qualified as I was. Why did that happen?

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Now some of you may judge what what I'm going to say, but as a behavioral analyst, I could tell a

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lot about her personality just by listening to her talk. And I said, you're somebody who cares

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deeply about your team, aren't you? Yes. You're somebody that is more comfortable putting your head

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down and doing a great job. And hope you get noticed instead of saying, here's what I deserve.

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Here's why you should promote me. Here's here's all the good things that I'm doing. Take a look at me.

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She says, Oh, I never do that. I absolutely just put my head down and do a great job. I said,

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the person who got the promotion was willing to self advocate. And the person, the person who was

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hiring had a personality that was more in line with a winning style than an earning style.

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And so sometimes what happens, Melissa is that in order for you to get that promotion, you've got

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to be willing to get uncomfortable so that you can achieve your goal, your vision. And that's a

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behavioral flexibility. That's why I'm talking about flexible authenticity is sometimes you have to

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get uncomfortable in behavior in ways that are not natural. So another study that was done, and this

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is done years ago by the Hay MacBerry Consulting Group, they found the best leaders. And this was done

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with almost 4,000 leaders worldwide. That's a big, that's a big sampling across all industries,

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across genders, racists, professions, it doesn't matter. We're able to flex between six leadership styles.

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And I'm going to tell you what they are. One, it's a coercive style. Do what I say, do it now.

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Number two is an authoritative style. Come with me. Let me show you. Another is a democratic style.

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Hey, this is about building consensus and getting input and drawing out input from everybody.

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One is an affiliate style where people are our first and we, you know, we bring people together.

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One is a paste setting style. Follow me right now and, you know, high, high goals and standards.

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Another is a coaching style. Now I guarantee you the people who are listening and probably you

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can identify with maybe three or four of those that you're good at. And you probably struggle with

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two or three of those. Would you agree? Yeah, I think as a leader, in my opinion, leaders are achieving

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something. Yeah. People that are true, true leaders, whether you're a leader of a sports team or

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a leader of a division or a leader of PMO's, whatever your role is, true leaders are achieving goals.

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Whatever the goals are, whatever the mission is, they're achieving. There's difference between people

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that achieve and people that talk about leadership. So you mentioned six. And I would say

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each one of those traits are needed at a different time. That's right.

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And sometimes all in the same week. Exactly. Exactly. So good leaders zone in, okay, this person needs

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more coaching or, you know, this person needs more hands on. I think you have to be able to do all six.

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You do. Some capacity. But most people feel, well, you know, it's hard for me to be coercive. It's

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hard for me to be that authoritative. And for those who are naturally good at that, it's hard for them

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to be affiliative and democratic and get everybody, you know what I'm saying? So it's hard because it feels

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unnatural. It doesn't feel authentic. Yeah. And that's the problem. So this other leader that I was

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telling you about, they didn't get the position because she was unwilling to self advocate.

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She missed out on an opportunity. Sometimes you have to be able to step up and say, I want this.

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I deserve this. And, and not just for you. That's not comfortable. But for on behalf of the team,

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which is the goal? Right? You want to care for them and be that regional leader that this team needs.

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Then sometimes we have to step out of what is most comfortable for us. Yeah. I agree. I think to

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self advocate advocating for yourself is there's a line. Right? So sometimes if you push too much

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advocating for yourself, a lot of times leaders are like, oh, she's all about herself. She only cares

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about herself. But I find sometimes the people that are like that, what they're really looking for too

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and the leaders that believe that about them, they're not being appreciated or they're not getting

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what they need a lot of times from their leadership. So yes, advocate. Secondly, realize that if you're

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getting feedback that maybe you're advocating too much, step back and think about it. Like what are

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my advocating for? That's the flexibility that I'm talking about because you're talking about people

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that may be naturally good at that. I'm talking about people in my in my experience most women

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struggle with that self advocating because it feels so selfish. I forget what this study is,

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but there was a study done. It just came up on a panel that I was on recently that, you know, if women,

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there's a job that's whatever the job is and the man has the 60% of this skill, they're like, I'm highly

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qualified. I can, you know, I can do it 100%, but women has to have like, I think it was either 85 or

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90% of whatever that job description says to actually even apply for it. Yeah, actually,

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you have a study it was. Yeah, and so, and so that's part of the challenge and there is definitely an unfair

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standard and because, you know, you talked about the woman that is hard driving and so there's,

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again, I've coached a lot and there was another woman that I worked with and worked for a large Canadian

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firm and she was new on the team, had lots of experience and just came in immediately was,

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was willing to speak up and advocate saying, hey, we need to be doing these things differently.

