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[Music]

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Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast where industry leaders share insights

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and stay ahead of rapidly evolving business landscape. Today we have a very

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special guest with us here today. Brooke Dukes, a transformative leader in

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business and personal development. Today we're going to talk about a much

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needed subject called Burnout. Welcome Brooke. Thank you for having me. Thank

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you for being here. I always love to start with sharing a little bit about how

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you got into coaching leadership and where you are today. Can you share a little

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bit about you and your milestones in your career? Absolutely. So I've been in

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this industry probably over 20 years, probably 24 years. And when I first got

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in, I was in corporate America and as I wrote in my book, I was a director and a

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large firm. Fortune 500 had been working in a large deal with United Airlines

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for a year and a half and I was eight months pregnant. I had a team of 25 that I

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was working on and it was an IT outsourcing deal. And so my boss had said you know

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the CEO of United Airlines wants you to go out, wants to bring the team, show

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him where, where we're going to be handling everything. So I didn't really think

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anything of it. Great. Put my right hand person, let him know. Here's what's

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going to happen and he said fabulous as long as you want her to have your bonus,

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which was a six figure bonus. And so he said, you know, we've got the corporate

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jet for you if you'd like to go, that's your choice. And so I went and went into

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preterm labor on the way home. So my daughter was fine. They stopped it and it was a

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big wake-up call for me because I essentially risked my child's life for money. And

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I really had to take a hard look at my life and anyone that was looking at me at

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that point would have thought that my career and success meant more to me than

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anything. And that could have been farther from the truth, but I wasn't living my

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values. And so I left corporate America and I started for businesses. I sold one. And

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with this last business that I started really worked with small medium-sized

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businesses and I do a lot with burnout. And it just kind of happened. I wasn't even

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sure that was going to be a typically more initial culture and leadership and

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sales and I just kept watching all these people with the same signs I had. I mean at

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one point I gave myself COVID and shingles at the same time. So I absolutely know how

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it is to feel the pressure, to continue to go, go, go and not pay attention to the

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signs of your body. And so that's when I decided to help people to really do what I've

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done. And that is create a business that's based on the lifestyle that I want to live.

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Not based on what someone else says that I should live or someone else's standard, but

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the standard though in the values that I want to live. And so I do believe you can have success

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and fulfillment.

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[Music]

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Burnout is such an important topic right now, bro. I know a lot of the people I

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interact with are tired, stressed, burnt out, not sure how to manage it. I want to get

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your insight on what you're seeing with burnout and leadership today.

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Well, I feel like it's not any different than it was before. I mean I think we've always

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had. I just feel like people are, they want more. They're not just taking the status quo

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of, well this is just the way it is in corporate America. I have to never see my family in

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work 15 hour days. So I just feel like it's coming more to the forefront. People are not

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buying in anymore to the, you know, I'm going to kill myself now. I'm going to grind it

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out right now. And then when I retire, I can enjoy my life. They're not, they want to

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enjoy their life now. And so I think that I don't know that it's changed. I just think

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people are going to tolerate it anymore. But they still, even though they don't want it,

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they have no idea what to do about it. Yeah, that's so true. Now, is there anything leaders

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can do to prevent burnout or any strategies that you can share that may be useful before

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you get there? Because once you're burnt out, you're just out of place of no return. Is there

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anything that they can do to, you know, be aware when they're getting close to that

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place? Yeah, there's some people when they hit burnout. I mean, they're in the hospital.

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They're bedridden. But a lot of us, we have what's called functional burnout. And then you

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just keep going and going until it's just, you get COVID and shingles at the same time.

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So the biggest thing for me, I know when I, when I really had to take a look at my life,

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it was just to consciously slow down and listen to the signs that my body was giving me.

