♪ Made a decision ♪
♪ Out face is sunny and sunlit ♪
♪ On a head of vision ♪
♪ Boy, light, be light ♪
♪ To reach ♪
- What's up everybody?
It's for crying out loud.
- How's the coffee?
- It's going.
- So you're having some coffee?
- I'm having some coffee.
- You're in a coffee? - Coffee to walk.
- Uh huh.
All right, tell me all about Vegas.
I'm gonna settle in.
- Vegas, fuckin' sick of Vegas.
I'm so bad.
I'm leaving.
I got back from Vegas.
- Yeah.
- Going back again.
I'm going, I got back, yes, two days ago.
I'm going back again to day off Thursday.
- Mm-hmm.
What?
- Going back again in a couple days, Thursday.
- Let me tell you something.
- That's a lot.
- Tell me everything.
- Well, so, you know,
when you're flying to Vegas,
you only have like Southwest Airlines Delta spirit,
and then you get this jet sweet thing.
Now, jet sweet is interesting because it's owned by jet blue.
Jet blue too, did I say jet blue?
Jet blue.
Southwest jet blue.
- Love jet blue.
- I love jet blue.
And I love, I fly jet blue.
I try to fly.
I have the jet blue miles, so.
- Jet blue, by the way, were the first airline,
as far as I'm concerned.
I'm not like a big traveler.
- Yeah.
- But it had TVs in every plane,
and I found that to be so helpful,
'cause I like to watch TV on a flight.
- Definitely.
- And I didn't know that places like United,
they're like, maybe we do maybe we don't?
- Yeah, I know.
- I'm like, no, maybe you do, maybe you don't.
Make sure that you're the one that does.
- Yeah.
- I, you know, Ryan, remember when jet blue first came out
on the scene because one of the writers at the man show,
was she at the band show at the time, or was it Kimmel?
I don't know.
One of the guys's wives was pregnant,
and she was on jet blue, and it was circling,
Burb, it couldn't land.
It was on the news.
And she said that because of something,
and they were like, you know, they were,
she was watching the local news,
and they were like breaking in, you know,
as jet blue airlines circling Los Angeles,
'cause they can't land,
because of some kind of like technical difficulty.
- Uh-huh.
- And she's watching it as,
I was like thinking to myself, oh my God,
I cannot imagine being on the plane,
watching your plane on the news.
That's how I always think of what I hear jet blue,
and that, of course, my brain, because it's me,
and I have a little ADD, I'm like, okay, so she's pregnant,
so is this gonna be a story about,
so she ended up having to give birth on the plane?
- Right, and then, but then I went a little farther than that,
and I was like, well, that's, couldn't have been,
because why would she be flying?
Then it's on her, not matter her.
- Now, was she doing what you're flying
when your nine months pregnant?
- Stay home.
- She's 12 months.
- You're about to have a baby.
(laughs)
- So I ended the story in my mind being pregnant with her.
- Yeah, baby turned out just fine.
Yeah, so I take jet, so I take,
I've been taking jet sweep,
because I have the jet blue miles and stuff like that,
and so I love jet sweep, and it's so interesting,
because you just go to a hangar,
you drop your car off, or you take a cab,
you show up, you walk into this little lobby,
and you give them your name,
you show them your eye, government ID,
they take your temperature.
There's like, you know, a hangar, it's an airport hangar,
and that's it, then they take your bag, no security, nothing.
But I was never pre-checked,
I was never had a sudden,
any kind of documentation from the government, or any,
it's just, you just go there, you show up,
there's, I don't know how they get away with that.
How do they, does anybody know
how they get away with no security?
- Interesting. - You know?
There's no, I'm sure that, but I saw,
I watch my suitcase, they take my suitcase,
they put it on a cart, and then they load it
into the airplane.
- Never ran it through any security.
- Maybe they do, but I don't see it, no.
No, there's no, like, they don't put it on the thing,
and you don't have to walk through security?
- No, that is so weird.
- Is it privately owned?
- It's owned by jet blue.
- I don't know, and it's just, it's like,
it's like a block away from the Burbank airport.
