grief is political. And if this statement makes your shoulders tense up or your stomach,
be like, "Oh, I don't know if I want to talk about this." I invite you to pause for a
moment and take a breath. Because the statement, grief is political, is not about turning
your grief into a weapon. It is about recognizing that decisions about who lives, who dies, who
get support and who is left behind in our society are decisions that are made in rooms full of
politicians and policies and power.
Hi there, grief growers and welcome back to grief grower. I am so honored to be here with you, as always.
If you have been growing alongside me in my work for a while, hello, welcome back. And if you are
new to me and my work, hello, for the first time. My name is Shelby Fersitia. I'm a grief coach,
two-time author, and the founder of Life After Loss Academy, which is an online course in community
that has helped dozens of grieving people stop feeling lost, stuck, broken and alone in the aftermath
of loss and actually build lives they love from the lives that lost his force them to live. This
includes, of course, not only death-related losses, but also losses like divorce and breakup,
major diagnosis, and any other loss that changes your life here on the show. We believe that grief
is not something to get over, but something to grow with and alongside for the rest of our lives,
and that when we stop treating grief like a problem to be solved, and instead of like a part of
our lives that's woven into, as my wife would say, the all of the everything, we create really rich
and meaningful lives that honor not just the struggles we faced in the memories we've carried, all the
people who have gone before, but also who we are becoming. We get to be that sort of bridge between
the past and the future. Today on the show, in honor of Pride Month and so many other things that are
happening in the United States right now, I am so honored to bring you grief is political. One of my
hottest takes on grief support, how to participate in activism and be an activist even when your heart
is broken. This is something I am so incredibly passionate about because there are so many people in
the world who say, "I'm not political. Politics isn't for me, and I'm like, do you not understand that every
single element of your life is driven by politics. We all exist inescapably inside of systems and
structures that have been constructed by other people, by politicians, by governments. Oftentimes
people we elect to be there, oftentimes people we did not elect to be there for whatever reason."
And talking about how grief is political and is informed by politics is something that's really,
really close to my heart because yes, grief is personal. It is very much a thing that happens to you.
You are the one navigating the loss in your life, but just like everything else in your world,
grief exists inside of a larger system. Grief is political. And if this statement makes your
shoulders tense up or your stomach be like, "I don't know if I want to talk about this, I invite you to
pause for a moment and take a breath." Because the statement, grief is political, is not about
turning your grief into a weapon. It is about recognizing that decisions about who lives,
who dies, who gets support, and who is left behind in our society are decisions that are made
in rooms full of politicians and policies and power. And if you're grieving, also consider this,
your grief, your heartbreak, your loss did not happen in a vacuum. It happened in a society where
the rules about who deserves compassion and care and safety and justice are written by people
in office and then theoretically we all abide by them. To be clear, you do not have to have lost
somebody to war or hate crime or imprisonment or medical malpractice or poverty, sort of political
events to see grief as a political thing. Regardless of how your person died or even the type of loss
that you're facing because divorce, job loss, natural disaster, these all have political components
as well, your grief in some way is mixed up with politics. Simply put, your grief is political.
So let's get into it today. Here's what I mean when I say grief is political. When I use the phrase
grief is political, I do not mean grief is partisan. And I think that's what a lot of people tend to hear
when we talk about grief and politics together. I mean when I say grief is political that the system
surrounding death, survival, support, and healing are all built in our society by political choices.
I'm going to run through a list of things that I could think of that politics determine in the
United States. But if you can think of others, I'd absolutely love to hear from you. And of course,
because of where I live, I'm based in the United States, this is just a list to my knowledge that
encompasses the experience of what it's like to live right here right now. And I get that politics
exists in different iterations, permutations, combinations across the world. So in the United States,
politics determine who gets access to health care and who doesn't, which can often be a matter of
life and death. This is one of the biggest things that the rest of the world looks at us and be like,
you're getting that wrong. Absolutely. I agree. Who is imprisoned or killed by the state who is put
on death row? And this often happens along dividing lines of race or class or ability or gender.
