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Why didn't anyone tell me?

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I am telling you the things that I wish

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that folks had told me back in the day.

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And I want you to know that you can reclaim your agency

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over your life by choosing the beliefs, habits,

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practice, and strategies that actually get you

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to the result that you want.

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Welcome to the Re-patterning podcast,

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where we believe your mind body system is your domain

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and that choosing the beliefs, habits, and patterns

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that best support you is your birthright.

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I'm your host, Artin Lee,

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creator of the Re-patterning Project,

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an eight week course in learning to free yourself

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from the patterns of your past and program your mind

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for your dreams of the future.

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Join me for these extraordinary conversations

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as we unpack the keys to creating our reality.

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Hello everyone and welcome back to the Re-patterning Podcast.

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I'm your host, Artin Lee,

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and this is the final episode of season one.

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I have decided to release these episodes in batches of 10

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because of my neurodivergence consistency is something

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that I can sometimes struggle with.

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And I also want to make sure that rather than

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keep myself adhering to a schedule that may not always

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feel in flow with my other projects, that it is easier

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and will lead to better quality conversations overall

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if I create these podcasts with the help of my producer,

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Tomi, who has absolutely done an amazing job this season.

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I want to thank her in particular.

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I want to create these podcasts in batches of 10,

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which will allow me to make sure that each conversation

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has adequate time to be well researched, et cetera.

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And also give everyone a chance to catch up

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on any episodes that you may have missed.

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So we will be taking a bit of a hiatus for a little while

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as we go into recording season two.

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I'm very excited about some of the guests

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that I have coming up.

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So I hope you will stay with us and we'll

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look forward to seeing you next time.

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And for the end of each season episode,

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I decided that I'd like to come on and do a solo talk

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so that I can drop in with all of you

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with some of my feelings and thoughts about re-patterning,

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about magic, about mental health,

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about the kinds of discussions that we curate here

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at the Re-patterning Podcast.

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So you can also get to know me and my own thoughts,

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and so I can provide, hopefully, a good, conclusive season

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wrap-up to some of the topics that we have discussed.

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So thank you for being here.

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Thank you for listening.

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And I hope you will stick around, catch up on any episodes

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that you may have missed along the way.

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And then we'll see you in season two.

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For today, I want to talk a little bit about what I feel,

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based on my own experience, my own knowledge,

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my research into mental health, as well as my lived experience

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in it, and also some of what magic has taught me

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and shown me along the way.

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And I want to speak to the current state of mental health

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and the mental health industry.

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And to a paradigm that I believe is a more accurate map

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of the landscape that we are dealing with when we talk

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about our mental health, when we talk

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about looking into some of the things that we may struggle with

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and finding those solutions.

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It is probably no surprise to anyone

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at this point in the season that I have lots of critiques

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of the mental health industry, as someone who

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is a survivor of it myself, who is a former client of practitioners

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who, while many of them may have been well-meaning,

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have essentially been indoctrinated into a system of what

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I look at essentially as pathologization

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and learned helplessness that is quicker to stigmatize

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and further burden the very demographics that it claims

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to treat.

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And I'd like to talk a little bit about what I have learned.

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And I want to emphasize too that when I talk about research

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and lived experience and magic, or perhaps we could even

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say, noces, that sort of knowledge

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that seems to come from engaging with magic, engaging

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with spirit and being open to learning.

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And I want to simply emphasize that those are not distinct

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categories.

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There have been times when I have done magic

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in order to increase my knowledge or increase my abilities

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or in the beginning simply to solve my own mental health

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problems, which required me learning more knowledge

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and also increasing my abilities.

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And often that knowledge would come to me

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by way of research studies, articles

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that would be considered, as Dr. Jamie Marich said

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in her episode, more toward that hard science data.

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Mental health is not a hard science,

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but there are certainly everything from the most rigorous

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studies that adhere to the industry's standards

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of what is considered legitimate data all the way

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to lived experience and not that even those things

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are necessarily on a linear spectrum,

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but also the lived experience of those

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who have spiritual experiences, those who have spiritual experiences

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that intersect with their mental health experience

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that may even provide great relief and clarity

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to their mental health struggles, things that perhaps we cannot

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prove.

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We have sometimes these great experiences.

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You go into something like an Iowaska ceremony,

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like we were speaking about on the Jeffrey Criple episode,

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and you come out with this experience that maybe for you

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is incredibly meaningful.

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And then you try and tell someone else about it,

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and they're just looking at you like, what?

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You did what?

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You went to hell and you rescued your own soul.

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That was my first Iowaska.

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Maybe that will be a different podcast episode

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where I'll tell a little bit more about that experience.

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But basically these spiritual experiences

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that are very difficult, if not impossible,

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to translate into hard data, and yet which

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create results for so many of us, and everything in between.

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So these are not--

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I'm not a big, strict boxes person.

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As much as I love logic and categorization,

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as much as my autism is geared toward that,

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I find that the questions and the spaces where the answers

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are not always sufficient to fully answer all the questions,

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I'm finding that that is for me where

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some of the richness and true understanding really lies.

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The more that we try to fit things into neat boxes and categories--

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and again, I love categorization.

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It makes my brain very happy.

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But the more that we try to fit things into these strict boxes

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or categories, the more we are going to come up

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with exceptions to those rules, and the more we

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are going to have to expand our worldview and our mindset

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to be able to include them.

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And our refusal to do so, especially

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the mental health industries, often refusal to do so,

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is I think where we can get caught up in prioritizing dogma

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over a truth.

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Woo!

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[LAUGHS]

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So I want to speak today a little bit about describing

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what for me has become the most accurate map

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for speaking about and treating mental health.

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And ultimately, what I have found is that there is a way

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of speaking about our mental health and understanding

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our mental health that distances greatly

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from the pathological models that I see in current mental health.

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So for example, one thing that you may have heard me sort of rail

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against many times is the idea of personality disorders.

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Quote unquote, the DSM is full of them.

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And you can look them up.

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And there are the symptoms of these personality disorders

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and these neat little boxes that if you tick so many of these things,

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then you perhaps qualify for having this personality disorder.

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And I want to first zoom out, and I just

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want to look at that frame, because it really bums me out.

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It really bums me out that our current model for mental health

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essentially involves someone going to a provider or practitioner

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for help, right?

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That's why we end up having our mental health treated

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is we are dealing with something some sort of a struggle.

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And we seek out help, and we go to the practitioner

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that is available to us, usually a therapist, perhaps a counselor,

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perhaps a psychiatrist, depending on the kind of help

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that we think we need at the time.

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And so often, the very framework that we enter into

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when we ask for that help is something that immediately is going

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to make us feel worse about ourselves.

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Because how does it feel to have a label

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slapped on you that says you have a personality disorder?

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And certainly, I think there are some therapists

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out there who are better than others at allowing that to be

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something that is non-stigmatizing to say, hey,

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look, these are symptoms of your experience.

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A lot of therapists, I know, will say, look, the DSM is essentially

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at the end of the day.

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It's a billing manual.

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If I'm going to treat you for something, if I'm a psychiatrist

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and I'm going to prescribe you something,

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I need to be able to make a diagnosis.

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And this is just the best that we have.

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But, man, when you consider that that really,

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like that's the best that we have, and that's the industry

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that trains these professions.

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And the more and more that I interact with therapists,

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and certainly, like you've seen two therapists on my show

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this season, Katie Keach and Dr. JV Merich.

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And I admire both of them so very, very much.

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But the reason I think that a therapist becomes a good therapist,

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so often is that their humanity and their compassion

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actually survive the indoctrination of their licensure.

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I believe that the institutions that are granting licensure

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are the very foundations of them, are built in frameworks

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that are not compassionate, that are not patient-centric.

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If you look at history, for example, we didn't just arrive

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here today where we are out of nowhere.

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If you look at the history of mental health,

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we're looking at history of institutionalization,

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history of pathologization.

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I mean, you don't have to go that far to look at stories

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and media, for example, of in prior centuries,

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or even just decades of abuses happening in institutions.

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Some of you may be familiar with Emily Autumn,

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and the home for wayward girls, the sort of character

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that she's created that is a sort of fictionalization

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of some of her own struggles with mental health,

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and some of the treatment that she received.