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And it didn't go well because she hadn't earned yet the trust of the team. You have to know, just as you

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said a minute ago, you have to know when to push and when to hold back and that speaks a little bit

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different to what you said in the beginning. We have heard our whole lives. Most of us just utilize

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your strengths and you'll be happy. I believe that. However, I also believe that we have to work

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on those areas that are blind spots. You know, our mutual good friend Christian Napier, incredible human.

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He has strengths that are opposites of mine, right? And together we make almost a perfect human because

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we're so opposite. But we had Scott Hamilton, the gold medal skater on our podcast together. And I

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think he won, you know, from 1981 to 1984, he was unbeatable. Long story short, he woke up one

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morning and was number two in the world as a skater because the top three just retired from the 1980

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Olympics. The number one skater, I believe it was Brian Orcer had strengths that were Scott's weaknesses.

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There were what's called compulsory figures, right? He hated those and he said they hated me back.

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As soon as he learned to embrace that, those compulsory figures. And he was never number one in those

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compulsory figures, but he was second or third. And he took that weakness and brought it up. And he

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was unbeatable. So sometimes what happens is if we just focus on our strengths, well, hey, listen,

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I'm naturally assertive, you're going to get some feedback at some point, but to learn how to be patient,

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that is not inauthentic in my opinion. Why? Because you want to have

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results. You want to have the influence to get things done on the team. In order to do that,

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sometimes you have to behave in ways that may not come natural. That takes energy. So the key is

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is you don't have to become perfect at compulsory figures. You don't have to become perfect at being

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patient or being assertive. If you just got five percent better at those things that you're weak at,

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and just focus on one at a time, why? Because we all have weaknesses. Utilize your strengths because

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that gives you energy and meaning and excitement. But can I tell you, think about the things that you're

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most proud of in your life, Melissa. Was it the things that came easy? Or was it the things that

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you wouldn't know? It was the things that I mistakes I made and learned from. I always tell people,

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I'm like, make the mistakes is one thing, but learning from the mistakes. If you're making the same

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mistakes, whether it's work work or personal, you're not learning and you have to have kind of that,

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you know, I talk about growth mindset. I love that. Make that deacetic self.

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So kind of pivoting on you. So talking about growth mindset and like from your perspective and

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talking to all these women in leadership roles, what are some techniques that you can share

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on how to adopt a growth mindset and enhance your leadership skills? Whether you're an extrovert

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and introvert using all six types, what are some skills that you can share with our listeners?

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So great question. My preferred way of starting is just find one. We all have an area that is a fly

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in the alignment. I wish I could just change that. There's always that style of somebody that you

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say, I wish I could be like Melissa. I wish I could be like Christian. There's certain things.

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Just find that one thing. You don't have to work on everything. Find one thing that maybe your weakness.

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For me, if I were to just work on, so let me back up because I'm going to talk about your growth

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mindset here. Let's go back to the the strengths based approach. I heard a speaker one time say just

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focus on your strengths and it will automatically bring up all your weaknesses. First of all,

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that is not a growth mindset. That's a fixed mindset. And if I were to focus on just my strengths,

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I would be belligerent. I would be a sort of an aggressive and I would get the project done,

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but there would be blood all over the walls, right? At what cost would I get it?

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It's not okay. No, but I'm proud of the fact that I'm goal oriented and good at getting things done,

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but at what cost? Right. So I have I've had to learn that I want to get things done,

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but I have to change my approach in order to do that. I have to get more buy-in. I have to get people

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wanting to do the way. Leadership is about doing important things, but it's about having a team of

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people that want to join you in your vision to do important things. And sometimes that means you can't

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just push and shove, you have to invite. And so for me, it's about saying, I know that I can't do

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things the way I've always done. And instead of saying, well, that makes me a bad person, I'm a failure.

