in order to have deeply meaningful, healthy, sustainable,
and rich in connection, which I think is the point
of relationship.
It's like something I say to clients all the time
that's like further together faster.
Like in our relationship, it should be adding.
Like you guys should be better together
than you are on your own.
I deeply believe like a large percentage of people out there
like are not in the highest experience of relationship
that they could have.
And it's because of things like that.
Like self love and again, going back to my podcast name,
I really love myself.
Like self love is maybe an expression of the divine
where it's like when you value yourself,
when you value other people, you are meant to like
really take your energy very seriously
and protect that energy.
You just are better.
Like everybody is better and when we're all people of that, you know?
Welcome to the Re-Patterning Podcast
where we believe your mind body system is your domain
and that choosing the beliefs, habits, and patterns
that best support you is your birthright.
I'm your host, Artin Lee,
creator of the Re-Patterning Project, an eight week course
in learning to free yourself from the patterns of your past
and program your mind for your dreams of the future.
Join me for these extraordinary conversations
as we unpack the keys to creating our reality.
Welcome back to the Re-Patterning Podcast.
I'm your host, Artin Lee,
and I'm so excited to introduce today's guest.
Her name is Gianna Rackham
and she is a love and relationship
and leadership coach for spiritually aware women.
If you like what you hear in our conversation today,
you can check out her website at
giannalightworker.com.
You can also check out her Instagram,
her handle is Gianna Love and Light.
And she also has a new program coming out called
"Iconically Single"
and it's for women who have either recently been
through a breakup or maybe they've been single
for a little while
and it's about finding that self-worth and confidence
and your joy and your deep love of life
so that when you do get into a partnership,
you're not gonna settle for anything less
than what really sets your heart on fire.
So definitely check that out if you like her work
and you like our conversation.
And she and I have been friends online for a little while.
I was very honored to be featured on her own podcast
called "I Really Love Myself"
so definitely check out her podcast as well
if you like our conversation.
And of course last but not least,
she is the aided to my Wednesday.
(laughs)
And I'm so excited to chat here
'cause I'm also just like looking forward to us catching up too.
It's been a while since we've had to have
like gotten to have a full conversation.
So welcome, welcome to the Reparoting Podcast.
Tell folks a little bit about what your work is
and what you do.
- Thank you so much, first of all,
and like I just to speak about art in in front of art in.
I just have so much respect and admiration for art in in her work.
And you know, we connected online like years ago
and she has truly become a friend
and she is just such a great person.
So I'm just so honored to have had you on my podcast
and to be on yours.
And yeah, we definitely have like the Wednesday evening.
(laughs)
- Oh, I like the word, "when we're together."
So, so fun.
- This might be the only time I've seen you
not wearing pink actually.
- I know and you know why?
It's because I have specifically black and white earrings on.
(laughs)
- I have so much time together.
(laughs)
- But yeah, definitely a lot of pink in the wardrobe for sure.
But yeah, so as far as my work goes, you know,
I originally started doing relationship coaching
like a bit over 10 years ago.
And I got into it pre-orally and pretty young
because I really do consider my childhood
just like a crash course and like understanding
like the fundamental basic of how to have like a healthy
relationship experience in your life
because I was just so like entrenched in the opposite.
And I just really, really had to figure that stuff out
and heal it at a very young age.
And over the years like my work has grown or evolved
as I have and a lot of the work that I tend to do
with women is largely around relationship work
where we confront patterns around like self-worth
and codependency.
And a lot of the women that I work with
like Lena Bittmore and Ashton and Energetic
and so I help them kind of like be construct
where they might not be in their most authentic expression
of that energy so they can really be in alignment
with attracting the kind of partnerships that they want.
But over the years like that work has also evolved into
an element of leadership coaching
because a lot of the women that I work with
tend to be like high achievers,
a lot of them are business owners
and a lot of those relationship patterns
of I'm sure Arden can speak too so well.
Don't just translate into romantic relationships
it's also like relationships as a whole, right?
And so when we have these patterns of like people breathing
like self abandonment, overgiving, like validation seeking
and that like manifest into our career relationships
we those relationships can get dysfunctional
and really be a drain on our energy.
And also can impact like our authentic expression
of our purpose and even impact and like our income as well
and like hold it back.
And so I found my work evolving into that like area
as well over the years but yeah, I mean,
I find like our relationships impact so much
and the way that we are in relationship
impact so much of our quality of life
and not just our quality of life
especially it impacts future generations
especially if you go on to have children
and that's something that in particular
I feel really passionate about because you know,
as a child I grew up in like domestic violence
and just like witnessing addiction
and you know, narcissistic abuse and financial abuse
and so it's become something helping women have like
healthy sovereignty but also connection and interdependence
has been something that is just invaluable to me.
So I just love this work so much. (laughs)
- Yeah, something that I've always admired about your work
and I'll just say this like for our listeners.
Some of my listeners perhaps who have like
been with me for a while or just who know of my history
know that I used to be a dating coach back in the day
and I left that field because what was funny about it
was like when I wrote my book back in the day
a book called The New Rules of Attraction
as soon as it came out I felt like I had painted myself
into a corner because all of a sudden
there were like all of these sort of articles
or book reviews about me and I was like,
yay like publicity this is great for my book
but all of them were like the woman who can get any man
she wants. (laughs)
- So I was like, oh my god, what do I do now if I fail
and so I actually had like a lot of my,
I mean I was young and whatever
but like I had a lot of my sort of like
am I good at this like tied up in whether I was winning
the approval of the person that I desired
and that obviously like that led to some over learning
of those patterns that was ultimately not healthy, right?
Like it's great to have like a structure
like know how to create a conversation
like there were valuable things about my work
you put like approach it with a playful spirit
and like this is fun let me like expand my skills
that let me like try and connect with people or whatever
but the minute you put that value on
whether I can get the person I want is like whether
whether or not I'm a fraud I was like oh my god.
And when I came across your work Gianna
like what I love about it so much is that
I've seen you at this point in like two different relationships
and also single and you have never ever linked
the value of either yourself or your work
to whether you're with a partner
and you're so clear on the fact that it really is
about how much you love your own life
and how much you love yourself
and how much you're in alignment.
And when you're in alignment you will naturally attract
things that joy and that passion for life
like draw in, right?
You will call in the right kind of partner
you will call in the right thing
and even if you're not with a partner right now
like then that's fine.
Like there's nothing about that defines you
and that fact that it is that inner alignment
that is going to lead to those soul mate connections
right or to those just really super aligned connections
with another person.
And so I've seen you do this work
and you were actually like at the time
'cause as you said like we've known each other
online for a little while now.
At that time I remember being like this is maybe one
of the only love and relationship coaches I've ever seen
that doesn't put that emphasis on you need to get the guy.