It's not far, it's in a big airport hanger,
and their airplanes look, they're different colored,
but they're smaller, they're like a commuter jet,
you know, really smaller, but probably like 60 seats,
I think, not very many.
Yeah, maybe 80.
- 60 is not too big. - That's so pretty big.
- It's pretty, I mean, it's not that big, it's not a lot,
not a lot of people.
- Well, it's not like five.
- Yeah, it's not like that.
No, it's not, like, Garagos is babies.
- Right. - But, yeah, I don't know.
Anyway, I love jet sweet, so I flew out on jet sweet,
I flew back on Southwest.
(laughs)
Why, you ask?
'Cause I left my ID and credit card at the strip club,
9.4.
- Oh my God, Lynette, how many times is this gonna happen to you?
This is not the first time you left all your shit
at a strip club. - I know.
- I do, that's what I do.
(laughs)
That's so Lynette.
Okay, first of all, I need some math.
- I think I need some math.
- Follow me around, back up.
Also, why wouldn't you fly home on the airline
that doesn't check your ID?
How are you?
- I know, right?
- I'm quite commercial with no ID.
Okay, well, first of all,
that story does not make any sense.
- Yeah, I know, doesn't, the story, my life.
But, so-- - I thought they don't check your ID at JetSuite.
- No, they do check your ID, that they do check.
They just don't check your bags.
They check your ID, yeah, they take your,
you walk into the lobby, you give them your ID,
they take your ID your temperature,
and then that's it.
They take your bag and they put it on the plane.
- Okay, so-- - But you didn't have ID,
so how did you get on Southwest?
(laughs)
Okay, so what happened was?
- What happened?
- My girlfriend, Dawn, okay, separate, separate.
So, all right, I was in Vegas over the weekend
for a Corolla drinks event on Saturday.
Saturday night, they had a tasting at the X-Pot
at the Venetian, thank you very much, to the X-Pot people.
It's a spa that's like, there's one in Chicago,
there's one in Vegas, so it's really nice.
Everybody's very nice there.
And they did a 188 whiskey tasting on Saturday night.
So, we went and it was, so it was me, Patrick and his wife,
Cherie, Jennifer and Dylan, that went.
All of us flew, except for who watched Patrick's baby.
- They have, I think, their nanny, right?
- Oh, okay. - Or his dad, or his, her dad.
- Okay, her parents.
- Her parents. - Or somebody watched the baby.
- So, grandparents, they got to have the baby.
- That's a big face timed with the baby.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Grandparents, so, my girlfriend,
Dawn, okay, don't ask, but she's a big time gambler,
and she would go to see Seasors and gamble all the time.
And because of COVID, she hasn't been there in a long time.
So, now she's been going again.
So, they give her a two bedroom suite.
So, I stayed with her in one of the bedrooms,
and then the rest of the gang got their bedrooms,
and got their rooms, and Jennifer had to drive the product.
Somebody had to get the, the whiskey out there.
So, Jen drove, and we rented her a car,
and, "Honon, the poor girl had to drive,
"you know, it's about a four and a half, five hour drive."
Depends on the traffic, but it's like Memorial Day weekend,
and everybody's back, and everybody's vaccinated.
It was, Vegas was packed.
It was, I mean, it was all back to normal, no masks,
and traffic was back to normal.
The traffic getting into Vegas,
traffic getting out of Vegas, poor Jen.
So, I get to Vegas, and I'm, Dawn's been there,
like two days, and her and her husband.
He gambles on like the ponies, and she gambles,
she plays Blackjack, or she'll play poker sometimes,
but I think Blackjack is her thing.
And she lost 18 grand over the weekend.
(laughs)
What the fuck?
Can you believe that?
I don't know, she wants me to say that, but I don't know.
I think she's a great, dude. - She's too late.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
- How do you learn her husband?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I know.
- I don't know. - All I think is like,
well, girl, you had 18 to lose then.
- Right. - Right.
- I don't know how she does.
- I mean, unless you're financially entering
- I don't know what they do. - I don't know what they do.
- For gambling and ditching.
- Yeah, I know.
- Then I guess it wasn't a big deal.
- She didn't, I mean, she was,
that's a pride woman. - I wouldn't get a chance.
I know, though I know, but not my problem.