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That was the biggest thing when I was at the height of it, when I was just going and I was

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working and I was so focused on the end result and all that I just shut down anything that

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I was only in my head. All I knew was this was the goal. This is what I had to do. And

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so any signs my body was giving me that was, I didn't hear it. So it was the, and what I also

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recognized is and a lot of people deal with this, there was a reason I was going, going,

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going. And it was because I was going to be a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life that

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I hadn't dealt with. Well, when you slow down, you need to, then you start thinking about

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all the things that you don't want to think about. So it's kind of a double edge sword. It's

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yes, it's what society expects of us most of the time. And it's also a coping mechanism

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so that you don't have to think about the things you don't want to think about. So for

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me, the first step was forcing myself to slow down and it didn't happen overnight. I mean,

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you can't, it took a long time to build that habit of a workaholic. So it was going to

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take some time to unbuild the habit. So the biggest thing I would say to people is don't try to

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do everything at once. I'm going to meditate. I'm going to do yoga. I'm only working eight hour

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to, you know, all the things. And then that almost becomes a job in itself as well. Like take,

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don't try to boil the ocean. Like take something small. Okay, I'm going to cut back. Maybe I'm going

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to cut back an hour this week or two, you know, make small steps, but stay focused on what your

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outcome is. Your outcome is to live your values, to live a life that gives you fulfillment.

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You know, some of the, mate, yoga is a big thing. Meditation, if you read any biography of,

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you know, the most famous, successful, happiest people in the world, meditation is on the top

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of their list. And it's often so very overlooked because most people that I've tried it, it didn't

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work. It's too hard. I don't know how to do it. And it's because they're thinking that they

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need to sit down and from day one, do 20 minutes, clear your mind. Well, that in itself, especially

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for someone that is on the go in used to being very busy and not used to being in their

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own thoughts, that's almost torture. So something like just small, consistent steps every day. So let's

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say you want to meditate, start with two minutes a day for two weeks. If you miss a day, you got to go

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back to day one. Once you can get it consistently for two weeks, every day, two weeks, two minutes,

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at a minute and go through the process again until you get to your desire time. So you're building a

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habit and you're letting the habit get the result. You're not starting at 20 minutes and then, you know,

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all the doubts come, but this isn't working. I'm doing it wrong. This is awful after day three or four.

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You know, you're typically quitting. So with everything, really every area of your life, you want to be

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able to just take small steps because our unconscious mind doesn't want us to change. So it's going to

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throw the doubt in there. It really sabotage you. Yeah, so true. So true. And I think a lot of times

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setting goals is great, but I think being aware, like you mentioned, of what's going on. Burn out,

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manifests in our body, very different for everybody. So what may show up in my body as, you know,

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tightness in my shoulders or short temper or constantly waking up tired all the time, could

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show up differently for other people. So I think, you know, step one is, if, you know, in order to live

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your, your best life, you first have to figure out what your best life is. Yeah. And then kind of work

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backwards and understand where you are and what is stressing you out. And then like you mentioned,

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putting things in place. And you're right. Like you can't just start meditating. I, you know,

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I'm teaching this teaching reading to my two year old and getting him to sit down for an hour to

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read is not happening. So we're working up in minutes. So, you know, one day we're focused on 15

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minutes in the next day, it's 16 minutes. So you're spot on with, you know, you don't just start, you

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know, wake up one day and become a yogi. I myself have been practicing for 20, over 22 years. And

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it's still a working process for me. And I'm still learning how to sit still and not move and not

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think about what I need to do next. And so I absolutely agree. I think, you know, I don't know if you

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have any real world burnout examples of women that you've worked with that have similar to you experience

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burnout. And if you could share some of those with us. Yeah. And I love what you said. It does show up

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differently for everyone. And it even shows up differently from men to women because men, their

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body is built more for stress. They're the hunters. They're the gathers, right? We're the nurturers. We

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create life. Our bodies are built very differently. And what that means is we're not meant to take on

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this much stress, which is why typically a heart is the first heart attack for a woman will typically

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kill her. Where my grandfather had 13 heart attacks. My grandmother had one and she died. So it's not

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just about I want to be fulfilled. I want to live a great life. How about do you want to live?

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That's kind of important too. And so yes, I've worked with many people. I mean, I have a client right now

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and you really work it. He is a business owner and he owns a large commercial construction firm.

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And because he typically works in schools, there are some massive deadlines, right? As they're

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building schools, well, if you're in the state of Texas, you to kids go back to school in mid-August.

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Everything's backed up. But then how do you get out? You know, it's just been years and years of this.

