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[Crying]

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If you've never been the last man on a timber-cut at dusk,

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you don't know how the woods can swallow a person up.

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You think you know quiet, you don't.

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The quiet on a ridge after chainsaw stop is something very different.

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It's now full of everything that you couldn't hear when the saws were going.

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The trees are treelum, swaying in the breeze.

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Treesap, popping, bugs, chirping and ticking.

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And the creek that you forgot that was so close,

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you can finally hear the water trickle.

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I learned that lesson in some woods we were cutting in West Virginia several years back.

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I grew up not far from that particular place,

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but the woods around there,

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they can be just a few miles long and wide,

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and yet still feel like another country.

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The saws for a very small outfit,

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just six of us when nobody was sick

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or locked down in a cab with a busted hydraulic line.

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Old vents kept the books and the loader.

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Ricky ran the skitter.

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Tommy, Clinton, Rob all did a little of everything.

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We moved from track to track, thinning here, clearing there,

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keeping the trucks fed.

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It wasn't glamorous, but it was honest, and it paid our mortgages.

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That week we were on a north-facing slope,

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Oaken Poplar mostly,

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with a tangle of mountain laurel that would make a preacher curse.

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It was the kind of laurel that you can't push through

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without it taking some blood and payment.

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You go around it if you can.

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If you can't, it takes you apart,

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one sleeve at a time.

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Folks in Richwood and Quinnwood tell stories about those woods,

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and that's not special.

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All small towns have their stories,

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and they like to tell them.

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I'd heard enough grown up around there.

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Whistles in the dark, tree-knocks,

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a big man made of hair.

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Rocks thrown into a hollow when the fog piles up.

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My daddy used to shake his head at that stuff and say,

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"A bear will throw rocks if you just give him hands."

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I laughed along with him, not sure what he meant,

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but I noticed that he always got quiet crossing certain old roads.

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He had superstitions.

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He said he didn't believe,

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but he respected,

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and there was a big difference.

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This one Monday we started the cut-up there.

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By Wednesday a few things had happened

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that I couldn't set on a shelf in my head and label them.

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First, a stack of brush we'd left on the side of the skid road

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was scattered out by morning,

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like someone had tried to make a fence,

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and then lost interest.

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It wasn't kicked through.

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It had been pulled and placed.

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Second, Tommy had his lunch-pale go missing out from under the loader deck

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while we were up on the slope.

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He said maybe a fox stole it.

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It could have been,

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but we found it later with the lid popped off

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and the balloony out of his sandwich gone,

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but the chips and his thermos were untouched.

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Third, there was the smell.

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You would catch a whiff of something

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like dead deer every now and then out there.

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My daddy called it "mystery stink"

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because you didn't want to go look for the source.

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Not if you wanted to keep your appetite that day,

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but this smell had a wet nasty edge to it,

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and it moved.

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He would be here, then it would be there.

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The wind would turn,

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and then it was not there at all,

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and then it came right back even closer.

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Vince said bad weather was coming on Friday,

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so we pushed hard on Thursday to get the landing stacked high.

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The saws and the loaders were going nonstop.

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That last hour though,

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the weather, it was already feeling like it changed,

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and the woods, they got dark sooner,

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and they were getting a kind of a dark look to them like

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they went from looking off-friendly to, "Don't try me, mister."

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We were one drag short of calling it,

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when Ricky came on the radio,

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saying that he'd busted a tire down by the second switchback.

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He'd lint the skitter off the road,

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so the trucks could get out in the morning.

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That meant the last logs we dropped

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would sit up there overnight.

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"Leave 'em," Vince said.

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"We'll grab 'em tomorrow.

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"We'll be boys start coiling up your lines."

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I had a coil of choker cable,

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and a dull chain in my hand when I remembered,

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I had left my toolbox up on the second landing spur,

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just where the laurel narrows into a tight throat.

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I don't baby my tools exactly.

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They are working tools,

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but I'm not leaving a set of files and a good hammer out there

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to get rained on.

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The toolbox was old and blue,

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and then it was tinted and smooth

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from years of riding in the back of trucks.