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That's a fixed mindset. A growth mindset says, you know what? This is an opportunity for me to learn and grow.

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I've made a mistake. I've had an incredible mentor early in my career. Melissa's name is Kelvin Kalamore.

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I talk about him all the time. Christian knows his name by heart, but I was just out of college,

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had a master's degree. And again, I thought I was doing a great job. He sat me down and he said,

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you're not achieving what I had hoped for you. And I want you to make these changes. If you can't,

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I'm going to have to replace you. I'm going to give you six months. Now, some people say, well,

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that's harsh, right? But because of the relationship that I had with Kelvin, I loved that man. I did not

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want to let him down. He, I knew he cared about me. He didn't just sit me down and say, you're failing

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and not hitting your goals. He spent time with me. And he said, this is what I need you to do.

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Within those six months. And naturally by nature, I have a fixed mindset. I've had to work really hard

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to shift into that growth mindset. In the six months after that, he promoted me. And I became a vice

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president of a public-traded company at 27 years old. But part of that is because I had an incredible

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mentor. So to have a growth mindset is to, in my opinion, is to be goal-oriented. It is to say, you know

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what, I, I've failed at doing it this way. I need to learn more skills. I have to, I don't worry the fact

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that you're not perfect. It's not about perfection. And, and it's not about doing everything 100% right

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all the time. It's about progress. Yep. I think it's definitely about progress. And I think another,

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that's fantastic. I think one other thing I would add is getting feedback, right? A lot of people in

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your life. I think it's not just, you know, something I've been working on for years is I'm engineer,

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my background is engineering. I see answers, right? I can't, I can't tell you A, B, C, D. I see the N. And

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so sometimes I'm at the end and people are at the beginning. I have to learn how to take them from

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how do you get there? This state to this date to this date. So I think one other thing I would suggest to

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you. Love that feedback from everyone, not just your job, you're not just defined by your job,

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but your spouse, your friends, your children, how did you make that though, Melissa? How did you get

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comfortable with that? Because some people that's really hard for even for me, I thought if I'm

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getting feedback, it means that's, this is a fixed mindset that I am not a good leader. There's

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something wrong with me. And I didn't want to get feedback. I just wanted to do the great job all

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the time. So I never got any feedback. You know, I'll tell you, not all feedback is good feedback too.

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So I think let's say, you know, I've been given some feedback. I absolutely disagree with.

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And I am, I take it and I listen to it and I make a decision, okay, is this person that I've asked

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to, for to speak into my life, because they're speaking into your life and thoughts become things as

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we know, right? So, you know, somebody says something to you that you're X and you don't believe

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your X, it doesn't, you're not defined by that. I think you have to ask yourself, is this

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potentially who I'm behaving like, whatever the behavior trait is or, and, and make adjustments

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accordingly, but not all feedback, I would say, don't change your life based on one person's feedback,

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is something you don't agree with, ask another, ask another, get a second opinion, like you go to the

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doctor and they tell you you have, you know, you have a, a disease or an ailment or get a second

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opinion, they don't, they don't have all the answers to everything. So, somebody gives you a,

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a feedback that you don't like, what do you say? I say thank you, I appreciate that feedback.

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And if I violently disagree, because I have had some of those people say, I'm sorry, you feel that way,

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I disagree with you. And some, when I say that, just some people sometimes grow like,

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I don't know, they're like, you could see their face is changed, but I think,

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and you say thank you though, thank you, I appreciate that because I have blind spots and,

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but I think them first, because it takes confidence to give feedback. And it takes vulnerability as well,

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because you potentially be affecting your relationship. And if you don't accept that feedback,

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I, I say, if someone gives you a gift for Christmas that, in ugly sweater, that you absolutely hate,

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you say like, this is stupid as sweater I've ever received, what do you, why would you give that to me?

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They'll never give you a gift again, will they? So, you want people to give you feedback. And so,

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thank them, even if you don't agree and you're exactly right. And you can be confident enough to say,

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you know what, thank you and appreciate that. And I'll keep going with my life. But if you say,

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no, pretty soon people will stop giving you feedback. And that's a dangerous place to be in.

