[Music]
It says a psychosexual thriller on the cover.
And yes, I thought that would get people to read it.
It does. You know, honestly, I think it's a great title.
Murder on Sex Island?
You know, you know what you do this podcast before people put their books out.
Because I think that would be really helpful.
An LOL at a book.
Why don't like it?
And there's a spot.
Yeah, there's multiple in this, which is very impressive.
If you do, don't publish.
You just have to make sure to Google it beforehand
because a lot of things turn up the Jeffrey Epstein.
And that's the title.
God.
[Music]
Hello and welcome to Mean Book Club.
We are back with a very special bonus episode.
You might be like, "Why is Clara introducing Isara Sik or Hurt?"
She would never allow this. She must be in a coma.
She let me.
She's nice, actually.
[Laughter]
And this is a very special episode because of our guest tonight.
Well, why don't we go ahead?
Oh yeah, I'm so fired up.
You're busy meeting all of us.
We're never going to be on a leavey.
New York Times bestsellers that shouldn't be.
Now, we whine about them.
Or hilariously critique.
So I've always wanted to say it, so whine.
I'm Clara.
I'm Sarah.
I'm Johnna.
I'm Sabrina.
And we have a very special good friend guest with us today.
Joe Firestone is a comedian, actor, writer, and former Clara Morris roommate.
Selected credits include Z, well, Joe Peritox with you, Teenage Euthanasia,
The Tonight Show and Shrill.
She co-hosts the long-running podcast, Dr. Game Show with Manolo Marano.
Joe has created three specials, good timing with Joe Firestone, Critics Choice Nog.
Great.
The cookie adult swim and a self-titled half hour for Comedy Central.
Her newest card game, Fruits co-created with Josh Nap is available in stores now, but that's
not why she's here today.
She's here today because she is the author of forthcoming book Murder on Sex Island.
Ooh.
Joe Firestone.
Thank you for being here.
Joe, thank you for being...
This is the first episode where we are going to be roasting the author of the book we are
doing.
That's very special to us.
We've taught a big game about wanting an author.
I was bluffing.
No, I'm telling you.
We've always wanted the author of a bad book and you have...
We'll see.
And we have to...
This is a caveat.
Typically, we do do New York Times bestsellers.
That's why this is a bonus.
Okay.
Yeah.
We do expect it to get there, but we're doing it.
We don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Before the official call.
Before the call, but ultimately, time will prove us correct.
And so, we're going to do our best to punch up because you're above us as a hit New York
Times bestselling author.
Okay.
I actually...
Yeah.
Right.
It's hard, Joe, because we like...
We like to say we're punching up because the New York Times bestsellers were not at that
situation with you yet.
So, I would like if you could just take a moment, maybe 30 seconds or so to just talk down
to us as book readers who are pitiful, who've never written our own books.
Just so it can feel a little more like punching up for us.
Totally.
Yeah.
Well, it looks like only one of you wears glasses, which is embarrassing, that's the rest
you don't have.
I have glasses.
Oh, really?
You have them, but you don't need them right now.
So...
Or what?
Yeah.
So, you don't have glasses.
I only sell you do.
And now it's turned out most of you have glasses.
So, I guess the thing is, is that, you know, a lot of books, they are published by
editors and book agents.
And I will say this is that it turns out you don't need any of them.
You just need to submit with confidence.
That's it.
I do need that.
I don't know if that was motivational.
Yeah.
Oh no.
This is going to be hard, is it?
Okay.
I got it.
You read books.
You read books?
How about liking books?
Oh.
I like that.
That is that.
Honestly, it's a fair criticism.
It's a fair criticism.
I really...
I do wonder this all the time when I think about, like, when I'll listen to an episode or I'll
see your posts out, just wonder how you all spent so much time reading these books.
I really, this is what I am very curious because you read so many books.
You read.
Thank you.
And they're all books that make you angry.
It matches that time was spent on something good that was better.
Yeah.
Language is in some way.
Better than reading books.
I feel like reading books is...
Yeah, but what if we were reading Tolstoy or something?
I would be doing that.
I would be watching more TV.
Yeah.
I love TV, man.
Yeah.
It was good.
The best.
But, Joe, I actually would love to hear a little bit about your story about how you
came to write this and basically, like...
What was the...
I know you're self-publishing.
What was your journey to making that decision?
Well, I did try to get it legitimately published because I was unemployed for a really long
time and I wrote this book thinking it could be a big hit.
And then I tried to submit it to a bunch of book agents and editors and everyone was like,
get away.
And then...
Can't believe I can't believe that.
You're legit.
It's shocked.
It is shocked.
I'm actually shocked.
We read a lot of books that do get published and maybe they're just looking for worse content
publishers.
Well, so that I thought, okay, well, I was going to make this a big hit because I was like,
I don't...
Because the thing is, it's like, I make my money now going out at night to do state it.
Right.
And that's not a lot of money.
Thank you for specifying to do stand up.
So then I don't really like leaving the house at night.
I don't really like leaving the house.
And I thought this could be a perfect job for me as book author.
But then this turned out to be actually not a job, but something I'm paying money to do.
And so now I've spent money and I'm trying to make back the money.
And that is interesting to do.
And so I guess the end.
But yeah, the end.
I don't take a class.
I take a class as well.
How many books do you need to sell to break even?
I need to sell 400 books to break up.
We got to have 400 books in Earth.
Yeah, we can't.
No, 400 total.
Yeah.
We can do it.
We can do that.
I think we've probably already done it to read along before the cast.
So thank you.
Congratulations Jill.
What did they do?
Do they read it?
Sometimes?
Yeah.
Sometimes they do.
We've got some angry messages that I read this one.
Why did you tell me to read it?
Why didn't you give me the trigger warning?
And if you haven't, we're going to link to it so you can go ahead and buy it.
Yeah.
It's good.
I'm going to have a bit of a reversal of character this cast.
Yeah, clearly.
I like the book and Joe is my good friend and I love her.
So I can't really see the flaws if there are any.
Oh, okay.
Well, I got one.
I got one.
Okay.
Sarah, go for flaw.
Thank you.
Smiley in the outline.
You pronounce Dolce and Gabana, Dolce and Gabana.
Okay.
I learned I don't know how to pronounce so many words.
I tried to do, oh, God.
Oh, I pronounced vigilante with a hard G.
It's so embarrassing.
Oh, I noticed that one.
I got an idea.
No, they made me redo it.
But it was just there's so many words I did not know how to pronounce.
Gabana, Dolce and Gabana.
Yeah, there's a song.
My Humps, right?
Yeah.
Clara who loves music knows.
Yeah.
I know my Humps.
Come on.
The universal.
All right.
I am.
We are.
You're better.
We're off.
Okay.
So who recommended this book to us?
Let's just get back on that one.
That would be Joe Farsten herself.
She reached out to us.
You do it.
I think it's great initiative.
I think you're going to hate this.
Great initiative, Joe.
Thanks for the initiative.
Thanks.
Let's see.
All right.
Now we like to do a segment called How to Read It.
And this is kind of neat because Joe is releasing the chapters of the book that she's
reading as the author.
Chapters of the book is an audiobook via podcast every week.
So I listened to as much of that is is released.
And then I actually do a bone to pick with the rest.
I had to read on PDF.
Because Joe sent us some PDFs, which was nice.
I mean, we don't have to pay for the book.
The book doesn't come out has not come out as of the recording.
Yeah.
But it's not that fun to read a PDF.
No.
Going to your email every time.
I mean, I also think it's hard because.
I mean, we do a lot of auditing.
I mean, we do a lot of audio books.
And sometimes the book reader will be like, really bad or like the way they do a character is really annoying.
And then so we have a difference in opinion.
If you like read it versus you listen to it.
But for this one, since we all did the same thing.
And we don't know that.
Okay.
Did you not did somebody not listen to?
I haven't had my time on the area yet.
Okay.
All right.
It's like when I met Melissa Athera's the other day and Meg introduced me.
She said, this is Sabrina.
I was like, I got to say that.
That's what I wanted to say.
This is the only time Sabrina has talked about needing Melissa Athera.
Why are we talking about that right now?
Well, she was like, you were trying to say how I got it.
I really don't understand the story.
Could you say it is?
Oh, God.
Yeah.
Let's spend more air time on this.
I was just trying to say that the Joe's performance was superb.
And I would recommend I like.
I wish I could have podcasted the whole.
I listen to the whole book.
It is.
I will.
In fact, a bone I'm going to pick.
I guess is that the pod is so good.
It's the reading of it is so good and it's so in your voice.
And then I have to turn to my own voice.
My own stupid, well, I have this exact conversation where she had not started it yet.
And I was like, well, be prepared because you only get 22 chapters of Joe reading it.
And then you have to read it yourself.
The tease you're going to be so much worse at reading it than she is.
And now I feel not only less funny and stupid, but ugly somehow because I don't read it.
It is good.
Yeah, Joe.
You're very funny.
You really find the job.
You find the.
Yeah.
Well, I think that you know, that's the thing is that anyone can accomplish something with self-publish.
I've been on spending a lot of time with self-publish Reddit.
And I'd say it's one of the it's really it's both encouraging and.
And you know, it's like, it's like, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's like basically it's like everyone's like, did I should I not have self-publish and everyone's like, no, you shouldn't.
And they're like, if you're in any other way, and they're like, not with what you wrote.
And that is what.
It's like, it's like the land of no choices.
And it's so beautiful.
So.
And it's like, after I believe was like originally, yeah, now that has a bunch of movies and it was very bad.
Yeah.
And then a publisher was like, that I will call in Hoover started as a self-publish.
No, famously.
Yeah.
I just want my mom to write it.
Yeah.
I got to go.
I got to tell Reddit because they don't.
I don't think they mentioned.
They should.
They should bring her up.
Wait, I did want to say one other thing because I was excited to talk about how I read it because it's very different for me.
Okay.
Which is I did do it.
I did do as much podcast audio book as I could then PDF, but the special thing is that I listened to it at one time speed.
Oh, okay.
Which I have never done.
That is a big deal for Sabrina.
That's a great.
Never done that.
Sabrina does like two times three times speed with these books.
That's how you can hear them.
She can't.
Absolutely.
She cannot.
I can't.
And I do.
And I stand by that I know as much as all of you.
They'll be like parts of the book that she's like, wait, what happened?
The character was gay.
Wait, but do you think that character has been dead for 200 pages?
Okay.
I will say because I can't pay attention to audio books and I don't understand what's going on ever.
But I will say that the best one, the best actors of all time for audio books and correct me.
I'm wrong.
I've seen that.
I've seen that in the last couple of years.
In theory, or various bedrooms.
Sparks are flying between Nate and Blair.
We see them having sex.
David and Sarah.
We see them having sex.
But who will Tasha sleep with now that David G is gone?
Maybe Ethan and his 10 inch penis?
We see a photo of Tasha in a photo of Ethan with animated
Hard's popping up between them.
We see a photo of Tasha in a photo of Ethan with animated
Hard's popping up between them.
We see a photo of Tasha in a photo of Ethan with animated
Hard's popping up between them.
We see a photo of Tasha in a photo of Tasha in a photo of Ethan with animated
We see a photo of Tasha in a photo of Ethan with animated
And take home the hundred thousand dollar grand prize is still raging
tune in every night at eight to follow the action and Louis Levan Horn is here because she's an undercover private detective trying to solve David
She's murdered. Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that part
the end
Really good Clara, thank you, I'm worried that you weren't getting in that it was a murder mystery
One quick burst at the end. Yeah, yeah, it was more fun that way I felt
Yeah, I liked it. I don't hear anyone saying cop out so it's not
I did so I forgot the detail go ahead
So there's our book for you
Is that a good summer you want to put that on the book cover?