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My name was etched into the paint on the lid.

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Vince had already shut down the loader.

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Ricky was over-talking to the other guys

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about how much his new tire was going to cost.

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Everybody was turned toward the trucks.

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Dusk was settling in into a deep purple on the tree tops.

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"I gotta run back up and grab my toolbox," I said,

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"Just so they knew where I went."

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"You want me to go with you?" Vince asked,

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his eyes narrow.

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He said it, like he was letting me know,

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and I should take somebody with me,

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but I just didn't catch it then.

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"Nah," I said,

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"because stupid is a thing that a man can be

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without even trying."

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My Honda 4 wheeler was sitting at the turn

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by the oil drums.

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I kicked it to life and eased into the skid trail.

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Tires slipping and fresh churn clay.

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The world shrunk fast.

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Thirty yards in, and I had trees shouldered up on me

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on both sides and laryl tickling my elbows.

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I kept it slow to keep from throwing mud into the radiator.

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The trail climbed a short pitch,

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leveled, then swung left where we'd cut a new turn.

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I knew every inch of that trail,

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just by feel from working at that week.

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It was quiet, except for the engine in that creek

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that you can't really see.

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I passed the first spur, which was empty now,

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except for two brush piles and a stack of oak tops.

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My toolbox was on the next one, just a minute further.

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I should have felt decent about that,

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but something was off.

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You know, sometimes it's the birds that tells you

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something's all wrong.

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You get used to constant bird noise,

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and when that shuts up,

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you know it, without knowing it,

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that that's what you know.

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Sometimes it's something else.

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That evening, it was something else.

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It was all deep purple shadows up there by then,

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but I had a feeling I was not alone.

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I couldn't hear it over my four wheeler,

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but I knew something was walking in the shadows just out of sight.

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I can't tell you how I knew.

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I just did.

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I knew I didn't want to stop for a lot of reasons,

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but my eyes started moving,

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left, right, ahead, repeat.

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The thick laurel made tunnels on both sides.

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Where the laurel broke, there were trunks as big as your thigh.

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25 yards out, maybe 30.

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A black shape matched me,

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stride for stride in the purple shadows through the hard woods.

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I saw it not as a thing at first,

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but as the absence of shadow that moved along with me,

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just a bear, I told myself,

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"I like when an answer is quick and neat,

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but bears don't usually follow loud four wheelers."

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And then I got hit with that stink.

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The stink came right with it.

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It went right up my nose all the way to my brain,

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and it stayed there.

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Even all of this did not worry me.

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You spend your life in the forest,

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you will run into all kinds of animals.

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I was surprised, though,

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that it was not put off by the four wheeler's motor.

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I spun just a little bit on the fresh mud,

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not a place or time to have a problem, I thought,

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so I eased the throttle and slowed my pace and climbed a little bit.

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The moving shadow matched me.

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I know bears don't do that.

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My mouth went dry,

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and my right hand got slick on the grip.

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The second spur opened out to a little flat,

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the size of a two-car garage,

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it was dirt-scraped and pocked with skitter tracks.

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My blue toolbox sat right where I had left it,

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under a poplar stump.

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All I had to do was grab it,

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get back down and out of there.

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I rolled the four wheeler onto the flat.

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I looked over where I thought that black shape was,

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but I didn't see it.

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Well, maybe I'd lost it,

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or I had lost interest in me.

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I cut the engine and listened to the sudden absence of it.

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I really didn't mean to shut it off.

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It was kind of a reflex.

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I should have turned it right back on,

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but I had the thought that if that was a person over there,

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maybe they would hop on and take off.

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Plus, I wanted to hear if anything came at me

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while I was getting the toolbox.

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I stepped off the machine and walked over to the stump,

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with a lot more boldness than I really had.

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I grabbed my box by the handle and turned around.

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Across the way, the lural bushes moved.

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I don't mean moving like a hog was going through,

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making them move in quick shivers,

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where you would see the leaves and branches bounce and then stop.

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Now this was different.