Where people live and whether those neighborhoods are safe or financially restored or thriving.
Politics also decides whose bodies and futures are considered valuable, who has a bright and
promising future and whose are considered disposable or low lives. Politics determines how we enter into
relationships and thinking things like marriage contracts, business contracts, how separation happens,
who gets to initiate those decisions and when and why. And ultimately how things like divorce,
whether a romantic relationship or like a business separation happens and those are loss events.
Politics also determines who is forced to flee war or violence and who gets to look away because
they're not affected. Which communities are most likely to lose loved ones early and often,
and which are most likely to live long happy lives influenced by politics? How we travel,
locally and internationally and who is considered a risk or threat at the border? We're seeing this very
much right now. Who is most impacted by changes in climate and how those changes are managed?
Are we funneling money towards these people who have been devastated or are we not? Are we telling
our constituents that these events are real or not? How we distribute information about both historical
and current events and thinking about history editing or media censoring? Who has decision-making
power when we die and when and where and how those decisions can be made? And finally,
regardless of which of these on the list wrong true for you, politics determines how you're allowed
to grieve. Because here's the thing, in the United States there is no federal right to bereave
mit leave at the time of recording this podcast. Most workers, full-time part time across the board,
are expected to return to their jobs days or even hours or after no gap at all, after experiencing an
unimaginable loss. Whether you get time to mourn depends not just on your employer but on local
and state policy, which often excludes families that are not nuclear. So people who are like family
to you or aren't in your immediate household aren't counted, deaths that aren't considered close
and losses that do not follow a traditional narrative. And that's just for human death-related losses.
As the recording of this podcast, again, there is no national policy not only for death losses but
also for non-death losses such as something like a divorce, a major diagnosis that changes your
life where you'd like like a couple days to like sit and think about how that's changing your future
but also things like pet loss or natural disaster. If your grief has ever been dismissed or overlooked
or legislated out of legitimacy, you already know that your grief is political. And if the phrase
grief is political or the idea, grief is political is a new perspective to you. That's okay too. I'm
really glad you're here and I'm really glad you're listening today. Take care. As you navigate what
may be a very big cascade of emotions because widening your view of grief and how it shows up in
your life and all the ways you've been impacted by it can bring up everything from anger to devastation,
to shock, to despair, even just seeing grief differently. Not even doing anything yet, but just
seeing grief differently requires energy when you're grieving. In other words, it is okay if this feels
big because it is. I want to transition a little bit into how to begin thinking about grief and politics.
Now that you've started seeing, let's transition into thinking. How are we thinking about grief and
politics? One of the best ways that you can engage with the grief that is entangled in politics and
the politics that are entangled in grief is by asking questions about your own grief experience.
You might start by considering. One, how was my loss political? Two, what societal systems or
structures had an impact on my grief, positive or negative? There can be positive legislation that
influences your grief. I'm thinking things like caregiver mandates or things like that or the
fact that hospice is often funded by the government. That's a real thing. That can positively affect
your grief. Third question, who, besides my friends and family, might have made decisions about my
grief experience and thinking politicians and rooms, deciding how things are going to go for the
rest of us. So I want to give you an example here. These are just a few ways that I might apply
these questions and see and think about my mom's death through a political lens. And if you're new
here, my mom died from breast cancer suddenly in 2013 or recurrence at breast cancer. Here's one lens
I could see this through. Breast cancer research is publicly funded a lot of the time with taxpayer
dollars that I pay, you pay, we pay to the government and requires organizations and non-profits to
lobby politicians and say, hey, this is important. Finding a cure, getting good treatment is important.
So politicians and people inside the science and research systems in our society. As my mom was
dying and as she was being treated, we're making decisions about whether or not my mom's specific
type of cancer mattered and whether or not learning about it was worth funding. Here's another lens.