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You can look at Sweeney Todd, and they go to the inmates

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of the asylum for the hair, for their wigs, for example.

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What a way to say, we don't care about your humanity anymore.

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We're just going to take your hair away, things like that.

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And those are both fictional examples, of course.

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And look at sucker punch, sucker punch.

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And what a great if flawed movie, but it certainly--

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these are all fictional examples, but again,

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fiction doesn't arise out of nowhere.

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These are our history, the history of mental health care,

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quote unquote, is rife with abuse, dehumanization,

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the idea that those who suffer from mental health struggles

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are unworthy of being treated like people.

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And we didn't just evolve out of that past and leave it

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entirely behind.

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As we talked about in KDK, this episode,

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there's the Franklin scandal, which

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was where homes for delinquent youth

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were being used to essentially feed trafficking networks.

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Paris Hilton has also spoken out about some of her experiences

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and the experiences of her fellow incarcerated, quote unquote,

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delinquence.

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This is a history that we have not eradicated.

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And these same fields of expertise

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that have produced these institutions--

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I'm not saying it's all the same people, et cetera,

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but it is essentially the same behemoth,

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the same aggrigor, so to speak, that licenses your average

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therapist.

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I don't think that there are many clean hands in that industry,

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because we are paying in many ways for the sins of the fathers.

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We have not-- just in the same way that, especially in America,

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we have not evolved out of systemic racism.

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We look at, yeah, sure, we can all share water fountains today,

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but that doesn't mean that it's over.

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That doesn't mean that those things don't still run

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through the veins of this country and this society.

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And I think that mental health care is guilty

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in much of the same ways.

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So I think that for many therapists,

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what separates a therapist who is effective

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is has their own compassion and their humanity

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survived their indoctrination into this institution.

257
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And that is not to say that they're not also good researchers

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who are doing work in those fields,

259
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and that effective care cannot be based on some of that good

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research.

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I'm just saying that things are not so black and white,

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and it's important, I think, for us to keep our eyes

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and our minds open to where those patterns

264
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are still insidiously affecting us today.

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And I think personality disorders are one of them, quite frankly,

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because I think it's really cruel if a person is coming

267
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to a professional for help to immediately place a label on them

268
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that stigmatizes them and others them, rather than looking

269
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at like, hey, what happened?

270
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Where is the curiosity?

271
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They are also circular diagnoses, right?

272
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You have a personality disorder because you display these symptoms,

273
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,920
you display these symptoms because you

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have this personality disorder, quote unquote.

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And it really just amazes me that here we are in the year

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of our Lord, 2026, and this is still in many ways the standard.

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There have been terrific evolutions in the conversation.

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I have seen, especially within the last decade,

279
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many thought leaders in mental health begin

280
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to speak out about how, for example,

281
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there was a popular article that circulated a while back,

282
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titled Something Along the Lines of its Time,

283
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,880
we start calling borderline personality disorder,

284
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what it is, which is a response to trauma,

285
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,640
specifically early attachment trauma that creates these symptoms.

286
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,120
So I'm not denying that personality disorders

287
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,200
are a real thing in the sense that there

288
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are clusters of symptoms and patterns

289
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,400
that we humans have categorized into what we think

290
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,160
are these neat little boxes and that those patterns

291
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,760
are not often present in people.

292
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I am saying that the framework for treatment

293
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,440
is sometimes the cure is just as bad as the poison.

294
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And I have seen speaking of borderline personality disorder,

295
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I have seen particularly young women,

296
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and I was one of them at once.

297
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,440
I was never formally diagnosed with borderline,

298
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but it was sort of thrown around as a possibility.

299
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And I remember specifically feeling like there is something

300
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,080
wrong with me, I am damaged.

301
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:58,040
So therefore I am lucky to receive whatever love or care I receive

302
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,720
because the problem is with me.

303
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,760
I am inherently damaged or broken somehow.

304
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,040
And what did that belief lead to?

305
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,640
That belief led me to settling in a lot of my relationships

306
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:14,640
and settling for the kind of poor treatment inconsistent,

307
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:19,800
intermittent reward, intermittent reinforcement,

308
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,760
which is going to like really ramp up someone's anxious attachment.

309
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,440
It led me to settle for that kind of treatment

310
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:31,160
because I thought that that was sort of all I deserved

311
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,000
or that I should be grateful for what I do get.

312
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:38,400
And that if I am not being loved in my relationship

313
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:42,480
as I wish to be, that I need to please better,

314
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,520
to please harder, to be better, to squash down

315
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:52,520
and repress those emotions that were causing those sort of borderline

316
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,800
style outbursts.

317
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,200
And again, sure like yes, those needed to be healed,

318
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,680
but repression was not the way to do that.

319
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,400
The way to do that for me would have actually been to listen

320
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,800
to my body and say, this is a terrible relationship.

321
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,240
You're being treated poorly.

322
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,440
You need to get out of here.

323
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,360
And the only reason that you think that this is as good as it gets

324
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,320
is because you did have early attachment trauma

325
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,160
and that formed a lot of your ideas about relationships, right?

326
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,040
And I think again, there are probably many therapists

327
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:24,280
out there who understand this and can treat folks

328
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,400
with those symptoms in that way.

329
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:30,320
But again, they are surviving the framework

330
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,040
into which they are indoctrinated.

331
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,520
That's been my experience, that's been my knowledge.

332
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,960
And as much as there are times that I want to believe

333
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,240
that things are getting better with few exceptions

334
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,320
of many therapists that I do admire,

335
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,200
whose work I have promoted here in elsewhere,

336
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,760
I often end up being disappointed.

337
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:57,360
So that's the old framework that I want to invite us all

338
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,960
to break out of.

339
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,040
If you are someone who is listening to this podcast right now

340
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,880
and you go to a therapist, which is like,

341
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,040
it's a great and healthy thing to do

342
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,880
to ask for help with your mental health, whatever that looks like.

343
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,040
And if you have a good therapist, I know there are a lot of people

344
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,000
out there who have therapists that they like

345
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,960
and they have a good working relationship with.

346
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,600
That's amazing, that's awesome.

347
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:25,480
I invite you to challenge your therapists

348
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,800
on how they operate within this framework.

349
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,920
I think that would lead to a lot of very interesting discussions

350
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,360
to say the least.

351
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,880
And there are many who will come out and say,

352
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,560
like, yeah, no, this is messed up and we do the best work

353
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,480
that we can, but it's very difficult to get institutions

354
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,120
on that great level to change.

355
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:49,080
There's so much red tape, there's so much, you know,

356
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:53,800
things that are that large are slow to move and evolve.

357
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,720
So that might be an interesting conversation, right?

358
00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:04,240
And I want to talk about what I feel is a new and better paradigm

359
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,640
to look at things from.

360
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,160
Like, of course, I feel it's a new and better paradigm, right?

361
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:14,400
I, it's essentially what I teach in the repatting project,

362
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,680
which is the eight week course that I teach to help folks

363
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:23,680
to understand a comprehensive map and manual

364
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:28,480
of their human mind body learning system in a way

365
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,200
that's going to help them to better pinpoint the roots

366
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,880
of some of their mental health struggles

367
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:39,200
and to fix them at the source, to rewire them at the source,

368
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,120
I should say.

369
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:45,120
Again, I believe that our mind body systems are our domain.

370
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,960
And while there are a lot of forces out there

371
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,720
that are fighting for our attention and fighting to program us

372
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,240
and our behavior in ways that they want us to comply with,

373
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,720
at the end of the day, our sovereignty, our freedom,

374
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:06,200
our agency lies in reclaiming our mind body learning systems

375
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,400
for ourselves.

376
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,240
This is my belief.

377
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:13,880
This is the core belief and value of the repatting project.

378
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,920
So again, this is my work.

379
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,160
I'm biased, of course.

380
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,280
This is what I believe.

381
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,080
And I believe you should question everything, even from me.

382
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,400
And you should always take everything

383
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,880
that anyone tells you with a grain of salt,

384
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,520
because it is always coming from their own personal experiences

385
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,280
as all of our perspectives are coming

386
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,680
from all of our personal experiences.

387
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,120
So I just mentioned that, right?