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It was a steady swell and movement in the bushes,

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like something big was pushing it shoulder through,

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higher up in the bushes.

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I could hear limbs cracking both high and low,

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so it was something big.

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I put the box on the front rack

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and clicked the bungee's down quickly,

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and I never took my eyes off that lural.

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The heaving and the movement suddenly stopped,

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but I was sure it was still right there,

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right on the other side of those tall and thick laurels.

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Just a bear I said to myself again,

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even though I knew I was lying.

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I swung a leg over the seat and thumbed the starter,

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the Honda Caut, caught, then died.

227
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"What?" I thought to myself.

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I mean that machine has never died on me like that,

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never, it's like a beast in its own right,

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stubborn and good.

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My thumb hit the starter again,

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the motor spun, almost caught, and then nothing.

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I don't know what makes a man choose stupid,

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pride, habit, maybe a fear of being afraid,

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but I swung off the seat, reached back,

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and pulled the saw off my rack.

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I kept my 20-inch saw with me out of laziness.

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I thought I might sharpen the chain at home.

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The saw was heavy and familiar in my hands,

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and my hand found the choke by memory.

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I primed it, set the brake and yanked.

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The pool rope snatched at my shoulder right on the first pool.

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"Come on, I thought, come on."

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The second pool, it sputtered.

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"Come on," I said.

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"The third pool, though," she started up.

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I kept the brake on, and I wanted more sound than cutting.

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I wanted to tell whatever was over there, listening.

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I wasn't going to be a piece of easy meat.

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I didn't know how much damage it would do against a bear,

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but I would give it all I had with my saw.

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The laurel shifted again, and this time I saw it.

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I don't mean I caught a glimpse of it.

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I mean, I saw it.

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It stepped out into the pale dusk light

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with nothing but pure confidence and a lot of muscles.

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00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:56,000
It clearly owned those woods, not me.

258
00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:00,000
I've thought about how to sail of this and not sound crazy,

259
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,000
so I'll just say it plain.

260
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,000
It walked on two legs.

261
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000
It was bigger than any man I've ever worked beside

262
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,000
or seen in my entire life for that matter.

263
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,000
It was taller by a head and a half,

264
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:18,000
shoulders like a tractor-hood, hair not fur,

265
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:22,000
but thick and hanging, matted in places,

266
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000
and it looked braided up by briars and others,

267
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000
and it was wet up to the knees.

268
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:32,000
Arms were long enough, the hands fell below mid-thigh.

269
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:36,000
In the last of the light, its eyes weren't red like a devil,

270
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,000
like other people say.

271
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,000
It wasn't shining or reflecting like a raccoon's.

272
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,000
No, those were deep black holes,

273
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,000
catching what little light there still was around it,

274
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000
and they were deep.

275
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:55,000
The way a colseem looks deep when you hold up a lantern to it,

276
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,000
kind of glints just a little bit,

277
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,000
but you know it's running deep.

278
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:05,000
All of that and that terrible smell waving around in front of it,

279
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,000
I knew what it was.

280
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,000
The saw I was holding told a really good lie for me.

281
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:15,000
It said, "Listen here, buster. I'm in charge."

282
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,000
I didn't move and it didn't move.

283
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,000
We were breathing the same air and waiting to see

284
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:24,000
what the other one would do.

285
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
Then I saw it lower its head slightly,

286
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,000
like it was trying to see under something behind me.

287
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000
Then it set one foot right out into the open.

288
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,000
The foot wasn't flat on the ground yet,

289
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,000
when the laurel behind it trembled,

290
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,000
as if another one was right behind it.

291
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,000
I took a half step back without meaning to

292
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,000
the saw in my hand buzz like an angry hornet's nest.

293
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:57,000
The creature, the bigfoot, no other word really fits,

294
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,000
rolled a sound up out of its chest.

295
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000
It started low and got lower,

296
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,000
but grew louder at the same time.

297
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,000
Loud enough I could hear it over my saw.

298
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:12,000
That growl wasn't for an argument with me.

299
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000
It was telling me something.

300
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000
It was commanding.