Throughout her diagnosis treatment and death, she was cared for by a team of professionals from Duke
University Hospital. Hospitals I have learned can be privately or publicly owned, i.e. privately
by themselves or publicly by the government or a social system. They can be for profit as in
they're making money for shareholders or not for profit as in all the money goes back to sustaining
the hospital. I learned that Duke Hospital where my mom was, this is 11 years later. Yeah, 11 years
later, that Duke Hospital where she was is a privately owned not-for-profit hospital, which means
it's tax exempt and in an ideal world exists with the intention of getting people quality care
instead of trying to make a profit so that shareholders get richer. Cool. Politicians and people inside
the healthcare system, including insurance companies, were making decisions about what sort of treatments
my mom should receive, how many procedures they should try before telling her there was nothing
more they could do, how much to charge for those services and who to hire, as doctors nurses,
chaplain support staff, and finally, where the line was between treating the disease and telling her
there's nothing more you can do you should call in hospice. A third lens for you. My mom died at
home and her body was removed by workers from our local funeral home. Politicians and people inside
the death care system, that's another system in our society, were making decisions about how long
her body could be with us and how and where it was allowed to be honored after her death.
Byproduct of politics, capitalism, white supremacy, a bunch of all these things,
determine burial laws, cremation laws, what options are available for you in your state and
unfortunately right now there's state specific and so it kind of depends on where you go,
but things like medical aid and dying are also state specific and governed by state and local
governments. Something to think about. Fourth and final lens for you. When my mom died, I was 21
years old and on winter break from college so I did not consider something like bereavement leave.
I wasn't working well I was working actually now the now that you mention it you out there.
Now that you mentioned that I was working but I was on winter break so I had about a week we can have
before I had to go back to school again but I did return to a college campus that had no system
in place for supporting grieving students explicitly beyond meeting with an intern therapist
who was still in grad school. I went to a few therapy sessions and I had the sense that my grief
was overwhelming to them and I left after just a few sessions. The college I attended,
Appalachian State University, is publicly funded meaning everything from choices about our football
team to our mental health programs were likely influenced by the desires of politicians at the state
and federal levels. Politicians and people inside the education system, another system that was
impacting me were making decisions about how much the mental and emotional health of students
mattered. When and how to serve bereave students and we're funding for the counseling center fit in
alongside all of the university's other expenses that is political. So as you can see these are just
four lenses. There are so many other lenses of grief and politics that I can apply to my mother's
death not to mention my best friend's death even my cat's death. My statements about the intersection
of grief and politics for the most part are not partisan. I'm not disparaging one side of the aisle
while praising the other. They are simply acknowledging that within the small intimate experience
of my personal grief, my mom's death, a larger influence was it play constantly making consequential
decisions about how my grief was going to go in the background and my loss just like your loss
took place inside of this bigger system of politics. So when you understand that politics and grief
are connected your next question might be how the heck do I get involved? We've seen it. We thought
about it. Consider it. Hell wait, ask some questions. Now I want to do something. So when you have this
understanding that politics and grief are inexplicably intertwined, it is very, very tempting to jump
right into the deep end and sign yourself up as a volunteer for everything in your community or
subscribe yourself to every possible social media account doing justice work suddenly political
activism can become your other full-time job and your inbox is just like inundated with reminders
of how bad things are and how you are a necessary and crucial part of making the world a better place.