Like every all the books out there
like the books from the 90s
the books from the 2000s like even you know
like Matthew Hussie and people like that.
And like I know the person who taught Matthew Hussie
is a friend of my name Adam Lyons
at least one of the people who taught Matthew Hussie
and I've back in the day like I read some his content
out of curiosity and it's actually like not half bad
but it doesn't all of it is still like
I'm going to get you this result.
You are going to get the man right?
Get the like the rules right?
Get the ring on the finger like
it's just and it's so that attachment to outcome
is like the opposite of what actually is healthy.
So I'd love for you to share like more about that principle
that you stand by because I think it is what
I think it is the key defining factor actually
that puts your work into such a place of integrity.
- Thank you so much for saying that.
And like I love that we're able to have like this conversation
with a lot of like background context
because we've known each other for so long.
Like when we were when we first met
like I was in a relationship with someone
who I got engaged to that I was with for a while
and it was a very about eight years
and it was a very like beautiful like healthy relationship
but ultimately like I out and grew it
as I was kind of like refining like what I really wanted
it needed in terms of like specific partner qualities
versus like the fundamental foundation.
Like like that was stuff I deeply understood
very early on again just sort of like childhood stuff
where it's like the fundamental like healthy foundation.
I just have like the deep belief in the deep knowing
that like you know I've always used the word like soulmate partners
and like you know sometimes it's like we need relationships
to come into our lives kind of show us
and like help us refine our sense of style
and sometimes that's like highlighting wounds
or traumas or insecurities that we need to address
and sometimes it's helping us refine
like our specific preferences in terms of like lifestyle
and like partnership qualities
and I really am like anti the narrative
that it's like relationship endings are a failure
or like being single is like a dirty word
or embarrassing or shameful because I think that when we
first of all it's just bullshit and it's not true
for one but second of all I think that when we take that on
we start to seek connection from a really disempowered place
that's also inauthentic it's not from this place of like choosing someone
who truly is like a really good fit for you in your life
and vice versa it's I can't be alone or like I don't want to be alone
or like I need a relationship or to be married in order to feel like
I matter or like I'm not failing or that there's not something wrong with me
and like I think when we go into
because I'm of the deep belief personally
and don't get me wrong I've worked with so many women over the years
that have like actively been trying to get into relationships
for like 10 to 20 years and it's been hard
and that's like a different story
but I think in general most people can get into a relationship
but it's not necessarily like a high quality, healthy,
deeply fulfilling like match of a relationship
and so I think that when we are kind of like desperate
to be in a relationship we tend to kind of like lower our standards
and we start to kind of like lie to ourselves and self abandon
and to in order to have that and it may be like
soothes those insecurities and wounds
but in like in the long term bigger picture of life
it really you know like you were saying before we got on the podcast
like the longer you get on a train going in the wrong direction
like you're gonna have to come that like that far back you know
to get back on track so to speak
and I just really think it's not worth it
you know it's not worth it to like build a life with someone
that really doesn't match you and it requires like health abandonment
and I'm not talking about like healthy compromise
but I'm talking like you have to abandon like authentic things
that you need and want that you could have with the with the right person
and also too it's like you model that for your children
and your future children if you have kids right
and like you also just like radiate that vibration
into the collective consciousness and like
like that
no like it's just it's just not required
and so I think it's really important to be able to have
in order to have like deeply meaningful healthy
sustainable enriching connection
which I think is the point of relationship
it's like something I say to clients all the time
it's like further together faster
like in a relationship it should be adding
like you guys should be better together than you are on your own
but it doesn't mean that you're missing anything
it doesn't mean that like on your own you suck
or that your life isn't amazing
or that like you're incomplete right
but it's like a lot of the times
I deeply believe like a large percentage of people out there
like are not in the highest experience of relationship
that they could have
and it's because of things like that you know
and so I don't know like self love
and again going back to my podcast name
I really love myself like self love
is to me is an expression of the divine
where it's like when you value yourself
when you value other people
you are meant to like really take your energy very seriously
and protect about energy and like you know
when and especially if you're like a spiritually aware person
who has like a purpose in this lifetime
like you need that you need that clear head
you need that creative energy
you need that space to be able to like birth
whatever it is that you're here to do in this life
and if your relationships are like tugging on your energy too much
or like even holding you back and draining you
like that does impact like what I believe
like what your soul came here to do in this lifetime
and like you know better like everybody is better
and we're all capable of that you know
yeah I agree with you 100% on that
and I've definitely been that person
who stayed in a relationship that was not right for me
out of scarcity I was very late bloomer in life
so I had those feelings of like well
it takes me a long time to get into a relationship
I'm very picky about who I'm attracted to
so it's hard for you know I can go
and I figure out later in life I'm like
oh I also have ADHD which means in some ways
I was self-medicating with crushes
like crushes would stimulate dopamine
and they would give me like a sense of like
purpose and a sense of like a reason to be alive
and without that I would feel like
I just I can't get anything done like there's no like what's
what's the point you know
and so I not knowing that it was like quite literally a neurochemical thing
that was going on for me
I would be like I have to at least have a
like even if I'm not in a relationship that's fine
but I have to have like a crush like something I'm working toward
you know someone that I like
so I can be this best version of myself
that I get to be when I feel motivated
and it wasn't a gosh it wasn't until honestly like
I think 2021 that I made the connection
between the dopamine deficiency and my anxious attachment
like no wonder I would get anxious like
about the idea of not having anyone there
because all of a sudden it's like feeling like
I'm locked in a room with the air being sucked out
you know like yeah like Jesus
and then I figured out I was like oh well if it's dopamine thing
can I just find other sources of dopamine
and yeah practicing magic making music all of those kind of things
but I'm like I'm so 100% there with you on like
if you're in a relationship that is
you're you're turning a blind eye to the things that are not working
and not just like problems to figure out or whatever
but like long term lack of compatibility
or like you had this a spark of attraction in the beginning
and now you can't like like go of it
you want it to be something more
but it's actually not lasting you pass the honeymoon phase
because there's nothing that was there beyond that surface traction
and like so hard so I'm right there with you
I'm so glad that you've made that a part of your work.