301
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:22,000
"All right," I said, though I knew it couldn't hear me over that saw.

302
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000
"All right."

303
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:27,000
I popped the brake and bumped the chain into the dirt for a second,

304
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:33,000
because holding a hot saw steady is harder when you have fear in your wrists.

305
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000
The blade clattered and bit,

306
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:40,000
and the creature's eyes flick to it, then right back to me.

307
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,000
It didn't flinch from the sound like a deer would.

308
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:47,000
It didn't re-rupp like a bear that wants to get big.

309
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:52,000
It stood there, like it had staked its claim and was daring me.

310
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000
I knew this wasn't a fight I was going to win,

311
00:15:55,000 --> 00:16:00,000
especially if it wasn't alone, not even with a chainsaw.

312
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:05,000
I held the saw top handle in one hand, and reached over the four wheeler,

313
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,000
mumbled a quick prayer, and thumbed the ignition again.

314
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,000
And to my surprise, it fired right up.

315
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:18,000
You know, I'm still not sure of the exact logistics of how I did what I did,

316
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,000
but I somehow did it.

317
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,000
I kept the saw on one hand running, just in case,

318
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:28,000
and I started turning the head of my four wheeler to the left to turn it around,

319
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:32,000
walking with it, keeping my eyes on the creature the whole time.

320
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,000
Now, normally, to turn that four wheeler,

321
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,000
I need both hands to do that.

322
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,000
They're not so easy to turn when they have no speed to them,

323
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,000
but somehow I did it with one,

324
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:50,000
and I kept my eye on that creature, and it was keeping its eye on me.

325
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:54,000
I quickly cut the saw, put it on the rack right behind my box,

326
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000
and hoped it would stay there.

327
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,000
I hopped on that four wheeler, and just as I did,

328
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,000
the second one I thought was there proved itself,

329
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,000
and stepped out from the laurels.

330
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:09,000
I didn't think then, I just started rolling,

331
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:14,000
and as I did, and I saw the first creature take two steps towards me,

332
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,000
it was striding forward with a purpose.

333
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,000
I just looked forward and started to accelerate,

334
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:25,000
and I felt something hit the four wheeler.

335
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,000
I looked back, and a sapling had whiplash the back rack,

336
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,000
ringing it like a tuning fork.

337
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,000
I looked back again, and the second one had a sapling,

338
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,000
and it was using it like a sweeping club,

339
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000
sweeping back and forth behind the four wheeler as I went forward.

340
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,000
It had caught just the last of the back rack.

341
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,000
I gunned the throttle a little more, and the four wheeler leapt forward.

342
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,000
The rear end slid toward the edge.

343
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000
Dirt kicked up.

344
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,000
I rited it by reflex.

345
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:02,000
The way hours on a machine kind of becomes part of your bones.

346
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000
I didn't look back anymore.

347
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,000
The trail pinched to the left at that new cut,

348
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,000
and gave me twenty yards of a lural cord door that was grabbing at my handlebars

349
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,000
and my shins all the way.

350
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,000
Then I saw and heard it.

351
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,000
The bigger creature, the first one,

352
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,000
it was keeping pace just off to my right.

353
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,000
For distance, maybe fifty yards more,

354
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,000
the other one was on my left.

355
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000
Then I saw it suddenly peel off and disappear.

356
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,000
I never did know what its purpose or intent was,

357
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000
but things were coming at me now,

358
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,000
and they were coming behind me as well.

359
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,000
Things bounced off me and the four wheeler,

360
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000
branches shattered.

361
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,000
I caught a flash of black at my three o'clock,

362
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,000
shoulder and hair and a pale slice of palm,

363
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,000
a little one, maybe the size of a baby's fist,

364
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,000
and it pinged off the front rack.

365
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,000
Sounded like someone hit it with a hammer.

366
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:07,000
I laid forward over the bars, elbows in,

367
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:11,000
and put on all the speed I dared.

368
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:16,000
At the first switchback, the trail turned down and to the right.

369
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,000
I break swung and almost put the front tires into the soft bank

370
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,000
where Ricky had rutted it out earlier.

