1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,000 I always say without really strong emotional intelligence skills, you cannot be an effective 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,560 or successful leader. 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:13,200 Because emotional intelligence, for me, I pictured it being the very heart, the very centre 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:19,280 of what leaders need in order to do what they need to do and engage with their teams in 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:25,000 a particular way to be really effective and successful, not just as individuals, but how 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:29,400 they then take their team on the journey to success or how they take their team on the 7 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,000 journey through change effectively. 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:45,240 So I always say emotional intelligence skills, they just, they can't be underestimated. 9 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:50,600 Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast, a show for the new generation of leaders. 10 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:55,520 Join Melissa R. Scarg as she speaks to a wide variety of guests that bring new insights 11 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:00,000 into leadership, prosperity, and personal growth. 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:05,440 While no one has all the answers, by building a community of open-minded and engaged leaders, 13 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:15,520 we hope to give you the tools you need to help you find your own path to success. 14 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,560 Welcome to the Executive Connect podcast. 15 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:25,440 I'm so excited to have Kylie VanLin with us today to talk about NLP Fergie. 16 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:31,160 Now Kylie, before this podcast today, I was doing some reading on NLP therapy and I read 17 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:38,960 that 83% of people who use NLP therapy have a reduction in anxiety. 18 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,080 Is that true? 19 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,960 Well I can only speak from my experience going through as a master practitioner, but also 20 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:52,160 my clients and that sounds accurate to me as far as client experience and my own as 21 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:57,120 well because it is, it's a really powerful modality for psychotherapist. 22 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:02,600 So yeah, I think that's why it's gaining a lot of traction and popularity now. 23 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:05,480 That's unbelievable numbers. 24 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:11,800 So leadership is a big passion of mine and I've been reading recently on NLP. 25 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:17,720 So from your perspective, can you explain how NLP can be leveraged to enhance leadership 26 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:23,600 skills and decision making for people that work in high pressure environments? 27 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,600 Sure. 28 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:30,880 So maybe if your audience, the best thing is for me, we throw acronyms around like NLP. 29 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:35,280 For anybody listening that doesn't know what NLP is because I have consulting clients and 30 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,920 coaching clients all the time saying, what is this NLP? 31 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:42,440 So for those that don't know, it's neuro linguistic programming. 32 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,280 That's what NLP stands for. 33 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:51,760 The neuro in NLP refers to your brain like neurology or neuroscience because there's parts of neuroscience 34 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:55,320 embedded in NLP practices and techniques. 35 00:02:55,320 --> 00:03:00,320 The linguistic is the language that we use or the words that we use and then the programming 36 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:07,280 is I'm sure what we'll talk about shortly, which relates to I guess how our brains are wired. 37 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:13,800 I hate to use the word programs, but programs and how we frame and it can reframe through 38 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:20,720 NLP a lot of those beliefs about ourselves and how we perceive the world, ourselves and 39 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,200 also things like challenges. 40 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:26,200 So that's just to let people know what NLP stands for. 41 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:32,160 But NLP itself is actually a psychological approach that involves analyzing strategies 42 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:38,040 used by, I would say like you said, 83% of people are saying they have a reduction in anxiety. 43 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:43,480 So it's typically used by people who are successful individuals and then they apply 44 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,440 them to reach a personal or a professional goal. 45 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:53,360 So NLP provides insights into forming and changing habits, changing behaviors and like 46 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:59,280 I was referring to before, reframing the way that we perceive challenges and situations 47 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,760 that are critical to goal achievement and success. 48 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,880 So when we get that awareness about us and we know there might be something we need to 49 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,360 change, how we respond to a situation, particularly as leaders. 50 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,080 That's where NLP can really help. 51 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,200 I'm fascinated to talk about this subject. 52 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:21,920 So from techniques, I love tips and tricks to do things and when you're coaching people, 53 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:27,960 what type of techniques do you use with your clients as it pertains to NLP? 54 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:32,560 Well there's a load of them, but when I was sort of, I think about this often and I go 55 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,840 back through my clinical notes and there's probably for a fire that I typically use the 56 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:41,320 most when it comes to executive or leadership coaching in particular. 57 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:46,320 The first one, and this will make sense when I explain it, is called time-based therapy 58 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,320 or timeline therapy. 59 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,000 So you can call it either or. 60 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,960 And timeline therapy is a technique that we use in NLP to work with a person's internal 61 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:59,760 timeline to release negative emotions that, you know, we all carry around with us and 62 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:04,320 beliefs that we carry around with us all our lives. 63 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,160 And we refer to those as limiting beliefs or their particularly negative emotions. 64 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:14,640 So timeline therapy can be really helpful in bringing leaders and executives back into 65 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:19,680 his or her past to discover the situations that developed the limiting beliefs that they 66 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,640 might be carrying around with them. 67 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:28,840 And those are things that typically trigger unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors, responses to 68 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:34,280 certain situations, how they perceive themselves and also how they perceive, you know, 69 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:35,920 challenges and the world. 70 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:41,160 So timeline therapy is a big one because if you don't go back to the root cause, which is 71 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:45,600 typically, it could be something that happened in child-wooled or adolescence, it's really 72 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:51,120 difficult as a practitioner or a psychotherapist to support somebody to move forward and have 73 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,640 sustained behavior change. 74 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:57,040 You have to really take them back and, you know, sit with them and work with them and it 75 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:02,720 takes some time, as you can imagine, to get them to understand that that actually isn't 76 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,720 reality. 