388
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,200
Of course, I believe this is what I teach.

389
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,920
And I'm also here to let you know about my course

390
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,120
and to let you know that that is available for you to take

391
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:46,920
if you want to.

392
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,320
You can join us in one of our live cohorts.

393
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,760
You can also go ahead and purchase for download

394
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,760
the self-study version and get started on that today

395
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:56,480
if you want to.

396
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,440
So any time anyone is selling something to you,

397
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,960
you should always take it with a grain of salt.

398
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,640
That said, part of the reason that I began this podcast

399
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,760
is because I want this information to be available to more

400
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,920
and more people.

401
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:15,920
I absolutely believe that I will be sustained and supported

402
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:16,720
in my work.

403
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:17,640
Just fine.

404
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,920
The universe will take care of me.

405
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,840
It will bring me the people who want to work with me more

406
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:21,440
directly.

407
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,400
It will bring the people who want to go through the official course,

408
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,160
right?

409
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:29,000
And that that will be taking care of regardless.

410
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,920
And the important thing to me is to get this information out

411
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:39,920
to as many people as possible so that we can quite literally

412
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:41,880
change ourselves and change the world.

413
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,640
I want us to be bigger than this industry, you guys.

414
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:50,640
I want this industry to stop being able to operate so

415
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,600
harmfully in with such impunity.

416
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:57,600
And if we just take our power back, reclaim our agency

417
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:02,600
and find the solutions for our mental health that actually

418
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,840
work for us, whether that's a good therapist

419
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,840
that you like and have a great relationship with,

420
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,920
or whether it is a non-licensed practitioner,

421
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,760
or a practitioner licensed in a different modality,

422
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,360
whether it's-- I don't know, you guys-- whether it's

423
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:21,800
acupuncture and Chinese medicine, or whether it's

424
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,960
raky, whether it's timeline therapy, what I practice,

425
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,760
whether it's repotterning and those modalities,

426
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,760
whether it's hypnosis like Phil Farber is speaking about

427
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,920
and brain magic, whether it is actually

428
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:39,120
taking up a practice of magic and learning

429
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:43,360
to become good enough at magic that you can cast on yourself,

430
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,200
like we talked about in our inaugural episode

431
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,880
with my teacher, Grant Morrison, that the purpose of magic

432
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,320
is this elevation of the self.

433
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,760
That is really the closest path to what I did.

434
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,320
But of course, in the process of that magic working,

435
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:03,840
I learned all of these things and was deeply inspired

436
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,480
to put them together in a curriculum and offer them,

437
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,160
as if not a modality in itself at the very least

438
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,200
a school of thought, a way of thinking, that for me, anyway,

439
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,360
has been far more effective than any path

440
00:24:15,360 --> 00:24:19,800
I was able to follow within the mental health industry.

441
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:25,480
So it's important to me that I spread this information

442
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,560
as freely as I can.

443
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,040
So that is what I'm going to speak about.

444
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:34,040
This new way of thinking about our mental health,

445
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,720
about our neurodevelopment, about our human operating system.

446
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:42,440
We were not given an owner as an operator's manual

447
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,880
when we were born.

448
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,840
And there was part of me on my path that

449
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,200
was a little resentful of that when I finally figured out

450
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,360
so much of it for myself.

451
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,840
Why did no one ever teach me this?

452
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:59,000
Why when I went to therapy, when I visited mental health

453
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:03,720
professionals, if they had just told me this information,

454
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,080
that would have changed my life.

455
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,360
Did they know where they gatekeeping it?

456
00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:08,760
Did they not know?

457
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,520
Which is worse, right?

458
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,480
They also failed to spot my autism in my ADHD, which now

459
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,880
that, looking at myself now, I'm like,

460
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,720
gosh, how did anyone miss that?

461
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,440
But there you have it.

462
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,480
So here's the paradigm that I operate from.

463
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,800
We are born, and we are a consciousness

464
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,400
that is anchored to a body.

465
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,520
You understand that the day that you die,

466
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,800
your consciousness is going to move on and evolve,

467
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:40,000
and your body is going to stay behind and slowly decompose.

468
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:45,600
So we understand that the part of us that thinks and feels--

469
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,480
it is linked inextricably--

470
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,720
well, inextricably until the day I suppose--

471
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,720
or corded, perhaps just if we astral project

472
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:55,760
and then bring it back, right?

473
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,800
But our consciousness is anchored to our body

474
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,720
and linked in a lot of ways that this is a symbiotic relationship,

475
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,360
because when you have emotions, when you have thoughts,

476
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:07,120
that can affect your physicality.

477
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:10,040
You feel nervous, so you feel those butterflies in your stomach

478
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,320
or you feel grief so you can feel pain in your chest

479
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,080
or whatever that is.

480
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,880
So our bodies and our consciousnesses are linked.

481
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,920
And from the day that we are born, that we come into this world

482
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,960
and arguably even beforehand, even as our consciousness

483
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,200
is forming and anchoring into our developing body

484
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:33,120
when we are in our mother's womb, we learn through our experiences.

485
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:35,320
We come into the world.

486
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:40,560
There we are in probably the operating room, the hospital,

487
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:41,800
bright lights.

488
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:45,280
We get slapped on the back when we start breathing.

489
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,400
And from that very moment, and arguably even before,

490
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,080
we begin to learn things about the world

491
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:55,040
and about what we can expect of this strange place

492
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,880
that we have been born into.

493
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,320
We learn, for example.

494
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:05,080
And when we're babies, we really don't have a lot of agencies.

495
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,080
So to speak, we'll have much agency at all, so to speak.

496
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:13,200
In fact, really as babies, the only thing that we can pretty much

497
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,040
do is cry or not cry, right?

498
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,320
We can make little gurgly sounds.

499
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,480
We can maybe try and roll around in our crib a little bit.

500
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,560
But it's basically if there's something that we need,

501
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,400
if there is a need that we have, and we need to communicate

502
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,720
to our caregiver, usually our parents, right?

503
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,640
Maybe our grandparents or maybe we're raised in a foster family

504
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,520
or maybe we were in an adoption agency for a while.

505
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,960
All of those things can affect us, right?

506
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,960
But so we're a small baby and we have a need.

507
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,200
We either need to be held.

508
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,120
We need to be fed.

509
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,360
We're hungry.

510
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:50,640
We need to be burped.

511
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,040
Something is going on.

512
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,040
We have a need.

513
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,560
And our option is basically make noise or don't make noise,

514
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:57,840
right?

515
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:58,760
Cry, don't cry.

516
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,480
So we have a need, and we're probably going to cry.

517
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:06,280
We're going to try and alert someone, anyone out there,

518
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,920
that we need to be taken care of in some way.

519
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,400
And there's many different ways that folks who

520
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,920
are our caregivers may respond to us.

521
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,040
It's something I teach in the very first module of the

522
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,760
Re-patterning Project is three hypothetical scenarios,

523
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,400
baby A, baby B, and baby C.

524
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:30,440
Baby A learns hypothetically that when they cry,

525
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:34,600
they can reasonably expect their needs to be met.

526
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,720
Baby A learns that when they cry, one of their parents

527
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,520
comes over and is like, oh, hey, what's wrong?

528
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:41,320
What do you need?

529
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,240
I'm going to hold you.

530
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,920
I'm going to figure out the problem.

531
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,600
And you're going to be all right.

532
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:51,120
And that baby learns if I ask for help, I can reasonably

533
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,080
expect that my needs will be met.

534
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,960
And then they later grow up to be an adult that has what

535
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,320
we think of as secure attachment, right?

536
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,800
I mean, it's not quite that simple.

537
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,440
There's so many other experiences that can color that.

538
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,880
But generally speaking, right, if we're looking at,

539
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:09,560
if we're looking at the theoretical category, then that

540
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,880
generally is how baby A is going to grow up.

541
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,600
Baby B, let's say on the other hands, hypothetically,

542
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:22,040
baby B is born into a household where the parents are,

543
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,880
let's say, low income.

544
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,560
And they have to work a lot.

545
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,240
They can't always care for baby B.

546
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,680
Maybe they're also dealing with a lot of stress.

547
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:36,720
And so they drink or they do drugs or things to relieve

548
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:37,360
that stress.