That's a lot of pressure and that's a fast track to not only activist burnout which is a real thing
but grief burnout as well. So as you tend to your mind, body, heart and spirit while grieving,
consider these questions as a guide to get started as you move into this like doing space of grief
and politics. Number one, what one to three issues break my heart the most. Prioritizing really what
aggravates you or or tears you to pieces inside can help you prioritize where to begin because there's
a lot of ways to be an activist and there are a lot of causes to consider. So thinking about how
you wish things could have gone differently with your own loss or how you could contribute to making
future grievers lives a little bit easier is a great way to begin. For example, one client of mine
lost her transgender daughter to suicide and she is now passionate about supporting organizations
that help LGBTQIA+ folks feel seen and heard and included not just on an emotional level but on
a legislative one, writing laws and codifying laws that make it so queer people are included
everywhere. Another client of mine who suffered the loss of a baby chose to turn her activism and
advocacy into becoming a spokesperson for the hospital where she received incredible empathetic care
and so she's kind of a champion for this healthcare system now in her area because she believes
in it so much. Question number two, what is a reasonable amount of time, energy or money I can
contribute to this cause and this is where I'm going to encourage you to be super hyperduper
realistic. If you are paying off funeral costs or medical debt both of which are political or if
you're fighting someone in court also political you may not have the financial means to support
political causes and that's okay. The tables might be turned if you just received a huge inheritance
from someone who died or if you downsized your home and by consequence probably your mortgage
payments after a loss. And I'll say that money is just one aspect of contributing to activism,
considering how much time you might have to volunteer, make phone calls, send letters on
behalf of a cause is another way to go. You may also have special skills, things like meal planning,
graphic design, social media and marketing or first aid are really valuable for organizations
that participate in some form of political activism. And as many in-person demonstrators will tell you
sometimes simply showing up with your body during a march or a rally is a great way to send a
political message because by showing up with your body in that space you are contributing to a
cause is literal numbers numbers that eventually influence change. It's one thing when 10 people
show up. It's another when a hundred people show up or a thousand or 10,000 or a hundred thousand
for some sort of march or movement. So even if your activism is not a small daily thing it can be,
it doesn't have to be. Even if you attend two rallies a year, six rallies a year, however many
your nervous system can reasonably handle and in ways that keep you and the others around you safe.
That is a very tangible way to say I may not have money, I may not have a lot of time to give.
If these are happening on the weekends I can get out of my day job whatever the case may be
and I can just show up and be a body who says I believe in this cause. That is a very, very valuable
thing to do when you have no other options or minimal other options for contributing consistently
while you're grieving. Next question here for you, can I join a movement already in progress?
And this is about so many grievers I work with think about or talk about wanting to start some
sort of charity or organization after a loved one dies. And something that I gently encourage is maybe
you could see what else exists out there first because starting a charity or a company unless you
have a lot of support is a lot of work. And I'll tell you that a lot of my clients have decided wow
this is not for me like I have gotten in and I have seen everything that is here to be built and
putting energy toward building something that big is not for me right now. And of course you're
welcome to come back to a later of course you're welcome to partner together with other people who
may have more energy to make it happen of course you're allowed to do all of these things. But if
you're feeling this call to like plant your grief lag in the ground and be like I'm standing up
for this on behalf of my grief participate in activism in causes or organizations that already
exist as Walter Payton said we are stronger together than we are alone. And many organizations
band together over a shared identity or a shared cause and thinking of things like mom's
demand action which seeks to end gun violence in the United States or doctors without borders which
is a worldwide organization that provides medical care for people in war or crisis. And you could begin
your activism journey by heading to or signing up for a group that already exists but shares your
same values. You get to show up and have a voice in a larger movement without having to worry about
things like fundraising or payroll or marketing or rent and basically running a business. And that
can be a real relief when you're grieving because not everybody wants to start what amounts to a business
when you're grieving. Last question here for you before you move into action how will I know this
type of activism is right for me. How do I know this is good? How do I know this is worth my time
energy money all the other precious resources I have while grieving? I want you to picture how you'd
like to feel after you've begun engaging in activism work because politics like grief is never
really finished we're never really done with it consider how you'd like to feel mentally,
emotionally, physically, spiritually after you've begun. Of course like with anything else there
will be moments of heartache and despair and oh my god I can't believe we are making progress this
slowly or sliding backwards this can be true in grief as well. But by and large many people who
call themselves activists say that they want to feel like they are taking on their fair share of
responsibility to better their communities or leaving a legacy or building connections with others
who share their values or meeting their neighbors or having greater empathy for the human race.
You may want to feel more hope or more power to change things that are broken or simply a sense
that you're doing the right thing in the world. So before you take any sort of action before you
sign up for a newsletter before you attend a rally consider how would I like to feel not necessarily
when I come out of this because it will never really be done. How would I like to feel as I'm doing
this or as I'm decompressing from this event or as the years go on how would I like to feel.