Yeah thank you for saying that
and I love what you brought up with like
neurodivergency because it's like
something that I really believe is that you know
we should be whoever like we feel called to be in this life
but I think that we are also like uniquely our own expression of self
and like and it's perfect and there's nothing wrong with that
and like but it's it's really about having like the conscious agency and choice
to like around your relationship decisions
and like I think what you're describing with like the dopamine
I think a lot of people can relate to that
like whether they identify as like neurodiverture or not
because it's like I find with my clients who are like
codependent or have codependent tendency if there's just such a unconscious habit
of like seeking that like dopamine that joy and like also that self worth
and that significance and also that like regulation and security
like through other people and it's such a powerful thing to be able to learn
and this is like a big part of the work that I do with people fundamentally
around relationships is to be able to what I what I like to call is like self
source right like self source like consciously
those things that we have felt like a band like dependent upon relationships
for like from a place of that causes us to kind of like abandon like what we really need
for that season of life or like abandoned certain standards in order to try to get that
like dopamine or validation or like whatever it is that's super important
and I love that you were able to make that connection and be like okay
like my dopamine gets to like come from like magic and like music and like these
other things that you know feel nourishing and give back and it's like this
reciprocal healthy relationship that doesn't require you to have to like be
funneling energy into a connection that may not be like bare fruit or have a
return that feels valuable to your life so I think that that's
freaking awesome and I love what you put it I'm just curious what
when you work with women who are stuck in that pattern where they're getting that
joy or that dopamine from the crush from the relationship or whatever that is
I'm curious what sort of things you advise them to get that joy from
that are not dependent on partnership like if someone was in that pattern
what kind of things would you encourage them to explore everybody's a little
bit different but like what I like to do is help them pinpoint like the emotional
needs that they're getting from that person right and so sometimes it usually
boils down to like a handful of things it's usually like security
it's like dopamine joy like happiness, fulfillment, etc. or like a sense of
significance or like you know like value and you know self-worth and then it's like
kind of do a little bit of an audit in your day-to-day life and like thought
process and also lifestyle that where this is like actively where you're
actively feeling the opposite or where you're craving to feel more of
the feeling in general and so that can like lead to a whole like rabbit
whole of like these deeper things that may be people have been using unconsciously
anyways using like a romantic partnership to like distract themselves from like
for example how do we two examples I think both are gonna be important
so when I was younger I had an eating disorder right so I I had just
under-eating like that over exercising like those kinds of things and it was like
my you know if anybody that knows anything about eating disorders knows a lot of
the times those things manifest as a way to try to have control you know which
was made perfect sense for me and my childhood like I didn't have a sense of
the control and so that's what something I could control with myself and I had
these like chronic when I was younger these chronic like body image and
securities and this would like pop up in my dating life where it's like I would
unconsciously like default expects like men to not be attracted to me
which is like crazy and and so like I would just be like
waiting for a response from them and I would just be like on this anxious edge
that would be like really distracting and and I would just be like seeking that and
like putting my energy there and what I really needed to do which I did eventually is
like bring the focus back to myself to like address the fact that like my day-to-day life like
it in my head like I would look in the mirror every day and be like oh like I would be
criticizing myself like I would be having all this anxiety around like the way
that I ate that day or like whether or not I worked out hard enough and like I should
just go work out more like and it was just this thing that's like self abuse right and like
that I really found empowered me a lot in my romantic life was to to address that and like really
move through those patterns once and for all and like another example that I want to share is like
because I see this a lot with client a lot of the times it's like women who don't love their life
right like maybe they took a career path that takes up so much of their time and energy they
have a lot of burnout they have like you know maybe they work in the medical field or
in law or like in you know the way that they run their business that they're a business owner or
like they work in the corporate world and there's like this abusive work culture or like you know
they tend to like self-abandoned and just exhaust themselves like day-to-day out of like people
pleading and so it's like their life in general is just unfilling and so you know it's like they are
seeking they hyperfixate on like the romantic partner or like the situation chef or whatever it is
as a way to like kind of compensate for that and so they kind of feel powerless in the connection
to be able to like hold those standards where they're respecting themselves because it's like they
kind of feel like they need that to feel okay because they don't feel okay in their life they don't
like their life and so it's like you know something that I've done through relationship work is
like helped clients start business it like help them like you know regulate themselves like in like
when they're working on Wall Street and they like the toxic work culture like being able to
like set boundaries and like not take certain things personally and like regulate themselves through
those things to manifest like different career opportunities and experiences and just different
emotional experiences and the environment so that way it's like they can approach their dating
life with more like personal power that I sense I love that yeah absolutely yeah I was thinking also
because I know that you've also started working with women around business and like like you were
saying before our patterns you know if they show up in our love lives like I have the saying I love
to talk about in the repatiting projects the way we do one thing is the way we do everything
and I know it feels like a real blanket statement but it's one of those phrases where
even when I think it's not true like I always like keep finding more and more evidence of it being
true and I know for me starting the repatiting project like you know I had worked as a dating coach
before but I'd never really fully committed to like building a business it was more of a personal
brand and you can work with me as a coach like if you happen to find me through my blog or whatever
and when I started the repatiting project the funny thing was I had so many of my own trauma patterns
around like having clients come up that I had to deal with kind of like a baptism through fire
and thank goodness like the repatiting project was important enough to me that I was like oh no this
is like I have to get this information out there so whatever I need to learn like I need to learn
it on the fly but it was amazing how like yeah you don't think that it's the same thing but
it really really is I had to like and I had to learn to trust myself and be like wait do I know how
to set boundaries do I know how to have a healthy transaction that is mutually beneficial to both me
and the client yeah of course I do okay well then let's just do that I had to like think myself through it
you know so so I love that you work with women around those topics too yeah because I have something
like the way that I see business and obviously like we're both like business owners but I believe
that it's like we create businesses that are you know they have a will of their own there's like a
consciousness that's like wanting to manifest and be collective for like collective good right and
so it's like I love that so thank you and so we feel called to like burst these programs these products
these services and it can be it can be music it can be art it can be courses it can be books it can be
fashion it can be all these kinds of things and like that's what we're supposed to be doing because
we feel called to it we want to it likes us up it gives us life it brings us joy and it and like
other people benefit from it and appreciate it even if it's whether it's be peeling or like an
aesthetic and green piece of art in your home that like holds the frequency of the room for you right
and so it's like if we are having these like anxious attachment patterns like around clients or
we're you know overgiving or we're like self-abandoning like through our transactions you know we are
not only like harming ourselves but I believe we're not holding like a healthy energetic standard
for the people that we bring in and how we bring them in and not impact the experience right of like
what like you know because it I and I feel like every business owner like has to go through this
in the beginning but like I know for me in early business I feel like I wouldn't attract the most
like ready empowered clients they would just be like I want to do anything to get a relationship
and like you know and maybe be like a bit penny pinchy like disrespectful like why should I pay
you that's for that and it's like that like tell personal to me like I would take that personally
and be like oh like maybe I'm not enough and so I would like want to overcompensate in some way
and I would overgift which only just feed the dysfunctional dynamic whereas like the thing that
attracts in people who really like value and respect your work and like are like your soulmate
clients if you will are people who like see what you do and like value it and like put that
route and and they pay you for it and it like just nourishes their life in some way but it's
required in order to attract that I believe like most of the time it's like you have to be respecting
yourself like you have to be holding those standards you have to be like you know for lack of
better way to put it and I don't really like language like this in general but I'm just kind of being
cheeky which is like you know you can't be like easy like you get and so it's like then like you
have to have standards with who you attract and that doesn't that doesn't mean that you will get
less it means you get more high quality people like and I've had that experience in my business before