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And finally, looking at it and saying, okay, I'm not feeling well. I'm not giving what I need to give

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to the business, to my people. What do I do about that? And your spot on, its values, its beliefs,

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is looking at what beliefs do I have that keep me pushing this hard, right? What limiting beliefs do

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I have that keep me going like this? And what do I really value in life? So it hits people differently.

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They wake up differently as far as what makes someone just stop and say, well, this isn't working

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anymore versus someone else. Me, it was getting on a corporate jet and risking my child's life.

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Some people, it's a heart attack. Other people, it's, you know, someone else, you know, there's so many

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things, a significant emotional event, a lot of times is what happens. To then people say, I need to

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change my life. I have to do something about this. It's not okay anymore.

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Yeah, absolutely. And I know the word balance, you know, I'm not the biggest

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fan of this work life balance. And I know I've talked about it before. And, and when you're, you're

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in this burnout, go, go, go, you're switching from, you know, depending on what your life is,

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wake him, getting his ready, getting to school, coming home, working from home, or driving to work,

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and working all day, and then picking up groceries and coming home and getting the kids and starting

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dinner and doing home, it just becomes this vicious hamster wheel. And so you step back and you're like,

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you know what, what can I take off my plate? What can I delegate? What can I pull back on?

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Or what can I push forward in? Like maybe you wake up early, like myself. I wake up early before

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everybody else. I have my time. I get my day organized, virtually and professionally. And I'm aware

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that some weeks, like last week I was traveling for work, it was completely unbalanced. I didn't have

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any family time. I was focused on long days for work this week. I'm home and I'm focused on my

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family. So I think with the whole, with burnout, we really got to pay attention to how it manifests

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and build a strategy on how you're going to attack it. And if you're, and you might need more

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than one person to help you with it, and to develop, you know, an action plan on who's going to take

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the kids wear, or, you know, who's going to handle the work call. And so you can go take your kids

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somewhere, or go to the doctor, or go to yoga, or whatever these, you know, things that you're going to do

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are. But I think, you know, the importance of empowering women in business and leadership to be

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empowered into lead teams, you have to have that energy to do it, right? So to have, if you're,

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if you're burnt out, you're not going to be fully present and involved in high energy to,

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to solve the things you want to solve. So I want to talk a little bit about your approach to,

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you know, fostering that in women and how women can, really improve themselves as it pertains the

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burnout to be an effective leader inside their home and outside into the world.

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Yeah, there's a couple things there. I like what you said at the beginning, the work life balance,

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as if there's something so magic that you can just wand, you can wave over, or that it looks the same

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for everyone. It absolutely doesn't. So I work with human design with my clients, both personally and

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professionally, and everyone has a different capacity for work, myself, I'm a manifesting generator. I

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am essentially general workhorses. However, only when it's work that lights us up that will

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give us energy and feed us. If you're continually doing something that you do not like doing,

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it completely drains you. So there's different types of work as well. So that's one of the first things

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I'll do is really get an understanding of that person's design. What were they genetically put here

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to do? How were they meant to work? Well, then we have to look at the mindset of things because

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you're spot on. People need to understand that when you are working so far past your capacity,

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you are less efficient, less productive, you're getting less done in more time.

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So really trying to, you know, switching that mindset and that belief system of

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when I take time for myself, one, I'm not selfish because it's a lot that I hear from women,

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it's actually the most selfless, the biggest gift I can give to my company and to my family

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to take care of myself. Because then when I show up, rested in a good mood, firing on all cylinders,

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I am so effective, inefficient and productive, I can do more in less time.

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So it's really helping people to understand that's a real thing. It's not just something people say.

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You honestly can be more effective and you are not can, but you are more effective and efficient

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when you're taking care of yourself. 100%. And I think, you know, if you're not waking up excited to

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take on the day and feeling good, it's hard to get through the day. So it's up to you to take

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the reins of yourself and your feelings and, you know, maybe turn on a favorite song, maybe take a walk

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around the block, maybe make your cup of coffee, whatever the things are for you, but really have a

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reset for yourself. And maybe you woke up tired, you need to to end your day a little bit early and

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relax on the couch with, you know, whatever you like to relax on the couch with and just

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chill out with it. But I want to press into a little bit about what you talked about. And maybe

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you can walk our listeners through, when you go through the human design process and NLP with

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your clients, like walk us through a little bit about a little bit on how that looks to from your

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perspective. So from my perspective, first is the human design piece understanding their design.