371
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,000
I was a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

372
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

373
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

374
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

375
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

376
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

377
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

378
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

379
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,000
I had a little bit more rigid than I had imagined.

380
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,000
Switchback pointed more downward toward the creek.

381
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,000
The trail there is slick and it's clay over stone,

382
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,000
and you learn, you better not fight it.

383
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,000
You let the machine slide the way it wants,

384
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,000
and you guide the slide.

385
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,000
I did that.

386
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:12,000
And through the laurel I saw it again, though not as clear,

387
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:17,000
but clear enough to put the picture in my head for the rest of my life.

388
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:20,000
It was trying to cut the corner.

389
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,000
See, pacing me wasn't enough for it now, I guess.

390
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000
It was trying to get the angle on me.

391
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000
Take a shortcut.

392
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,000
Cut me off at the pass, I guess you could say.

393
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:36,000
Recklessly, I put on more speed to try to stay ahead of it.

394
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,000
It took three long strides through timber

395
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000
that any other man would have had to weave through

396
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,000
about six strides just to get through.

397
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:49,000
I kept looking over at it, trying to figure out where we would vector.

398
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:53,000
I knew, even with my speed, I wasn't going to get ahead of it,

399
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,000
but it might put me parallel with it again.

400
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000
Then suddenly, to my surprise, it began to slow its pace,

401
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,000
and it fell back just behind me.

402
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,000
Now I think about this a lot because I know it didn't slow down

403
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,000
because it couldn't keep up.

404
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,000
It slowed down because it was choosing something.

405
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,000
I hit the creek crossing all wrong, though.

406
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,000
You see, we had placed a line of rocks in the middle

407
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,000
that you had to aim for to cross it just right,

408
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,000
kind of like lining up your wheels on those tracks in a car wash.

409
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,000
That I missed some of those rocks in my haste,

410
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,000
and I dropped my front tire into a hole in the creek

411
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,000
that made the whole machine lurch and bark.

412
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,000
Water slapped up and soaked my boots.

413
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
The motor stuttered.

414
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,000
I rocked my weight back and fed the throttle in pulses,

415
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:51,000
trying not to flood it, talking to it like it could hear and understand.

416
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:56,000
I was doing what I had to do to keep my panic down.

417
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:00,000
On the bank behind me, I looked back,

418
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,000
and I saw all the big creature standing there.

419
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:08,000
There was just enough dust-light left that I could see its chest heaving.

420
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Then a stone, the size of a bowling ball, splashed into water

421
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,000
two yards left of me, and sent cold creek all over my leg.

422
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:20,000
It was a warning, so pure, there wasn't any misunderstanding in it.

423
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,000
Not a miss, it was a message.

424
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,000
But it wasn't thrown by the one standing on the bank.

425
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,000
I had my eyes on him.

426
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:33,000
It must have been the second one, though I couldn't see it.

427
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,000
It didn't come across the creek.

428
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:40,000
I had the feeling it was waiting for me to keep going.

429
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:45,000
"I'm going," I shouted at it.

430
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,000
I rocked the four wheeler back and forth,

431
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:52,000
and then the tires found some grip, and we clawed our way out of the creek.

432
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:58,000
I kept right around a stump, and bent low for the limb that I always forgot was there.

433
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,000
Another rock landed behind me.

434
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:05,000
It was clear to me then, it really wasn't trying to hit me,

435
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,000
because I believe it could have if it wanted to.

436
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,000
It was pushing me.

437
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,000
I got that message clear as can be.

438
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,000
I pointed my four wheeler downhill with more speed than I should have,

439
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:24,000
and I let it buck and slide to where the trail widened at the mouth of the trail.

440
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:29,000
The loader deck sits 300 yards on from there, out of the trees, under the sky,

441
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:35,000
and that open sky felt like home base, a safe place.

442
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:42,000
When the landing opened in front of me, I didn't let up until dirt turned into the flattened paste of a work deck,

443
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,000
and my wheels threw mud across the heap of bark.

444
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:51,000
The loader sat quiet in the twilight, like a dinosaur skeleton.