- No, I know, but it's a problem.
- Yeah, I don't know. - It all kids, right?
She has a grown daughter that works
and she lives with her boyfriend.
- Mm-hmm. - Ouch.
- Yeah.
Her parents were gamblers, too.
Her parents were married for like 45 years
and they'd go to Laughlin, Nevada and Gamble
and Don would go, "My girlfriend, Don."
I mean, I've noticed since we were teenagers,
but as when she got in her 30s,
she started really gambling.
She would, I heard stories of her driving to like,
Chimash by herself at night and just gamble
and you know, stay that wind,
but she wins a lot of money, too.
So, yeah, but here's the thing,
here's the thing about gambling.
- Yeah.
- You will always lose more than you win.
First of all, that's because of how Vegas,
because of how gambling is set up.
You will always lose.
There's always more of a chance of losing than winning
and then the problem is,
unless you are, unless this is like a one off thing for you
and you go to Vegas and you hit something really big
and you're like, "Oh my God, what?
"I've never happened to me."
And then you just put pocket all that money and go home
and don't go back to Vegas,
eventually you will lose that money.
If you're somebody who gambles regularly
that odds are just unfortunately not in your favor.
So even if you have some huge wins,
at some point you will also have huge losses.
- Yeah.
- You know, her and her husband, they had the one kid
and then I was thinking about it.
So he does mortgages and she, her grandparents,
well now she runs it is a cemetery out in,
bummed like it's far.
She runs a cemetery.
So their whole thing, they've been married,
Donna and her husband probably been married.
I think they've been married for like 27, 28 years now
and they bond, I mean, I don't know, they bond,
but that's what they do.
They go out of town, they go and they stay, they live it up
and then they come back and they go like,
they're like retired people.
- Yes, they are.
They are totally like retirees.
- Yes, yeah, they are.
And that's gonna be me when I retire.
I'm gonna start hitting the bottle again.
- Just can you imagine?
- Yeah, gambling.
- Oh my God, my life would spiral.
So that would be like, oh no, I'm just gonna be retired.
I'm gonna, John and I are gonna move to like Arizona
and just be able to live that retired life
and it would last like two weeks
and then I'd be in rehab.
- Right.
(laughing)
- For multiple things.
- Donna's probably going to rehab right about now.
- Tuesday morning.
- She, I mean, she like, that sounds like a good idea.
- Doesn't it?
- As a lifestyle, it never is, I think in action,
in reality, it's never as good as like,
yeah, it's not for me.
- I can't imagine going to Vegas all the time.
- Me neither.
I mean, you're living that life right now and,
well, I'm not about that life.
- No, God.
I mean, I remember I had to go to Vegas for a week
and work at Nappy National Association of Television
Programming Executives conference once a year
and I would have to be there for a week
and I remember one time they put us at the MGM
and it was like the MGM is like a big city on its own.
- Right.
- And you just walk out, you just wanna,
you go stir crazy, you feel unhealthy after a while.
After like day three, day four,
like you don't get to see the daylight.
You're inside all the time.
It's not fun.
I don't know, like, it's so depressing to me.
When I'm leaving Vegas, you know, like on Sunday morning
and I look around and I see these people
that are just like in an up all night game,
like just sit there, it's like a depressing,
like I can't wait to get home and take a shower
and just scrub these strippers and smoke off of me, you know?
- Okay, so bring me back to Don
and tell, finish that part of the story
before we take them for a good break.
- Well, so I'm just telling you about my weekend.
It really, like, but doesn't Don have to do
with how you got home?
- So basically, yeah, I mean, what happened was I got there
and I stayed at Don's in Don's room
so my, and my own entrance and whatever.
I was there 24 hours, I wasn't there.
I got there at like three o'clock in the afternoon
and then left at 4.35 o'clock the next day.
Was supposed to leave at 11.55 the next day,
but because I didn't have my ID.
- Yeah. - So anyway, so what did you get there?
- So we go to the thing on Saturday night
and our pals were there.
So Lewis Juarez showed up.
- Love Lewis.
- I saw the picture of him dying.
- Lewis, I was dying.
I know, by the time I saw him, I was like--
- Did you meet his wife too?