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Second is really working on the mindset, right, the beliefs, the values, understanding what they

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want their life to look like. What does life look like on your terms? And yes, putting a loose plan

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together, because a lot of us, myself included, and once I put a goal out there, my brain automatically

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goes to the path on how to get there. Well, if I knew how to get there, I'd already be there. So I need

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to the moment we put a goal out there, even if it is wellness, even if it is, you know, I'm going to

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be a person that is fulfilled and successful live life on my terms, we need to know what that looks

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like. And then we need to be let things come into our life, be aware. Awareness is 80% of the battle.

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You can't change anything you're not aware of. So that's part of it too. Like some people, they've been

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in it for so long, they're on automatic pilot, right? Their unconscious mind is running the show 95%

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of the time. So what I'm trying to do is wick them up to what their habits they're doing, the things

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that they are doing, how they can change that so that they can then put little steps in place

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to be able to change that and to be able, and it really depends on the person. What does that

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look like for them? What kind of life do they have? Are they a business owner? They work for, you know,

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a company I like to, especially at the beginning, self-care needs if you put in your calendar just like a

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meeting. Otherwise, it's not going to happen because it's not, you're not used to it, right? And

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really taking that time because it's only when you slow down, it's only when you take that time,

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like you said, to walk, to meditate, to yoga. Whatever gets you connected out of your head and into

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your body, that's what I'm working on them to do because they live their whole lives, letting that

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programming that was set in their mind from the age of zero to seven, run the show, all the triggers,

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all the conditioning. We need to, you know, de-condition that, re-condition that, show that they are more in

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control of what they're doing and they're not just on automatic pilot. Yeah, absolutely, and I think

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it's being aware, right? And the goals, and, you know, I forget what the statistic is, I know it's

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really high. Like, by February, everybody's health and loneliness goals are out the window. And I think

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a lot of times it's not that people don't want to have whatever those health and wellness goals.

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They haven't found solutions to fit their life. Like, if you can't get to the gym because you live an

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hour away, it's highly unlikely that you're going to keep doing it. So can you create a gym in your

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home? If you have to cart kids around to different sporting events, you're not going to cook great meals.

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You're going to run through the drive-through. And so can you order, you know, pre-made meals through

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a meal service and have them ready? So when you're out the door, you're eating whatever those meals are.

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So I think, you know, setting the goals like you mentioned and realizing that they're not, you know,

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definitive. They're going to change from, you know, today to next year, I'm a completely different

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person with completely different goals that are, and they're going to completely differently change

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as my life changes. And being comfortable with looking at your goals regularly and saying,

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okay, well, I set this goal to lose 40 pounds and I'm halfway through the process and I've lost three.

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Okay, what do I need to change with what I'm doing now to get the rest of those pounds off? And I think,

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you know, you have to set those tough goals. And then the other piece of it is tell someone, right? So

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if you're waking up and upset and angry all day, ask your kids, you know, how do they feel about mom?

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Ask your your your bosses, your friends, your coworkers, your spouses, everybody in your life on how

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you're showing up in your own life and get feedback, right? So we need feedback to know, like you mentioned,

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people sometimes we don't know what our blind spots are. And someone needs to tell us, hey, you're really

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short or hey, you wake up really crampy and for us to even know that it's a blind spot, right?

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Absolutely. No, I love that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I just say you just brought

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up something where I wanted to a couple of points because I loved what you said. The one is delegate.

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That is I find that issue more with women than with men. Men have an easier time of delegating the

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women do. So that's typically a hurdle that we have to get over, right? Is really looking at their

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life and what can we get off your plate? What lights you up? What are you love doing? And what is a

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grind? Every time you do it, like, ah, I don't want to do this, right? And so really looking at what

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how we can get those things off their plate. Then with the 40 pounds, that is often again with women

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and more than the weight. It's, how do you want to feel? You want to be vibrant? You want to be healthy,

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right? It's not really looking at especially, you know, I'll work with women of my age, you know,

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they're going through menopause, all the things are happening, right? Well, it's not necessarily what

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the number is on the scale. It's really about switching that mindset to I want to feel vibrant,

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I want to feel sexy, I want to feel energized, I want to be able to run and exercise and do everything

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I want to do. That's really the goal. So helping people unpack what the actual goal is because if you

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lost 40 pounds and you felt like shit, you wouldn't be really happy either. And a lot of times that's

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what's happening because they're just focused on that number and they'll do anything to get it.