549
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,840
And I say that not even in a stigmatizing way

550
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,200
because when you're in a lot of stress and pain,

551
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:47,200
as someone who has worked with addiction to some extent,

552
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:51,520
you will do anything to soothe that pain and to make it go away.

553
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,480
So no shame on that, right?

554
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,600
That just happens to be baby B's circumstances.

555
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:59,920
So baby B cries and baby B's parents

556
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:04,560
are either out working, trying to provide income for the family,

557
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,520
including baby B.

558
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:06,800
Baby B doesn't know that though.

559
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,880
Baby B isn't sitting there in this crib going like,

560
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,880
oh, it's OK that my parents didn't answer my cry

561
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,360
because they're out at their job.

562
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:17,720
Baby B just knows that when they cry,

563
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:22,800
that it doesn't work or maybe it works inconsistently.

564
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,960
Maybe they cry and their parents is passed out on the couch,

565
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,720
whatever that is.

566
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:35,240
And baby B learns that when they ask for help,

567
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:39,080
they cannot expect their needs to be met reasonably.

568
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,000
They can usually expect that no one is going to hear them

569
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,560
and that they're going to have to somehow figure this out

570
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,160
for themselves.

571
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,480
And of course, the more that baby B grows up,

572
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,880
maybe baby B's parents win the lottery.

573
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,960
And then all of a sudden they're in a better place.

574
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,840
And maybe baby B still has some of that deep seated

575
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,480
in security deep down knowing that that is a possibility,

576
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,120
that that was their experience when they first came into the world.

577
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,400
But maybe they learn more security over time, right?

578
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,680
Baby B's parents got lucky won the lottery

579
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,160
and now they have a lot of free time to spend with baby B.

580
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,960
And that's also maybe how baby B ends up healing,

581
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,280
and becoming more securely attached, right?

582
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,960
But probably in most cases, maybe not, right?

583
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,720
Counting on winning the lottery is not usually a very good bet.

584
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,760
Any magician will tell you there is a way

585
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,600
to many magicians and occultists already doing magic

586
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:29,400
to win the lottery.

587
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,080
So it's one of the can it be done?

588
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,440
Yes, but you've got a lot of competition.

589
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:36,840
You're going to, it's going to have to be

590
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,360
from some real strong campaigning.

591
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:41,000
You might as well build a business and, and chant for it

592
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,000
to be successful.

593
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,080
You're going to have a lot better odds with that.

594
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,320
Anyway.

595
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,880
So baby B essentially learns neglect, right?

596
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,080
And that sort of internal algorithm forums.

597
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,800
If I ask for help, there's kind of no point.

598
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,480
I'm just going to end up screaming and wasting my voice

599
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,880
and nobody is going to come for me.

600
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,440
So I better learn to do things and take care of myself

601
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,520
on my own.

602
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,960
Then you have baby C. And baby C comes into the world.

603
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:13,040
And not only does baby C learn that there is no point to crying.

604
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,640
Baby C cries.

605
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,200
And baby C is punished for crying.

606
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,520
There was a story that my mother told me from when I was

607
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,720
apparently about six weeks old as a baby when she,

608
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,800
my mother, went out and came home.

609
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,280
And then my father had been watching over me.

610
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,840
And there was a giant red hand print on my backside.

611
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,960
So presumably I had cried.

612
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,520
And my father had taken this as like in a front.

613
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,360
Like the baby is crying at me.

614
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,160
I don't know what to do with this.

615
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:43,520
And the baby won't behave.

616
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:44,680
The baby won't shut up.

617
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,200
And so he smacks me apparently.

618
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:47,880
So there I am.

619
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,280
And I'm baby C, right?

620
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:53,400
And what baby C learns is if I speak up and ask for my needs

621
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,120
to be met, that is actually dangerous to me.

622
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,120
I am inviting harm to myself.

623
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:03,040
As I said, I would later grow up to have borderline personality

624
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,800
disorder kind of thrown around at me, not officially diagnosed,

625
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:07,040
right?

626
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,160
But why is that, right?

627
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,440
If we look at when I was six weeks old, something

628
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:14,640
that I learned was that--

629
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:16,200
and of course, this was reinforced

630
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,800
throughout my childhood, right?

631
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,520
And it's funny because my relationships with women

632
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,240
have often been mostly secure, because I

633
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,080
had a great relationship with my mom.

634
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,720
I was really, really lucky that for all of my father's abuse

635
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,600
and his mental illness, that went untreated

636
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,320
because what resources did he have in his day?

637
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:35,840
Plus patriarchy.

638
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,800
And there's nothing wrong with me and all that kind of stuff

639
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,360
that really, in many ways, held met

640
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,560
of my father's generation back from being able to self-examine

641
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:48,720
because to admit fault or flaw was to be seen as less of a man

642
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,040
or whatever that looks like, all of that, right?

643
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,680
So I grow up in that environment,

644
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:57,440
and I learn that asking for my needs to be met actually

645
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,360
incurs danger to me.

646
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,520
And what does that lead to?

647
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,000
It leads to overly people-pleasing behaviors,

648
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,840
because I learn that asking for my needs directly at best,

649
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,400
I'm just not going to get them met.

650
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,520
And at worst, it's going to somehow,

651
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,680
I am offensive by asking for a need to be met.

652
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,480
I have inconvenienced you.

653
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,440
I am losing love.

654
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,160
And in the worst-case scenarios,

655
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,760
I am possibly even incurring physical violence.

656
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,800
It's amazing to me.

657
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,640
Like, it's not like, but it's amazing to me

658
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,920
that something that happens at six weeks old to me

659
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:35,320
as a baby can have such reverberations

660
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,800
up through my adult relationships.

661
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,280
And thankfully, I have repatterned now.

662
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,160
I've changed that wiring.

663
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:46,960
I know that as an adult, I can use my agency

664
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,680
to choose people who meet my needs in a reasonable manner,

665
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,360
or at least hear me out and have a conversation,

666
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:55,040
things like that.

667
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,840
So healing and repatterning is possible.

668
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,480
I am living proof.

669
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,440
Hopefully, at this point in the podcast season,

670
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:02,480
you know that by now.

671
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,200
But yeah, so baby A, baby B, and baby C.

672
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,480
We learn from a very young age these patterns.

673
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,920
And that's just one example, right?

674
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,760
That's one example that I think we all go through as babies.

675
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,880
We cry when we have a need that we need to have met.

676
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:24,960
And then we learn whether that need is going to be met or not.

677
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:30,600
And we go through an infinite number of permutations

678
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:31,920
of these lessons, right?

679
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,280
Another classic one is like, you reach out,

680
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,120
you touch the hot stove, and you learn that it's hot.

681
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,560
And then you don't do it anymore.

682
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,360
That one is probably like a smart thing to learn, right?

683
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:42,560
To not touch hot stoves.

684
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,240
But there we are as, you know, little kids.

685
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:46,560
And we reach out.

686
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,200
And again, that internal algorithm forms.

687
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:53,000
If X, then Y, if I touch the hot stove, I will get burned.

688
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,440
If I open up and I tell my feelings to my crush,

689
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,200
as I talked about in the Phil Farber episode, right?

690
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,560
I will get punched in the stomach.

691
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:04,080
That's another, like, I'm opening up, not even like asking

692
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,240
for a need at that point.

693
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:08,200
For me, that was like making a gesture of love

694
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:13,960
and receiving physical violence in return from a fellow eight-year-old.

695
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:15,920
[LAUGHS]

696
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,720
You know who to thought.

697
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:21,840
And as we go on, we learn these things.

698
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,720
And so we adapt our strategies for having our needs met

699
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:28,920
and for figuring out how to be secure and exist in the world.

700
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,920
And we learn sometimes that we do certain things and they feel bad.

701
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,600
So we don't do them anymore.

702
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:39,240
And we lock ourselves out of strategies that perhaps as adults

703
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,160
would actually be healthier for us,

704
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,960
such as like actually asking for your need to be met

705
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,160
or actually making that gesture of love and, you know, trusting

706
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,360
that you're that a grown adult hopefully isn't going to hit you

707
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,160
physically when you try to flirt with them or whatever.