where it's like you know there was a point in time where it's like I had I'd hit the six figure level
and I was like really wanting and feeling capable of more and I wanted more like I just knew that
there was more people I was supposed to be working with and I wanted to like almost double my rates
because that's just what felt really an alignment for the level of service I was providing for that
particular kind experience and like I had to it was funny I was like telling myself okay like I'm not
even having like the level of points I want when I'm like pretty much abandoning myself and like what
I'm charging and like whatever and how much I'm giving so like how could I think that like
business would be like pick up even more if I like held a higher standard and and I stated that
pattern for a little bit and then I finally like it finally clicked for me where it was like
actually this makes so much more sense because like when I'm respecting myself and I'm respecting
my work I'm even more like magnetic and attractive to people and that became the experience and I like
nearly doubled my rate and started booking out for the first time ever and like repeatedly booked out
again again again and I was like bam good I've done this long time ago nice oh my gosh yeah those
and it's the same thing it's the same sort of like well if I raise my standards fewer people
are going to meet it like it's the same thing that happens in relationships and I know for me for a
long time like the people I was dating and say my 20s there was definitely an element of like I feel
like I am going to feel secure in this relationship because I actually have my life together so much
more than this person does like how could they possibly leave someone like me and the amazing thing
that I feel like all people kind of learn as we get a little bit older is that actually it's the
people that you lower your standards for who treat you worse. It feels like it doesn't make
mathematical sense but somehow raising your standards and saying no I'm gonna have someone really
and having to like also expand your idea of what is possible that was such a big part of my own
repatterning was like looking to relationship model even fictional ones even like mortician gomes
atoms you know I was like I want that level of love and passion and security and like all the things
and yeah and being able to be like no that's that's that's possible there are people out there who
want that too and I'm actually blocking myself from those people by imagining that either they
don't exist or that I can only do as well as this sort of more compromising energy of like well
this person will really want to stay with me because they're not doing so great on their own you know.
Yeah yeah that's so real because like and I had to go through the same thing and honestly like
some people never like evolved past that like honestly regardless of age but I think that
it's like my core self like little Gianna like inner child Gianna she was she's like a big
lover girl giver like so generous so thoughtful like so loving and I had to learn like this
tournament of like when someone wasn't valuing me or like coming in with like reciprocity and like
respect that that wasn't a sign to give more love to get them to you know and to just be like more
loving to get them to finally value me no because like nine times out of ten and it's a little bit more
complex than this but you know a lot of the times like people don't and it this is like very common
with like codependency and like even you know if you want to teeter into like topics of like addiction
as well but it's like a lot of the times like people don't change when they're enabled you know what
mean like they kind of have to have a bit of like stark reality where it's like no like you don't
get more love when you're an asshole or you don't get more love and like warmth and generosity when
you don't like nourish the and like respect and appreciate and reciprocate to that source of like
warmth and generosity and love and kindness right that's kind of a shift that we have to start to make
where the way it's like positioning yourself like the way that you and this isn't something that you
have to like overly think about strategically it's just something that you do when you do like
when this concept lands and you do just respect yourself and value yourself where it's like
the same thing and it's like again like this applies to like business I feel like but it also applies
to relationships the way that we unconsciously position ourselves like creates how people treat
you know I've had clients who and again I don't knew people from this lens but I'm going to like
kind of speak to the common mentality out there which is like you know oh I bet that woman who
is like very successful and like in her late 20s or late 30s and like looks like a victorious secret
model or a Kardashian or whatever the beauty standards are now like men just you know are falling
to her feet or like that woman who is like older and like doesn't have a lot of money and like
doesn't have like abs like men probably she probably just has to like beg for love not necessarily
like I've had clients who would fit the archetype of the first woman who have had just really
a trotious experiences with men because it's not about like the boxes you check it's about the energy
that you bring forward and I also and like I have a recent client example of this this woman who
is in her 60s and we we did some like relationship work for her poster boy and she like I don't
I wasn't surprised but I just like was so giddy and like had so much fun seeing it where it's like
men of all different like age ranges and like really successful loving generous men were just like
pursuing the hell out of her and it was because and she's now in a partnership that's been very happy
but she's now like a lot of the times it's like people think that you have to be perceived a certain
way and it's so much not about that's the way that you carry yourself it's the way that you like
unconsciously position yourself that determines like how people treat you and like also like
how you allow people to treat you because it's like it's so much about just the way that you carry yourself
you know yeah one thing I've noticed in a lot of your content is you use the the word soulmate a lot
like soulmate connection soulmate relationship and there's I'm sure like there's a lot of different
ways that soulmate can be defined and I love like looking at all perspectives I'm just curious what is
your personal definition of a soulmate yeah I mean for me a soulmate and don't get me wrong like I
definitely believe there are people that we journey with through many lifetimes and they take on
like an unconditional role in your life to maybe like wound the fuck out of you to like help you
be more self-aware of the things that are going on within you and and there's an unconditional
soul level love in that but to me like a soulmate that I wish for everyone is the person who comes into
your life when you're at a place of healthy like reciprocal partnership and it's someone who
can see you and understands you and like values your unique characteristics and traits and also
like compliments your life and like fits into like what you need for yourself to be your best cell
but also like adds to it and you do the same for them and so that's really like I think that there's
a certain kind of like soulmate that I talk about that comes in when you're at a place of like
secure attachment you know like self-love polarity embodiment that feels authentic and right for you
as far as like masculine feminine energies and then it's like you also know yourself
you know what you want and then it's like the universe kind of sends in that person that like
largely fits you and then probably checks a few other boxes and you didn't even like consciously
think about it's like a little surprise and delight from the universe if you will and and that's the
person that you can really have long gemini with that's that's what I would determine us all made us
but in the way I talk about it anyway nice so it sounds like for you a soulmate is essentially like
when you have removed perhaps the conditioning like the scaffolding the patterning that you may
have picked up through wounding you know through trauma throughout your life or just through like your
life experience when you clear that distortion away so that your own soul is a very
clear resonant frequency then you attract someone who has that same clear frequency so your
souls can meet does that sound like kind of what you're talking about yeah I love that it's so
like and I know like we've talked about this too like one of the things that that I'm a big big
big believer in is just the idea that like we are not our patterning we are not our programming
and so I also recognize that there are people who come into our lives there are people like you said
who are like they're soulmates but they actually come in to teach you a lesson like you meet up
in this lifetime to be like oh no I don't want that and like there's there's there's theories out
there that like like those are the people who actually love you the most on a soul level because
they're willing to be they're willing to be rejected by you in this lifetime so that you can learn
this karmic lesson in some ways it's a gift and I know that can sound a little bypassy but like there's
a part of that that also resonates with me on sort of like a non-dual level that I kind of like yeah
and then there's also people that I feel like maybe like we have traveled through lifetimes before
and maybe their soul just happened to pick up a lot of programming or patterning along the way
maybe they went through a lot of abuse as a kid maybe they're struggling with addiction maybe they
know whatever patterns that they have and what I love about where we agree on this is that
my feeling is like that person can still be your soulmate but it still requires you getting in both
parties getting into that clear resonant frequency before the relationship will actually work so
even if there is someone who's like oh that person who you know like there's all those memes online
that are like you know oh that that guy who's like not calling you back or like the dude who's like
you know whatever you know drug dealer you're obsessed with whatever is like not your soulmate
and I'm always like you know not necessarily because yeah yeah your soulmate can pick up these patterns
too but the important part is that you're not using the soulmate connection to justify
harm or abuse or distortion or lack of resonance in the relationship or like bad behavior on
their part or your part it's like okay if that is your if that is your soulmate then you better get
super clear because like you were saying before it's only when you get this clear in yourself like
enabling people doesn't help you better like be the lighthouse not the life raft and get so clear
and bright that that person if they are your soulmate will be inspired by you and be like oh damn I
got to step it up right yeah I mean amen and like like I feel like it last time when we hung out in L.A.