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So I had to talk about that and then I love the accountability piece, you're right. When we say

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something to someone where we tell people our goals, I think the statistic is you're over 50% more

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likely to make that goal than if you just kept it to yourself. Yeah, I'll tell you a little secret.

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The reason I started this podcast is I told somebody that I admire, dearly, as a very good friend of

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my best friend that at some day I want to start a podcast because it would be fulfilling to me to

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start a podcast and pay it forward to the world. And you know what? Here I am with the podcast.

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And so be careful what you wish for. And I want to push into a little bit about what you said.

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And I think when I was growing up, a lot of times I was told go to school, get good grades, go to

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college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids and that's success, right? And I think

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use the word holistic, right? What is holistic fulfillment to you? It may not be dollars. It may not

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be having kids and it may not be being married. So what is that thing for you? And really figuring out

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what those success metrics are that you're driving towards, not what everybody else says is what you

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need to be doing. And I joke a lot with my friends, I think I've taken the exact opposite road of what

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roads were supposed to take in the world of success. So I want to talk a little bit about your philosophy

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with success and personal loving and how you coach and teach women to live their best life.

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Yeah, I was you're absolutely right. Success looks different for everyone. And giving people

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permission to dream, right? To think outside the box. If that cookie cutter scenario that they've been

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told their whole life isn't it? That was me. It wasn't me. Honestly, I would have never went to college.

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It was a waste of my parents' money. I would have gone out and read an entrepreneur.

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But that's some people, that's for them. It wasn't for me. But I did, I did that. I went to college. I

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got married. I had children. Woke up was like, oh my god, I'm so bored. I cannot stay in this.

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And some really helping people because so many times you'll ask someone, so what is it that you want?

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There's no idea they can tell you what they don't want with great passion. They can tell you what they

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don't want. But as far as what they want, well, I don't know. You know, I might want to start a little

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business. I mean, they tell you it's like a glass of warm milk. I'm like, where's the passion in that?

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They come on. Let's feel that energy because what you focus on is what you bring into your life.

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So if you're constantly focusing and putting all of your energy and your passion into conversations

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about negative things happening to you or the things that you don't want, they're going to keep

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showing up. So the first step is to get through the layers of all the conditioning, all the

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shoads that they have in and really get to what is that purpose? What is that dream? The beautiful

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thing about human design is it helps you to understand what you were put here to do, the value that

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you were put here to give to the world. It also helps you understand your life lessons. So what's

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blocking you? So that's it's a great way. It's kind of a cheat sheet, quite honestly. I don't know why

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every coach in the world doesn't use it. It's amazing because you can really quickly give awareness

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in aha moments where people are like, how do you know that? Well, it's right here. I'm not a mind

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reader, right? It's telling you. So you can dive in from that and really get down to through all the

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layers and numbness that people are feeling to get to what lights them up.

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Yeah, you know, here's a good litmus test when you're setting goals. If you are setting goals and

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you look at the goal and you're feeling like, oh, that's a litmus test. It's the wrong goal to be

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focusing on. If you put the goal down and you, you know, you sing on a scale from one to five that

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it's a one on a scale from one to five. You need to reset that goal, right? So if you, if you're

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feeling anxious, fear, nervousness, doubt, any of those words, it's the wrong goal. And it might not be

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the wrong goal now, but are long terms, could it might not be the wrong goal? Long term, but at this

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very moment, it's the wrong, wrong goal. Now your emotions and your feelings and your thoughts

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are litmus tests of what goals you're setting. And so I want to talk a little bit about redefining

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success in your own terms and what that means to you, not necessarily, you know, what the media says

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or what your boss says or, you know, any other people in your life and really focusing on

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in separating yourself from all these chords in your life, whether it's, and not that we don't

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ever children in our spouses and our friends in our bosses, but really when we're setting goals,

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we need to kind of to separate them, right? Away from everything else and into, to really set them,

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right? Yeah. And I agree with you with goals when I'm helping people to really get clear on what

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it is that they want. I want their goal to scare them a little, but you're right. I don't want them

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to think like, oh, that just feels like a lot of work, wrong goal. It should scare you and it can't be

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of people are the big hairy, audacious goals. I don't find into that. It has to, it can't be something.