445
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:56,000
Vince's truck was a rectangle of dull red right nearby.

446
00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:02,000
I rolled out into the open, cut the engine, and let silence come back in slowly.

447
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,000
For a second, I couldn't move.

448
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:10,000
You don't know how much of your will is in your hands until they stop obeying you.

449
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:17,000
I pride my fingers off the grips and swung a leg over, and almost fell when my boot hit the ground.

450
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:22,000
Then I quickly turned toward the trail that I had just come out of.

451
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,000
There it was.

452
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Not out in the open, but at the edge, where the shadows kept it mostly hidden,

453
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,000
but I saw it.

454
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,000
It stood one step inside the tree line.

455
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,000
It was still close enough that I could see it wasn't breathing very hard now.

456
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:48,000
I could see the lift in the fall of its chest, like bellows, being worked real slow.

457
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,000
My mind had room again to notice small things.

458
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:58,000
The heronet shoulders were lighter on top, as if they had been some bleached a few shades lighter.

459
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:04,000
Its hands flexed once, like they were remembering something.

460
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
It told her its head as it looked at me.

461
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,000
Not by much, but enough that I noticed.

462
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:14,000
I took a small step back without planning to.

463
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000
It didn't follow, though. It still did not come out.

464
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:27,000
It lifted one arm, not very high, but it pushed the laurel nearest it, as if to say, "Here, this is the edge.

465
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,000
This is my boundary."

466
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:38,000
Then it looked past me, over me, to the trucks, to the deck, to the places where men and the machines make their marks.

467
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:45,000
It looked in shook its head, and it stepped back into the trees where the woods swallowed it whole.

468
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:51,000
"Boy?" I heard vents say behind me, making me jump right out of my skin.

469
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,000
He was walking up to me.

470
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,000
He had walked from the far side of the deck without me seeing him.

471
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,000
"Boy, you done look like you've seen a ghost?"

472
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,000
I turned toward him.

473
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:07,000
My mouth moved before the words found their rightful place.

474
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:12,000
There's somebody, something up there in that laurel.

475
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,000
That's all I could manage.

476
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,000
My voice didn't even sound like mine.

477
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:22,000
Then I said, "Been pacing me, it was throwing rocks."

478
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:32,000
Vince's eyes, the same ones that had gone narrow when he asked me if I wanted company earlier, didn't change a bit.

479
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:39,000
He looked down the trail, then up the hill, and then he leaned over and spit into the dirt.

480
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:43,000
"Well, I told you once," he said without a smile.

481
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,000
"These woods ain't empty."

482
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000
And he did tell me that.

483
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,000
Long ago.

484
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:57,000
Rikki wandered over then, saw my face, and he got real serious real fast.

485
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:03,000
"Did you see a bear?" he asked, like he wanted that answer to be true.

486
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,000
"No," I said.

487
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:11,000
I didn't have another word for it that I was willing to use with these men, not yet anyway.

488
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:17,000
"These were my coworkers and friends," so I just shook my head.

489
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:23,000
Rikki wandered off, and Vince waited a second, and then he asked quietly.

490
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:27,000
"Prinse?" "You see any prince?"

491
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,000
I really hadn't looked for any signs. I just shook my head no.

492
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:35,000
I had been busy staying alive.

493
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,000
Vince went and fetched a flashlight from his truck.

494
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:46,000
We have one of those big square ones with the handle on it, and he aimed it at the edge where I said I had seen it standing.

495
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:53,000
We walked over to within a few feet of the tree line, but we did not go in.

496
00:27:53,000 --> 00:28:01,000
He played the light low across the leaves, like he was rolling it across the surface of a pond, trying not to break the water.

497
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:10,000
Three feet back from the lip of the deck, in the damp, where the shade sits and keeps things nice and moist, was a shape.

498
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:17,000
It wasn't crisp. It wasn't a casting clay type of print that you could go put in the Bigfoot Museum.

499
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:24,000
But there was a shape that said "heal, mid, four," and it was wide.

500
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:28,000
Toes not perfectly lined up, not like a man's foot.