708
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,600
And so there are those strategies that we end up locking ourselves

709
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,000
out of because for whatever reason when we tried them,

710
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:04,040
when we were young and developing, they proved unsafe to us.

711
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,800
And then there are the strategies that we adopt

712
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,520
because we try them and they do feel good.

713
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,840
So there are a lot of people in the world, for example,

714
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,200
who they grew up learning to be funny, right?

715
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:20,360
Because their parents paid them more attention

716
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:24,440
when they were entertaining to them as kids.

717
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,400
They paid them more attention when they

718
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,240
knew how to be pleasing and when they knew how to be charming.

719
00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:34,800
And you can see, like I see this pattern in a lot of men,

720
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:39,840
for example, who learn to be these really charismatic,

721
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:45,120
seductive individuals who end up not in any way

722
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:49,600
having the secure attachment to be able to create

723
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,920
healthier relationships with the women that they're

724
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,360
lowering in, but they're still just like on autopilot,

725
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,200
doing the same thing that worked with mom when they were five,

726
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,480
you know, I make a joke or I do something and all,

727
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,440
now mom is laughing and she's pleased with me or whatever, right?

728
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,840
But there is still that insecurity deep down.

729
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,240
A lot of, I'm sure like you guys know this,

730
00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:13,280
I'm probably not telling you anything that you aren't already aware of,

731
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,560
but a lot of our gifts can also come from our trauma,

732
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:22,240
you know, the ability to be funny, the ability to be intuitive sometimes

733
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,000
and to read the room.

734
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:28,640
I know for me, that was one of them that in my own repatterning,

735
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,800
it wasn't that I had to give up that gift, but I had to call my energy back from it,

736
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:39,440
from constantly spending like 80% of my human CPU scanning the room

737
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:42,480
for the little green falling matrix numbers and always making sure

738
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,320
like everything is always okay, right?

739
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:45,600
That's called hypervigilance.

740
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:49,200
That's something that we may learn growing up that we need to do

741
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,960
if we are in an inconsistent or you know,

742
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:57,200
often dangerous environment that we need to constantly be scanning the horizon

743
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:02,720
for danger and that ability to be perceptive can be a great gift,

744
00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,480
but we can also over-learn it.

745
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,440
So a lot of repatterning is also about,

746
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,800
I honor the gift and the wisdom that this experience brought me

747
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:16,080
and I'm also not going to let it run my life past the point of diminishing returns.

748
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:22,000
The law of diminishing returns is essentially a concept that states that

749
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:30,000
at some point a given strategy will stop being as effective as it was in the beginning.

750
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:36,720
For example, if let's say you have a farmer that is using fertilizer on their crops,

751
00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:43,440
the more fertilizer that the farmer uses, the greater the crop yield will be

752
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,920
up until a certain point, right?

753
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:50,400
At a certain point, that farmer is using more fertilizer

754
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:55,280
that is actually costing more money than the crop yield is giving.

755
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:59,680
At a certain point, too much fertilizer may even poison the crops, right?

756
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,640
Another example is our income.

757
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:07,840
Adjusted for, oh gosh, this is going to be a slightly outdated statistic,

758
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,920
so bear with me because you know, in the last five years, especially since the pandemic,

759
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,320
we've had so much greed flation in the United States in particular,

760
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:23,440
that I'm pretty sure this is no longer the actual number, but a few years before that anyway,

761
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:28,880
the roughly the number of, I forget if it's individual or household income,

762
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:35,520
where we would start crossing into diminishing returns in our quality of life in the United States

763
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,360
was about $100,000, right?

764
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,640
So let's say you have someone who is making $30,000 a year,

765
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:46,560
and if they double that, if they make $60,000, that's going to be like life changing, right?

766
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,240
That's the difference probably between whether they can afford health insurance,

767
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:53,280
make reliable car payments, you know, all of those things,

768
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:57,280
and that's going to be a really, really big difference in their life.

769
00:40:57,280 --> 00:41:02,720
If you then have that person who's making $60,000, and you add another $30,000 on top of that,

770
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,920
and they're making $90,000, that's pretty cool, right?

771
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,120
Like that's great.

772
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:11,200
Maybe they've already got their bases covered, but maybe now they can also take their family

773
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,760
on a nice vacation once or twice a year.

774
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,040
Maybe they can afford a second car so that, you know,

775
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,720
mom can drive the kids to soccer practice or whatever they're doing.

776
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:25,360
That absolutely will increase their quality of life in a meaningful and worthwhile way.

777
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:32,560
If you add another $30,000 on top of that, now that person is making $120,000, okay, great,

778
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:33,840
but less, right?

779
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:38,160
Then that first and second and third, $30,000 was to them.

780
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,160
It becomes less and less meaningful.

781
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:50,000
And yet, so many people, especially living in capitalism, in late-stage capitalist America,

782
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,880
in particular, which is where I live, though I imagine this is, you know, a global issue as well.

783
00:41:54,880 --> 00:42:03,360
So many people learn from that initial if X, then Y, if I make more money, then I will feel secure,

784
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,360
and they don't stop learning.

785
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:09,520
And this is like the billionaire sickness that we talked about with Doug Rushkov,

786
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,520
an episode two, Wettico, right?

787
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:20,320
The idea that there is, Wettico is a concept that Doug talks about in team human that is an

788
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:26,720
American indigenous word that essentially means the sickness of needing to hoard too much

789
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:28,640
that they saw in the white man, right?

790
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:34,560
That we still see in our billionaires today looking at all, like, right, like Elon Musk was told,

791
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:39,120
like, by the United Nations apparently, you know, $6 billion would solve World Hunger.

792
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,160
We got the plan and he was like, nah, never mind.

793
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:43,360
Change my mind.

794
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,320
Man, you could sneeze six billion dollars.

795
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:52,400
I remember reading that Vanity Fair interview with Grimes as well, where she talked about how

796
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:59,680
they were living in like a $45,000 unsecured home with paparazzi around them, with no safety or

797
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:00,720
security for her.

798
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:04,240
And there was a hole in her side of the mattress and she was like, can we get a new mattress?

799
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:06,480
And he was like, well, why don't you just bring yours over?

800
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:06,960
Bro!

801
00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:11,600
What is, what is, what is this, right?

802
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:18,160
So, so there we have someone who has overlearned the pattern that money is going to help them feel

803
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:18,960
secure.

804
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:23,680
And that's the thing about it that can be so difficult is when we go on autopilot,

805
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:27,280
we don't recognize the point at which we are reaching diminishing returns.

806
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:33,840
The alcoholic begins as a person who takes a drink or a shot of alcohol and thinks,

807
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:40,880
all right, I'm going to drink this and it's going to make me feel better and more comfortable.

808
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,240
And it's also going to make me make me better at socializing.

809
00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:46,880
Well, that may be true of the first drink.

810
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,680
It may be even true of the second and maybe even the third drink.

811
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:54,320
But when you get to like the 12th and 13th drink, you definitely aren't feeling better and you're

812
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,400
definitely not better at socializing, right?

813
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:03,600
So realizing the point of diminishing returns in any of our given patterns and strategies

814
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:04,640
is huge.

815
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,840
It's such a critical component.

816
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:12,080
And then of course, there are the patterns and strategies that we take on in well-meaning ways,

817
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:16,560
which we think are going to be effective for us, but which actually are not.

818
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,800
And when we shine a light on those, one thing I like to say often in the course is that

819
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:24,080
incredulity is a great weapon against our demons.

820
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:29,440
When we can shine a light on make these patterns conscious and realize how when we actually

821
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:34,960
hold them up to the scrutiny of daylight, they actually don't make any sense.

822
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:41,120
I look at myself and the pattern that I mentioned in our episode with Celeste Mott,

823
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:46,960
that I first noticed in myself that was sort of that brain breaking, mind opening,

824
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:56,960
paradigm shattering, entree into my understanding of repattering, was that I believe truly and fully

825
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:03,440
that if I was valuable to people that they would treat me well, that seemed to make sense to me,

826
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:04,080
right?

827
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:10,960
If you have something that is valuable to you that is pleasing you, that is adding value to your life,

828
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,680
why wouldn't you treasure and cherish it?