Lastly here on grief grower I want to give you six extraordinarily easy ways to engage in grief
centered activism especially if you have very little energy or time or money.
The first one is to start by asking grief informed questions and we kind of covered this already
in like seeing your grief through different lenses and like thinking about your grief and then
considering all the ways that you would like to do grief out in the world. But asking questions
as an action is another way to be an activist and this is a free thing to do because grief activism
doesn't always look like shouting from the rooftops or marching physically in a protest. Sometimes
it looks like an intimate conversation that you have with somebody over dinner or just a post on
social media. Did you know there's no legal bereavement leave in most United States? Isn't that
interesting? Let's talk about it. Or I've been emailing my reps about insert issue here. Have you ever
emailed a representative about a cause? I would love to hear your story even just normalizing
conversations like this in day to day life. I'm donating to this group in memory of John. Would you
like to hear about him? Normalizing that engaging in politics is a worthwhile way to cope with grief,
to tend to grief, to grow through grief is a really wonderful first step in doing grief activism out
in the world. Number two is my all-time favorite which is why I included it immediately after one
and it's something called resist bot. So using resist bot to text your representatives. This is a great
great way to be a grief activist because if you can send or respond to a text message, you can take
political action and some days I'll admit this is all I have time for. Resist bot is free. It's a free
service unless you have messaging costs for your phone. I know a lot of phone plans don't have that
anymore. It's like you pay something a month and then you have your data. But for the most part,
it's a free service that unless you are charged per text message which I don't think anybody does
that anymore, it is essentially free. There is no charge to use resist bot. It lets you email your
elected officials directly using pre-written letters about current issues. So all you have to do
to get started is text the word resist R E S I S T to 50409 and follow the prompts that it gives you.
It basically says like what would you like to resist or what would you like to send your representatives
and then you can select a pre-written letter that you can tweak or edit or add your own thoughts
your own grief story if you want. You confirm your current zip code so it knows who to send it to.
It's usually local or state representatives as opposed to federal and then you confirm by text
message that you would like resist bot to send an email on your behalf. You do not have to open
your mail app. You do not have to type an email yourself and it is so incredible. It's not even copy
paste. It's like we've written what amounts to a form letter for you and their crowd sourced from
other people who have the same values that you do and you can choose what issues you're passionate
about. And then you say I would like to resist and it composes this little message and it's like
are you ready to send this to your representatives and this is it's just one of my favorite things.
It's activism for the exhausted and it matters. It matters. I get results from it. I have been using
resist bot since 2016. This is not an ad by the way. I just love it so much. I've been using
resist bot since 2016 to share my opinion with my representatives in Illinois here and many times
I have even gotten emailed replies from their offices, which is really fun to see like oh my god
it's actually doing something because just like other forms of communication to representatives
emails get counted. If they get a lot of postcards or a lot of emails or a lot of phone calls, there
are people in their offices whose entire jobs are to tally the letters or notices or or outcries.
They get about specific issues and that can inform how they vote on things in the future.
This leads me to my third one, which is an app called Five Calls and it gives you easy,
scripted advocacy. The only difference between this one and resist bot is you do have to make a phone
call. So if you want to take it a step further and you're like I'm good at phone calls, I don't mind
talking on the phone. Five calls is a wonderful app that does everything hard about advocacy for you.
It gives you you put in your zip code again. It gives you phone numbers for your local state and
federal representatives. It gives you scripts based on issues that are current. It's updated every
week and then it gives you language to read over the phone word for word so that when somebody from
your representative office picks up the phone, you start talking. You say hi, my name is this.
I live at this address or I live within this zip code and I'm passionate about this issue and then
you just read the whole script and if you can hang up if you want again, you can add your own
personal grief story if you want. And I learned in my research, I was like why is it called Five
calls? It's called Five calls because the creators of the app say Five calls feels like a manageable
amount for most people. But I'll say as your friendly local grief coach, even if you only make one
call through this app, one call a day, one call a week, one call a month, you're making a difference.