- Yeah, I don't remember.
Maybe in the picture he posted, he said that the first thing
he said was, I'm sorry, I'm really fucked up right now.
- Yeah, because--
- Amazing.
- Somebody gave me a head off of a joint
and before we left.
And then, which is bad because I usually don't,
I sound small pot.
- Right. - I haven't smoked pot in a long time.
- So then I had a little teeny hit of weed.
Then now I'm like, that's it, like I'm done now.
I'm like, oh shit, you know, now I'm like really stoned.
But I pulled myself out of it.
We go to the event.
And then, they gave me, I got a whiskey
and everybody's trying the whiskey drink
and I'm drinking water in between.
And then I did a shot of the 818.
And then that was that.
And then Lewis showed up and then I was like, sorry,
I was, he showed up right when I was flying high
and feeling good about myself.
- See, I can't with pot, I can't feel good.
Like, I have to be, I know we've talked about this a million times,
but I have to be just in four walls watching TV
with no threat of having to interact
with any outside forces.
I don't, I can't even need, I don't,
if the thought of even going to the store is very threatening.
Like, if it was just taking a walk.
I'm like, I can't, I'm not gonna rate.
- I know.
- We have something rung up.
- Right.
- Like, what are you doing?
- I can't, see?
- Oh, no.
- So the idea of even navigating from my hotel room,
high, like, getting in a cab, am I walking?
How would I find it?
Who somebody would need to lead me around like,
I'm a toddler.
- Right, I know.
- Me too.
- That's why.
- I would need a handler.
Like, okay, here you are.
We're at the bar.
- Right.
- I'd be like, don't leave me.
- And don't talk to me.
(laughs)
- Don't make eye contact.
- Right.
That's how I usually am.
You know, here's the thing too.
I hate with this weed nowadays,
'cause people are like, oh, this week,
did we just talk about this?
Were we talking about this?
This weed's gonna make you feel like happy
and you get things done and you're productive.
And then this weed's gonna melt away.
- No, you have a met me.
- Everything is gonna be bad.
- Totally.
It's all the same.
So, and so I think to my, all right, here I go.
And then I'm like, oh, it's still the same.
I feel paranoid.
Am I talking new loud or whatever.
But I'm in Vegas, so it's a different kind of vibe.
And I'm on the go and I'm like,
adrenaline's going.
But I still was like, I was so tired when I got there,
by the way.
And I just didn't, I wasn't,
I haven't been sleeping good because I go to my other place.
And I don't know.
I just, I go through these days sometimes
where I just don't, I haven't been sleeping very good
at my other house.
So, so I was like the night before Vegas,
I'm thinking myself, okay, I wanna get a good night's sleep.
Well, I didn't.
And so I got there tired.
So then we're drinking, we're having a good time.
Lewis is there.
- Did you fly in a loan or with Don?
- I flew in a loan.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, no, Don was there two days before I got there.
- Oh boy, okay.
- Yeah, she was there like in the middle of the week.
- And then Patrick and, they all got there.
They flew.
They flew separately from the blue though.
And Jen drove.
- Okay, so I get there.
Yeah, and we get to the club that night.
So we get to the bar.
- And were you staying at the hotel?
- Where the event was?
- No, we were at a different hotel.
- Okay.
- So, Lewis was there.
Who else was there?
Oh, so David.
Heroes, son.
- David, yes.
- And he's a sweetie and he brought,
I sent him a bottle.
He bought a bottle of 818 and he asked if I would sign it.
- Oh.
- I know, but I didn't realize who it was for.
Just Emmy said, here can you sign this bottle?
'Cause Emmy does our shipment.
And I signed it and then I found out later on it was for him.
It was for his father and I was like, oh.
Yeah.
So then he brought the bottle.
It wasn't opened and he was like, can you personalize it?
So I personally, anyway, he sends his love to you.
- Oh.
- And so does Lewis, by the way.
- Oh.
- I know of some chalice.
- You know, it was really cute.
It was really nice.
And there was a bunch of other people that showed up
and we had a good time and that was fun.
And then we all went to eat.
I took everybody to dinner at Nobu.
- Did you really?
- Yes.
Oh my God.