829
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:20,880
And very early on in my repattering journey, I heard this sentence in my head, which was

830
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,440
art and people destroy beautiful things all the time.

831
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:30,080
And I imagine myself as a priceless painting hanging on the wall of a museum and that there

832
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:35,120
would be someone out there who would come and throw a cake at it for some reasons.

833
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:42,560
If you were paying attention maybe five or six years ago or so, there was an incident where there

834
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:50,000
was a person who threw a cake at the Mona Lisa, right? And the Mona Lisa is behind glass,

835
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:55,440
the Mona Lisa was fine, the person was doing it as some sort of a protest or political statement.

836
00:45:55,440 --> 00:46:00,240
I don't recall exactly what it was about at this time, but could you imagine me being

837
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:05,280
theoretically the Mona Lisa thinking that if I'm just a good enough painting,

838
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:08,320
then I won't get cakes thrown at me.

839
00:46:08,320 --> 00:46:14,320
It's ridiculous when you actually hold it up to the light of day, but the thing is when we're

840
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:21,200
learning this as we're growing up and we are that fish swimming in the water of our childhood homes

841
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:29,840
that we don't have an objective viewpoint about, then we're not going to be conscious of those

842
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:37,760
learned strategies. And we are going to go on autopilot and we are going to simply react in ways

843
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:46,640
to our external circumstances that we have been programmed to react with via our lived experiences.

844
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:55,600
This is the source of almost all, if not all, of our mental health struggles. And there are some

845
00:46:55,600 --> 00:47:02,080
exceptions actually, right? So not all most, but there are such things as chemical imbalances.

846
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:08,960
For example, I have ADHD. It means I have a dopamine deficiency. So I do medicate for that at times.

847
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:20,080
And I also am simply mindful of what my need for dopamine is and how I can meet that need.

848
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:25,760
Oftentimes it means engaging in work that is about puzzle solving and all the stuff I'm talking

849
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:30,800
about with you right now. Like it's very interesting to me. It allows me to hyper focus. It holds my

850
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:37,440
attention. I will be depressed if I'm in a job environment where I have to just like crunch numbers or

851
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:42,000
you know, do data entry like then of course my mental health is going to struggle, right? Because I'm

852
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:48,240
not getting my dopamine needs met by the world around me. So there are such things as chemical

853
00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:54,720
imbalances or deficiencies. I will argue, however, that the mental health industry really is not

854
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:59,840
great at understanding or treating all of those yet. There is that research that came out recently

855
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:06,400
that were like, oh, we don't really know why SSRIs have the, you know, they don't actually work with

856
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:12,160
serotonin the way that we thought that they did. And so much of psychiatry has been this sort of trial

857
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:16,480
and error. We'll try this drug and see how this does try that and see how that does. I just think,

858
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:21,760
you know, man, I just think we can do better, right? So chemical imbalances, chemical deficiencies

859
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:27,600
are a thing. I don't believe that the industry is as good as it could be at understanding and

860
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,920
treating them, right? But I want to make sure that I include that exception, right? So it's not all

861
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:37,600
lived experience. There's also things like traumatic brain injury that can also affect our mental health,

862
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:44,560
our memory, our mood in many ways. So there's things like that too. But for things that do not

863
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:53,680
involve the gray matter of the brain and the neurochemicals that it traffics in, I really believe

864
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:59,360
that most of our mental health struggles come from learning these patterns and either learning

865
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:05,680
maladaptive patterns, learning strategies that we think are going to work for us, but don't, or

866
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:14,000
learning certain strategies that maybe worked for us in the beginning or would work if we knew

867
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:21,360
how to use them in moderation or perhaps in tandem with other patterns and strategies. But we over

868
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:27,520
learn them, we go past that point of diminishing returns and we end up poisoning our own crops with

869
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:35,840
the fertilizer, drinking until we black out, et cetera, et cetera, right? A lot of these apparent

870
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:44,880
problems, quote unquote are actually bad solutions to greater underlying problems. Even the most

871
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:52,960
destructive of behaviors is motivated in some way. Even the autistic kid who is banging his head against

872
00:49:52,960 --> 00:50:00,480
a wall has a reason for doing that. Maybe there is something going on internally. There is over stimulation

873
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:07,600
happening where actually the act of banging one's head against a wall feels by comparison, like relief,

874
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:14,240
right? It is necessary for us to know ourselves and if we are practitioners to know our clients,

875
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:25,360
to look at the underlying needs and strategies and motivations that are causing destructive behaviors.

876
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:35,520
And it is also necessary for us to look at the beliefs about the world that we may have taken on

877
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:41,680
in what feels like a very reasonable manner because our experiences of it when we were growing up

878
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:49,760
reflected this worldview, the feelings and beliefs about the world that also result in things like

879
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:55,040
depression and anxiety. I have a theory about depression and that is that the root of depression is

880
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:59,520
simply hopelessness because we are trying strategies that aren't working and we can no longer

881
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:06,560
motivate ourselves to do those strategies. And so we sort of give up the body, the mind body system

882
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:11,440
kind of gives up and says, I don't know what to do here. Nothing I'm doing is working. It's futile,

883
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:18,640
it's hopeless, it's pointless. And I have a theory also that anxiety comes primarily from having

884
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:23,760
strategies that work inconsistently. I'm anxious because I'm doing something and I don't know

885
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:29,600
if it's going to get me the result that I want or not. I am trying that strategy, but I feel

886
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:35,360
anxiety, I feel trepidation because sometimes this works and sometimes this doesn't, right?

887
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:39,680
Anxious attachment, which is something that I have a lot of familiarity with in my own history,

888
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:44,720
primarily came from being in relationships where I'm like, I'm going to try and be pleasing, but I

889
00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:50,720
don't know if the person is going to leave me, right? And these worldviews can be very difficult

890
00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:56,240
to break ourselves out of because we have a function in our brain called confirmation bias.

891
00:51:56,240 --> 00:52:03,200
Confirmation bias, I believe is also the foundation of the understanding of the law of attraction.

892
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:08,480
The law of attraction says like that, which you think about will be what you see in your reality.

893
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:16,480
And this is explained by some precepts of neuro-linguistic programming, which is one of my

894
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:22,080
certifications that you may see on the wall behind me here if you're watching the video,

895
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:29,200
a version of this conversation. In neuro-linguistic programming, what I learned is that

896
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:36,240
we take in information through our five senses at roughly 8 billion bits per second. I've

897
00:52:36,240 --> 00:52:41,520
no idea how they measured how many bits of information your brain takes in, but apparently that it,

898
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:47,520
and apparently it's about 8 billion bits per second. But you can't possibly remember everything,

899
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:52,320
right? There are some folks out there who have extraordinary brains with extraordinary memories

900
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:57,840
who can remember like, oh yeah, the morning of July 1993, I woke up and I had blueberry oatmeal

901
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:04,800
for breakfast that morning, right? There is an artist named Steven Wiltshire. He is a black autistic man

902
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:10,400
who he'll take like a helicopter ride over a city and then he'll come back and he'll draw that

903
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:16,320
city scape from memory. It's just amazing. Like these folks are the outliers in some ways who

904
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:23,200
who help us to understand just how flawed our own minds and memories are at remembering things

905
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:28,240
accurately. We often think that we remember things accurately and often even the things we do remember

906
00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:33,520
we end up distorting, right? So our brains, according to these precepts of NLPR brains,

907
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:38,080
take in this information at 8 billion bits per second and then we delete, distort and generalize.

908
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:44,320
And so we fit it into this nice neat little picture that we remember. Well, what happens to the rest

909
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:50,000
of those bits of information, right? Even right now, I'm sitting here at my desk and I have bookshelves

910
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:56,400
on either side of me, but I couldn't recite to you from memory without looking each of the titles

911
00:53:56,400 --> 00:54:02,640
of the books. Why? I passed that bookshelf literally every single day, right? But my brain kind of

912
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:07,120
generalizes and just says, oh, those are my books. I generally kind of know where some of them are.