like we had such a deep conversation are like along this thread that I love so much oh my god yeah
I was like damn like art and gets it like the complexities and the nuance because it's like people can
be so black and white with relationships where it's like you know like something I used to say
like early in my earlier in my relationship coaching work a lot that we would kind of like have
I feel like funny side conversations about where I'd be like oh my god like the oh romanticization
of twin flame conversations and it's like I get it and again like there can be truth to that but it's
like also two people like who are kind of like longing for connection and feel like a bit of
desperation for love and like connection and belonging and maybe have like codependent patterns
and like ancient attachment patterns like it can be a little bit of an unconscious and not that
not that this is like the intention of like twin flame culture necessarily but it's like a lot of
times people can use that as a justification to just stay super hyper fixated on a certain
relationship in a certain connection that like honestly in a different place you probably wouldn't
even want that connection but then it takes a lot of self awareness because I'm so excited to
even like say this like I know you're gonna get this and I yeah it's just so juicy it's something
I get asked a lot or I've been asked a lot about over the years is like can you manifest a specific person
right and I'm like the reality is is like if you are someone who deeply knows yourself you're deeply
intuitive and like you know you know like your patterns you know where you tend to get anxious or
avoidant or like give your power away or like self abandon or whatever it is if you're overall a good
place and you feel a certain kind of bark or a certain kind of connection with someone there is a
level of recognition in that they're they're kind when you're when you truly are a conscious person
sometimes you're like I'm recognizing my person and like they're circumstances and my circumstances
are not an alignment yet and so like I can manifest that person because they are a manifestation
of an embodiment of my deepest like souls truth and partnership and I can like smell it on them
and so in that in that regard like when you do come even more into integration with your most
authentic self like you do you can call that person in and people do it I've seen it I've helped you
with it but a lot of the times and I'm telling most of the time these people like are honestly
in delusion and they're in just like self deception and self betrayal because they're using that
relationship as like a way to bypass like these things that they need to work on and this is why
nine times out of ten I paid a client don't hyper focus on a certain person focus on the archetype
and the the essence the energetic essence of what you want because if it is that person you can
be open to them they will come in but if it's not then they will fall away and that tends to be what
happens because a lot of the times people a lot of people don't have and it's not that they're not
capable of it but it's like a lot of the times people aren't hyper fixating and like getting
obsessed with certain people from from a place of true self recognition it's like codependency it
anxious attachment it's like they're you know your traumas are like are very um
compatible if you will right and so I love that you kind of brought up like that nuance because it's like
a lot of the time people are either one one board or the other or it's like oh like that
incredibly harmful to my well-being person is the one or they're definitely not the one because
they would respect me if he wanted to he would and and life tends to be a little bit more nuance
than complex than that and people have people have issues and and it's so much about like the energy
and the standards and the boundaries that you bring into the connection that determine like the
real health and longevity of the connection and something I say a lot in my work is like the way in
which and this is why like being single is like honestly so fun because I'm like I can literally
attract whatever the fuck I want and I mean like like I can literally attract whatever the fuck I want
because of the energy like I put out and like you know someone can you know in my last relationship
as an example of this where it's like he he's told me he was like you know I thought I was like
damaged and was just this emotionally avoidant person but like he had this cycle of being like
the avoidant in like an anxious avoidant dynamic and I like came forward to him and granted I think
that like the stars aligned circumstantially to where we were a little bit more like disarmed with
each other but like I brought in like more of a secure attachment and also there was just an
an innate authentic connection there and so like he was not a boy with me at all it was quite the
opposite like he was he was very secure like if anything if I got a little avoidant he'd be like
what are you doing and I was like oh you felt that huh you know like and so it's like your energy
impacts so much of what you experience one of the things that Neil Strauss said not in his book
the game but in his sort of follow-up book The Truth which sadly was not nearly as popular as the
game was and because the truth it's it's a really great book and one of the things that he says and it is
trust is a leash that gets longer the less you pull on it that idea of like if you're not constant
like you don't get it's literally an energetic push pull thing right it's like if you're not
tugging on someone or constant like validation or like need for security like there it's like
oh hey where'd you like where'd you go like you give them the space to to come back and I want to
also talk about like you mentioned twin flame culture and I'm just going to say it man like twin
flame culture is messed the f up like it is and it's because there are so many I'll just say it there's
so many cults out there because there are so many people who are especially in the dysregulated
times that we are living in there are so many people who are searching for that regulation or
security in a relationship and what they think of as a soulmate relationship and there are so many
people who are mistaking that limerence or that feeling of a high for a soulmate connection when it
isn't right when it's just like as you said either your trauma's meeting or that spark of attraction
or whatever it is because they haven't really experienced what a soulmate connection actually feels
like so they're like this must be it because it feels so intense and so there's cult literally
quite literally cults out there that capitalize on that and they're selling and this why it makes me
so angry because I'm someone who has been on the twin flame path and when I started on it gosh roughly
10 years ago now I felt like I was out of my mind I've I was getting all these signs about like oh this
is the twin flame path you know just just do it and because like everything that I'd saw and read
about it in the culture just felt so backwards but what I I'm so very grateful that like somehow I
learned at least like the theory of it and the theory of the twin flame path of what you're supposed to
do is it goes like okay you meet this person and immediately all like you're wounding and patterning
comes up because there is this frequency of love between you but there like things are not gonna work
if you're both in these kind of anxious avoidant polarities and you know you've got to both get into
balance and so you do the inner work you release the patterning that is you know distorting that
sort of soul frequency that we were talking about and they're like and if you get there like if you
get to that place then the other person should too because you have that chord between the two of you
and in my experience it doesn't like it doesn't go at the same time necessarily but like but the key is
and this is how like as a chaos magician my practice of chaos magic is built on the foundation of the idea
that I choose the beliefs that get me the results that I want and why found with a twin flame path
is the only result the only belief that got me to that place of total non-attachment and just
you know worrying about myself was the belief that your twin flame is not necessarily one person
it is whoever you attract when you are in this frequency of resonance because you may go through this
the funny thing was jihanna I I got to a place where I'm like actually I don't think that belief is
categorically true but it has to be the belief in practice because you can't know if that person
really is that person or not unless you are a hundred percent willing to let them go if you're a hundred
percent willing to be like I'm just going to get there and see I'm going to get there myself and if