- Yeah, because Don's guy at the casino,
Don's guy at the casino that gets her room,
her room was comped.
So then he was able to get me discount rooms
and then he called me the casino host and he said,
"Hey, doll, you're coming to town."
I don't know if he'd talk like that, but he's like,
"You know, we're gonna be very busy.
"Do you want reservations?"
'Cause all our restaurants are gonna be booked.
It's Memorial Day and I said, "Great.
"Good idea."
And I said, "All right, what restaurant you got?"
And he's like, "Mr. Chal's?"
I was like, "Uh, no."
He's like, "No, boo."
I was like, "What else you got?"
How about a food court for these people?
- How about a shrimp cocktail?
- Yes, right.
And while we're gambling,
what are we having in the days of Vegas?
- Can you get prime red for $2.99?
- Yeah, no matter.
- Is that not a thing anymore?
- No, you gotta go downtown.
- You gotta go downtown.
- Oh my God, Vegas was so great for poor people.
- Oh yeah, I know.
When I was-- - You could eat and drink,
you could bring $100 to Vegas.
- Oh, hold on. - Gambling,
have all meals.
We would stay at, like, I'm not exaggerating.
We would stay at like a motel six,
like right off the strip for like, 1999 a night.
- Yeah, 'cause they would always have some kind of special.
- Yes, yeah.
I'm not even kidding.
I remember the, what's the one that's like an Asian theme?
Really old though.
Can't remember, but it was so cheap.
- And yeah, it was on though, it was on the strip,
but it was like the cheapest hotel in the strip.
It was right next to the flamingo.
- Yeah. - I can't remember.
That's where we always stayed,
I'll think of the name of it,
but it would literally be like $11 a night.
- That's what we used to do.
We used to stay at like, you know,
lousy lairies and down down and like, it would be so cheap.
Yeah, yeah.
And then your meals were just like buffet would be like $1.99.
- Right, yeah.
- You can eat none of that anymore?
- No, not really.
So it was a really nice, fun night.
Everybody says hi to you, Stephanie.
- That's so cool.
- Yeah.
So if we went to No Boom, we had a good time at dinner.
- So first the event, the whiskey tasting,
then you go to No Boom for dinner.
Took everybody to dinner.
- Okay. - It was fun.
So how many hands have Steve to dinner?
- Don Steve.
- Jen, patch, Don.
- Don, me.
- Okay.
- And Shari, Patrick's wife.
- Okay.
So we had a nice dinner at No Boom.
Very expensive.
(laughing)
I was literally gonna say,
were you like, was your butt clenching up a little bit?
Like every time they're like,
"Let's get another role!"
- I'm the one that was doing that, yeah, right?
I was so hungry and I was like,
"Yeah, I get that way with my kids."
But I'm like, really?
Yeah, I'm talking about those fancy roles.
Can you just have like, just have another other salmon?
You know what, Stephanie?
A bunch of shots will really help that.
Yeah, it makes the bill go down easy.
(laughing)
Okay. - So it was all right.
- All right.
Plus it's a write off.
It's a write off.
And also I didn't have to pay for my room.
Like, Don gave me a room, like, yeah, I mean it was okay.
Okay.
So then we did some gambling.
And then at some point everybody's like,
"Yeah, let's go to the strip club."
All right.
Now, I was like into it when I was younger.
I'm tired now.
I was like, "I kind of wanted to go to bed,
but we were in Vegas for one night."
Everybody, I mean, it was like,
"I've been to Vegas, yes, last weekend I was there."
Was I in Vegas last weekend?
Yes, I was.
"Am I going again this weekend?"
Yes, I am.
But you know what?
I still pulled it together
and went to Crazy Horse 3 on Saturday night.
Okay.
Okay, because that's what a trooper I am.
So you're somewhat of a hero.
Thank you.
Not all heroes were capes.
That's right.
Good for you.
Thank you.
Good for you.
Thank you.
Made it to the strip club.
Saw some boobs.
Yes, I did.
So we went there and just, but basically,
Jen and I just sat there, everybody else left us.
I don't, I thought, I think maybe it was kind of,
probably uncomfortable for some,
well, Patrick's with his wife, so they went off
and then doing, they went off like,
to a corner of the bar where they didn't come with you.