501
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:33,000
They were more splayed, like a thing that has never worn a shoe.

502
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:37,000
12 inches? 13? I can't tell you.

503
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:42,000
I know what size my boots are, and this was way more.

504
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,000
We didn't stand there long.

505
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:49,000
You don't get brave just because you say you can measure something and you think you know what it is.

506
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,000
We weren't brave at all.

507
00:28:52,000 --> 00:29:01,000
Just before we turned to go, the light caught on a wad of hair snagged on a broken laurel stem about four feet up from the ground.

508
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,000
Vince did not touch it.

509
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:10,000
He kept the light on the hair strands, his face saying more than his mouth ever would.

510
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,000
"Yeah, we'll talk about this tomorrow," he said.

511
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:22,000
"And that was Vince being kind." Then he said, "Let's go. Let's not feed this thing tonight."

512
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,000
"Come on, boys. Let's get going."

513
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:33,000
We loaded up quietly, no banging. We didn't slam doors, and we drove out slow.

514
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:41,000
Not because we were scared, but we had found some kind of quiet respect for the woods that we were cutting in that night.

515
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:49,000
It's complicated to explain, and I can't swear that's how the other guys felt, but that's how I felt anyway.

516
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:55,000
I didn't sleep much. My wife asked me why I kept tossing all night.

517
00:29:55,000 --> 00:30:04,000
I told her a skitter had a tire-off, and that costs a lot of money, and money does what it does to a man's thoughts late at night.

518
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,000
Well, that was true enough that it passed inspection.

519
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:18,000
But in the dark, I remembered the way it looked at me, the way I had looked at it, and the space between those two looks.

520
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:29,000
It wasn't hate. It wasn't hunting. It was a boundary set by something that knows boundaries better than we do because it has fewer up them.

521
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,000
And we had crossed those boundaries.

522
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:39,000
The next morning, the Misslay in those woods, the way it does, when a front is out west, and it's coming in,

523
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:43,000
we parked the trucks and walked out onto the deck.

524
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:52,000
Do made every footprint crisp. There were more of them at the edge, a line that paralleled the trail.

525
00:30:52,000 --> 00:31:02,000
They were perfect prints, and leaves collapse under heavy feet, and they can make shapes that will look like anything if you just want them to.

526
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,000
But there were enough that were clear for my stomach to drop a little.

527
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:18,000
Vents didn't actually say bigfoot. Well, none of us said that to each other. We just looked around and said, "Huh, well, and looky there."

528
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,000
"And hey, you see this?"

529
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:26,000
We said it in tones that mean we're never going to mention this in town.

530
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:33,000
At the creek crossing, we found two rocks in the mud that didn't belong where they were.

531
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:39,000
One had a smear of wet clay on top, like it had been touched with a palm, not rolled.

532
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:47,000
On the second spur, where my toolbox had been, a sapling had been shoved across the trail the way you would put a gate.

533
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:53,000
I don't mean that it was cut or broken down by the wind. This was placed.

534
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:58,000
Rookie pushed it aside with the skitter, like it was just some grass.

535
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:03,000
Well, we got to keep the landing tidy, Vents said to no one in particular.

536
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:10,000
And then to everybody, he said, "And we're not going to stay late unless we got to anymore."

537
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,000
Now, you can set yourself up to see a thing that ain't there.

538
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:19,000
You can also set yourself up to quickly not see a thing that is there.

539
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,000
After that, our days got busier.

540
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:36,000
The trucks came and went, the loader clattered. And we ran saws, ate our baloney sandwiches, busted our knuckles on doll chains, laughed at things that really aren't funny, unless you were there.

541
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:42,000
And the woods were mostly silent from then on, mostly.

542
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:46,000
No, there were some knocks that could have been dead limbs twisting.

543
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:52,000
And there were a lot of whistles that maybe were some wind easing through a pile of hollow wood.

544
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:57,000
And there was a smell one day by the third landing that was in your nose before you knew it.

545
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:05,000
And it stayed there all day, oily and clinging inside your nostrils. You just couldn't clean it out.