Yeah, I would totally
From cover I think it's that of the title. Yeah, from
You know, I know why more authors don't do that. Why not just put as much info on the front as possible
Why are you limiting yourself with just a title?
I always want more words. Yeah, just sell it to me. Use the real estate
Yeah, are we doing it wrong?
John, I didn't put it in the outline, but if you wanted to do a cover critique
Judge the book by its cover yeah, I don't Sabrina like to even though it's a podcast
They like to talk about the way the book looks and feels we have good descriptive language that we have
So the book felt a lot like my computer
It was very very flat and digital
I'm looking at a pink and red cover for is that what is the actual printed book cover look like?
Pink and red it's in
Blue font is it raised is any of it embossed? No no
I like that is a luella van horn mystery, which I like that. There's more great work
Okay, have you written a second one? Joe are you ready to go with part two?
No, I've been writing I've been writing a little bit of it, but it's really
Everyone says that the characters two depressed now, so I gotta work on it
I think it's because I'm depressed
So I gotta work on it
I gotta get better punching up punching up
Yeah, I think that is first honestly a really fun character though
It's just Luella, but she like can she can only do her job some days
Yeah, yeah, she's yeah, this yeah, she's
In this one, she goes to a personality camp to get better
I like it a lot does that exist? No no
You it also says a psychosexual thriller on the cover and yeah
I thought that would get people to read it it does you know honestly I think it's a great title murder on sex island
That's oh my god, I mean when you attend it, I was like I already hate how good the title is
Well, it was gonna be called sex island period
And then uh then uh my boyfriend was like you should say there's a murder
But then it was yeah, but it was I did you know, I think I'm going I
I felt really bad about it and not and so because it wasn't getting published and then
So then I thought what I thought I would I would publish it or append name
Uh, independent was gonna be JJ loaf
loaf L-O-A-F
Yeah, do you think that's good? I do I like it a lot
I don't think to it sounds fake
I think you know I think you're spoiled by having such a cool you life name
Yeah, I mean your actual name is better than J.J.
Lo like if I I would have married if I married you I would have taken your last name
You know what I mean? It's a good name
Yeah, I think you're a little spoiled with how excellent Joe Firestone is
I think you can even okay
Let's try our own
Yeah, it's right for you
I feel the right
We can call you JJ loaf if that suits you more
Yeah, but it's okay, but you call me JJ loaf for the rest of the episode
Okay, okay, JJ
Well, I do know
You just a lot named too because Johnna will think she's JJ
I call you
Who JJ?
Okay, I love you the name of your dog
I have to reveal that I know that
Yeah, so in this situation have you married the dog and just like oh shit
Yeah, my last name, but I wanted to take his name
Oh, what's the situation
Or is it just a image?
It's just a whole no no
It's definitely that I married my dog
And I took his first name and he took my last name
Oh
Wow, and I also comes on mean book club and is really aggressive
Huh, huh?
Oh my god
I'm really bold
Well, if you think of me
There's a bother you guys
There's a bother you guys when you take your pet to the vet
They write their name I don't know if your vets do this
They write willows name and quotes and then my last name
Like that's not his name
But they go well
Absolutely, that is not
They do not do that
That is not my name
I've never had that happen
Let's new vet
I think when you filled out the form
The first time you put the quotes there
I would
Fucking never
Hey listen, that's weird
I bet you did
I absolutely don't
We have the same vet
Yes, it's it's Sabrina's best friend
Yeah
Oh, the
Unactual friend
It's a very good friend of ours
I'm not talking about our friend
I'm talking about whoever is writing on his prescription
Quo willow and quote
Scrapes I don't care for it
He's right, we all right, we all live
Bring it up
No, they're actually so lovely
It's like the best vet experience I've ever had every single time
That's good because it's rare
I was I went to the vet over the quarantine
And that was like when you were allowed to go in
You had to drop your dog off
And I dropped my dog off with my boyfriend
And my boyfriend took the dog and dropped
Like gave it to the vet tech
And the vet tech goes to my boyfriend
He goes
Who's gonna pick him up later
You are your mother
And all around insult to every one of you
Including the dog
That's pretty good
He's got a great beard
My friend is more still
But is he, but is his mom still
That's he gave us
Oh no, that's why we
No, that's not what's talking to the dog
Maybe the vet talk was talking to the dog
The vet's all Joe from afar
And said
That's a 50 something year old woman
That's what I'm raising
Up close she could correctly see your boyfriend's age
And said well he lives with his mom
That must be her back there
Yeah, the devil is the one
I think it was eight feet away
It's a devil
Eight
It's incredible
It worked out
I got rid of the coat I was wearing
I gave it away
You have to
Yeah, you have to burn anything you have on in that moment
What was the coat
Completely reassessed
I thought it was really cool
It was like one of those oversized coats
But I guess oversized coats do kind of look like coats in
Oh women with a lot of stuff is weird
Yeah, I guess she thought she were like a shrinking
Frailed woman
Oh and she's not insulting your boyfriend
He's taking care of you
Oh my god
He's nice for living with his
So in this scenario, Clare, it's not that he's like 30 something living with his 50 something mom
He's he's perhaps in his early 40s living with his elderly
About to get the home
Yeah
Mother
Helping her with a little
He's holding with him at this point
Yeah, he wants
Yeah, she didn't want to go to a home and he said, all right, mother, I honor you
I will
I'll take care of you
What's funny to me is the confidence with which she said she was like so certain you were his mother
It wasn't even a question of like, should I say that should I make this guess
It's just like
Look
That's um
Can we can we move on to John as jugs please
Yes, we can
Okay, next segment
Um
I
What a juggle
Real high as my jug
Gives away a plot point and so I'm changing it up
I think that's a
Er
You know
No, I think
I think you can say it
You think so?
Yeah, there's a good yeah
If it doesn't give away the very ending
Yeah, I think it could be the end of it
Okay
So my jugs
This is a drink bearing
If it's not clear
It's called the anti-freeze cocktail
And the reason being is that there is a question of
Is
Anti-freeze involved it's kind of introduced I feel like halfway through
um in
The murder on sex island or is it not and as soon as I heard that I was like I guarantee there's something called an anti-freeze cocktail that people serve at college bar
You can have a little bit for it keep coction
Yes, you can have a little bit
Yeah, you can have a little bit
I believe
I'm not I think it's not anymore
But I think anti-freeze used to be weirdly sweet
So if you were served a glass of it
You you could drink it and you would not know that you were drinking something
That is the toxic
Yeah, I think that's why they made it like a really bright color
But then with all the sports drinks out there it doesn't really work that way
Doesn't work and in fact the very first alcohol I ever had
Legally was
Something that looks just like
Attifreeze it probably tastes like it's called blue curacao
Yeah
It is
Right blue and so the anti-freeze cocktail is a one and a half ounces of vodka
Half ounce of blue curacao
Four ounces sour mix and a splash of spryte it sounds like
Hmm, I love spryte
An absolute nightmare of a drink
It would be good if you want to ruin yourself for two to three days after having
I think just one cocktail but I thought it would be fun
And um you could Halloween theme cocktail too
Yes
Mm-hmm
Yeah
Carousel tastes like what?
They all taste the same like just sort of like sugar
Rubbing alcohol and vengeance
It's worth a color that you're drinking it for it's like
Oh this is extremely blue
But that's fun that's a fun it is fun
All right let's take the
I was just gonna say that um pairs nicely with the book but that's a good one jonna
Because I know a lot of times we give you a lot of crap
For your terrible periods
You did a good job this time yes you did
I accept the very insulting compliment
And I'm gonna just convert it to just a compliment in my mind
That's what we got to do
Perfect beautiful
Um let's take a quick commercial break and when we come back we're gonna
I don't know we'll talk about the book and author I guess a little bit but mostly we're gonna dive into the book
BRB
And we're back uh Clara you want to give us some j j or jj loaf background
Yeah
Joe is um younger than me but older than Sabrina
I think she's probably around jonna and seris age
So we like it when the authors are a little bit older than us because it sort of
Gives us like oh yeah we could still do it
Yeah exactly if they're too young they piss us off
Yeah two youngs you are older than me
Yeah yeah
Um let's see
Joe was born in st. Louis and
Little grew up there she had a West Highland Terrier
There's a big blank space on our uh document under author by the way
And so Clara is
Do you have time to get your childhood
This is our memory so go ahead Clara keep going
Um she has an older brother named Ben
Uh who is in a frat which is kind of different than
How Joe is
Huh
Joe wasn't in a frat
Oh once her dad told a joke that was like both my kids love movies
My daughter you don't want me to say it
No you can tell it this
I don't have to
No go for it
Both my kids love movies
My my daughter loves watching movies with her friends
And my son loves making movies with his girlfriend
Oh wow okay
I get it
And when Joe told me this story she explained it it's like
great I have two kids ones will lose or ones a porn star
One's the coolest person I know
Let's see then she went to college
Oh congratulations
Thank you
Let's assume it was near St. Louis
Okay
And then
And she moved to New York City
Where she became a thriving stand-up comedian
Is hilarious she ran the show Punderdome
3000
For many years
Uh um
Let's see she won an Andy Kaufman award for being so funny
Okay
I'm sorry
She's nominated several times for an Andy Kaufman award for being so funny and she probably should have won
She's gotten she went to just for laughs for as a new face comedy
The specials that I said in her opening so she's been a huge successes stand up
She's written for a bunch of shows like I said in the opening and now she's written a book
Ta-da
Joe
How much of that was accurate what do you say?
Well I would say that certain you know certain things where I'd say um
I'd say maybe
Exaggerated in a little bit but uh overall I'd say some of it was correct
I'd say I'd go say 65%
Really nice
Okay
Oh yeah
Were you born in New York?
You'll grow up St. Louis?
Yeah I did
Yeah
Nailed it
Yeah
So
Midwest is hard for people not from Midwest
It's all very similar to me
Well
Yeah and this you know that's something to think about
Are you in fact 35-ish?
I am older than that
I am
That fits my description
Yeah
older than Sabrina
I think Clara
I think I may be
Clara you have to sing your part
I'm there
Well I'm gonna be 37 in December
I'm already 38
So
Okay
You're too new
You're
Okay
It was accurate and younger than Clara
than Sabrina
You were
Yeah
Well um
What about did you go to college around St. Louis?
You seem to not agree with that one
Yeah I didn't think that one
Okay where did you go to college near?
I don't know where
Okay
I went to college on the East Coast
which is kind of all the same
movie think about it
Okay
Wow
The Senegalist
They're coming
Okay
She doesn't understand anything about these girls
What state
Connecticut
I went to Wesleyan
But she said
Wesleyan that's right
There's yeah
The St. Louis of the East Coast
They're St. Louis of the East Coast
They say
You must do drugs
Oh did you do a lot of drugs in college?
No no I didn't touch your stuff
You never touch your drape of drink
Didn't touch your drape of drink
Okay
Great
Well
You were in a fraternity?
No I wish I was
So it would have be wonderful
You seem to
You seem to fight back against that one
Yeah
That's where your brother did
It felt like a big reaction
Well I just you know
I just thought
Then maybe that didn't
I wasn't
I feel kind of like a cool bro
And I just feel like
You know the fact that you said
that my brother was so different from me
I just don't know
If that's accurate
So sure he does lift a lot more weights
And I do
And sure he's
Good at drinking beer
Sure he's
Cool, Linda Florida
Wow
That's the way he was described to me from you
Like
He's different
That's how I described me
My sister
We're different
Shoes and sorority
There I don't have to
Keep explaining it
My sister was sorority
And my brother was in a fraternity
And I
Was not
Did theater
Was a nice shorthand
So nice shorthand
That I guess did theater covers as well
I didn't even watch that
Famous rush documentary
Of course
I got it
Okay
I just felt
I don't know
I watched it
I was like I don't think I'm a human being
Like did you do feel that way?