You do not have to find the right words. It's my favorite part of this app. You just have to read
the screen as you call and you can absolutely add your own perspective, your grief story again if
you want, but it's not required. And something that's really neat about Five calls is that elected
officials, local state, federal often report that a high call volume about an issue is often the
reason for voting for something, especially if it goes against party lines. And so it's like all
these Republicans are voting for this thing. You know, we want Danny Q to come along for the ride.
If Danny gets a lot of calls against this issue from people who live in his area and who elected him
and say, Hey, we don't want this to go through. Danny can say, I voted against this against my
party against this big group that I'm a part of because I was inundated with calls who said they
didn't want this to happen. It's a very valid reason for a politician to make a tough political
decision to say the people who I'm in charge of representing didn't want this. And if you want
to think of this another way, making phone calls to politicians, also my one of my favorite authors
and podcasters, her name is Tori Dunlap and she hosts the show in his written book called financial
feminist. She says, essentially, your representatives are working for you. You're not bothering them
by making a phone call. You're their boss. You are their boss. It is literally in their job
description to make you their constituent happy or to represent you adequately. That is literally
their job description as a politician. They're not there to make money and shake hands and do deals
and show up for dinners or do photo ops at the local grocery store when a new one opens. They are
there to represent you and to help you build the community and the neighborhood and the government
of your dreams. I know that sounds like fluffy unicorns, but like they exist to represent you and
the things that you want. So tell them what you want because if they're not hearing from you,
they may not know. And that's a hard thing I know to hear as a grieving person is like I got to do
another thing. I got to advocate for myself another way because often grieving people are the
teachers of our loss to other people. We already have to tell our friends and family what we need.
We have to do it with politicians too. What it can be though if you choose to see it this way is
exercising that resilience muscle of asking for what you need and what you want over and over and
over again. Okay. Number four is write a postcard. There is something so wonderful and kind of old
school about putting pen to paper, especially when it comes to grief activism and postcards,
let you write directly to legislators or to voters. And this I love, especially for a grievous
person might be older or grievous who are so tired of looking at technology, which I think all of us
are so tired of looking at screens these days is to like get off the screen, write some shit down
on a postcard and mail it to somebody. You can do this a few different ways. You can join campaigns
or things that are called postcard parties in your neighborhood or local government that send
postcards to voters. You can write to your representatives about grief related policy. So their
addresses are like publicly posted. You can email your older person or your governor or your mayor
or you can even write a letter to the president if you want and they will receive it. They may not
always reply but they will receive it and count it as something, especially if you name a specific
issue it will go into a tally or you can help local organizations get the word out about specific
causes or events. A lot of spaces and organizations will be like we need to let the neighborhood know
that this thing is happening. Can you come right, you know, 20 postcards in an afternoon with us?
This is a very, very low pressure and creative way to be engaged in grief activism and the bonuses
you don't have to leave your house. You can get your colored pencils and your fancy pens and
their stamps that have beddy whites face on them which I just bought from the US Postal Surface
and put them on all your postcards and feel very good about yourself for participating in something
that moves some sort of needle forward that contributes to something greater than yourself.
Okay, number five is to connect with a local mutual aid group and if you've never heard the
term mutual aid before it's kind of going around social media in a few spaces but it's not, I don't
think it's quite reached public consciousness all the way yet. Here's a quick definition. Mutual aid
is a form of community support where people help each other directly without waiting for institutions
or charities. So an example of mutual aid for a lot of people are local buy nothing groups,
B-U-Y, buy nothing as any who are purchasing nothing. I'm a member of one here in Chicago and people
will just say, you know, we upgraded our toaster and now we have a perfectly good toaster that we want
to give to a neighbor in need and different people will comment and then set up a time to exchange
the toaster with no money changing hands and also without the toaster having to go through Goodwill
or Salvation Army or a local thrift store in order for someone else to buy it with money. And so
a mutual aid group in your area might have different causes. A lot of them are sort of all purpose
mutual aid groups. It's like we represent this neighborhood and then everything that this
neighborhood needs we may happen, but a lot of other mutual aid organizations are like cause
or genre specific and so they might look like sharing meals with neighbors or helping cook for people.