546
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:12,000
We watched the tree lines around us, and then we would look down at our work, but we didn't talk about it.

547
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:20,000
Respect isn't silence, but sometimes silence is respect.

548
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:28,000
Two days after that chase down the trail, I found a smooth river stone placed on top of my blue toolbox.

549
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:38,000
It was the size of my hand, and it was nearly a perfect oval shape, and it was gray with a white stripe like a belt running around it.

550
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:43,000
No tracks around the area, just the stone.

551
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:51,000
And it wasn't a type of stone from that ridge, none that we'd ever seen, and it wasn't from any place we'd ever seen working up there.

552
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,000
None of us knew what to make of it.

553
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:59,000
I'm not saying this was a gift. I don't romanticize this whole bigfoot thing.

554
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:08,000
I didn't bring that rock home, either. I picked it up, looked at the woods and said loudly, "I see you."

555
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:23,000
Then I set it down on the stump, where the toolbox had been. It's probably out there under a pile of leaves now, or it's been washed off in a heavy rain and wandered downhill the way things do when you stop looking at them.

556
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:34,000
The tire came in for the skitter, and the weather came in with it. Hard and short, soaking the deck and making the clay slick and dangerous.

557
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:41,000
We wrapped the track up by Monday afternoon, a day early on account of wanting to be somewhere else.

558
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:47,000
Trunks full, load her down, last chain coiled.

559
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:52,000
Thence looked at me, like a man looks at his dog before they get in the truck.

560
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:57,000
It was a look that said, "You come in or what?"

561
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:03,000
I nodded at him. We did not drag our feet getting out of there.

562
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:12,000
I've been back through there, working in that area twice since that happened. The work takes you, where the work takes you.

563
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:21,000
I don't ride alone at dusk anymore. Not on a fresh trail, not out of pride, not out for a forgotten toolbox.

564
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:31,000
If a young hand says he's left something up on the cut, I don't ask him. I tell him leave it, or I will go up there with him.

565
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:39,000
I still don't like saying big-foot, feels like a word from a TV set that doesn't fit the size of the dark woods out there.

566
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:49,000
I like to say whatever is in those woods. And I say it with some respect. Same is my daddy, always crossing certain old roads.

567
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:56,000
I don't believe, and yet I don't disbelieve. But I do remember.

568
00:35:56,000 --> 00:36:03,000
I remember it keeping pace with me in the trees, like it was a shadow that had decided to stick to me now.

569
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:09,000
I remember the rock landing not far off my wheel, like a warning shot.

570
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:17,000
I remember it, standing at the edge of the landing and marking a line with its hand, without needing words.

571
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:28,000
People ask if I felt hunted. I say no. Hurted? Yes, maybe, probably. Pushed out from where I didn't belong?

572
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:39,000
I think about the way it slowed at the switchback, when it could have cut me off if it wanted, like it had made a choice, not to be the last thing I ever saw.

573
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:45,000
Because if it didn't stop, it would be the last thing I ever saw.

574
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:53,000
I think about how it tried to cut me off there at the pass. I know that if it really wanted to, it could have.

575
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,000
And what would have happened? I don't think it would have been good for me.

576
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,000
But it held back at the last second. It made that decision.

577
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:11,000
And I know that something living in those woods didn't want me there. It was just showing me the exit.

578
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:20,000
That is the truth as clean as I can tell it, and it's taken me several days to write this email out, to go back and to fix things.

579
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:35,000
But I want people to know, if you are ever the last man on a ridge, and dusk sits down on the leaves like some purple heavy hand, don't argue with the feeling of the place if it suddenly feels off.

580
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:43,000
And don't pretend you or your machine is bigger than that dark. Pick up your toolbox before a separate time.

581
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:57,000
Leave when the woods tell you to leave. And if the laurel starts to lean in shake, and something breathes with a heaving chest like a big set of bellows, be grateful for that warning.

582
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:09,000
Not all warnings from the woods are loud. Some of them are just a big, quiet shape that keeps pace with you until you know it's time to go home.

583
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:30,000
[aleigh]