I was
So I mean the reason I watch reality tv
Honestly is because I like to watch people
ruining their lives
I think from afar
And watching that
I was like this is so funny to watch people
Making this horrible decision to go to
The University of Alabama
Just to be in a sorority
It's the only reason
It is the only reason they go
It's really bizarre
But so many of them
Yeah
It's a great documentary
I really recommend anyone watch it
But it's basically about how
What you have to do to
Make yourself the same enough
To be accepted into an Alabama sorority
Wow
And it is
It's so horror show
It's like what it's like a horror movie
Nice to you
I don't think so Clara
No
I don't think so
So shame
West Island Terrier
Yes for you that
I did have a Westie
Congratulations
That's like an I know the talk for that meant
I'll feel the way for you
I know what a Westia is
I didn't know what a West Island Terrier was
Oh god
Clara was using the dogs last night
So let's talk about the book a little bit
Let's do the book
Let's do it
All right
We're sorry, are there characters
Or do you wish that the premise
I think we're talking about
Oh yeah
Let me quickly
The premise is
Go ahead
Yes, there's piss now
The book is about a contestant
Who goes missing on a reality show called Sex Island
And the detective
The LL van Horn
Who must solve the case undercover as a cast member
Yeah
I really like the starting off point
Where you had like a
This kind of like novice
Detective whose life had kind of fallen apart
And was
Really into pretending to be someone they
weren't
Like Luella
Their detective is like an alter ego
And then also obsessed with sex island
And just happens to be like bingeing it
And then finding out that there was a murder
Or there was someone missing to start with
And that they needed her to come on and go undercover
I was just like
I want to say
I felt like also you did such
I don't supposed to be mean
I'll find things
I felt like you did such a good job
Of quickly building that character
And telling us what the premise is
I feel like a big issue I have with so many in the book reread is
I feel like I'm a third of way through the book
And I still don't know why I'm reading it
And I felt like I knew so quickly
They said it was too fast
No
A lot of people have
That's because you're a comedy writer
I bet you're used to getting premise out
It was not
Maybe that's the way
Publishers you went to
They were like
Oh we need to
Not understand what's happening for longer
You think more
It's so dumb
I don't want to sit there for a third of the book
Not knowing what's going on
That's fascinating though
That was feedback when that's something we like
I got that a lot
You need more flowery language
And more descriptions of the place
And more descriptions of like
Just slower
And he's very less slower
I don't know what you're doing there
There's a lot of interesting dialogue
You know what I mean
When it's just like
Well I'm just freezing through this
I'm not getting stuck in pages
The pages of what color the walls were
Yeah I love the one
And author tries to show me
How good of writer they are by just
With the description of the setting
Prove it to me and your setting description
I will say AP English
Yes
That's what I love
You know the word
Ferdinance
Luella
Slash Marie
Marie is her real identity
So her background
She's
When the book starts
She's like 29 I think
But she has this whole history of like
She had been like a sad Nylon
She's so short worker
She was a wife and
They kind of had a falling out
So she's she's devourous
She's moved out on her own
And I was like
29
This woman sounds like
She's 43
Yeah
She's been the ruler
I couldn't I was like
I could not
Imagine and also you know why Joe I do think
This is just how your your personality reads older than you are
Knowing you I was like okay
This is actually how Joe was at 29 years old
But
Gevor
Living on that Nylon
Or personality wise
But I was like this sounds like a 43
I don't know
My sister
Social worker
The divorce by 27 I believe
Oh wow
Wow
This is right so it happens
It feels pretty
Pretty enough to be on a show called Sex Island
Well
That's a nice we're not doing that
Although the listener at home can imagine how pretty that means I am
Yes
Yeah
Yunger version of that
My goodness
What's sure in home
Yummy
Just to match
Well
I'm like so upset that you got that feedback
Because I actually couldn't think that it's more wrong
I
I wrote it down in my notes how much I liked
The like speed
Quickness with which I understood where I was like
Okay think about like a pilot on a TV show
If like hopefully the TV show is on for 10 seasons
And you have 200 episodes
If you don't understand the premise of the TV show in episode one
Why are you watching episode two
Like in all these books if it weren't for me in book club
I don't know why I'm reading chapter two
And Sabrina likes a lot of the books
And I do
I'm so scared
Well yeah I guess that I think the thing that yeah
Though other
I guess some people that
I would say it's confident
We'll just say that
Like a lot of people have asked me if this is autobiographical
Which is so embarrassing
How did they even ask this?
A rude
They asked me if it's based on my life
And it's so embarrassing and it just also
The character is so like
Mousy and they think that I'm describing myself
And it's that bad
It's really bad
So if you ever read a book
At this point
Just be aware that that will happen
Joe a big mistake you made
Yeah and maybe Sabrina might disagree with me here
But is that you made Louwella blonde
And I agree
Okay Louwella should have been a redhead
Redhead
Oh my gosh you're right
She should have
Oh my gosh
She's gonna be a redhead
No I actually think it kind of
So I think it fits
This Mousy person's character
Like this Mousy person
She would think that blondes are hot
She doesn't even conceive that redheads
Are the hot ones
No that makes sense
That makes sense
So for her character
I didn't know redhead was supposed to be like that
Until we started a mean book club
And every fucking woman had red hair
We did not
Every hot woman
As a blonde
I've been pretty offended by the whole thing
Oh and if you have dark hair you're evil
Yeah
Well I knew that I have from Jesus
From witches
But that is a thing
And then every
If you read a lot of mysteries
I don't know how many mysteries you've read in this
In this podcast but
You could have out
Yeah
That all of the men have green or blue eyes
They all have blue eyes
Yeah
Our queen's blue eyes
We can't look into brown poop eyes
Yeah
We need to see the sea baby
Yeah
We have to see forever in those eyes
Oh my gosh
Have you read a lot of mysteries Joe
Like are you an agatha Christy gal
Yeah
I read a lot of mysteries
I like agatha Christy a lot
I really
There was this new one
I read that was really juicy
About a podcaster
That was really good
I love you
And dark corners
Yes
You suggested to me
But then I looked it up
And there were two books called dark corners
And so I didn't follow
You could have been too hard
That's it
I would say this was in the vein
Of
We've been reading a couple of these
Like it's called a cozy mystery
Which yeah
So it's like there's nothing to
Usually like in a cozy mystery
It's like you're not going to see anything too horrifying
But it is of absolutely like a thriller mystery
And
But it's kind of fun to read too
And it was weird to think of like
A sex island is a place for a cozy mystery
But it was
Yeah
There was a lot of cuddling and sex happening
And that was very cozy
And not but not sex
But not sex
It was not sex
Well there was sex but off page
Off page
Yeah there's not a lot of pain in tracinets
Yeah which is
Is another criticism of mine
I use to refer
I prefer penetration
I did want to
But some of the people
And we could have
And I can't
And it was a lot of like
*coughs*
They didn't do it
But some of the sexual imagery was so good for me
Not in like a
A rousing way
But one of my favorite lines of the book is when
Someone described someone else's balls as smelling like
Lippton soup mix
And that just
I mean I've never
Felt something was more real
I just
Oh yeah
They were great descriptions
I think you described the weather as like
Minestroney once
And that really got me
It was super
It was like a great soup
I wrote down a favorite one
Which was
Stephanie stood in the doorway
Looking like hell
Truly like a cat that got run over by a large truck
And managed to live
I went a writer's group
With this like with people from my class
From my mystery writing class
And they were like
I remember I got a note on that line
They said
What is that?
They said they were very cute
But also they're the cat
The cat or the balls are which line
The cat they're like cat
Why would cat get run over by the truck
And then but then they also they're but they've been very supportive
But they they're like
They did think I said come too many times
That was a big thing
What is sex island
But they said there's too much come
There's so big
They said more useless
They wanted different euphemisms for it or
Yeah I think so
Yeah because it was like
It was so interesting because I really
I've never met these people in real life
And like they come from all different parts of life
And none of them are like
New York comedian types
And it's like oh my gosh you're right
The comm is it is hard to read
When you're like
I wonder what you're about
It's not that you're just saying like
He splurded all over the sheets
No
Yeah, yeah splurded is good
Yeah that's yeah you
That's good
You have you're
You're way to become a self-published person
It's just like I think it is like nice to
Hear from people that are not
So used to the crude
Grass language
Yeah
Society
And that's mean that by the five of us
Our own little society
The problem is like I've just seen so many penises in the wild of New York City
I guess that joke
Yeah
Reading the word comm
Absolutely
It didn't even notice it
I did not bother you
I don't even remember being said one time to be honest
I did pick up on the 10 inch penis which was mentioned a lot
Which seems excessive
Yeah
Yeah, I did prove to that's part of it
Yeah, and that's I think part of the sex island
producers of it all like
That's how reality shows go
I
Yeah, I guess they did the big note
I did get several several times was that there are too many characters
There's just too many characters
And I'll approximately
That 60
And so they're like you need to cut it down
And then I was like or you can
mention like a physical trait every time you mention them
And I was like oh, okay, I'll do that
And so that's why I was every time I mentioned Ethan
I'd be like it's 10 inch piece
The 10 inch
Yeah
It was that that's a good note
That was helpful
So the writers group pushed you into that
The same people that said less calm
Basically forced you to be like
Remember you know the planets
We're nice
What was helpful
Especially because they're reality show guys
They're all sort of similar in the first place
You picked the bland
bland names for the guys also
Yeah, yeah, they girls
They used to be all named um
There was there was a Daniel
And there was a David and then there was a like a Doug
And there was in the
And there was a lot of D
Yeah, the writers group was like you should make a different names
I would show names like Phil
And like just names that are like
What was Philly that just names that feel like they're from
Somebody's 50 at least
I would say Joe next time try to go for long names
Because then too you get that page count up
Oh yeah, there's good
Oh yeah
Yeah
I do think that when you're writing
Like even writing like a sketch
I think it's so embarrassing to pick out names
Yeah
I love this
It's like a little window into
Into me that I don't want to show people
I always say people after like other people I know
Or like
And it helps me imagine the character
Because I'm have I ever come up as a character
Sabrina ever been a character
Yeah, I was Sabrina's been a character in my work
The first thing I ever submitted to a writing competition
And I wrote Sabrina as my main character
And the feedback I got was um
This character is too unbelievable
Just a cheap knockoff of uh
The lead on two broke curls
It's a real person
Life outch
Cheap knockoff
They put that in writing
Oh it's not even a mean as thing they said Joe
It's an anonymous
It's an anonymous feedback
And I it ended with um
The author should be ashamed to have even submitted this
Jesus
Wow
This was for children
Some people
Uh
Well it was for adults
Uh but it was I was like 22
It was the first like I was like I would pilot
I'll just put it in here
Um
Yeah
Oh yeah
I'd love to know who wrote that
I really would
Because it was just like I don't think that they
Are successful or famous
Like I don't think we'd recognize the name based on
I assume they're dead
Yeah, they're probably dead
No, they're not
Probably
There
That is I would say that that is like
I think that is just
It is so vulnerable to put out a pilot
A pilot where people are talking
Yeah
People are saying actually I had two
You have a David G and a David N
I had two mats because it was based on
Partly on my husband who worked in the restaurant industry
And there were like three mats at the restaurant
And they the feedback I got was like
And to have two characters with the same name
All I can say is
Intentionally confusing
Without any benefit
So uh
Fair
But David G just was very memorable
I do want to talk a little bit more about Phil
Because Phil comes in and he's like
When Louella comes undercover
Is in me like going after Louella
And I really like to feel
I like how you red fill
Um
I just like like his dopey attitude
That he was going for
And that Louella was falling for him
Like or was like into him
Yeah
It was cool how Louella could insult him be like he's stupid
But he's still gonna help it
I was disappointed
In the scene where they finally were to have sex
That she seemed to
Went out
That that she didn't try to go for it at all
Um that's what I wanted from her
Interesting
Yeah
To shoot her shot
If you want to shoot her shot
I did I did
But I feel like
Sorry
I feel like if she went for it
And he rejected her
Then that would have had to change the whole trajectory
Of the book
So I feel like
Her being comfortable with him
Faking the sex
Well I think it would have been more like
Bless a rejection more like her realizing
Oh this is actually how it's done
Oh I see
Not like it didn't need to be a rejection
But I just
I wanted to see her
Sarah just wanted to see some people
I did want to see more P and V
But I think a little background here for the listeners that
Um this was they were on TV
Uh yes
The sex island shows sex
So it
They go under cover
Regular sex
Was gonna have to have sex on TV
So Sarah I think you're
I it felt very real to me
That she was scared and didn't want to do that
Okay
Yeah
She was there
She got that far
I would have gotten out of it before then
I think yeah
On TV
I guess you're undercover
Do you think?