77 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:08,100 It's something that happened in the past and they can address that and move forward successfully 78 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,560 as a grown adult now. 79 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:16,240 So that would be my most favourite and probably the most powerful that I use. 80 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,160 Then there's another technique called anchoring. 81 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:26,120 Now anchoring is a technique in NLP that involves associating a specific stimulus, so a word, 82 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:33,240 a gesture or an image with a particular emotional state or a resourceful state. 83 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:38,060 So anchoring, now I'm thinking about the best way to explain it, anchoring can be used to 84 00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:45,400 help executives or leaders access a state of confidence or a calmness or an emotion or 85 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,880 motivation when they need it. 86 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:53,760 So anchoring can be used, you know, with somebody's about to go on stage and do a big keynote or 87 00:06:53,760 --> 00:07:00,360 address the board or if they're going through a particular, particularly challenging time, 88 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,160 disruptive time, you know, where they're going through a lot of change management in their 89 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,920 organisation. 90 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:10,680 So that's another key one that we use for our executives. 91 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,600 And then another big one would be reframing. 92 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:19,040 So when I was talking about the definition of NLP earlier, that reframing is really what 93 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,040 we need to do. 94 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:26,960 After we identify, you know, the origin of certain behaviours and habits in timeline therapy, 95 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:32,120 and we can't move forward and we think, okay, so we know why I behave and this way, why 96 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:37,280 I have these beliefs or limiting beliefs, why I respond to certain things in a certain 97 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,280 way. 98 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:45,240 But now how do we reframe and reprogram it and create what we call new neural pathways 99 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:50,360 in the brain so that we don't continue the same behaviours and same cycles? 100 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:56,760 So reframing involves changing the way that an individual perceives a situation and it 101 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,680 could be a fear of public speaking. 102 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:03,320 I do a lot of work in that space with leaders as well and looking at it from a different 103 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:04,400 perspective. 104 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:10,080 So replacing things like fear and replacing it with, you know, look at this maybe as an 105 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,920 exciting opportunity rather than something to be, you know, death scared of. 106 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:18,760 Death, death, three of probably the ones, the key ones that I would use. 107 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:25,080 And then there's others like meta-modeling outcome setting, which is quite self-explanatory. 108 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:32,680 It's just around the importance of setting clear, measurable, specific, smart goals essentially 109 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:38,360 and helping executives and leaders really clarify their goals and develop a plan to achieve 110 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:43,960 them through things like visualizing and attaching feelings and anchoring feelings to their 111 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,720 ideal self or their ideal state. 112 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,560 Those are great examples of ways to use NLP therapy. 113 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:58,320 I know I'm a big, I love biographies, I'm a big biography reader and so I always like to 114 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:03,720 learn about success stories through, you know, people then the past or people that have 115 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,000 businesses. 116 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,400 So do you have any success stories that you can share with us about some of the executives 117 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:18,120 that you have mentored and maybe some of the outcomes from some of those coaching sessions? 118 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,720 Yeah, absolutely. 119 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:27,480 So the first one that springs to mind is one of my clients back in Australia. 120 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:35,760 She was new to her executive role, her CEO said, "Look, she was very keen for some leadership 121 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,760 coaching." 122 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,520 And that's really funny when people engage with the leadership coach because typically 123 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:48,800 very quickly within the first, I would say 40 to 45 minutes, you go into a mindset coach 124 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:55,360 because you can't coach successfully or develop effective leaders and successful leaders 125 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,240 without first getting the mindset right. 126 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:05,240 And so for me with her, she was a new executive, she was already very much walking into the 127 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,840 coaching, we knew each other, we were familiar with each other. 128 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:14,400 So we already had established some degree of trust and rapport, but she was very open-minded, 129 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,440 so I would say she was already in what we call the growth mindset. 130 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:22,480 She wasn't shut off to the coaching experience, which was wonderful. 131 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:27,960 But very quickly, not only were she aware of it, but I picked up on the fact that she's 132 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,960 very much operating. 133 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:34,960 Well, she was, she doesn't now, there's still twinters of it, very much operating as a perfectionist. 134 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:39,480 She ran perfectionism like a pro, this lady. 135 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,240 And what she was doing is, as we know, with perfectionists, they tend to burn themselves 136 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,000 out because they're usually perfectionism goes with people pleasing. 137 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:54,440 And so she was, hand in hand, and she was not only trying to be a perfectionist, that was 138 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:59,520 her natural behaviour and tendency, but she was really trying to prove her worth. 139 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,080 So there was a whole bunch of things to play. 140 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:07,200 And so very quickly, I said to her, where does this come from? 141 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:14,560 Like, we're all who we are because of something, and it's usually childhood upbringing, cultural 142 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,960 beliefs and backgrounds. 143 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:21,920 And she said to me, we did some timeline therapy together over a number of weeks. 144 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:27,560 And what I found, and lots of tears, through lots of tears and emotion, was that she had a 145 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:33,440 very controlling childhood in a very religious family upbringing. 146 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:38,960 She was only accepted if she had, if she was a straight-A student, anything but an A, 147 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:39,960 was you're not good enough. 148 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:40,960 I didn't usually try harder. 149 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:46,800 So really difficult parental relationships as well. 150 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:51,920 And so all her life she had lived trying to not only prove her worth, I think to her parents, 151 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,960 but then everyone around her subsequently as she grew up. 152 00:11:55,960 --> 00:12:00,720 But also she had that perfectionism trait and that she wasn't even, it wasn't just that 153 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,720 she was a hard worker. 