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Exactly. And you should solicit feedback from all areas of your life. Friends, I've had friends tell me,

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Melissa, you're so busy, I can never get, I can never get in touch with you. And I have to

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step back and say, yep, you're right, I'm sorry, I'm being a bad friend and I'm going to do better.

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Yeah. And I've done that to several friends of my life, one of which I just met this past week. And,

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and we caught up, we, you know, hugged and did all the things, but I think, you know, it's, I know like

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the word work life balance, it's more like integration these days. And I think we're going to make

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mistakes for humans, but getting better at taking feedback and giving feedback is, in my personal

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opinion, way to lead an authentic life and to learn and grow. You know what, you're so right. And

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I know our time is kind of wrapping up, but I just have to share one more story. I have a client,

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friend who I worked with several years ago who retired from kind of a first responders industry

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in working actually for the government. And 90% of the team were men. And she was the chief of,

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I mean, huge organization. So kind of quasi military, firefighting, police work, all of

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that was just this really, really challenging environment for a incredibly strong woman

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that was dominant and, you know, outgoing and impatient. And she realized that, you know, these,

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these people, men and women depended on her to really help them to be a high performing team to

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love the work that they do. I mean, they, they loved the work, but there was so much dysfunction when

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there wasn't an emergency. That's when these, you know, all the fighting and dysfunction came about.

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And so for her, that authentic self was, I want this team to love to work together. And then she

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had to put her ego aside. And she actually ended up having to, to testify in front of Congress,

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about what was happening in the government for sexual harassment. And it created a huge wave of

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anti-just frustration with a lot of the men. I mean, they were, it was really a tough situation.

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So there are environments out there that many women are dealing with. They're so challenging.

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And I'm telling you that it's hard, but it can, you can succeed. And you can have success by standing

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up for what is right for your, for your vision, for your goals, for what you know is fair in terms of

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treatment. It's going to take courage and it's going to take getting uncomfortable, which takes energy.

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So it's not just about saying, let's, let's, you know, do what you love and you never have to work

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a day in your life. That's a fairytale. Do what you love so you can put up with the crap that's hard to tell.

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Right. Right. Okay. So I have one last question for you. Yeah. As a coach of many, many people,

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what was your aha moment that you have witnessed in women executives that you work with?

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The one thing, like what's one thing that or three things that's really taken a person you've coached

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from here to there? You know, I think one of the biggest things that I've, that I've learned is you

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can be, to be assertive, let's go back to that, that idea is, so it is such a great place to come from.

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And it means that you stand up for yourself without making others wrong.

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And that is something that once people learn that, it gives them permission to say, hey, I can

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self advocate and I'm doing that without, hey, I'm right, you're wrong. That's an aggressive, you know,

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dividing type of style. And that's not what we're, that's not what we want to achieve. We want,

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right. We have so much division in our society right now. We have, you know, we're divided by

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political beliefs. We're divided by gender, you know, ideologies and, and, and, and, and,

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by behavioral tendencies and just by religious affiliations. We need to spend more time instead of

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what I, my, my, uh-huh is instead of, you know, here's my authentic self and it's me above everything else.

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How do we work better together? How do we come together and say, you know, we're, we're part of

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the same team at this organization. We are all Americans. We are all checks. We're all, you know,

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we're all working at, at XYZ company instead of promoting just me. Now, do I need to be a

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assertive at times for the better of the, for the better part of the team, the answer is yes. And so

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the aha is, is how do I need to shift to get people to come together and work together as a team? And

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when we learn how to get out of our own way and when I see women get out of their own way and men,

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wonderful things happen. And it is hard, hard work and, and it takes, it takes humility and vulnerability

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which you've already brought up in terms of receiving feedback. It takes vulnerability to say,

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I have, I can be better. I can be more inclusive. We talk about inclusive. We, and there's so much more

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to look at diversity and, and equity in, in terms of just race, but more even in how we think and how

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we communicate. So my aha is, how do I change so that I can create more unity? I love it. I love it. And

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just closing the loop on authenticity, I think it's, you know, I, I think of a book curious storage. It's

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taking a, a genuine interest in people or if people are wearing, you know, I love your green shirt and

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green's one of my favorite colors and being genuine with the delivery of what you're delivering. And

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instead of staying, okay, I need to tell five people hello today. I need to make sure I tell three people