It might look like going to where unhoused people are camping or living together and distributing
hygiene kits or helping them find places to eat or be safe or shower. It might be providing
childcare or transportation to grieving families or people who are receiving medical treatment. A
lot of folks in my local buy nothing group are looking for like a ride to to cancer care, to
chemotherapy is very common request or to you know a blood draw something where it's like helpful if
you're not the person driving afterwards. It might be looking at donating medical supplies or money
or time and something I love about mutual aid is like it sends the message that your pain matters
and your survival matters and that as a neighborhood we can take care of us. It's a really beautiful
message especially if you're looking for ways now to kind of again disengage from the screen and
from social media and to meet the people that you are surrounded by. I will say most cities and towns
have mutual aid groups you can find. You can look for them on social media by just searching like
your neighborhood or your town name and then mutual aid or there is a website called mutualaid hub.org
that you can search for mutual aid fund area as well. Okay last one here number six. I put money
last cause not everybody has it but if you want to you could make a donation that honors your grief
and I will say I know not everybody has a lot of money to spare but you don't need to have a ton of
money to make a meaningful contribution. If you have five dollars or ten dollars that donation
especially in the name of somebody that you've lost can be its own act of political resistance. You
can do it one time you can do it recurring whatever is possible for you. You could give to organizations
that are grief specific. There's one I love called evermore which is a nonprofit here in the
States working to shift policy around grief specifically getting bereavement leave for everybody after
a loss. You could also donate to your local grief support charity or a hospice as oftentimes
organizations like those are underfunded even when they are funded by the government.
I will say I think a lot of grieving people suspect or think or believe that because they are
grieving they cannot also participate in politics it is not possible to do both or be both at the same
time you cannot be grieving in political at the same time and I'll say kind of no matter what whether
you like it or not whether you see yourself this way or not you are grieving and political all at
once you are both truths in the same body and I will also say the fact that you are grieving is not
a blocker or a barrier to activism having a broken heart is often can be your biggest political
asset because grief has this awful and beautiful way of cracking us open of making us see heartbreak
and injustice and power and systems more clearly it gives us a real perspectives shift whether we
want it or not it's a real slap in the face to a be a grieving person in the world as it is right now
so if your loss has started this like fire in your belly for some things got to change some things
got to give it can't be this forever and ever and ever or kind of on the opposite end of the
spectrum a deeper longing like this aching for a better world listen to that because that is your
grief asking you please take action on my behalf and once again just in case you need to hear it you
do not need to be completely healed from your loss in order to do something heartbreak is not a
barrier to you being an activist activism is full of people whose hearts are overflowing with pain
and also with hope that things can get better grief is political and you can be an activist while
broken hearted you do not need to shout it from the rooftops with a megaphone or hold up a protest
sign unless that feels good to you you do not you do not you do not need to run for office or
organize your entire city or start a charity or a nonprofit in your loved ones name again unless
that feels good to you you just need to care and I know that if you're listening to the show you
already do and you also need to be willing to take one small step in the direction of the change
that you want to make in your community and the world I get that the world is heavy I like you get
reminders of it every single day I get that you're exhausted I am also exhausted but I also know that
some part of you senses that your grief is more than the one loss that happened to you or the handful
of losses that happened to you your grief and your losses are structural and systemic they're
involved in something greater and you want to do something about it so with all the tools I
provided here in this episode consider this your invitation to begin
that's all for this episode of grief rower thank you so very much for joining me today
if you're looking for grief support being on the show you can find workshops, blog articles
and my signature what's your grief support style quiz all for free at shall be for
simply a calm slash links if this podcast felt validating comforting educational or otherwise helpful
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you to the grief growers community for supporting the show on patreon if you'd like to join and help
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of my upcoming projects like my book which is coming out in March 2026 grief growers hosted by yours
truly shall be for sitia and our theme music is composed by Addy Goldstein until next time I see you
I am so freaking proud of you and the work you're doing in the world and I love you because even through
grief we are growing