Under the blankies
I think I think it was
To me
I think it's like
I think it's more
Um
I would have guessed that it was actually supposed to be fake
So it would have been for me
I would have liked it if she
Interesting
If she thought it was gonna be real
And but and
Oh you know the other thing here is also why
I think after that point
She kind of backed off being into fill
And I wanted her to keep being into fill
I wanted more of her following for fill
Because I thought that was so fun
And after that I feel like she was like
Lesson to him and I missed it
I missed it
I'd be more into a guy after that
I think I'd be like
You're so well
So I respect to me
You might be you might be a virgin
I love the I love the Luella fill
I loved their chemistry
I like when he put his finger in her mouth
I love it
Oh okay
I like it he gave her the sex hug
Which is how Joe describes the kind of hugs that Phil gives
Which is like
We're gonna have sex later
Yeah
Joe, have you worked on reality TV shows
Because it really felt like you knew the environment
Really really well
Uh no I have not worked on reality TV shows
I was just basing it off of
Um
Kind of what I know about sets
And then also like
Oh, sex
I know about sex at first
Yeah I wanna know about sex
Which is a lot
You did
It was a very vivid like you you could mention the PA
Like you knew everyone
And what they did kind of
It was nice to fill the world
Because we've certainly seen
I feel like
A lot oftentimes the main characters are just writers
Because the writers like I only know
Or it's an author like Joanne Fluk
Who who is the author of
Oh my god
Different horrifying cozy mystery culture
Ritter, she does a lot of
Oh my gosh yes and blueberry mother
And yeah she's oh my gosh all the fluid ones
Yeah all the dessert
Yeah so she tries to write about sets
And uh we'll say things like
The director sat down in his big directors chair
And took out his megaphone
And he called the set
The top
So it was really really fun and refreshing
To hear things like video village
Which is where um the director's camera
Ops
So if they're doing remote cameras
And the director and people sit and watch
What's happening and edit on the fly
Um
And other words
Uh that people who have actually been on a television set
No to use
Yeah that
Yeah that um
The there's uh
I do feel like I kind of a mean to costume designers in this
Yes
Yes I would say if you're a costume designer
Watch out you're gonna be
Yeah I wanted to know what your issue was with costume designers
I did one
Yeah I guess it's like um
TV like they just everybody has to dress so hot
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah like on TV everybody has to dress so hot
Uh and then
That's a problem
That's the end of it
Well so they have like
But then it's like
You know I know it's not the costume designers
They're like obviously being told
They got a make-em-look hot
They got they're being told that
But then I've
I realized that I've taken a lot out on the costume designers
So the woman with the long black hair
I renamed her Tasha
Because I worked with a costume designer named Tasha
And I knew that she was gonna read this and be like
What the fuck?
It has no t-
No listen Tasha this is
I mean you a hot
I mean you a hot girl
Yeah
Yeah that's Tasha was a good character
I feel gonna be Tasha
I there was a Sarah in there
And I did not like Sarah
So I wasn't mad at you for that
Interesting
Okay
You were not
Yeah
I really liked
Yeah
Sorry go ahead
No please Claire
Tell us what you'd like to love to hear
I liked um
Marie slash Lulella's reception to the clothing always
Was really good
Oh yeah
Um
Like
She always needed more
Yeah
When you got that one dress
And we're like
How did I get blessed with so much fabric
It's a full dress
And it's like
Oh the ass
From the ass
Down is completely
That's so good man
You got me
I went on the ride with Lulella
I was like yeah I'm so happy yet
Because I guess I'm sort of self-conscious dresser
Sure
So I was really feeling for her in those moments
And then I felt so good with the dress and then
But
So
Yes
No ass
I did like that she went for it
Like that she was
I mean around there in a bikini
And like didn't have whatever the perfect body
And I could also see that being popular
As it was kind of in the show
Because like the last
Jess
Who was the winner of the most recent love island
I mean she's very hot
But she's not like the stereotypical body
Like she was like a little
Little thicker than the average contestant
And
I think people liked her more
Because she was like
Not just in real boobs
Yeah a little bit
A little bit more
A little bit
J.J
Thank you
J.J. Love
But in your mind
Is Marie/Luella
When she's Luella is she kind of hot
Or is everyone playing mental games with her
I wasn't sure
Like I guess I want to
Very clearly picture this woman in her bikini
I wanna
What do you see when you see her?
Okay great question for sure
I would say that
I think that she probably is someone that like
Doesn't
I don't think that she's bad
Like I don't think that she's hideous
But I don't think she's someone that draws the eye
Like I think you could be like
Just look past her
You know what I mean
That's like
A credible description of someone
She's not someone that draws the eye
But there are people like that
So mean
Well I think it's like maybe the way she carries herself
Like she just not gonna be someone that makes
That he gets people to look at her
Like she's not wearing loud clothes
She's not like
Her posture is not like put
You know what I mean I don't think she's like a confidence of
There's no confidence
So there's no sparkle
Right with Esmeralina
So I don't think she's bad looking
But she's not
There's no sparklers
There's no one
When she's Luella
She has a little more confidence
So maybe she is standing up a little straight
Yeah
Oh we got teeth
Yeah
Big time teeth
Yeah
I do feel like even if
Like she's walking down the streets of Staten Island
And if people are seeing her and they're like
That's a woman in dentures and a wig
But she's like feeling herself so much
Probably makes her more attractive
Right
Like
I-
Confidence is hot
I did love to picture her in my mind
As someone who think like
Thinks that she just like got all dressed up
But she put on this real wig
Like these teeth that somehow change her entire appearance
But they're really happy
She's like monstrous clouds
Everyone can see she's in a wig
Everyone can see she's got
What are they called?
These slippers when you have like the fake big teeth
The turkey
Uh
Yeah
Just kind of like the dress is like half off
Everyone can just
It's like crazy from a mile away
That was my favorite version of imagining her
I-
That's probably accurate
I'm like where does she get her wigs
Because she seems to think they're pulling it off
And I have yet to see a like
Really, really good
Hotty wig
I- I would like to
I would like to add on to this wig
Line of thought because
I think there are some missed opportunities
Rewigs
Because as-
As a watcher of love Island
I know
The past contestants have had a lot of issues with their wigs
And the heat and humidity
And it looks insane when it starts to fray
And that like
The last season they were always wear-
They're always wearing headbands to try to hide it
And it's like a big really hard for upkeep
And I was-
And so much mention of the weather and the humidity
Not enough mention of how
Ridiculous and dumb
Will as wig maybe looking
Oh, I don't really wish-
You know, you know what you do this podcast
Before people put their books at
Because I think that would be really helpful
Because the writing group has been very helpful
But this has been-
I mean, Lula could have been a redhead
And that would have been huge
I bet it could have been published
And with all this stuff-
Feedback, this is great
That's all you needed
No, but it was-
I have a bone to pick in the-
With the humidity stuff
Joe is a bit more personal
Oh, well as wig clear up
Yeah
I need to ask you this
Uh-huh
You're-
I put clear-
You're a character in the-
In the-
In the next one
Oh, that's fun
To what extent?
Just my name?
Okay
Is this-
It's not so complicated
What do I-
I need to know
Alright, but don't let that stop you
From coming at her with whatever this-
Yeah
It's a bit more personal
So Lula has a lot of problems with heat and humidity
Yeah
But when you were in DC to do a show
And I was like dying about
How hot it was
You were like-
I would need a sweater
I'm so comfortable
It was the summer
It was like August
You know it's-
I don't know
Probably feels like a hundred degrees
And you were-
You loved it
So um-
So you didn't want to give that trait to Lula
And how do you learn-
Because of this-
Not-
Out of biographical
Alright, so you write what you know
I'm not applying you to biographical
Well where did you learn
How humans react to humidity?
I can-
I observed others on the news
Okay
That makes sense to me
Okay
That's why I decided-
I guess if I had known that
From the beginning I would have been less um-
Scoffing during that
Yeah
What-
Oh Lula's hot
Yeah, we're ready
One issue I have with Lula is
I don't think we could be friends
Because of her relationship with food
Which is-
It's a little bit
She could take or leave it
Early on in the book
She's like-
Someone's like, what do you want for breakfast?
So she's like, just whatever
The other women get
And the person was like the other women get egg whites
So she was like, oh then
Not that whatever you eat
The one was like, I eat egg whites
So she was like, I'll have egg whites
And then later
Someone ordered her Thai food
And then someone else came in
And threw the Thai food in the trash
And she didn't punch that person
I mean-
Well she was very-
Listeners, listeners
I need John and not lead you just right here
It's because of the luality
She was like trying not to eat solid food in front of anybody
At any point
And then with the Thai food in the trash
She had just been beaten up
And-
I don't care
And like-
I was still-
John loved Thai food
I was like, doping everyone
I'm sure she dug it out of the trash later
She mentioned thinking about it
I do believe it
Yeah, I think it-
I need to see her digging it out of the trash
Or else we are not friends
But-
But we know that she loves food
Because
She named her cats meatloaf and meatball
We couldn't see more cat
Which we really made sense
Because the cats were back in Staten Island
And-
She was staying in place on sex island
But I like cats and-
What do you want to-
You want to have the cats have sex?
What-
So it's sex-
No, come on, Sabrina
We found an oven here
They're shillin and sibling
Well that's what Sabrina walked up
I don't know if you'll-
That's-
What's-
Um-
No, the cat part was a hilarious
It was like a-
I wouldn't call it a B story
But it was maybe like a D story
Which there was a cat's-
A runner, Sarah, there we go
There was a cat sitter
Who clearly hates the cats
And would send a-
Marie pictures of the cats
And then say stuff like
It's in my seat
Can I push it off the couch?
I see-
I read that not as-
That she clearly hated the cats
I read it that she's more like us
In that meanness is her love language
That's how I read it
And she's reaching out to Marie
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
Interesting
Another personal question
The cat-
One of the cats name is Meatloaf
Is your dog's name Meatloaf but you call him "loaf"
No, it's-
Book is not
Automatically-
(laughs)
I have no connection
Okay, JJ Loaf
All right
Yeah
It's just-
Well I've always imagined your dog is a breadloaf
So I needed to know
Oh yeah, no this-
Yeah, that's-
He's more of a bread for sure
Yeah, for sure
More of a bread-
Is he a corgi?