154 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,720 She was going like above and beyond to the point where her own health, more being, would 155 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,720 suffer. 156 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:12,080 And before I met her, her previous role, she'd been an attorney or a lawyer. 157 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:16,320 So this was a new industry, a new role. 158 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,440 And after we did that timeline therapy, we did some meta-modeling together. 159 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,840 We did a whole bunch of outcomes setting and a lot of reframing. 160 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:29,080 What I started to understand was not only where that perfectionism and people pleasing 161 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:35,000 originated from, but also what were the limiting beliefs that she was carrying along with that. 162 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:40,400 She wasn't aware of her limiting beliefs until we pointed it out because limiting beliefs 163 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,640 typically we carry them around and that is to us our reality. 164 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:48,280 That's the world we live in, that's the world we've created. 165 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:53,760 And by the age of 30, who we are is typically not only our values are established, but our 166 00:12:53,760 --> 00:13:00,120 persona and our personality is established, it's really difficult after the age of 30 167 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:05,240 to identify that you need to pull it all apart and start again. 168 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,920 So through all of those sessions, she realised why she approached life and her work the way 169 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,240 that she does with that perfectionism. 170 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:19,240 She also realised that her inner critic is her own worst critic and that I guess the limiting 171 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,600 belief she had that she wasn't good enough, it just wasn't reality. 172 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:28,360 So she had a lot of feelings about her boss and her team that they didn't feel she was 173 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:33,200 worthy of the role, the new role, but also that she wasn't good enough at what she was 174 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,760 doing to be a leader. 175 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:40,840 And so what she came to realise, and hopefully helped her along the way, was that inner critic 176 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,120 was not reality. 177 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,240 She was doing a phenomenal job. 178 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:50,960 Her boss was actually very, very happy with the job she was doing and it helped her manage 179 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:56,120 up more effectively because she knew that she needed more feedback from her boss at the 180 00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:03,480 time to I guess continue to develop that confidence and I guess nurture herself as a new executive. 181 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:10,200 So she felt more confident, she really stepped into her greatness and the woman she is now 182 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:15,280 compared to the woman she was then, which is almost two years ago. 183 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,480 She's not unrecognisable but she's so, so different. 184 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:24,440 She's just got this strength of character and she's able to handle the pressure in that 185 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,000 high pressure environment much better. 186 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,200 She's also able, which is really important for leaders and executives to establish those 187 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,000 healthy boundaries. 188 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:37,160 She wasn't able to do that before because she didn't have the tools and the knowledge 189 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:42,320 of that paper placing solidifying from that perfectionism. 190 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,320 That's a great story. 191 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,720 Thank you for sharing that. 192 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:51,040 I think about, as you were talking, I was thinking about just how difficult being a leader 193 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:57,040 is in the world today and how, you know, you have so many things besides that a lot of 194 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,800 people are now working or remote. 195 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,800 There's just a lot of new challenges these days. 196 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:08,080 So from your perspective as a leader, what are some of the top qualities that leaders today 197 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,080 should possess? 198 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:16,920 I've been asked this a lot and I always say, and this is my opinion, but I always say, 199 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:22,560 without really strong emotional intelligence skills, you cannot be an effective or successful 200 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:28,360 leader because emotional intelligence, for me, I picture, I'm very visual, but I picture 201 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:34,840 it being the very heart, the very center of what leaders need in order to do what they need 202 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:41,000 to do and engage with their teams in a particular way to be really effective and successful, not 203 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:46,440 just as individuals, but how they then take their team on the journey to success or how they 204 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,880 take their team on the journey through change effectively. 205 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,320 So I always say emotional intelligence skills. 206 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,440 They just, they can't be underestimated. 207 00:15:55,440 --> 00:16:00,520 I think the other reason I say that is that if you, and I'm sure you've encountered, I'm 208 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,120 sure some of you, a lot of your listeners have encountered leaders who really lack emotional 209 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,920 intelligence skills. 210 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,920 Those leaders find it so difficult. 211 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,920 We come across this in our coaching practice all the time. 212 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:17,520 They wonder why they can't connect with their team members, why they can't build trust 213 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:23,160 and rapport, why people don't naturally gravitate to following them as a leader or they 214 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:29,600 don't get by in and credibility, but they also are those leaders that are just so unaware 215 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,200 of their own behaviors. 216 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:36,480 They actually, a lot of them that I meet, they're not aware that they need development 217 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:42,760 in this area because they, they're not aware of their own behaviors, areas of improvement 218 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,600 and skills that they need to build. 219 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:49,640 So it's really interesting when we have to sit down and say, you're lacking a bit of emotional 220 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:50,640 intelligence here. 221 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,240 Let's work on that and see what improves and things do. 222 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,240 They improve out of sight. 223 00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,160 They also are the leaders that those that lack emotional intelligence skills really struggle 224 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:05,000 to build inclusive, positive and psychologically safe workplaces. 225 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:10,760 And without that, you, you're not going to succeed as a leader, but also as a team and, as 226 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,920 an organisation. 227 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:17,440 So that would be my first one, emotional intelligence for sure. 228 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:23,920 The other things that I see and don't see in leaders are things like that visionary side 229 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:24,920 of things. 