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that I like their shirt. People know when it's not authentic. They read it. They feel it. We're

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seeing you. But if you're not authentic, that's maybe a good place to start, to start practicing. And

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you'll get exactly exactly where I'm going is telling telling people, I see you, I see you doing

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big things. You've motivated me to be bigger and better. And, you know, there's women around me

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that I look up to and I share with them. You make me better. You make me stronger and share that

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with people. Share those things. No matter what the role is or what they do, I think it's, it's

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one step towards being an authentic leader. Oh, you know, and that's what makes you so great. I don't

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know if you remember one of the first times I ever talked to you is I said, you are a person that can

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make other people uncomfortable just because of how naturally outgoing and successful and driven

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that you are and can create jealousy or other other things. And by you doing exactly what you said

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by turning the table and recognizing them and lifting them up, you flip the script on on those types

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of things. Oh yeah, I do. And, you know, and I think the boys get a bad rap, but let's, let's be

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serious. I am who I am because of all the men that we have been part of my life since I was born.

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And I think all the difficult things and all the challenges have paved a way to where I am today.

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So I think the men, I think the women, I think all the religions and all the cultures and all the

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people that have been part of my life because they're those some total of who I am today.

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So closing up here, I know your time, I want to, you know, just thank you for being here. Thank you

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for sharing your insight. I love talking to you. I love hearing from you. Any final thoughts? Can

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you share with the listeners on how we can connect with you and learn from you, follow you,

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and then just any final thoughts? Yes, thank you so much. Melissa was wonderful to be on your show.

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I love to hear you and your energy always get me so excited. I mean, you should have seen

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I'm spraying over here and luckily you're everyone's far enough away. They're not getting the

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you know, reach out on LinkedIn. I LinkedIn is a great way to connect. I write articles. I have

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podcasts that you can just check out and learn. I mean, you know, here I am an older bald white guy with,

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you know, really big nose and tall. So I can scare a lot of people. But when you get to know me,

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I have learned a lot from my failings and I have learned from great mentors and great people just like you.

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And I think one of the things that just the message that I that I want to leave is

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be willing. If you want to have success, you know, I show oftentimes pictures of this is you want to

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talk about authentic. I show pictures of me on the top of the mountain, you know, climbing mountains and

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I'm all happy and excited. But then what you never see and I show pictures of what it's like to get

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up there. And it is, you know, I'm 280 pounds and so it's you know, six foot seven carrying this

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carcass of that mountain is torture. So I had my son take a picture of me and I said, you people need

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to see because I'm always showing them, you know, look at me. I'm on the top of the mountain. And it's

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hard work becoming the person and the leader and the husband, the wife, the partner, the parent that

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you want to be is going to take effort. Celebrate your strengths. So absolutely use them. But focus

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on one thing that you can get a little bit better. And I didn't give you the formula once you,

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let's say for me, I needed to be more patient and listen better. I'm going to ask myself this question

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every day. Did I do my best to listen and be patient before responding? And I will write, rate myself

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on a scale from one to 10 and without judgment, I had a terrible day today. So it's a three, right? And

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I average my score for the week and I look, okay, this week I was a seven. My goal is to get to eight and

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half a night. Once I've gotten my focus on the behavior that I want and I'm starting to listen

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and and be patient, that's a habit. Now I've, I've learned I've started to put that weakness into

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now my strengths column. Right. Then I can work on the next thing. Don't over. Have it, right? And

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you don't have to think about it or agree with it. That's the growth mindset. Yes. But keep it a

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narrow, narrow focus because it's going to take energy. Just work on one thing at a time. Listen,

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don't overwhelm yourself with everything that you get to work on. Start with the one that you think

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will make the biggest difference and just get a little bit better. That's it. Yep. I love it. That is

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fantastic. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for your time. I love it. To all the

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listeners follow this man. He's fabulous. And my happy to call him my friend. Thank you so much for

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being here today. And I look forward to talking here again soon. Thank you.

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You've been listening to the Executive Connect podcast. If you have questions or ideas on how to

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bring leadership to your next level, email us at executiveconnectpodcast@gmail.com. And don't forget to

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subscribe so you can catch every new episode. Until next time.

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(upbeat music)

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(upbeat music)