Because if your dog's name is low-fum
I can only picture a corgi
He's like really long
Like a corgi
He's like the length of a corgi
But the look of Alfie
He got alphabets
He's like-
He's like the face beautiful from the body
Long body, nice
I think we should take a quick commercial break
But we'll be right back
I think we gotta talk about like
When did you guys start to-
Maybe when did you guess
The killer or like
When did you-
What was your favorite-
The Sabrina just-
Turn or reveal-
Find out that someone was killed
She's guess-
The Sabrina's-
Guess me
But we'll be right back
Are you good?
Just a bit
Do you know-
Take a minute or-
Meg's got it
But-
Some little black cat
Made some mayhem
With some glass
Oh okay okay okay
Wasn't it a escape though?
No no
But there's a lot of broken glass everywhere
Oh no
Was there a champagne flute?
Was it-
No it was a bowl of glass
As soon as he said cat-
Sarah was like-
I don't care
I was gonna be concerned if the cat ran away
Other than that
It was hard for me to imagine
What a cat could have done that
Would be a catastrophe-
I mean you don't have to imagine
Sabrina kept talking after she said cat
Even people didn't know what to say
It's hard to imagine that anything I said could have mattered
And I get mad
For some glass
All right and we're back
We're talking to Joe Firestone aka J.J. Loaf
About her
Self-published debut murder on sex island
I feel like-
I loved it
I thought it was so funny
I wish it wasn't a PDF
Because I could have highlighted
What I liked and been more specific
I was so able to do that Clara
Yeah
I took a-
You can highlight-
I took screenshots on my phone
And then I highlighted-
It's green shot like see-
Yeah
I was sort of-
Share that information Sabrina
What is tip-
I am a knowledge-
Common knowledge
It's also-
It's so fun to have author on and be able to-
Like usually if we have an issue
Or we don't get something
We can't ask the author but we can
And that's super fun
Um
Joy wanted to know why you waited so long
To introduce the police
Because I can't think for a while
What are the police doing?
Um
Are they solving this?
Turns out no
But
Um
They were kind of-
They were kind of dumb dumb police
Yeah
You always knew they would be
Yeah I was kind of like thinking
Maybe I'll write to see no police
And then
You know at a certain point
You have to think
Well it probably would be police
Right there so you think
Well let's just-
Let's add them in
But then we'll kind of keep them-
Keep them as low-key
Yeah
I like acknowledging that it's a
A world where 9/11 happened
But we're not gonna-
We don't have to get into it
The characters-
The characters didn't have a big connection to it
This is exactly it
Interesting
That's right
Okay cool
Interesting
I have a question
About something maybe I just didn't get or amissed
Okay
But when she goes to the dead man's apartment
And she touches the toothbrush
Yeah
My question is not why did she touch the toothbrush
But she touches the toothbrush and it's wet
And she gets freaked out who wouldn't
As a creepy moment
But I don't think I understand what-
At the end why it was wet
Did I miss something?
Or was it just kind of like
I miss something
Okay
Tell me after the cast it would give it a way to say it
Okay well I will just say that um
I guess um
You are not incorrect in thinking that was maybe one of our holes
And you feel-
Oh is that a red herring?
I guess um
It's never clearly addressed
Who uses the toothbrush
But I guess-
Oh why I guess
Or why for sure
That's just a question
I might have missed it
I'm not able to see flaws in this beautiful world
It's not in there
There's quite a few of these little things where you think
Where is the knife
You know but I think that um there's uh I would say that
I guess I'll tell there it's just I assumed
That uh a certain-
The killer
Yeah might have been living here
Just hanging
over for fun
For fun
Creepy
It was a jump
A nice little jump moment into a man
Certainly a jump
If you don't have to think about it
Again it's pretty good
But I-
I really-
I'd really creative to know that the reader could just
Assume many other things happen after the book ends
And during the book that we don't even see
Just like you can assume all kinds of other things are happening
Oh yeah look
Yeah with a lot of holes you can just fill those holes in
Yourself and that's you know that's really empowering
This is an empowering text
I love it
In my mind all those holes were getting fucked
Yeah yeah we think about it
And at the big time I'm gonna cover
That was too quick Sarah
So was that a hole?
Yeah it's like you've been sitting in that
I've got a bunch of them written down in my hand
Yeah
I'm posting
For a y'all reader
For the meme book club ladies
I wanna know when
And or if you figure-
We're not gonna- first of all we're not gonna say who the
Uh killer was or is or whatever
But I just wanna know when you guys figured it out
Or like if you figured it out or if it was like not to reveal
I did not
I was stumped just like Louella
Yeah I guess Louella knew which we'll talk about
That comes
This like Louella presented herself
I stumped
I mean I guess I could have been anyone
It's not that I never suspected
Mm-hmm
But I never felt a hundred percent sure
Mm-hmm
I never feel
I still don't know what I read one of these mystery books
Because I just read it like a simple little child
I just like bop along
You don't even try to get-
Yeah that's I do that too
I like that way
I just kind of go along
Float along the river and then at some point it's revealed to me that there was a killer
And I'm like oh yeah that makes sense
I was making note of moments where
Louella would say things like like she had this little notebook that she kept
About her suspects which is like it's so funny because she basically suspected
Literally everyone which she did you you have to right she was not bad thing but like good at
Being and like driving and mistaking
But there was which I lose
Yeah it was fun
Contacts she has her notebook and then she's like oh my notebook was in my bedroom
I don't remember putting it there
But I didn't think of much of it at the time and then I like noted that I was like okay obviously
She thought about that information later
Because she's telling us about it now
um
Which like led me to think like is this person a killer is this you know
I think I was I think I mean it wasn't like not towards closer the end that I and I didn't fully guess the killer
But I I was like partially right but I didn't have the why at all. I'll say that um
There was a there was a big clue I certainly didn't have the one okay good nobody
There was really fun one of the we're which I don't know
Really can't really say but there was like early I mean from the early on would say fine david jesus body
He's got like an incision on him and yeah, I was assumed
I mean I didn't know but I assumed like a body part or something had been removed or like I don't know what yeah
I thought as well but it wasn't it
What it actually was was far goofier um it's great. I don't know. I don't know if we should we know I guess we shouldn't know
I wouldn't say it is far goofier but I I thought it was far more nefarious or like
It was good but I was like the way sex island and these characters have been set up
So it doesn't like it's goofy and funny for the reader but it fits as well
I thought it was gonna be pretty scary but turns out that was yeah it was it does present us
Yeah, did you not think it was you thought it was gonna be scary when we found out what what the incision was for yeah
I
I thought that was gonna be really scary for people but then um
Yeah, then people I did show it to some people and they're like
That's really stupid but you know that's it's hard to say kind of what scares will what you know Chuckie
And Chuckie on paper Chuckie on paper
I've never read it on paper but I could imagine it being pretty goofy on paper
On paper pretty goofy. Yeah
So you're saying wait till right
Wait till the made wait till this is a made for tv movie and then we might be
Yeah, wait till lifetime yeah lifetime is gonna do a number on it you know and then no
You know Chuckie Chuckie is made for television
That's so funny
Okay, all right
That was the belly button and uh under the belly button incision was not the only injury in the book
And I wanted to point out another one which
It was one of my favorite moments because I too have suffered a tailbone injury at the
Filitating tailbone injury
Um and I just want to read
J.J. Love's description here in the book because it was one of my this is kind of like what you're in for if you read this book
um
I had landed hard on my ass and I feared one of those tailbone injuries that can never be fixed
I would become one of those people who brought the inflatable seat donut with them wherever they went
It did have a smell people couldn't pinpoint
But they'd learn to associate it with me
And that absolutely made me laugh out loud. I feel like smells were very vivid in this book
Yeah, um like the lipden soup balls yep, yep the lipden soup balls and it's just very funny to it. It was very like
Real like yep. I think the smells were clues constantly
Okay, interesting because they were mentioned so much and so specifically
I was like
Yeah, I really read the books differently than you Sarah much more like Johnna long for the ride lazy river
Yeah, I think I'm looking for my own brain off
I'm so worried about their think
You're trying to did you have to we use this seat donut
No, I just um
uh
Years later had to get an MRI um
And learn that two of the water is supposed to be the big
Spaces in your back just don't exist for me anymore. Oh wow
I'm gonna say the seat donut could have fixed that
And after pregnancy those that's that's probably even farther god, you know, we'll see
Maybe it fixes it yeah, yeah, oh yeah, it's all moving
I'm terrified of having to get the epidural because I'm like I don't think there's actually
Oh my god, I'm on phone in the place where they they like to put the needle
Um, but you know, I'm sure they've encountered it or that. I did you yeah, yeah, it'd be good. It'll be okay
Yeah, I'm sure they do
Yeah, the tailbone injuries are very common
They're very common. They deal with these all the time you guys they all the time
Joe have you ever had um a tailbone injury? No, my back surgery I met all in my back
So, you know, I know in a way I do I also know my graphical huh? Oh no, no, and I just think that
I think that the doctors they know they're you know, they're awake
The adapters are awake uh
They're there they're present even if you aren't especially when you aren't the doctors are extra awake in that situation
They'll know they'll know what to do
I have a book question. I'm so sorry to take it away from your butts
Okay, okay, there's a quote in the book
That says
sounded like a horse saying hi to another horse, which is a line I really like and up my question is
Joe can you make the sound that you're envisioning with that line?
Uh, yeah
Yeah, eyes are closed
Listen around home to get the picture
Hi
That's good
That's great. I like I asked that question to read I wasn't sure what that sound was
I paused on that line and I have to tell you that I like did a few I was like what is that like
And I was just like you tried it out. I was trying it out for a bit. I was on the subway
um, and I was like, you know what? I could just ask
I could just ask the question
But I loved the line
Yeah, I guess yeah, it's kind of a gutter. I think I don't do it deep enough or an animal you know, but it's kind of there
You know, kind of
I've got a line I really like which was uh, I'm not because I couldn't highlight I'm not I'd do you from memory
So I'm not exactly I couldn't I couldn't highlight so because what the PDF um
It was when like someone tries to give
Loella Jello and she's like oh, I can't because in her memory
She has memory of an aunt who used to serve jello for dessert
Like she's never heard of cake before
That's like it sent out. That was really good. Yeah, that's really good
Yeah, because like you know, it's you know like a takedown of jello as dessert is coming
Yeah, it's just so synced and uh
I also like thought it was clever because you were it was making the joke bear
Was distracting from the fact that that was like actually like kind of like a clue or
You know, I mean
You know, yeah, I'll put in a joke really like me. You didn't let you sit on the fact that like oh, maybe this is that you're like
Oh, no, challenge jokes. Ha ha
I jello so crazy
Jello is so crazy
It's like it's so funny in the moment when someone brings jello to
Luella in the book because it's just like
I don't know jello is just such a weird thing. I don't know where I'm supposed to
I guess hospitals have it is a sick thing
It's like if you have you have jello if you can only have liquid
It's like the most food right when she can with her teeth. I when I was in um
Like middle school or high school when everyone develops their first eating disorder habits
Um, I had a um a diet that I was embarking on it was I thought of it myself
It wasn't like it wasn't one that I found on the inner
It wasn't a celebrity thing it wasn't a celebrity thing and it was that I would just only eat
Sugar-free jello which is 10 calories a cup
It's like the little inedible
Um, oh delicious
Um, but I was like I could have 10 of these and it would be a hundred calories a day
And I thought that was a good idea
No, it's I it's a really I know a lot of people that are actors that love
sugar-free jello
Yeah, no sad to me it tastes really bad
It's also jello also
Sugar-free stuff though is like usually worse for you too because it's like
Thanks you take this yeah, they put fake sugar or they put like uh, but like oils like other stuff
That's bad for you
But there are only has 10 calories. Yeah, okay. All right
High school is fun to go to other people's houses and like see their snacks
One size at this girl's house and the only snack she had was sugar-free jello first
She said she didn't have snacks then she offered me that sugar-free jello
Oh, wow experience with sugar-free jello
She was honest the first time I can't eat this
Yeah, she was
She was
I shouldn't have pushed the issue
China in yours
In your nine months have you ever craved jello?