230 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:30,040 So as a leader, particularly the higher up the leadership chain that you go, your team, 231 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,760 you know, everybody wants to follow the leader. 232 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,880 Everybody wants to feel the leader knows where we're going. 233 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,760 They know they know where we're going. 234 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,760 We're staff. 235 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,880 We want to be directed and we want to feel that trust and confidence in our leader that 236 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:47,160 they know where they're going and that they know the why behind it. 237 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:52,360 So not being a visionary leader and not being and they're not having the communication skills 238 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:57,920 to communicate to your team, what the vision is and why they essentially need to follow you 239 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,680 on this journey. 240 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:04,960 That creates things like, you know, skepticism and lack of trust and it does impact things 241 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,040 like culture and psychological safety. 242 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:12,600 So I'd say that's another key one as well is being a visionary or having a very clear vision 243 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:18,760 and then also having the communication skills to execute the vision very clearly to people, 244 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,080 especially during times of disruption and change. 245 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:27,400 And then the other few that I would say is knowing how to empower your team and it comes 246 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:32,400 back to emotional intelligence, but I've had a leader say, we hear the word in power 247 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,080 and all the time, but how do I do that? 248 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,400 Like what do I need to do? 249 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:43,760 And I would say empowerment is a big one, like the how behind, you know, empowering your 250 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:50,160 team and showing them that you trust them and giving them ownership over their roles and 251 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,280 trusting them to make decisions and fail and try new things. 252 00:18:54,280 --> 00:19:01,120 So they would be some of the key ones resilience would be another one as well. 253 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:05,400 Absolutely I agree with all those and I also is I'm thinking change as well. 254 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:10,960 Like we're in such a world that is changing and adapting and evolving and I think a lot 255 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:18,680 of times in roles not being comfortable with change makes it really hard to navigate whether 256 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,000 you're in a small company or a big company. 257 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:27,000 I think that's another really important one is change. 258 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:32,520 You know I was thinking about you know mindset, your values, your purpose, you know how does 259 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:37,240 all of that contribute to people's personal and professional lives? 260 00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:43,000 Like how do you all line all of those to make sure you're living really your best life? 261 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:48,800 I'll use me as an example for this one because I before I started the firm three almost 262 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:55,160 three years ago, I thought I need my core values and I thought I was very clear on my purpose. 263 00:19:55,160 --> 00:20:02,120 I was in the nonprofit sector in Australia for 15 years and as an executive and I got to 264 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:09,320 the point where I hated who I was at work apart from the psychological safety that was really 265 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:16,360 lacking in two workplaces in particular but and the overworked and the workload and the 266 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,840 burnout putting that aside. 267 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:26,080 What I realized is I until I went through all of my NLP training and psych therapy training 268 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:32,080 I'd never actually sat down and identified and deeply understood my own core values. 269 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,200 And without doing that you can't identify or discover your purpose. 270 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,000 So it's all interlinked right? 271 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,160 So for me it was sitting down and doing this exercises part of my training which took I'd 272 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:49,120 say four hours and what came out of it was core values that I thought I knew were not 273 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:57,120 my core values at all and my core values ended up being freedom, connection and purpose. 274 00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:03,800 And when I knew those three top core values I thought that makes complete sense because freedom 275 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:08,960 was the number one thing and connectedness that I'd been seeking but completely lacking 276 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:14,520 in my previous roles as an executive which was causing that unhappiness and that those feelings 277 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,280 of dissatisfaction and lack of fulfillment. 278 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:24,400 And so then what I would say is then sit down and think okay I need to identify my purpose 279 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,520 because I feel not completely fulfilled. 280 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:32,440 I feel like I'm not on the right track with my career and the way that I typically do that 281 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,760 with people is say to them well what are your strengths? 282 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,960 So what are the things that you do really well based on what you know of yourself but also 283 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:44,840 based on what the feedback you might have received from others? 284 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:50,560 The other thing is we spend so much time at work you have to enjoy what you do most of the 285 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,560 time. 286 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:56,560 You know we can't hate our job and just turn up for a paycheck because you'll make yourself 287 00:21:56,560 --> 00:22:00,800 physically and psychologically ill at some point. 288 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:07,640 And so I say to people what's the thing or things and if you've got an example of you know 289 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:12,040 a time in your career or a time in a particular job when you've had those butterflies in you 290 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:18,360 tummy when you felt like that thing you did really set your soul on fire. 291 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,280 And I get people to answer that question. 292 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,240 What are the things that sets your soul on fire? 293 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,640 What excites you? 294 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,880 It could be working with animals. 295 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:26,880 It could be for me. 296 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,360 I have to be in the service of others. 297 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:34,200 I have to help organizations or help individuals or whatever it might be, particularly those 298 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,880 that are facing disadvantage. 299 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,880 But what is that thing that sets your soul on fire? 300 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,960 And I always say to people you need to do more of that. 301 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,520 That's your purpose essentially. 302 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:54,360 And then when the mindset comes in is adopting, you can't be successful and I always dare people 303 00:22:54,360 --> 00:23:01,440 or challenge people to think of an extremely successful person that they know or celebrity. 304 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:06,040 That's a really negative, closed off person. 305 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,160 And that the answer usually is well I can't think of one and I'm like that's because they don't 306 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,160 exist. 307 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,360 Typically very successful people are very successful and effective leaders. 