it's not them then I was wrong about it and it was just limerance and I don't want them if they're not
actually that soul connection and the only way to find that soul connection is to get there so I
went through phases where I was like oh maybe I'm going through a few different twins who are simply
my mathematical polar opposite of whatever reflection of is like of the work that I've done on myself
and that was the belief that got me to that place and like I'm not right like I'm just say for
listeners whatever I'm like I'm like not ready to tell that full story yet and also like I want to
focus this on jihanna but I just want to validate the fact that like every twin flame thing that
I saw out there so much of it was just like put there your twin flame you must fight for this
connection I'm like that is the mathematical opposite of what you need to do like yeah so part of my
like part of my whole thing is like going forward into a lot of what I'm going to be doing is like
I just want to rewrite the culture's entire notion of what twin flames are and what the path is to
actually do it because it turns out actually if you do it that way like it works one way or another
either they are your twin flame and then like stuff happens or they weren't your twin flame and so
you attract an amazing person from this place that you're in this soul frequency resonance place
of at that point like either way you win you know what I mean yeah exactly exactly like you know
something that I just love everything that you spoke to and I love the term chaos magician like
I'm gonna need to know more about that at some point maybe like oh yeah it just like we choose
the beliefs that get us the results that we want like we measure our beliefs and practices by
the results that they get us just that that title like resonates with something in me that I need to
explore for others yeah love it but something that like I feel to be deeply true for me it's like
I know that like my soul came here to do certain things in this life that like I chose before
I incarnated in this physical body like I deeply believe that and I both deeply believe
part of like my Dharma in this lifetime for like collective good but also for like what my soul is
meant to evolve into in this life like relationships and romantic relationships are a big part of
that journey and that experience for me and so for me it would never gonna be my path to just like
marry the high school sweetheart you know what I mean like I think my soul's path has been to like I
needed to experience a lot of things to like activate past life with them that I already have and
like some of it that was just already innately there and I think my childhood really like activated
because that this is something that like I kind of like channeled if you will at one point which is
you know because also for side context here like I was raised by psychic medium so I also have that
like element of my existence that's like into it but something that I deeply believe is that
like sometimes like we experience things like very early in life that are meant to like turn on certain
things that we've already kind of had in past lives that we've already mastered that are part of like
our our soul like just think that we've already mastered an infinite body then they just get turned
on really quickly right and we're meant to have those be active and activated or like whatever we're
supposed to be doing having this life and like you know something that I've seen for example with
that is like clients who I feel like they get initiated in their childhood to be really enmeshed
but I think that like the purpose of that is to activate their intuition to be able to be able to
like be sensitive to other people's energy but they're meant to keep that sensitivity without the
self abandonment integrate that but something that I have known to be true is that I for me personally
in my own journey with relationships is like the thing that I can that I always go back to is like
I'm going to like listen to myself and like take care of myself and be true to myself and like
myself and love myself respect myself and whoever that like leads me to and leads me away from like I
will always fucking trust that and like along the way like I've learned so much like relationship
nuance and complexity around that where it's like okay like you know it's not just a black and white
like oh I healed myself and now like I don't attract like boys or like avoidance or like whatever
anymore it's like people are a bit more complex than that and like you know I definitely believe
sometimes it's like we feel called to like stay open to a connection and like as we like stay true
to ourselves like that connection can elevate with us and like you know and there's so much more
like nuance and complexity to relationships like you know maybe you can like recognize the essence
of someone who is married but they're not happily married but again that's where we get into some
tricky waters because a lot of the times it's like you know do you actually is that married person like
your beloved or is there something in you that is self sabotaged into available connections
and like this person you know in the back of your mind you could never have them
and so you feel compelled to just like drop your wall because there's no real risk you know what I mean
until it's like you kind of have to be able to really really get to know yourself and really
really call yourself the fuck out to be able to navigate like a bit of those complex nuance
waters if you will. Yeah and I love that the path forward for both of those possibilities is actually
the same like you don't have to know when you're in that space of like Russian limorance and whatever
which like I've been there I was aunt that was you know very much you know in the beginning when I
was getting all these signs of like no this is the thing but you need to work on yourself and you
need to do this path and you need to not focus on this person or whatever you actually need to
patch and get yourself into that place and like honestly I did it just because I was curious I was like
if this if this actually works that's a game change. Yeah and and so the path for but like either
you work on yourself and you're like oh that was just me wanting an unavailable connection or it was
like oh no I did this and actually things shifted and actually like wow I was I was right or whatever
do you see? So I want to ask you also a question what's that? A lot of people like don't know how to
like it's like I feel like when people typically talk about those conversations people are either
like he's a married girl stop you know or like oh yeah like it's definitely be the twin fame
claim to Lulu yes he's the one. Yeah oh my god me too I'm so glad that we're talking about it all
this. I want to ask you a question because I know you and I have like a very friendly complimentary
disagreement and that is on feminine men and maybe like maybe we just have different definitions
of what a feminine man is but for example and I know that like you've talked about like your work is
for spiritually where feminine women like women who identify as feminine and I have a very strong
feminine aspect but I also have a very strong masculine aspect I feel like really pretty balanced
within myself and I'm attracted to men who also have both of those and I'm attracted to women too
I'm bisexual, pansexual, whatever I've been attracted to many different types of people but
the place where I feel really the strongest attractions are to men who have a really strong feminine
and a strong masculine so they compliment me like they they have both of those complimentary things
to compliment me as well and I've seen like sometimes you'll describe like a feminine man is like a man
who isn't capable of taking initiative or like being a leader in the relationship and that's
important to me too like I obviously I want someone who is going to have that sort of strong basis but
there's also times that like I like to take the leader I like to make plans or I like to do things
like that and so I'm wondering um I guess I guess my question is like a bit of a two-parter like first
of all what is it that you mean when you talk about a feminine man in a way that like you're saying
is not ideal in a relationship and then what sort of maybe a but I don't know advice or like
how would your guidance differ for someone like me who has that sort of non-binary nature and is
attracted to people who have both of those sort of masculine and feminine poles? Believe it or not
like you know I know not to like reduce my self-duestrology but um I've got like a lot of
Gemini placements also leoplastements but um I'm a very like curious person who can like really see
like the value in so many things and like you know I also have like attraction to women um I like
can it I'm attracted to different aspects of different like qualities and frequencies and men