Well, no, they were there in the Crazy Horse
'cause we all came together.
'Cause usually these strip clubs are on the, you know,
on the edge of town as Bruce would say.
Like they're off the beaten path a little bit,
so everybody's got to get in the car and go.
Right, you know, there's no like,
"Hey, I walk over and meet you after I'm back."
I'm betting it.
Patrick's wife was like,
"I'm gonna go back into it."
'Cause remember how she's right,
trying to wake up his sex drive a little bit?
Yes.
She was probably like, he was probably like,
"Can we just come back to the room?"
"I'm gonna sleep right."
And she's like, "Absolutely not.
"We are going into a goddamn strip club.
"You are gonna see some tits and ass,
"which kills you."
Right.
And he's like, it just might, it just might kill me.
We should have Patrick on tired.
We should have Patrick on.
Yeah, no, yeah, they were, they were,
so we got our table.
We sat down, but then slowly but surely it was just Jennifer
and I just left like the two of us.
And Jen's never been really,
'cause there's second time at a strip club
and then she's like, "Oh, you know, she's like,
"Hmm."
She's like, "Oh, so they don't get all naked.
"Oh, that's fine."
There's like a bunch of different stages
and there, you know, these girls are dancing all
on different stages and stuff.
And then she's like,
"I just, now I guess I don't feel so bad
"about my body after."
One thing she said, I remember, there's a positive.
Then this girl comes over.
Right.
So then, so then they see two girls just sitting by us.
We're just sitting there.
I'm not in any mood to get a lap dance.
I already just spent,
I just got killed over at the Nobu restaurant.
Right.
And the last thing I wanted to do was man,
but a couple hundred dollars for chosen
with a Z to give me a lap dance.
Right.
So Jen was like,
this girl, so a couple girls come over
and I don't, so they were trying to talk us into
like two for one or whatever and Jen and I are like,
"No, no, no, no, no, we're just like chilling.
"We're just relaxing."
Like, you know, our friends are having fun.
We're just, see, this is where I would get like,
even strip clubs, it's a business, you know?
Totally.
I feel like you'd be on basically a car lot, you know,
that they'd be like, all right, who's up?
Well, look at these next suckers.
Okay.
And then they would just hand you in,
how would you make you feel bad about yourself?
Like, what do you got in a sex drive?
What do you like women?
The anti-women?
Yeah.
Like until you're like, okay,
you're fucking dance for me now.
Right now, I know.
Okay.
And now, like now, you want another song?
They don't even dance like, like, I was like, okay, you know,
here's 20 bucks to do it and they're like, nah,
they want to take you to the back room.
They don't even want to dance for you there for $30.
They want to take you someplace else.
What's happening?
I don't want to take you and shake you down
in someplace where nobody can see, I guess.
I don't know.
I mean, like, I guess they think you're gonna spend more money
in the back room.
I was like, I'm not falling for that.
Jen, you don't fall for that either, by the way.
And do they walk around?
This is what I'm imagining.
I'm imagining they walk around with their square,
like so that you can just run your credit card.
You know, that's another thing.
No, I don't know.
I think it is all cash.
I don't know.
I didn't pay for anything at that point.
Although I had to put my ID and my credit card down.
Okay.
So we could sit down.
We couldn't even get inside to sit down
unless they take your credit card.
Okay.
So of course they, you know, here's where my anxiety kicks in.
Right.
After the note down.
You know, I have a thing about like not having my ID,
my like losing my purse.
Yes.
Well, I mean, yeah, it's like,
I know everybody does, but it's the worst.
It's the worst with me.
Oh, it's the, for me, Ooty, like the phone or the purse.
Right.
I mean, it's just, but it's not my first time losing shit
at this point.
I know.
So, and you're just a more laid back person than I am in general.
Yeah.
So like, I gave them my credit card and my ID.
Right.
And then we went and got a table and then we were there for, I don't know, like maybe two
hours.
I don't know how long we were there.
You lose time.
Yes.
It's Vegas.
Like you lose weekends.
Yeah.
And then, uh, so we're just sitting there and the, so Jen's like trying to talk to the
girl about her like outfit or something.