308 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:21,360 They adopt a growth mindset and what that means is that they are open to opportunities. 309 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:25,840 They see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. 310 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,920 They've got a real willingness to tackle challenges with a positive mindset so they will 311 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,880 go get us typically. 312 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,160 But they also, they never stop learning. 313 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:39,080 They're always those people reading and what you are saying about yourself, you're looking 314 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,080 at NLP. 315 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,680 The people that are always hungry to know more and keen to develop and themselves personally 316 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:45,680 and professionally. 317 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:54,520 So those are, I guess the three things, values, purpose and mindset where they all fit together. 318 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:59,960 Yeah, I want to focus in on something you said. 319 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,680 Challenges, they happen to all of us. 320 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,280 I don't think any of us, no matter our age, are going to get through life without a lot 321 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:07,280 of challenges. 322 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,520 And I think you explained it really well. 323 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,320 That challenges are opportunities. 324 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:22,280 That's how you look at things that happen to you, whether you feel attacked or you feel 325 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,080 this happened and now I'm going to make this other decision. 326 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:31,240 So I love that you said that a growth mindset and look at things that happen as opportunities. 327 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,680 And you might not know today, but just exploring those opportunities are really key. 328 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,800 And I think that is exactly spot on with having a growth mindset. 329 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,080 It makes you more positive, right? 330 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:48,720 And you're not blaming other people or you're just saying, hey, this thing happened. 331 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,960 And now that I'm aware, you have more information to make other decisions. 332 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:57,280 So that is such a good piece of advice. 333 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:01,920 Pivoting a little bit and kind of talking about the negative side of things. 334 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:08,400 But what are some challenges you think that we talked about positive qualities that leaders 335 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,400 have today? 336 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:17,240 We think some of the challenges leaders are going to have today leading these days. 337 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,000 And how, maybe how can they overcome? 338 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,240 So what are the challenges and what can they do to overcome them? 339 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,160 Oh, some of the challenges I think are time. 340 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:33,560 That was, that was my biggest challenge is time, but because, and a lot of these interlinked 341 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:40,040 right, because I was like, in time, I was working 16 hour days during COVID. 342 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,480 And I just, I couldn't get on top of things. 343 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,920 And my husband said, it doesn't, it's not going to, the more you work, it doesn't make 344 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,240 the work go away, the more you work, the more work comes, right? 345 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,680 Because if you're a highly, highly productive, high performer, typically, we say that those 346 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,800 people get loaded with more and more and more work because they're competent. 347 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,000 So I think a lot of leaders that I work with and I hear from say, I just don't have the 348 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,000 time. 349 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,800 I know I'm not the leader. 350 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:06,800 I should be. 351 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,400 I'm not giving as much of myself to my team. 352 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,560 So they have a shame and guilt. 353 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,280 And I'm like, those feelings are not going to be all those emotions that you're carrying 354 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,280 around. 355 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,320 They're not going to be useful for you as far as carrying that around. 356 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:27,640 But I think time and lack of bandwidth to be able to properly engage with their team, but 357 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,120 also for them to go off and do their own professional development and their own time to reflect 358 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,560 on what's working for me as a leader. 359 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,440 I used to take block time out in my diary for reflective practice. 360 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:44,200 I still do it now and think, what's working or what's worked this week? 361 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:49,440 A lot of leaders sort of almost snort and laugh at me and go, "Pff, Kylie, I barely have 362 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,160 time to get through my inbox." 363 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:55,200 And that's me seeing in front of the computer and that's not even me engaging with my team 364 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,400 or working on strategy or, you know, the bigger picture stuff that I should be as an 365 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,920 executive. 366 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,680 So definitely time would be a restraint and a challenge. 367 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,840 The other thing would be the burnout that we're seeing. 368 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:15,880 And a lot of that, when we talk about mindset, that a lot of, you know, what I talk to my executive 369 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:20,720 clients about, my coaching clients is when they're saying, "I'm so overwhelmed and you 370 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:25,920 can feel the anxiety coming through the Zoom or in the face-to-face meeting often." 371 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,880 And I just say to them, "Just take a deep breath and remember there's two things here." 372 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:39,000 One, you still have a, even when everything feels out of your control and chaotic and hectic, 373 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:46,200 you still have control over how you choose to show up every day and the choices you get 374 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:54,520 to choose, the behaviors and how you respond to what's going on in the workplace. 375 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,280 You still get to choose that. 376 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:02,480 And so think carefully about the choices you're making and the reason we do that as coaches 377 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:07,240 is because we want to come from a place of empowerment so people who feel completely unhinged 378 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:11,520 feel like hold on, I still have control over something. 379 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:17,600 The other thing that I typically say is, think about what's within your control and what's 380 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,440 sitting outside of your control. 381 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:26,400 As hard as it is that leaders, we typically try and fix and solve all the problems of 382 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,160 the world in the workplace. 383 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:34,240 You have to funnel your energy, your time to and your mindset to only the things that are 384 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,800 within your control. 385 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:41,800 So forget the workplace politics, forget the, whatever else is going on around you, you 386 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,600 can only focus on what's within your control. 