913
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:10,560
I know that section is there, that section. If I have to look something up, I can go and look at

914
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:15,760
there, at it there, right? But I don't, despite the fact that I look at it literally every day,

915
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:22,080
I don't have it memorized. Why? Because my brain is like, that's not relevant for you to keep there. We

916
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:27,280
can only hang on to so much information. We're going to get rid of some of what you don't need. And

917
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:38,640
in the process of doing this, the brain will lock on to what is familiar. It will find even without

918
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:45,040
our consciously trying, it will lock on to the things that confirm the worldview that we already

919
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:52,000
believe because that feels good. It feels cohesive. Uh-huh. You know? So if I grow up with, let's say,

920
00:54:52,000 --> 00:55:03,040
an abusive father, which I did, I am in many ways going to be conditioned to view men with more of those

921
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:09,200
qualities and even in some ways to, even in some ways to ascribe qualities to them that aren't

922
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:14,880
even actually there that are just my own perception and projection. But also to notice more

923
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:23,120
the men with those qualities, right? It is because we gravitate toward that, which is familiar. So

924
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:28,400
law of attraction, like, it has been weaponized in so many ways. And I just, I hate to see it thrown

925
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:35,200
out with the bathwater because if you understand the function of how confirmation bias works within

926
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:40,560
our mind body learning systems, you can understand how the law of attraction is applicable. I've just

927
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:44,800
seen so many people in the spiritual community, especially white people being like, well, how did you

928
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:50,480
attract that experience of being racially profiled at the airport or whatever? What were you doing that?

929
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:57,440
And it's just, you know, it's not helpful and it's not accurate either. Like we exist in a system

930
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:03,040
where we are all like co-creating our reality and all sort of like agreeing on these different

931
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:08,080
narratives or disagreeing on them, you know? Certainly a lot of divide. Certainly a lot of divide

932
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:13,120
right now in America, for example, but, you know, we don't exist in a bubble. It's not healthy to blame

933
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:21,120
ourselves for the things that are part of our flawed consensus narrative. But at the same time,

934
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:27,440
I see people being like throwing out law of attraction entirely when there is a way to use it to

935
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:33,520
say, wait a minute, that which I focus on. If I focus on noticing more of it, even if that's all

936
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:40,640
that I do, if I understand that my brain is a bad scientist that is cherry picking the data of the

937
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:45,280
8 billion bits per second of information that is coming into my mind and finding the things that I'm

938
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:50,240
already familiar with, even if I don't want those things, even if I want a healthy relationship with a

939
00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:57,040
man, for example, right? But somehow I'm gravitating toward these things that are familiar because

940
00:56:57,040 --> 00:57:02,320
that is what my brain tends to notice. It finds it more familiar and then I give my energy to those

941
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:07,120
things and I get locked into those patterns and habits and all of a sudden I'm replaying my childhood

942
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:12,320
all over again, right? And so if we step back and we realize that this is the way that our brains operate,

943
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:17,360
also you guys, there is something called negativity bias. Negativity bias was developed

944
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:24,080
evolutionarily in our mind body learning system in order to protect us from danger. This is why you will

945
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:30,000
remember something that is like scary or traumatic. And there's a point of diminishing returns

946
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:34,160
of that too, like certain things that are traumatic or so traumatic that we will repress them or

947
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:38,000
they'll actually not, you know, they'll be like buried memories, right? So that also happens,

948
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:44,960
right? But, but to a certain point of diminishing returns, if we go through something that is scary

949
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:53,760
or traumatic, that will stand out in our memories more because evolutionarily speaking, we evolved

950
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:59,520
so that the caveman that remembered that, oh, this is the bush I walked by the other day where

951
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:05,200
the saber tooth tiger jumped out at me. I'm going to go around this other way and avoid that, right? The

952
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:09,600
caveman that learned to avoid that bush with the tiger in it was the one who was more likely to

953
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:16,320
survive. So we evolved to actually ascribe greater, more impactful memory to those things that

954
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:23,520
actually feel dangerous and unsafe to us. This is amazing. It was a story that a shaman once told

955
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:27,840
a sort of parable that sums this up really well. He says the light and the dark were doing battle

956
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:34,800
with one another and they each got to choose a weapon and the dark chose gravity that if you just

957
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:41,760
let things be as they are and kind of sink like that pull that natural force that natural pull down,

958
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:47,120
you will fall into the darkness. That is, I believe, negativity bias, right? You will fall into

959
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:54,400
just noticing what is, what is that? It's almost like that sort of metaphor of the red queen

960
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:59,440
and Alice in Wonderland where it's like you have to keep running as fast as you can just to say in one

961
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:06,320
place. If you give in to gravity, you will fall into that negativity bias and noticing just all of the

962
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:11,360
bad things and all of a sudden the world will just seem to be a very bad and dangerous place to be,

963
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:17,760
which is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. Quote unquote, right? The light on the other hand

964
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:24,640
shows for its weapon, gratitude. If you notice the things around you that you are grateful for and I

965
00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:28,960
kind of hate gratitude and grateful as words because they're weaponized against us as kids a lot,

966
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:34,240
right? Like be grateful, eat all the food on your plate or whatever, like they're, they're weaponized

967
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:39,200
against us in many households to get us to actually not listen to our bodies and honor our needs

968
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:43,840
because we should just shut up and be grateful or whatever, right? But as an adult, I've come around

969
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:49,840
to gratitude because gratitude helps us to identify that in our lives that we already like and that we

970
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:56,640
want more of. So gratitude is a great tool. So the light chooses gratitude as its weapon and says if

971
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:04,480
you notice the things around you in your life that you already like, then you can use that to

972
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:13,120
notice more of them and call in more love and goodness and abundance and happiness into your life.

973
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:20,000
So this is the essence of The Re-patterning Project is that we go through our internal algorithms.

974
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:25,520
We notice the strategies that we're using in order to try and get our needs met and we get to ask

975
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:32,320
as adults is this actually working for me? Is this actually a strategy that is helpful to me in

976
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:38,640
any way? Is this the right strategy for the result that we want? And you might notice for those of

977
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:44,800
you who are familiar with chaos magic, maybe you are practitioners yourselves. This is essentially

978
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:50,880
the essence of chaos magic, right? We choose the beliefs, practices, and behaviors that get us the

979
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:57,920
results that we want. We do not adhere to dogma for dogma or traditions, sake, alone. We choose our

980
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:07,040
beliefs, practices, and behaviors based on the results that they get us. And that is our soul, judge

981
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:15,520
of whether something is effective is if it gets us the result that we want and if it fits sustainably

982
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:20,960
into our ecosystem, so we're not doing harm to others, right? I guess maybe you could be an evil chaos

983
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:27,120
magician and not care about the second one, but I think for my money in the long run, it's a lot better.

984
01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,640
It's just a lot easier to be sustainable than you're not going to be like it war with people and

985
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:38,880
stuff like that. Big war and small war, right? So this is the essence of repatterning is for me

986
01:01:38,880 --> 01:01:46,880
applying that sort of basic foundational value of chaos magic to a deep understanding of our

987
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:54,000
neurodevelopment and of our mental health and how our mind body learning systems work to help us

988
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:59,520
to navigate the world and that our mind body system is our domain and it is our birthright

989
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:06,160
to go through our patterns, our habits, our beliefs, behaviors and to choose the patterns and the

990
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:11,200
strategies that work to get us the results that we want in the world. For example, instead of, you know,

991
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:16,720
people pleasing, repressing my needs and just trying to be valuable to people who are being abusive to

992
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:24,320
me, maybe the better strategies like shocker is to actually practice discernment and to yes,

993
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:31,520
be good to people but in a way that is also reciprocal and to ask myself rather than what can I do

994
01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:37,200
to get this person to like me, to ask myself am I even in the right relationship to begin with?

995
01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:42,720
And if I am stuck in that pattern or that dichotomy between like, well, there's the interesting people

996
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:49,200
that I'm attracted to who treat me poorly. And then there's like the boring nice folks or whatever.