but to me like what it boils down to and like one thing I want to say before I a little caveat here
is I I'm a lately will don't believe in telling other people like what is their correct
embodiment or in who they are in relationship I think that that is our sovereign
right to know and choose for ourselves um because I'm not here to say like oh like the way that you're
wired or like the way that you that's all that's wounded that's trauma like sometimes it is you know
like I was definitely like in the past when I was younger I was very much just self-abandoning
codependent woman that wasn't me that was that was trauma and then there was times where I over
compensated into like a hyperindependence and like a more masculine energy if you will where I
always had to be in control and relationships I was making the decision and to appoint that felt
good because I felt my sovereignty and my independence in that that I previously didn't feel inside of
myself but it got to a point where in partnership I felt over like overextended and I was like over
functioning and I think that that's a real issue for a lot of women in like traditional like
heteronormative dynamics where when you think of like the typical relationship dream that a lot
of people will have which is like get married have kids like build a home together you know and then
when you start to talk about the labor around a home or like emotional labor in a relationship I
think for women who want something like somewhat traditional in that way feminine energy it embodied
in themselves and like a masculine partner is very important because otherwise that's why that's
where that like statistic comes from where it's like women who get married and have children's life
expectancy goes goes down and for a man it goes up and like correlation is not causation right like I
think it's the underbelly the underworkings that feed into that outcome and for a lot of the times
it's women being unconsciously so conditioned to just like pick up the slack like emotionally
around the home and so there's just certain things that like I think it's especially like when
children are involved like there's just certain things when I witnessed this with my sister
who just had a baby like a few years ago where it's like there's certain things like no matter how
much your partner like wants to help and like wants to have your back and like wants to take
something on for you there's just like biological elements where the child like needs the mom to do it
right where it's like the breastfeeding right like the baby doesn't take the bottle like you know
there's just certain things that like where I think a woman like when she is in that role like wants to be
and I'm not speaking for everyone here obviously but like she wants to be able to be that present
like nurturing available nourishing figure but it's like if she's taking on like so much more
in a relationship dynamic and in a home like she her life force is just being immensely depleted
and so I think that it's like it's really up to you like as an individual to decide you know you
can you can appreciate and like feel attraction for like multiple different types of things but it's
like at the end of the day like who do you want to be and like what is the life that you want to live
and like what partner is really complementary to that and for a lot of women that I've worked with
like around feminine energy it's like they typically have been a woman where they're over functioning a lot
and it's like they they have a hard they have a hard time giving up control and they often are
lacking trust and respect towards like they're you know towards like the masculine and the relationship
and that has to be cultivated and it's often a past projection of old wounds but I think for men
it's like you know and again like I think I there's people who are just wired a bit differently and
feel called to like live life a certain way and that's fucking great and I think that's divine I think
that's perfect I think that's what you're supposed to do and be in half but it's like sometimes I think
that there are just like women can have wounding the causes them to over function I feel like men can
have and and these are just generalized statements obviously I think men sometimes in my experience
and I've had male clients too and I've also seen how my clients in partnership like their masculine
started to shift as they shifted these energy but it's like I do believe sometimes you know
and there's different factors that go into it it can be like health hormones it can be
trauma but it's like where men like a natally would feel some some men would a natally feel better
like feeling more in this like masculine role if you will being able to make decisions be decisive
take charge and like and handle certain things but they don't because maybe they they don't feel
confident they feel like a bit amatulated and maybe that started young like in their childhood with
their relationship with their mother where their mom was always like jumping down their throat and
they go into their wounded little like inner little boy that's like I'm just shutting down I'm going
to go play video games and go to my room you know like that kind of energy and like like the passive
like people pleasing man who's like whatever you say honey whatever you say honey and it's like
that might avoid conflict but it's not like healthy relationship structure for that kind of dynamic
so I think of a day like to be honest I know I know you said like a plate like a playful respectful
like disagreement like I think we are actually like more in alignment than maybe we thought we were
I think that it's just yeah like a bit more nuance and I just think it boils down to like
personal preference because again like I don't believe because that's like Republican shit to be like
this is how like this is your role as a man that's your role as a woman and if you're not that role
there's something wrong with you and you need to heal like I don't believe in that like I think that
that's that's our own that's our own like whatever like I don't know you're so calling better than
you do but like if something that I say like Revan needs to see you hell yeah you know I got your back
I can we can we can work on it it sounds like your definition of feminine in this context is like a
feminine man that is in a not so great way is someone who is maybe kind of avoid it's almost like
an anxious avoidant polarity but instead of it being the push pull between like attention and attachment
it's it's the push pull between making effort in the relationship that the woman in some dynamics
like this has to overcompensate for a lot of leadership because the man feels afraid to step up
and it's so funny because when I think of feminine men I think of artists and creatives I think of
like Prince I think of David Bowie I think of men who actually have accomplished incredible things
and like in David Bowie's case was completely devoted to his partner right I think also of like
in more contemporary standards I think of like right now like K-pop is having such a surge you know
in the US like probably thanks to K-pop demon hunters which is such a great movie and I look at
the culture that I like I got so interested in being like oh like this is really neat what's this and
the the K-pop idols like the men who are K-pop idols like they work so hard like the amount of
creativity that they have to put out on such like crazy schedule and everything like that it's just
it's like the last thing that they are is passive right but they have to be sort of like everything
they have to be they have to be hard but they have to be soft and they have to be cute but they have
to be sexy and they have to be all these I'm like and I look at that I respect that so much because of
my former work as like a dating coach I remember like holding myself to being able to be all of
these different archetypes in order to you know to to be attractive and to channel that into a creative
career is just like it's just such an an amazing feat so I don't think of them in Indian men as
anything about slacking off I feel like it's a cultivation of intuition and a cultivation of
attractiveness in a way that a lot of overly masculine men often don't think about like they might
dress up in a suit they might look good right they might be like yeah football player on the field
people might be into that but feminine men with a strong feminine aspect like they think about style
and aesthetic and like a completely different way and and as a woman I'm like I feel seen by that
like you actually know how much effort I put into myself I'm not just like doing this for someone
who doesn't get it you know so yeah so maybe that's where we ultimately agree we just have different
semantic definitions of what feminine means I think that it is a bit like semantic is a good word for