387 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,320 And again, that's just coming from a place of empowerment and trying to give them a little 388 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,760 bit of calm within the chaos. 389 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:57,520 But some of the other challenges that we typically see is a lack of skills with leaders. 390 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:03,120 We see people have been in organizations or companies for a long time and they've been 391 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:08,760 subject matter experts or very good technically and that's the reason they're promoted into 392 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:14,720 supervisory or managerial positions, but they don't necessarily have the people skills. 393 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:20,520 And we get engaged by their bosses or by them directly saying, I'm having a real trouble 394 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,240 leading this team of people. 395 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:27,200 And then very quickly what we find is that they're lacking either the leadership skills, 396 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:33,200 but a lot of that is linked to, you know, emotionally intelligence and their own awareness 397 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:37,600 about their behaviors and their areas for improvement. 398 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,160 So there's some of the others. 399 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,120 But I think, I think, gosh, there's so many. 400 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:49,640 I mean AI, technology disruptions, skills and workforce shortages globally. 401 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,200 We do a lot of work in that space. 402 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:56,280 And so we see people saying, I can't attract and retain staff. 403 00:29:56,280 --> 00:30:02,080 So my culture, I'm finding it hard to build the culture, but then nurture and sustain or 404 00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:07,600 maintain a positive culture because I can't, it's so difficult to attract the right people 405 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,800 and then retain the talent. 406 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,120 And so we do a lot of work. 407 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,560 Again, it all comes back to emotional intelligence and how the leader shows up because you can 408 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:20,040 fix all of those things if you've got really strong leaders. 409 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,800 Yeah, and I think, you know, a time piece is so true. 410 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:27,320 We're such a world and culture that expects everything today right now. 411 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,040 It should all be done. 412 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,800 You know, here's your task, why isn't done? 413 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:37,960 Just two points, I think, when I think about time, all of us, everybody is busy with things 414 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,400 that they feel they're day with and really managing the day. 415 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,600 It shifts so much, right? 416 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:48,520 We start the day with these 10 tasks and then you get into your meetings and then you have 417 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:54,080 a, you know, a 9-1-1 at your work and you're 10 tasks that you were planning on getting done 418 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,080 today. 419 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:59,680 They might shift to tomorrow and that is part of build, like you mentioned, being a leader 420 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:06,640 and making decisions and, you know, one other piece kind of to that is is when things are 421 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:11,080 really stressful and you're really stressed out. 422 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:18,320 Getting up and walking away for a minute helps you regroup your thoughts, regroup, your 423 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,440 self and resetting. 424 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:25,240 So whether that's, you know, getting a drink of water or using the restroom or just getting 425 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:31,280 up and resetting and stretching or moving your body and then, okay, sitting back down and 426 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:36,720 really focusing on what you need to solve today instead of looking at the list. 427 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,040 Okay, here's my list of 10. 428 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,160 I got to get all 10 things done. 429 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:46,800 Depending on the 10, it could be a ton of pressure for you to get done one by one. 430 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,800 What's the most important thing to get done? 431 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,760 And then you have nine and look at those nine, what's top thing? 432 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:56,960 And then if you only get three, the other seven moves to the next day, don't take that 433 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:02,000 burden with you home or just moving on, right? 434 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:09,960 I know that as an executive and leader very few days have I ever gotten all my to-do's 435 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,280 done in a day and they've moved. 436 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:16,960 I've had to do sometimes that have been on my list for a month or more and a lot of times 437 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:21,160 people will come back and say, hey, hey, what about that one thing? 438 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,120 And I'll say, well, these other things took priority. 439 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,800 Would you now like me to focus on this thing? 440 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:32,000 And so I think it's also having dialogue with your leaders as well. 441 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:37,040 So if they're expecting these 10 tasks and you think those 10 tasks are going to take 442 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:41,320 a month, it's really up to you to communicate that to your leaders. 443 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:46,400 And I think the more that we have that, like you said, dialogue and communication, the 444 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:52,360 less stress we're going to have on ourselves and pressure and the more clarity we're going 445 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,880 to have in the workplace. 446 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:55,880 Absolutely. 447 00:32:55,880 --> 00:33:01,640 I was giggling Melissa because when you said, you know, you had tasks that moved to the next 448 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:06,160 day, I had one thing three, it would have been three and a half years ago. 449 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,920 And I knew that I was procrastinating. 450 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,280 It wasn't important and it wasn't urgent. 451 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:16,360 So I was like, well, I can go on the back burner and it wasn't like it didn't sit in my fire 452 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:18,160 me up zone. 453 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,040 But it was just a task cut to get done. 454 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:24,360 And my team said to me, after two weeks, they said it at a team meeting, we've noticed 455 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,680 you keep moving that thing on your diary because I used to put all my tasks unless they 456 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:33,160 were confidential things and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do it. 457 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,160 It's not urgent. 458 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:38,480 It's not important and I used to teach them, you know, the the COVID model or whatever they 459 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:39,480 call that matrix. 460 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,360 If it's not urgent, it's not important. 461 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:42,880 It can wait. 462 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,240 But also I think they people appreciate your team or your leaders. 463 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,480 They appreciate you being transparent. 464 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,920 I'm not going to get this done today. 465 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:56,040 And I think once you communicate and establish those boundaries and expectations, like you 466 00:33:56,040 --> 00:34:00,200 said, you just feel like you can take a sigh of relief going, okay, they're not expecting 467 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,440 all of this from me this week. 468 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:03,440 Yeah. 469 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,120 And sometimes it's the burden we put on ourselves, right? 