Not once
And usually if food is being talked about I I'm like, oh, I could eat that right now
Give it to opposite is happening with jello right now
And I actually feel bad for jello like imagine a food that's just branded as like
When you're sick
When you're dying
Uh, a man used to who famously like sexually like assaulted women used to be
Yeah, you're yeah, that's who likes frozen. Yeah, what? The jello is not doing well
Jello, Sabrina. I'll tell you about it all later. I can't believe you haven't heard
She's too young she's too young
It's I'm sorry
I think they might give you jello in the hospital, so you don't have to eat it
I'll see. Yeah, I'm gonna slap it away
Yeah
I feel like we know the nurses all laugh. That's kind of a funny bit
I advocate your hopes up for the nurses laughing when you're doing bids staring the thing
They'll just like justifying yourself deprecating stuff is what I
That happens to plenty of people is like it's a joke
I know I'm a question
Yes, more book questions. Yeah, yeah, I do too because we have so fun to have the author here
And she it feels trapped. I don't know how long this episode's gonna go on. I know. I know. I know it is already a long one
Uh, Joe yeah, I
Want to know there is so much interesting stuff about
Marie slash aloas past
That I feel like you introduced and we didn't get to like play with later
I wanted to know if you were saving it for later books
And also I would like to request that the ex-husband appears because I could not for the life of me imagining what kind of man
Would have been married and then divorced
To this woman I I had to imagine he must be a crazy character himself
So there's a this question slash request really well. That's really good. It's really good
Oh, that's good. You know, that's a good idea. It's really good idea
I really do think that you all connect at a book and I'd say probably a week or two
We've talked about it. We've talked about it for years. You know what? Joe outlines that Sarah did
The fact that you wrote a book is so impressive because like we we have for five years been like we should do it
And we don't so to be real
It's a you first of all you wrote a very funny book, but just fact that you fucking finished a book is extremely impressive
I do think that you'd all need to take a class. Okay, because this is the thing is I don't know what kind of book you're writing
What kind of book were you writing? It was a Christmas bus
Christmas bus
It's a fast genre
Okay, you call yourself a writer, you know, the Christmas bus
Judges harshly are
It was a Christmas it was a Christmas book
Set on a book a hallmark Christmas book. Oh, okay. Oh, I understand I understand. Okay Christmas bus and it's called the Christmas bus
Yeah, yeah, okay got it. Okay, so it is obviously romance
Yes
Okay
You are in front treat
Okay, because there is a class just like they had a mystery class that same place has a romance class
Yeah, okay, so here's what I think I think one of you should sign up
Take notes for the others, okay, and I think we just on the info
Yeah, I do I want to I think you should do it because I think that here is the thing that I would have never written this book
Okay, but the fact that I was really unemployed and had high dreams of becoming a successful
Router that was really driving me, but also I think you should still dream that because
Okay, but so then the thanks Claire really appreciate but I would say that um the thing that really got me
writing
And this is like beyond is because you have to send your writing to other people in the class
Mm-hmm, and also they tell you how to do they they're like these are formulas that people have used
And it's like only if the mystery is hard for you as a comedian because like I feel like when I give him give it a
For me, I'm like well, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna do it that way because that's what like I have trouble following formulas
I think because I I definitely have trouble when someone's like here's a structure of a perfect pilot go do it
These stupid idiots that then I'm always just like no, I can't but then when you're reading it with your writing something that you're like
It's like so intuitive. You're like, oh, then that happens has to happen. Oh, then the bus has to break down
Oh, then the bus has to get fixed by a hot mechanic and it's like, oh right. Well, that's obviously the mechanic has to write it
Oh, she's writing the book
But I think it's like it's like
The the tropes are there that it's like
That I do think it's like the having a class
Even just like having a
teacher who's like published a few books to be like
This is how it's works is just enough to be like okay, and then they give you assignments
And then you have to submit stuff and you're like and then you're writing and it's like yeah, yeah
It's not even like teaching you how to write the best selling thing and it's like not like it's like the best
It's not like you have to be the best in the class or whatever, but it is just enough that you have to show people that you don't know that you're writing is it enough
Humiliation to be like I did it. I did it at this best like that. Oh, I'm using an online class
It's online and I never saw anyone in the class. It wasn't even zoo. Wait, where is it?
You don't have got them right? I don't see their face. What is it?
Got them right. I never saw their faces. I never saw I never saw
Anything you take it at your own time. Yes, you do take it at your own time
So you never see these people's faces you just send them things like there was semen everywhere and then they write back
Please stop talking about come
Yes, and you're like whoa this person is reading this and thinking too much come and then you're like okay
That's helpful because I don't you know also it's like I just think it's like there's like a courtesy there where it's not just like putting it on reddit and being like
Hey, what do you all think?
I'm never gonna write something and put it on reddig
Just the class cost
I think the class cost $350 so like you're okay
So then the other romance one it says 439 so this might be more romance might be more
Yeah, you gotta figure out how to write pet entree
together if you pull a you all pull together
What's that 110 bucks? We also do have money as a podcast that we never spend
You should wait you gotta do this you gotta take the class and then share your writing with the podcast
I really fun and I actually think all four of us should take
the class like I think it's something fun to do together
I would love to think to write one but are we writing for so-for-books?
Oh, they're one long oh, you can crank the class say why not write one book together and do it together and
Yeah, we'll be a class together like it's all e-mail about can we do a writing or we're gonna figure it out
This is really exciting. I feel excited. I also
God I was gonna say it shouldn't take away from just being very encouraging but it's it's extremely impressive
It is I will say that it is it's it's something that um
I just think that I'm not someone that's like uh
I wouldn't consider myself like uh uh like a I have glasses sure, but it's like I don't
I don't wear them to drive a night and it's like I'm not really I would say like uh like uh
I wouldn't call myself a writer capital or whatever
But I think that the w
but I
You say the comedian even on that
All I needed to know
That'll be a sound bite in the beginning. Yeah, I just I would say that that it's more like um
It just I think the the as a comedian or and as like a person that puts stuff out there you all
I just think that it's something enough to be the pressure of someone being like this is
I you want it to be good your brain is wired in that way and it's just having an audience
It's just enough to get something out there even if it is really bad
Well, I'll be desperate for the people in the class to like me. Yeah
Is so absolutely
It'll be hard or I'll quit the class if I can't do it. I'll quit the class. Okay, Claire. Fine
Fine you quit or you do it or they love you and that's
You know, I don't I've never seen you quit something yet
mm
I don't know good hard enough
Quit most things and like discomfort. I do have more book questions like about this. Yeah
I'm ready. I'm ready although I'm ready to change my life based on everything you've just said
Because I too have this aspiration of being author
Fe author being author yeah, that's my new life
Um, okay questions I have
Do you think okay? Do you think Luella just didn't conceive of the fact that the people on sex island
could google Luella van Horn
And find out who she is
So basically that is a really good plot hole as well. I would say that in general
The idea that I try to get across but make mine that cover across is that I
Well, I don't think it did because they do have phones, but I would say that it's like
the
Well, I feel like the question is answered in the book
Is it like well in that case? Yeah, for sure
I'm like my question about what Luella's thought is is like
in like a little like
Just so blind with her confidence that she doesn't know
Yeah
Yeah, I think that maybe she uh, there's a really good question
I would say that she probably thinks that they won't even
Think to google her and they won't think to like
Look at her because as she like I think she's pretty much laid low
Into this val case
I think though and that didn't bother me till a little later when I found out people were
googling things because I had the assumption that like like on love island
They have phones and they can text each other, but they do not have access to internet
So I I but like there are sometimes where like oh so and so got at like I've read I do also like
Read read it and all the like you know
People coming off the show talking about what happened and it does happen that sometimes there are like leaks or whatever
Uh, I think like everything could have happened that happened
But maybe with maybe just some clarification that that's like yeah the situation
You know what? Okay, here was okay
I would say that your question is one that an editor would be like
Addresses and I would say that that is it's for sure the case
But I will say that maybe it's like okay if I'm gonna make up an answer right now. I'll say this that she was
kind of
Okay, she like when she was told she had to go undercover
she was kind of um
You know she was told that you know kind of surprise and so it was quick
It was quick so maybe she was to take enough guard to think about it and like look like the author
To you know who never thought of you know, and maybe it is autobiographical in a way
I don't think you created like I actually don't think it is a plot hole when you read the whole book like I don't think it's a plot hole
I was just curious about like her personality
What she's thinking there I would say there's four major platoes and seven typos
So if you found them all I didn't find any typos
Yeah, if you read the book you find
Yeah, it was
That heart no, no, no, I didn't find any I've never
Was the two first thing the plot hole that was one of them. Yeah for sure
Good bye
I would I just assumed I missed something I thought it's something with me. I wasn't sure
No, Claire it's never you
I didn't think it could be you
Honey, no, it's never you
Well, in this case you're correct
Can we talk about or wait do you more questions?
It's a brief you to view. Oh, I had another question similar to the husband
Are we gonna see friend Lauren again?
Because I wanna know
What the fuck went out?
That's true, but that could be something I missed
Yeah, no Lauren is kind of intentionally vague
Yeah, I want more for books too. Yeah, maybe book too murder a personality camp
Oh, yes
Like the part when they were trying to text Lauren and Lauren wasn't responding
And then she chased her tactics to be like
I always I'd like to threaten these guys that I'm gonna have sex with one of their relatives
I always works
They'll drop everything also where I text 911
I'm not joking. I also hurt. Oh hey John, I know you don't do that job, but that's a that's a joke from the office
So maybe you would like the office
Okay
Matt she's like it mark um, I like just because you brought up a J the character
We didn't really talk about I did like that he was like into her like in a like almost like a babysitter like
Like maybe when he was 12 he thought she was hot kind of way I like that, too
That's all really real um and then she he guess she was like 40
But it was like he was still like really into it
Yeah, that's a true thing too like when you're 22 and there's someone that's like 29 around
You're just like that person is you just don't know how they are any there's I all I know is they're extremely old
And that's never gonna happen to me yeah, they're divorced. Yeah, they live the life
Um, I want to talk about chapter 42 though
Okay, I think we're gonna have to okay talk up and this might be hard on you, Joe
Okay, okay, you know, I'm sure you
Springs to mind and immediately what chapter 42 know what chapter 42 is Joe yeah, I'm pretty certain I know what
chapter 42 is a chapter the Joe gets away with because she's funny
But in another if if this was just like your basic mystery
Is it racist what happens in chapter 42?
chapter 42 is when liuela like goes back and is like oh yeah, here's how I solve it
I'm like you fucking bitch
Fucking bitch
But it's really funny the way you do it and I'm like
Did you do that on purpose that you were like I'm gonna do this thing that people will get mad about but in a funny way so that it's okay
Um, so here's what happened
I initially wrote this book and the ending was
that
Lula gets punched in the head and she passes out
And the crime just solves it. It's okay. Okay, okay, so funny and my friend my friend you know Ashley Brooke Roberts uh-huh
She read it and she was like this is the most unsatisfying
Cruelest ending that you could you can't just punch your main character and then end the book like that was as so I was like
What if she's like you have to have her play an active role and the writers group did also say this
Please make her more active
And so I was like oh more active you think she should have been solving this case
Because I do think a lot of time she's just hanging out
Yeah, just hanging out on sex island
I love because like I also could see if I was on sex island
Maybe I'd start being into it and being like getting into the drama. So yeah
She really does get very distracted and uh and instead of getting punched in the head passing out
There is a little bit more of an active
Um approach to the solving of it and that is some
So that is the reason for that. All right. Well love to know
It's going on. Yeah, so if you like that better than her getting punched in the head passing out then I've done my job
You said we're really funny, but I do bully Ashley's probably right probably it probably would have been really funny
But less satisfied so I
Yeah, yeah, I grew I was I was mad for like 10 seconds
But I left yeah, I do a little bit
I liked the way she played the active role in I like I really like where you
landed with her playing the active role in
Like like her stalling techniques and stuff are great and her like getting a confession
um
It's good
Okay, and um a lot of redemption
I want to say more a lot of redemption
It's not because I don't have more good things to say it's because I don't want to reveal any
I think a lot of characters got redeemed in that in the the solving of the case which was interesting
Um, I want to say like Sarah chapter sorry
I just had a really quick thing I wanted to say about a different chapter. Okay, chapter 43
No, I just love that there's a chapter 35 a
I just like when it
When I scroll to that page I got really happy just seeing the big three five a
That's so good. That's great. I'm glad you liked that that was another thing where I thought well this is annoying
But what can you do if you want to do it?