it because it's like is that feminine energy or is it wound up masculine because like whenever I
talk of clients about like masculine and feminine energy I always go back to the example where it's
like we need both right and I think we should all have both inside of us right where it's like the
the feminine is like the intuition she's the flow she's the and I think we should all have like
both right but it's like overall like in the relationship container like the feminine woman takes
on more of these traits and it erbodies more of them in the relationship dynamic but you know
she's the intuition she's the flow she's like the intuitive oracle she's the sealer she's the
presence she's the sensuality she's like in the present moment and then you know and she's like
the river flowing through the river river bank whereas like the masculine is the structure he's the
container he's the river bank that holds the water right and so it's like he might be more of like
the problem solver linear thinker like the the action taker the leader whatever but it doesn't mean
that like she doesn't have those traits and it doesn't mean that he doesn't have those traits but it's
like that's where they kind of complement and support each other really well and then it's like you
know the feminine without the river bank right the water she just turns into a puddle and evaporates
whereas like the masculine without the river like he's just like an ugly dirty ditch right
you know what I mean like so it's like we need both is that right and it's like we all have and I
think we all have like both but it's like I know for me specifically I had a relationship like this
where I really got like I really loved like the emotional element to a man like at the time because
I previously only dated like a voida yeah I kind of like went from one extreme to the other in a way
where it's like I felt like I was just being this big like emotional spaceholder and so it's like
to me it was like a fine line between in my own relationship experience of like okay like I love a man
who's aware and in touch with his emotion and and is creative but ultimately his emotion like don't
hijack his ability to like you know keep his eye on the prize to be able to like be focused to like
lead himself in his life to have like ambition to have focused and drive and will and like
goals and you know what I mean and so I think it ultimately does well down to a bit of snitch for sure
but I like I love I love that we're like flushing salad me too oh my god I wanted to like have this
this conversation with you for a while because I know just to my listeners out there like Gianna and I
also like we always joke that like if we ever go out together like we will never compete for
the same man like we're we will be the best wing woman because we have completely very very
different types so we're we're gonna be we're gonna when she moves to LA I'm keeping my fingers
crossed when that day happens we're gonna like we're gonna be the best wing woman ever well I want to
bring on our producer Tomi to ask her question at the end of the episode and we've gone like all over
but I love the fact like I didn't want to stop this conversation even though I try to keep the episodes
around an hour but like we were in flow and it was so great so but now I'll go ahead and hand it
over to Tomi to ask her question yeah I would like to circle back to the like feminine man
masculine woman dynamic and I'd be curious your thoughts on how you think that applies to trans people
like personally I'm someone who I was only able to start accomplishing things in life or like
really put myself in that position of power as I embraced the feminine side that I was often
made to feel ashamed of or I had to suppress so I don't know how much you work with trans clients
but I'd love to know how you think that plays into that dynamic yeah no I love this question
yeah I mean I've had all different kinds of clients over the years you know LGBTQ plus like
all like all the things and what I really come back to is like again like I really really just think
that it's it's up to us to be like our authentic expression of who we are in life and in relationships
and so I don't believe in telling people like you need to be more masculine in this way you need to be
more feminine in that way but it's like I think sometimes if we have like an attraction towards like
I'll use myself as an example like I have always been attracted to masculine men but it's like when
I was younger I had a lot of like abuse through like a masculine father figure growing up
and as a result like I kind of would be like have this push pull with masculine men and so I would
be like I'm just gonna date people who aren't really like giraffed and don't like have this like
authoritative presence because I associated that like authoritative presence with abuse right and
like not feeling safe and so I kind of like went to the optic stream and with like date men that were
very passive and then I would find like oh I'm so like depleted in this dynamic because it's not
it doesn't feel compatible with my like authentic wiring right and so for me like my journey
personally was doing that work too be like what do I really want? Who am I really? And like who's
going to fit me the best ultimately in a in a relationship dynamic you know does that make sense?
Yeah I think so. Okay well if there's anything you want me to clarify just let me know.
And maybe maybe ultimately I think that's like the common theme of what this discussion kind of
wraps up to like especially as we're wrapping up is Tomi that for you like femininity is your
that authentic soul resonance is expression for you so for you like being in your femininity and you
know attracting a partner that maybe mirrors you in a way that is appropriate like for your own soul
like that is a resonant with your own soul and like for me being non-binary the fact that I'm
attracted to people who are you know also like rather androgynous like I am and for Gianna being
someone who is hyper feminine you know again like I was like oh I'm shocked she's not wearing pink
today it's the only time I've maybe seen you like not wearing pink you know to be able to attract
what you want and that at the end of the day it really is about removing the programming and conditioning
that tells you that you need to be anything that you aren't and that when you are in that soul
frequency that's when you do attract the things that are most resonant and bring you the most joy.
Gianna I want to thank you so much for being on this conversation today so anything I didn't
mention before about like where people can find you or what else they should check out of yours?
First of all thank you so much for having me um both of you. Yeah and yeah no I mean the website the
gram um I'm on Facebook as well but yeah I mean if there's anything like in the conversation that
really resonates with you and you want to connect like you are more than welcome to reach out to
me in the DM on any platform that you find me on so feel free to do that. Yeah well thank you once
again for being here and again I am counting down the days till you're in Los Angeles whether you know
temporarily or maybe perhaps permanently for a little while and uh yes exactly thank you so much
for being here today and thank you to all of our listeners thank you for tuning in hope you enjoyed
the conversation and we will see you next time on the Re-Patterning Podcast. Thank you for listening
to the Re-Patterning Podcast. If you're curious about the Re-PatterningProject the eight week course in
mental mastery and creative freedom that inspires these conversations you can check out more details
at theRepatterningProject.com we run a cohort twice a year or you can download the self-study version
of the course and get started today. We also offer a four week course on narrative magic and archetype
titled "Mits and Magic Changing Your Life Through Story" also twice a year. If you'd like to
join our community the Re-Patterning Parlor on Discord you can sign up for five dollars a month at patreon.com/theRepatterningPodcast
thanks to everyone who makes the Re-Patterning Podcast possible. Firstly our award winning
producer Tomi Trembath of the key master collective network of podcasts she also produces trans
sending comics vision in the void and giant sized violence thanks also to animation studio mortis
and madriacs who created the video for our introduction as well as to Andrew Means who composed and
produced our theme music and also thanks to Al Alvarez who took the photos of yours truly that
you see on the cover of each episode if you're watching the video version and finally thanks to you
our listeners who give meaning to this work our greatest wishes that whatever you've heard today
inspires you to live freely and begin creating your reality from the inside out thanks for tuning in
and we'll see you again soon.
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