470 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:11,920 If maybe not your manager or your leaders that are putting all these things on you, it's 471 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:17,040 you also putting the burden on you and not communicating when things are out of balance. 472 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:21,400 And you know, that word balance, I struggle with that word for many years. 473 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,640 I don't know if I believe in the word balance. 474 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:29,480 I think there's some days, you know, my personal life is is balance on there's some days 475 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:33,480 it's unbalanced. 476 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,480 It's kind of that scale that tips one way and the other way, but I think communication is 477 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:40,000 a two way street and it takes time and progress. 478 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:42,320 It doesn't just happen when you first meet someone. 479 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:47,920 You got to understand, you know, we all have different ways we learn different ways we communicate. 480 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:54,760 And I think to your point, time is going to be a really important thing as we move quicker 481 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,800 and faster and people want things sooner than later. 482 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:06,080 So it's going to be really key to manage that with your peers and your leaders as you 483 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,880 develop and grow within your organization. 484 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,880 Yeah, absolutely. 485 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:17,240 So with that, I was just thinking like safety, you know, a lot of times I hear from people 486 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:23,840 that they don't feel safe at their job or they're, you know, they're getting a lot of criticism. 487 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:31,320 So, you know, in today's world, why do you think that, you know, why is it so important for 488 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:38,040 critical feedback in today's work environment, giving positive or just dialogue with the 489 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:41,360 people that you report to? 490 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,080 Because it goes back to psychological safety. 491 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:50,480 So if you're not having, and I always say to leaders, are you having regular communication? 492 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,680 And they go, yeah, we have a team meeting. 493 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,080 Are you having regular one on one? 494 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,840 Are you creating regular one on one opportunities for your team? 495 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:04,720 Because not everybody, and again, it goes back and I talk about psychological safety a 496 00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:11,480 lot, but not everybody because the diversity of those in our workplaces feels comfortable 497 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:18,360 saying in a team open or open environment, hey, I've got a sick child or hey, I'm not going 498 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:22,120 to get to this task today or hey, I've got something happening in my personal life 499 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:27,560 that I know is going to or is impacting my performance at work, right? 500 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:33,080 So I always ask leaders that that one question when they say, my team's not working, it's not 501 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,080 functioning right? 502 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,760 I say, okay, we have to let's put the responsibility and ownership and accountability back onto 503 00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,880 the leader just for a minute. 504 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:50,360 Are you creating opportunities for your teams to have regular, regular team and one on one 505 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:51,880 conversations with you? 506 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,800 A lot of leaders say, well, they know they can come to me. 507 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,880 I'm like, do they? 508 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:57,880 Have you told them that? 509 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:04,360 But if it's not in the diary, people typically, unless they're friendly or friends with the boss, 510 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:08,600 they won't knock on the door and say, I need to talk to you about something. 511 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,680 And it could be related to the leader or their leadership style. 512 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:17,840 It could be something that they've got concerns about or even a grievance between before it 513 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,640 turns into an informal, a formal grievance. 514 00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:27,720 So that's one of the first things I say is, are you giving your teams those, creating those 515 00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:29,800 opportunities? 516 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:36,200 The second thing is, if we're not communicating regularly or frequently and we're not providing 517 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:42,720 open, honest, transparent feedback, whether it be positive feedback or constructive feedback, 518 00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,480 they're both the same. 519 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:49,640 But if there's issues around performance, a lot of leaders shy away from having those 520 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,280 conversations, because they're uncomfortable. 521 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:58,000 And I always say to them, but if this continues and then you end up with a performance management 522 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:01,160 issue, you haven't followed your process. 523 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:06,720 You need to give the person an opportunity to know where their shortfalls are or their 524 00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:12,400 areas of improvement, how you're going to support them as their leader, what they need 525 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:18,560 to do as a team member or a staff member, training, whatever that might look like. 526 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:22,880 And then you need to come together and you need to explain what your expectations are 527 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:27,360 as far as that improvement timeline so that they can be fully functional and doing their 528 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:28,880 job. 529 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:33,120 So often leaders shy away from what they call difficult conversations. 530 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,800 And it comes back to what you were saying before Melissa, it's difficult because that's 531 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,560 how you're perceiving it. 532 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:46,280 And so you're projecting your opinion on maybe how you feel about a scenario onto the person 533 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,240 that doesn't even know there's a problem yet. 534 00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:59,040 So if leaders can get into this normal natural groove and routine of structuring one-on-ones, 535 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:04,480 structuring regular team calls or team meetings, talking about the vision, linking back what 536 00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:10,200 the bigger picture and vision and goals are to every single person's individual role, 537 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:15,560 they'll say that people buy into them as a leader, buy into their vision and mission, 538 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:20,120 be very clear on what their roles are and what the performance expectations are and they 539 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,840 will go on that journey. 540 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,360 It's typically when people have got no idea what's expected of them and they're confused 541 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:34,400 that they either just turn up and get a paycheck and then not particularly productive. 542 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:39,160 Morale seems starts to suffer and productivity starts to suffer and then it's only really 543 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:44,840 the people that are very intrinsically motivated that are the ones performing and producing. 