You do it. You can, but maybe that's just because I like you personally. Yeah, it's hard to say
It's funny. I think it's funny. That's a funny. Yeah, I liked it
So well feel free to add a 35 a two to Christmas bus
Just thank you. Yeah, yeah, well, they will have to thank you in the credits
I'm over there. Okay, if you're open to that, that we're open to it. Yeah
Um, I wanted to see if I wanted to do an answer is the author
Oh my god. Oh my god. We probably should but what is the yeah
And then Joe can give the so Joe usually what we do is we look in an interview
Of the author and we so one person knows the answer
And asks the interview question to the other people on the podcast and they pretend to be the author and try to guess what the answer is
So usually we get it from an interview the author's done
But now we don't need to do that because we can just listen to your actual really answer
But um, Claire, you're gonna
Answer the author right because you do really good Joe impersonation. So I was oh, yeah, thanks
I think that some people think we have a very similar voice um, but some people have said that Joseph's more high pitch
Yeah, it's just it's you both have unique voices
But they're very just speaking pattern and I always wondered actually
How it began if you just found yourselves
Two people that kind of talk that way or was one of you more influential and it moved the other sure that I was living together
Yeah, who was the first freak? That's what we wanted
Okay, I don't think that just neither
We I do think that this was a you know, Claire. I do think that you are I see you as a full grownup
Thank you
and I do wonder how
How quickly we veered because I like I have so many strong memories of like punching each other
In a basement and like spending a lot of time punching each other. Yeah
So I just I feel like you always wanted to fight I feel like that was you
Okay, but I just I wonder you know, I'm like that's really you you're the aggressor. Oh, okay
In that case I guess but I do think that like there's I guess I'm like that it was um
I don't know how old we were during that that time, but I do think it for it makes me feel young thinking of that time
But I don't know when maybe that was where we were influencing each other speech patterns is hard to say
It's hard to say I don't think that we're maybe 29 or so
Uh, maybe a probably a little older. Well as age
Yeah
One time Joe was we were both quietly working in our rooms and um Joe apparently was reading a book and she didn't like the ending
And she ran into my room and gave me an Indian burn shoot because she was upset
So just an example of how she's doing results
And she's a good yeah, I'm glad you got out of that unsafe environment
There was a lot of assault in the book
Okay, term and I don't know if it is
But uh, what is it called? Oh, I don't know what it is rock burn with hands
I think considering that it's
Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, maybe you could you got Chris cross burn sauce
Really that's new. Oh my god. I just look talking that I looked up what else what you call it now
What people call now and then I one of the other episodes was Chinese burns
Okay, I don't think that's better
God, I don't think that's better. Okay, so for shorthand
For shorthand can you did it? JJ Lowe I have a question for you. Okay
JJ Lowe for you there. Yes, yeah, I'm there. Yeah. Oh no, you're not
All right, I thought I was talking to Joe. Okay, okay, let me get in my care
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm here. Yeah, I'm here. Oh, no
Amazing so JJ um, you know from reading these books that a lot of times
Yeah, female authors fall in love with a character that they've written in the book to the extent that they end up
Leaving their partner because the partner doesn't
need
Uh, the standards that they set in their own fictional store
Oh, right you um, fuck Mary kill
Three characters in this book
Oh, let's see. Well, I've never really killed any one so be hard to talk about that
But let's see all right, so let's let's start with uh, okay, let's start with
The fuck let's just start with that. Okay, it's a big revealing, but um, let's just start with that and it's gonna be
You know what?
It's gonna be filled
because
He he did have that moment in the book where he was respecting
um
Lohala, so I think that he would respect me when I
If I needed it and so that's and so that's something that I think would yeah, so it's gonna be filled
Um, let's see then we have to kill someone
Let's just say I'll kill David G's already dead, so I don't have to feel bad about that
um, okay, so that
And that's what we're gonna kill
Let's see. Oh, yeah, just see
Okay, uh, I'm gonna do now the Mary is left
Yeah
You know I'm who I might marry is John who ended up being a pretty good guy not so bad
And I had my
Suspissions, but that is also a lifetime commitment, so let me slow down before I think about it
Okay
Um
Yeah, I guess you know what I said Johnson I have to go with John is same stand by mom well I'm gonna play word
Okay, wow for everyone listening that was Clara
Lane J.J. Love
That was not J.J.
Ourself it was a hard it's hard to think of the answer and also remember to be jail
Yeah, I think I slipped out of it every now and then
Mo will know the word
Is that I said it?
Joe think that I said it
So now we have the actual interview with the author and we can play that audio right now
um, so
Uh J J fuck Mary kill characters in your own book who are you?
I R L kind of in love with
Yo for real
I'm a woman who I'm a word and I guess it does sound like you
Uh, okay, uh, yeah, I guess um
You don't know that much, but I needed time to think as well
It was a good impression and everyone knows you know, okay also to be fair
Every Joe when you introduce yourself as their author in the podcast version of the book you're always you like the stumble over your name
You know you're like that's and that's me that's me
So I wasn't giving that a lot when I was doing the impression. Oh
It would away
All right, go ahead answer sorry sorry sorry
I guess I would fuck Phil and I guess I would um
I think I would marry maybe um
AJ and then I would I would kill David G as well
Hi, same reason same reason for killing David G
Yeah, it's already dead. I don't have to feel bad
Okay, wow
Amazing
Erie
Having her answer it really made my impressions seem better, didn't it
Yeah, I'm just in content, but Claire you did a better Joe than Joe did
Really done if you ever need that for some sort of doubling
Um, yeah, let's demoing let's take a quick break and when we come back we'll do five star reviews and our hate rates and um
Little fucker of the cast perfect all right be our bid
And we're back um usually at this point we do good reads five star reviews and although the book is on good reads and does have
4.8 right now as a recording nobody's people are just pressing the stars. They're not writing anything
So gonna have to take a look uh, but as as we said
Joe's been releasing us as a podcast as well and that has
Reviews so we're gonna go on a five star reviews from Apple podcasts
Um one says
Gorgeous very little penetration so far, but it sure has me laughing five stars
I'm not a vote for penetration interesting. I have any penetration
Hey, I think your writers group
Uh, shared you in the wrong direction
More more come more come or at least more hidden come all right
Here's one from Chloe the pirate inside the body inside the body
She says wow is this about me my name is Chloe and I have two cats my cat was named meatloaf
Referred to his meatball most times. I'm confused, but also flowered flattered. What a story five stars
More Chloe in the book that I have there's not a Chloe in the book, but there is maybe
What who's Chloe? Chloe is David G's ex oh yeah
It's not like she doesn't have cats
It's not whoever wrote that review viewers implying the clothes look one with the cat. Oh maybe whoever wrote that review
It is about
Maybe she's the inspiration for Chloe. I was gonna call her dumb, but
Maybe she's actually very smart. I'm a editor because she made me do the thing where I said there's nobody
Chloe
All right, so the sucks here's a review from august. He says
Uh, it's Joe firestone and she is reading her own book
For free. No, you don't seem to be hearing me
Literally, it is Joe and she is reading her own book to us
No charge most people would charge something, but not Joe
This star
For the people has given us a free gift. Do you hear me?
Still literally know well just listen to the book then because it's Joe and it's free five stars
Lot of people saying an author would try to make money on something
I do think the podcast might hurt your sales. Yeah, yeah, for sure
I do think that there was you know
I think there's a few missteps pretty big missteps. It's fun. It's I love it some people for for books some people for for like
Or you could or you could pay for an audio book
Sure actually that's actually that's more common
Well, here's what I think I think that even if
um it like
Right now it's like okay everybody's loving the podcast so they don't want to stop because they couldn't possibly read it better themselves
I think that this is really feeling the sells
Sales for book number two, so I think ultimately very good. I think it's still I think it's still fueling that for book number one
It's getting people talking about it who might not probably be getting it otherwise
And so then what you do is maybe like a month after the book release you take the podcast down
Then you say and make an audio book. Yeah, Sarah
And then so people are like I've been hearing about it
Your book is so smart and the red headed thing. Okay, I will say that
I do think there's a few missteps if you do self-published Christmas bus
You just have to make sure to google it before him because I didn't google it until after I'd press submit and
It did a lot of things it did turn up the Jeffrey Epstein and that's
Title
I like I like that. I like the nod to Epstein
I didn't say that before I really like it
I really wanted to assist myself from him
Uh, because you know he said
But what's he murdered? Did he ever say x island? Okay, sure sure a lot of people calling you a treasure to culture
Yep, now that's that's big. Well, that's a big one person. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I feel
She found a way to make it not
complimentary
She's the opposite of Sabrina in some ways are we feeling this the Joe
Yeah, the way they handle things and say something kind of mean to Sabrina she makes a compliment
Really Sabrina that's such a good talent. What do you do?
I just know that everybody must love me
Sabrina such a good thing. How could they say anything mean?