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If you're thinking the back of your mind, yeah, that's never going to happen. Why bother, right?

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So it has to be something, it scares you. It's not something that you know you have all the resources

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and the knowledge and everything to do. Well, that's not a goal. You're just going through the

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stops, right? So something that you don't know necessarily how you're going to get there. It scares

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you, song, right? That's a good goal. Then let's work with that piece of it. And then I really believe

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it's authenticity, especially after COVID. People want connection and they want authenticity.

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So really digging into who am I? What do I stand for? What do I love doing? What is the value that I

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want to give the world? How can I offer that up? How can I offer it up in a way that people will

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pay for it? You know, if you're looking at it from an entrepreneur's perspective,

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it may be if you're in the corporate world, maybe it's a small, like there's so many different ways,

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but just opening, having that growth mindset of possibilities again, that's huge. If you show

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many people in burnout, life is very gray. It's very boring and they've lost their passion.

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They don't see necessarily potential and possibilities anymore. It's like, well, this is the way it

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always was. It's way it's going to be type of thing. So it's really getting them to open their

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mind up to what could be, because we have unlimited potential. Any one of us listening to this podcast

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can create anything they want in their life. Anything, we're unlimited potential. If you believe it,

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it will happen. So if there's anything in your life that you're struggling, a goal you can achieve,

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you have a limiting belief in that area, and you need to look at that and you need to uncover it,

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because anything you believe you can create. Yeah, absolutely. I really agree with you. And

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kind of just enclosing being mindful of time. So what I'm hearing from you is first

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addressing burnout. So being aware that you're in a place of, this is not working for me,

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and I can't continue your exhaustive tire. And then kind of step two is setting some new goals,

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and then figuring out how to attack them with tools, and then telling them to someone who you trust

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and know will hold you accountable. It kind of enclosing, I want to get your thoughts on any other,

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maybe top three tips that you can share with our listeners that we haven't talked about,

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because you can leave them with. Let's see. I would say if you're feeling one thing,

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if you're thinking, "Oh, I wonder if I'm burned out or on my way to it, you are." If you think that,

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you are. So don't justify your way out of it, you are. So look, get someone, talk to someone

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about it. Get a coach, talk to a friend, talk to whatever you need to do. It's not okay to live that way.

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We were meant, we were put here to enjoy life. Also, we need to lighten up. It is everything,

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it feels like, especially now everything is so heavy, right? And everything is so dire,

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and I have to do this, I have no you get to do this. Lighten up, focus on what you want in life.

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Believe that it can be possible. There's very easy, if you, people can do it on their own, right?

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Look, take a few hours of time, whenever you have it, buy yourself in your favorite spot with your

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favorite drink, whatever, and write down what you believe. Until you cannot, don't worry about

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grammar, until you cannot think of another thing. When I first did it years ago, I sat there for

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almost four hours, it was crazy, and the time went like that. I was shocked at how many beliefs,

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were not even mine. I worked with that come from, that is not aligned with who I am at all.

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And then you can go back and you can look at that and write the antithesis of that limiting belief.

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What do I need to believe then, in order to empower myself, to become a person that can achieve

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the goals that I want to achieve. So I would just encourage everyone, regardless of how bad you feel,

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how hopeless you may feel, you can turn it around, you can turn it around in a matter of days.

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Our mind is that powerful. And here's the other stuff, if it doesn't turn around in a matter of days,

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don't think that you can't do it. Keep small, consistent steps towards your goal every day,

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build a habit, let the habit get the results.

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Yeah, that's great. And thank you for sharing that. I think at what she said,

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there are some goals I've been working on for years, in years, and I'm still, you know, making

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progress, it's a slow, snails pace, but I'm making progress every day. I want to thank you so much

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for being on the podcast today, Brooke. And I know you're a busy lady. Please get her book,

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connect with her on socials. She's a wealth of knowledge. That's the executive connect podcast.

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Until next time, thanks for joining us.

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