544 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:51,920 Yeah, and I think about the, I've been managing people for 20 years so I've seen a good amount 545 00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:54,560 of these kind of some of this dialogue. 546 00:39:54,560 --> 00:40:00,160 So taking it a little step further, so absolutely one-on-ones, super important. 547 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:05,920 And sometimes on one-on-ones you'll hit one of your direct reports with a question and 548 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,760 they might not feel comfortable answering you. 549 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:16,720 And you might have heard from somebody else in the organization and you decide to ask the 550 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:20,120 employee and they might not feel comfortable sharing things with you. 551 00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:25,720 And so I think it's a place where you have to continually build rapport and then at some 552 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:29,040 point if they're just, you know, if you ask them, "How's everything going?" 553 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,760 And you know from other people that it's not going well and that they're very stressed 554 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,000 out. 555 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,600 You might have to hit it head on and it just asks them questions like, you know, do you 556 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,320 feel like you have too much work? 557 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,080 Are you overwhelmed with this project? 558 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:48,560 And you might have to actually hit it, hit it, hit it direct to that person because there 559 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:54,040 may be times where you're like, I'm having my one-on-ones and, you know, everybody's telling 560 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:58,720 me that things are fine, but their face tells me that things are not fine. 561 00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:03,400 And so I think, you know, when managing people, sometimes people don't feel comfortable 562 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,000 sharing with you directly for whatever reason. 563 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:10,840 So that's, you know, you need to spend more time building rapport and relationship with 564 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,320 those people. 565 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:16,520 And then if you do and they are not answering you, then sometimes you might just have to 566 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,400 hit it head on. 567 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,800 And if they say everything's great, then that just also might be their personality and how 568 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,320 they communicate within the organization. 569 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:33,280 But I think there's so many great pieces that we've discussed and so many great ideas. 570 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:39,360 And I'm trying to think we, we covered so much ground, I want to just give you the opportunity 571 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:45,760 and closing any other things we might have mastered top three takeaways for executives and 572 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:46,760 leaders. 573 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:55,000 For those of you that might be feeling, you know, that side, that overwhelm that we see, 574 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:59,920 a lot of leaders like, I used to say leadership can be a really lonely place. 575 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:05,200 And one of my team members once during COVID said, we know the hours you're putting in and 576 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,600 you're looking after all of us, but who's looking after you? 577 00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,480 And I thought, what a beautiful question. 578 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:15,640 And so if there's no one looking after the leader, you really have to take that responsibility 579 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:16,640 on yourself. 580 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:22,560 So what I can see because a lot of my clients burnt out when they get to me or they have 581 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:30,120 been bullied or harassed or experienced workplaces that aren't psychologically safe, really 582 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,320 you can't get your health back. 583 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,480 You need to nurture that now. 584 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:38,480 You need to make time for your health and yourself care now or you'll need to make time 585 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,680 for illness later is what I say. 586 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:46,880 So take care of yourself, try and recognize some of those things that might be happening. 587 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:52,320 But yeah, when we think about mindset and overwhelm, I always say calm happens in, and 588 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,480 sorry, magic happens in calm knock hails. 589 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:59,920 So when you're running around crazy hectic and we all have those days, just take a moment 590 00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:04,320 when you recognize that you're operating in that domain and think, this isn't serving 591 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:05,720 me. 592 00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:07,600 It's not going to get me the outcomes I need. 593 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,320 It's certainly not going to serve my team. 594 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,280 Take a deep breath or go and meditate for 10 minutes if you need to. 595 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:20,160 Like you said, step away from the thing and just remember that magic happens in calm 596 00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:25,080 knock hails, just take it down a notch and you have fun just center and then you can get 597 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:26,080 on with it. 598 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:27,080 That's what I'd say. 599 00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,080 Yeah, I think you made me think of something. 600 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:33,720 I always just tell myself, Kylie, I'm like, how you live your life in your 20s, 30s, 601 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:39,080 and 40s is how you will enjoy your 50s, 60s and beyond. 602 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:44,720 And so if you're, you know, not eating, right, not sleeping, you know, drinking too much 603 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:49,960 alcohol, harming your body, it's going to be really hard to unwrap. 604 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,880 Unwind that as we get older. 605 00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:55,240 So you're spot on with really paying attention to your health. 606 00:43:55,240 --> 00:44:00,720 And if you're one of those people that can't do that, sometimes scheduling it, just scheduling 607 00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:01,720 it. 608 00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:06,560 And if you schedule it and it changes, paying for it, like paying for a coach or paying for 609 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:11,280 a massage or paying for things up front, you're more likely to go to it. 610 00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,680 If it's scheduled and paid versus, you know, if it's just kind of casually, I'm going to 611 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:23,120 go to the gym in the mornings and the mornings happen and you make excuses why you can't do 612 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:24,120 it. 613 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:28,720 So I love that you mentioned that thank you so much, Kylie, for being here. 614 00:44:28,720 --> 00:44:31,320 I could talk to you forever and ever on this subject. 615 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:32,320 I love it. 616 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,000 And all your great insights. 617 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,000 Thank you so much. 618 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,960 That's the Executive Connect podcast. 619 00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,440 You've been listening to the Executive Connect podcast. 620 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:49,560 If you have questions or ideas on how to bring leadership to your next level, email us at 621 00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:53,920 Executive Connect podcast at gmail.com. 622 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,800 And don't forget to subscribe so you can catch every new episode. 623 00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:58,880 Until next time. 624 00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:04,440 [MUSIC]