Like it can be a little irritating
What do you say to that Sabrina? She just enjoyed it. I really
Clara aspires to be me
And that's how easy it is
Institution just cut to the quick like
I guess I think it's time for our hate rates
Um now Joe the how these work and I'd also love for you to do your own
These are these are out of five of five being the best and the we do these in the world of mean book club books
so these are
These we're not comparing it to Shakespeare whatever you think is the greatest literature
We all agree is she books here
That's I read I know I know I know
I read I read I know
It's me other we're comparing this other mean book club books. Okay, so a book and I so
Yeah, all right who wants to start? I can start
Um, I don't know like a thousand out of five. I loved it so much. I'm not just saying that because you're here
I like moments into listening to it. I
Sent the podcast to everyone who I know who does read like Sarah
um, and I told them I have to listen to it and everybody is like when is the next episode coming out and I'm like
I have absolutely no connection to when the next episode's coming out, but I think they're weekly
um
So I really loved it and also I wanted to take this time to just highlight a couple of the other things
I wrote down that I liked that I didn't get to say
um one
I really loved the line david and couldn't hold a candle to david j
so funny
Another line I really liked was that hug felt like it would have been illegal in 1903
I'm that one another one almost look cozy if you removed a hundred percent of the context was really good
Uh, and then I had a couple others I can't say because I feel like they're too revealing so
Anyway, I really, okay
Thank you. Thank you
Wow, I think this off strong
I'm going next um
I'm gonna give it a five out of five because I respect the rating system
Something insane, but I did uh, I mean I don't think I've given a book five out of five
I'm not a given gossip girl five out of five that is fun
But why gossip girl? Oh, it was fun
But I um just so
Impressed and proud to be your friend
And I enjoyed reading it. I read it before bed, you know to have a nice time to relax. I like it
I like it is funny
Wow, and a book to be funny is hard, you know
I don't have a good you know, it's not like too many pictures
Funny books. We don't really laugh on L.O. L at a book. Why don't like and there's as much. Yeah, there's multiple in this
Which is very impressive
Um and even though I did point out the toothbrush thing. I don't think there are any flaws
Okay
Thanks. Yeah, I'm gonna uh uh jump on the five of five bandwagon um because of the LOL moments um like Claire said I
Literally was walking down the street and I would chuckle at a line and then I'd make a little note to myself and my
Uh, when I say make a note to myself, I text myself um
Which is a weird way to make notes and a phone
But that's what we had to do because of it was a PDF
No, there's a notes app not what I use the notes app. I use the notes app
I don't know if I do the notes app in the screenshot. This is my time
Oh
We did the notes app. Okay, I don't like my phone to be busy
I like it just have four or five things on it calendar text messaging
Phone calls like a sec hot about it. Okay
Uh, and I have to text or so
This might seem more busy. It might seem more busy because of text or yourself
All right, it's time to text that I received this I may eat this candy so that I don't talk during your time
Um, do you know the only thing I would say there's jealousy that you've put the book out does that knock it down for me
maybe slightly
Um
But I yeah, it's so rare to have a character who's funny and also sort of
uh
puts people down in a way that like I would also enjoy putting people down like there was a moment in the book where
she watches someone um
On set pick up a turkey sandwich and take just the turkey out of it and then she puts the bread back on the tray
And then Lella says she immediately became my number one suspect
Um, and I love those little observations about people um
Yeah, I think
Doing too much by giving me the podcast really spoiled me
But
Funny is funny and funny wins everything. So that's why we got to we got to stick with the rating
Okay
Why I guess is my turn
For his mine um
All right, so yeah, uh, we've read a lot of books
That are
Really hard to get through um painful even um
This definitely gets some points because it I read it so fast because it was fun
um
Both in audiobook and written form
Uh
So love that love the short short chapters, you know a big fan of that
very funny fun characters
um
Look and and I know I stated this before but for me you're gonna you lose point because
Phil and
Luella
I wanted more film Luella and I wanted them I wanted penetration and
So for that I have to take half a point off um as is my right so I'm gonna end up with 4.5 out of 5 for my rating
I think for the lack of penetration that there was it's a really generous review from Sarah like we don't
See something like that
Yeah, thank you Sarah. That's really generous. Thank you
You know
Can I alter mine
Because I like the book and stuff but it's really actually
Been a difficult podcast for me
um because uh, I feel like I haven't been very funny
I haven't been very talkative. It's like I don't know how to be funny and be like I liked it
So talk to Sabrina
Yeah, I do it all the time Clara
Well, I'm just saying for me
This is a difficult experience. It was weird. I felt weird being like I liked this Joe and stuff like that
So I do want to knock it down to a 4 out of 5. Oh, not not you to point off basically because your friends with the author interesting
That's not what I said
I'm ready to give my hate rate
Well, Joe has it. That's what you're with your hate rate. Oh, I think you may hate of you
Yeah, the hate of you. Can you want to do a little bucket?
Joe, would you like to do your hate rate of your own of your own book?
Yeah, I'm saying it's your own child
Essentially, yeah, I'll give it a three because I'm glad I finished it
But I do think that there's some pretty major
issues with it and I will say that it's nice that you all read it and
I understand that this is a is the negativity fuel the podcast that I appreciate you sacrificing
the tone and theme of the podcast in order to
promote
myself published book
It's really generous of all of you and I want you to
Keep that in mind, you know next time someone calls you not generous you just remember this
I want to say though, I think you just really have no
No idea of the sort of
Shit that makes the New York Times bestseller list
Shiny and beautiful your book is in comparison. Yeah, it's like
Unfortunately, it's it's so easy to be nice about this book and this is again why again
I'm gonna bring up more penetration because had there been I feel like that was the that's a sauce
Yeah, that's gonna really help
Skyrocket this on the best color list. Oh, just keep thinking about our listeners being like
What the fuck is Claire's problem
I know is this
They don't listen to think that much about yeah saying no, I think they're gonna be
Our listeners are like
Yeah, I think that they're gonna feel pretty betrayed
But like let's go to know how uncomfortable I am okay, okay, let's go to a little we gotta go a little
Fucker of the cast. Yeah, I'm ready Joe. Ready. Are you familiar with the segment?
I don't know how to explain it ever we vote someone
And it's a way to air grievances for real. Yeah
And nice so Joe you've been attacked a lot this episode so feel free to attack back
Come see strike out, but I said you're ready. I'm very ready. Uh, yeah, so
I am actually currently
Publishing a book this week, uh, and I've been working on it probably like
Five hours a day every day. It's hot. It's hard. It do in that little formatting for
For to make it a paperback. It's it's really hard. Joe knows. Joe knows how hard it all is and and yet
There was a little stray shot in the outline
This had none of us have written a book and then it even said in parentheses jonna
Years doesn't count
It's
Specifically calling me out and so
I don't know who wrote it. I think Clara wrote it, but then
It felt like Sarah kind of read that little passage. So I'm not sure who to shoot. I wrote it. I wrote it
Sarah
Sarah look, I say I say I'm buy it um I say I'm buy it because we've been trying to write a group as a collective for a long time
I mean yet you go off and do it with other people like honestly
Go poop on yourself. That's how I feel about it. Okay knowing that it's born a little bit of a like a friend jealousy actually makes me feel really good and like high up now
So it's still gonna be Sarah because I did say Sarah um yeah you can't take I can't take it back, but now I actually feel like
I made my friend jealous and she wants to be better friends with me and that makes me so make I'm angry
Yeah, I mean
I have my about
I know you guys were garrering up, but I've had mine okay, go ahead. Good. Good. I've had mine since
moments into the podcast
I had it during how do you read this? Oh yeah, I was trying so hard to
Say how I read it one I was like really excited to disclose
That I had listened to it on one time speed, but there was also another reason um, but
I was I was trampled over I didn't get to talk in time and then one of you
When you said how you read you took a conversation that we had had two days ago and repeated my exact words
To Joe which was
Listening in your voice is so funny and then you have to read it in your own voice
Which is so much less funny so it's jonna because I even gave her the opportunity to admit that she had stolen my words
We don't talk. It's why we don't pre-talk
But it's jonna wow
It's jonna I didn't think you were headed towards me until you said a conversation a few days ago and I said uh-oh
Sabrina and I just went to the movies together
Maybe she doesn't even know that was it was a conversation in and maybe it
The game a true
Yeah, it's just something that maybe Sabrina put it in my head
But then it felt like it was something I had discovered myself it felt just true and I just couldn't wait to share
That little wittest some
And it makes me think how much of impractical jokers is just things I've said
Yeah, so it's jonna I vote jonna I understand
Yeah, mine's absolutely jonna and it's um it's for this little ending bit
It's for this little ending bit
Or it was like one I'm gonna plug my book too I'm gonna feel good about making the other guys feel bad
I'm gonna make it feel good about making the other guys feel bad and Sarah has a good point you wrote a book with other people
I wrote y'all
What's the book called thanks for asking Joe
The best
Yeah, to see what fall
punishment
Playbook and it is a list of oh almost
Over 500 punishments that you can incorporate in your fantasy football league or any lost bet
It's a lot of jonna posted this
Advertising this book on our
Mean book club instagram main so I also want to vote jonna um
She knows what you think
I knew you'd be mad about that. That's why I didn't run it by you
Who did you write it with I wrote it with um the other impractical jokers
writers
We've all been out of work since January so very similar situation Joe
Uh, it just felt uh, but it's it's
Uh, harder than you think to do all the little little steps of a book
Yeah, I believe you want to die
Yeah, that's not really what this podcast is about. No, it's not
Well, I you know, I do think that christmas bus sounds very different from this
And i think we can still do it
Yeah, so I just have a lot of faith in what you know
Just you know that amazon author, you know when you get an amazon author page you just you know your name is
linked, you know when you when you go to you know roll out
You know as quick on this yeah
Yeah
And am said not the page is really making my impressions on them in it
Yeah, I'm trying to understand
I don't even know who's talking
Where those words do we fade into roll
It's we all talking for so long. We've all gotten insane
Joe, we need you, Joe, we need you to do a little fucker. We need you to um
I mean, I do feel like I feel like myself is a little fucker and I just think that I can't it's now
Oh, no, no, no, no, well
I guess you know, it was going pretty good in terms of rating and then um, and then Sarah you did put it for point five
Which now put a trickle down effect of everyone lowering your stuff
And Sabrina really did you did were the only one that kept that at what it was at a thousand it was a thousand
Yeah, yeah, so thanks for that and I guess Sarah maybe you're the little fucker because they did
Create a domino effect of lowering the average of that's fair that's fair
but
Three versus two johnny you are officially little fucker
Of the one who is victimized the whole podcast
Isn't interesting spin little
It does seem to be of you know little
It's victim
I say Joe was the victim
Yeah, yeah, I say I was a victim. Oh, oh
Word play
And that's what you get when your
capital are
right
There's so and there's so much more in the book
Joe, do you have anything else you want to plug? No
Do you want to tell us when the book comes out? It's the like oh yeah, yeah, okay
October 17th you could pre-order it
You could pre-order it anytime. Oh, yeah
It comes out officially the 17
Yeah, yeah, but it's not gonna be a storesery thing you gotta still you can basically pre-order it still
Should we be like writing to the library and being and like demanding it like is there anything we can do to help you out
It should be in libraries because it you know children
I just want to you know, I think it should be where they put they put anything in libraries
Yeah, it can be x-rated
A lot of stuff children is bad for children in libraries
Yeah, what I found all of it you should check out the library
Sometimes you
Look him out okay
Shades is in library. Do I actually think you can buy a copy and donate it to the library yourself?
Oh
Yeah, I would say consider it
It talk to the library like I'm an author. I want to donate my book to you and plus that's one more book towards your 400
Yeah, even if I buy it
I don't think I'm gonna come out the accounts even I do think Sarah
Okay, it works. Yeah plus one minus one plus sixteen dollars
You did it it it it it it it it it yeah
400
It's a song it's a math song
Um all right guys
Skitting late isn't getting late we're we're all tired
The thread a long time ago
But again if you've made it this far
Go buy this book. I mean listen to it sure but buy it too, you know and solidarity
We we support I bought one so we so I want to have it
Yeah, it needs a world like it. Yeah
Please do um and uh, we'll see you next episode
This is this is a bonus app that we're sliding in mid season
so
I don't know right now what the next episode is but uh
What's you know you'll know you'll figure it out with your own brains
Also, wasn't this bonus episode fun sign up for the patreon you can give them
There are yes more bonus episodes if you check out the patreon good
Call Clara please become a patron of the mean arts
um and follow us mean book club on all the socials and
email us any suggestions for books that you think we should cover
And don't forget include the link that proves that it's a New York Times bestseller
We're all turn to fly your
Of the books
Or just be named Ashley. We don't want to google yeah
Joey keep doing we get lots of recommendations to be honest and we did
Three books by the same person accidentally
She does a good job very compelling as a record
She's a really good summer and proves that it's a New York Times bestseller
So you can all take a page out of Ashley's book
And Joe thanks for being here
Say you thank you for listening
So fun to hang out with you
Ah everyone
Goodbye
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