997
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:56,080
I challenge that a great deal. You can absolutely if if you're stuck in that paradigm, I invite you to

998
01:02:56,080 --> 01:03:01,600
think more outside of those two boxes, look for those healthy relationship models with people that

999
01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:07,600
you find attractive. Look for those people. Gosh, I feel like in today's world with some of,

1000
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:12,400
you know, the the artists and public figures that we have coming forward, it's it's easier than ever

1001
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:18,480
to find examples of people who are both attractive and kind and compassionate, right? There's a lot of

1002
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,880
memes about artists around there that are like, you know, we made the right person famous. Like, look

1003
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:29,280
for those kinds of people. Train your confirmation bias. Train your law of attraction to notice those

1004
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:36,960
qualities in people. And then go out in the world. And as your mind is taking in that 8 billion bits

1005
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:43,760
of information per second, you're going to start attuning yourself to noticing that which you want more

1006
01:03:43,760 --> 01:03:53,040
of. This has solved bar none. Pretty much all of my mental health struggles, except for like the

1007
01:03:53,040 --> 01:04:00,240
fact that I still take a little bit of Adderall, the bifurscription for my ADHD, right? Everything else

1008
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:09,520
has been all about zooming out, detaching, creating space, moving back and looking at my life and my

1009
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:17,600
patterns and saying, is this the right thing for the result that I want? So there we have it. And

1010
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:23,680
what I love about this paradigm is that there need be no shame involved. Sometimes there's a little

1011
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:28,960
bit of like self-deprecating humor like why on earth do that? I think that was a good strategy. Like,

1012
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:33,120
we can laugh at ourselves with compassion for our past selves that we're really doing the best that

1013
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:39,840
we can, but there's no pathologization. There's no like you have a personality disorder, right? There's

1014
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:48,400
no need for that framework. Man, my invitation to you all is let's make it obsolete. Let's not give

1015
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:55,120
our energy and our attention to these frameworks that pathologize us, you know? I mean, yes,

1016
01:04:55,120 --> 01:05:00,640
absolutely if you need medication, then be on that medication if it works for you. Do the practice

1017
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:04,240
that gets you the result that you want and if that medication is getting you a good result, then yeah,

1018
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:08,480
absolutely go to see your psychiatrist. Go to your therapist if you have a good relationship with

1019
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:14,160
them. Bring this topic to your therapist. Have this conversation with them. Ask them like, hey,

1020
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:21,200
what is it in my own life that I'm not seeing? What patterns or strategies? Am I using thinking that

1021
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:26,320
I'm going to get a good result? But really, I just need a different strategy. My need is legitimate,

1022
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:31,840
my underlying need is legitimate and I am worthy of having that need being met, but maybe I need help

1023
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:37,360
picking the right strategy and just detaching and thinking about what could I do that will actually

1024
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:43,120
get me the result that I want and so often like in our mind-body systems like our bodies will remember

1025
01:05:43,120 --> 01:05:46,960
being that little kid and being like, oh no, I can't speak up and ask for my needs to be met because

1026
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:52,960
I get my ass beat, right? And bringing compassion and more importantly, a wider perspective

1027
01:05:53,600 --> 01:06:00,080
to that viewpoint that has been locked into place and saying, you're not a six-week-old baby anymore,

1028
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:06,880
Arden, you can choose who you give your time and attention to, unlike you were able to

1029
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:15,360
growing up in a household with your father. You can choose people who treat you well and then you

1030
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:20,240
will be treated well. That's a better strategy than trying to overly please the people who don't

1031
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:26,240
treat you well hoping that they will change their behavior toward you. So yeah, I feel like this is

1032
01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:34,320
a paradigm that really works across the board for most mental health struggles. Far more than our

1033
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:42,480
current paradigm seems to work. I spent years in therapy. It really did nothing for me. Now maybe I

1034
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:48,800
was locked into my own viewpoint too much to see what the issue was, but what was that therapist job,

1035
01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:54,080
if not to guide me into a viewpoint that would have helped me more? And when I did that research and

1036
01:06:54,080 --> 01:07:01,440
embarked on that spiritual journey of repotting and found all of the information that I eventually

1037
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:07,920
called into this eight-week course, my response was, why didn't anyone tell me? So today I am here

1038
01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:13,760
telling you, I am telling you the things that I wish that folks had told me back in the day.

1039
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:20,400
And I want you to know that you can reclaim your agency over your life by choosing the beliefs,

1040
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:25,440
habits, practice, and strategies that actually get you to the result that you want. And I know for me

1041
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:33,280
just that agency, like my life doesn't even have to be working perfectly. I just have to be engaged

1042
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:39,920
with navigating from a place of power and sovereignty, creating those changes in my life,

1043
01:07:39,920 --> 01:07:45,840
changing my internal programming so that my external results change too. That's what I want to

1044
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:53,520
all of us. So, all right, so that concludes season one of the Repattering Podcast. I hope that

1045
01:07:53,520 --> 01:07:59,680
these conversations have been interesting and thought-provoking for you. I hope that they

1046
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:06,640
cause you to look at your own life and your own strategies in a different way. I hope that they

1047
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:16,800
empower you. I hope that they inspire you away from the depression and anxiety, quote unquote,

1048
01:08:16,800 --> 01:08:27,120
that are products of feelings of futility and fear of inconsistency. And I hope that they empower

1049
01:08:27,120 --> 01:08:35,360
you to make changes in your own life that, yeah, sometimes like it's great to have facilitators and

1050
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:39,920
counselors like I have facilitators that I go to because we all need help, we all need that outside

1051
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:47,760
perspective, but I also want to emphasize how much of this we can do on our own just by noticing more,

1052
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:53,200
just by pulling back and noticing and examining and questioning ourselves. As Socrates said,

1053
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:59,600
the unexamined life is not worth living. And written over the door of every mystery school,

1054
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:07,840
was the phrase "Noscaté Ipsum, no thyself." If you want to join me and do that, again, there are ways

1055
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:12,640
of doing that through the work of the Repattering Project, but also just like just listen,

1056
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:21,360
just listen to the podcast, it's free and journaling is free and thinking is free and changing

1057
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:27,280
yourself and making those daily, small, gradual changes to your own habits and patterns is free.

1058
01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:32,320
And that's really what I want everyone to do. So thank you guys for being here. Thank you to Tomi

1059
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:38,240
my producer for beautifully producing this first season. We're going to take a little hiatus and then

1060
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:46,000
when I have season two ready, we shall return. So rest, catch up on any that you haven't watched already.

1061
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:54,320
Come join us in the Repattering Parlor, our Discord group. You can join at patreon.com/therepatteringpodcast

1062
01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:59,760
just five dollars a month to join our Discord and come find me on social media. Come follow along and

1063
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:03,200
be part of this journey. Thank you guys and we'll see you next season.

1064
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:10,560
Thank you for listening to the Repattering Podcast. If you're curious about the Repattering Project,

1065
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:15,360
the eight-week course in mental mastery and creative freedom that inspires these conversations,

1066
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:20,560
you can check out more details at therepatteringproject.com. We run a cohort twice a year,

1067
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:25,680
or you can download the self-study version of the course and get started today. We also offer a

1068
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:30,160
four-week course on narrative magic and archetype titled "Mitzen Magic, Changing Your Life Through

1069
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:36,160
Story" also twice a year. If you'd like to join our community, the Repattering Parlor, on Discord,

1070
01:10:36,160 --> 01:10:42,480
you can sign up for five dollars a month at patreon.com/therepatteringpodcast. Thanks to everyone who

1071
01:10:42,480 --> 01:10:48,160
makes the Repattering Podcast possible. Firstly, our award-winning producer Tomi Trembath of the

1072
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:54,000
Keymaster Collective Network of Podcasts. She also produces Transcending Comics, Vision in the Void

1073
01:10:54,000 --> 01:11:00,160
and Giant-sized Violence. Thanks also to Animation Studio Mortis and Madriacs who created the video

1074
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:05,200
for our introduction, as well as to Andrew Means who composed and produced our theme music.

1075
01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:10,000
And also thanks to Al Alvarez, who took the photos of yours truly that you see on the cover of each

1076
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:15,360
episode if you're watching the video version. And finally, thanks to you, our listeners, who give

1077
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:20,080
meaning to this work. Our greatest wish is that whatever you've heard today inspires you to live

1078
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:25,360
freely and begin creating your reality from the inside out. Thanks for tuning in and we'll see you

1079
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:27,760
again soon.

1080
01:11:28,240 --> 01:11:30,240
you

1081
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,240
you

1082
01:11:32,240 --> 01:11:42,240
[BLANK_AUDIO]