I don't know.
Jen's like, oh, I realize that they don't really want a chit chat with you.
No, they don't want to get down to business to the brass tax.
Right.
And, and I said, well, I'm not, if you want to, I'm not, I don't want to, and I don't
need it.
She was trying to like tell them, no, but then like her, so then she, she had to tell Jen
her name was chosen with a Z.
Then she was like, oh, then Jen's like, is that your real name?
Is that your chosen name?
She's like, no, her name was, uh, Twana was a real name.
Sorry, Twana, but anyway, don't, that's not her last name.
So we were hanging out and they realized they weren't getting anywhere pretty fast with
Jen and I, right?
Um, and then, uh, and then Dylan left and then he came back and I was like, all right,
can we go?
I was so tired.
I remember saying a few times throughout the night, I think I'm going to go back to
the hotel.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You know when you do that, when you're trying to get out of it and you're like, I can,
I'm going to go back to the hotel.
I think you guys, you guys go have fun.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stay, stay, stay.
Well I still remember when we went to San Francisco, you, Kaylin was Dylan with no, Kaylin
Patrick, you and, and Sheree all drunk.
And I was like, I, I'm going to go to bed and all, all y'all were like, what?
No, you're not.
Kaylin was the drunkest I've seen.
He was like, come on.
Let's have one more drink.
One more drink.
I'm like, you guys, it's 2 a.m.
Like I have, I don't drink.
So like I already did a show.
Right.
Creep show post show was at a bar for a while.
I'm like, I'm done.
You guys were like, hell, no, Kaylin was feeling good about himself because he did his
first, uh, stand up.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, you sure did.
Yeah, did you do anything?
Yeah, I did do anything since.
Uh, I tried to do another set.
I opened for Joe Koi one time.
Hmm.
It did not go nearly as well.
Oh, it was in front of a way bigger audience.
Well, that seems hard.
That was the last time I tried to, yeah, do that.
Yeah.
Well, we should do it again.
We got to stick with us with the loving crowd.
Yes.
Right.
With the supportive people that are, that are excited to see you.
Right.
Exactly.
And have some jokes.
So kidding.
Anyway, yes.
So I understand the feeling of just wanting to go to sleep.
That's all I wanted to do is go back to the hotel and go to sleep.
Um, then finally, we just ran, we, so I was so tired when somebody said, let's go.
I was like, yeah, let's go.
And then we just left and we went and, and I went back to the hotel and I passed out.
And then I remember waking up like 630 going, holy shit.
I don't think I signed out and I didn't.
So then I called, so Dylan, have you ordered stuff?
Like did you have stuff on your bill?
No, I didn't order anything.
Somebody got, I think, I think Patrick and Dylan got us drinks, but I didn't have, they
put it on their own tab.
Oh, no, I probably put it on my tab.
I put it on my tab.
Okay.
But it wasn't very much because everybody, as soon as we got there, everybody left us.
It was just Jen and I just sitting there.
Right.
And then we left and then went back to the hotel and woke up and then I had a plane at
1150 on Judd Sweet, which by the way, too, Judd Sweet is so nice.
Because when you leave Vegas, I don't know, you know, what people know, what it's like coming
back from Vegas, but you got to go to that Vegas airport, Southwest, the security line
on a Sunday morning from Vegas to Burbank or LA is just, it just is a nightmare.
It's always long.
And with Judd Sweet, you got, again, you go to the hangar, you just give him your name,
you sit down, you have, we're going to miss that flight.
We're going to miss that flight.
Well, they were, I thought slip strip clubs were open 24 hours, apparently they're not, but
there was somebody there.
I could have went and got it, but by the time I was going to go get it at 630, I woke up,
I realized I didn't have it.
I went back to sleep.
I woke up at like nine and and there was a lot of, so, so then I called Dylan and I was
not in any mood to get up.
I was starving and I was like, can you see if there's other flights?
So there's another flight at like 430, so I got on that on Southwest.
So you went to and got your ID?
So then I, yes.
So then I went, got my ID and on the way to the airport and got on in South, got to the
airport like an hour and a half, two hours early before going home.
So I sat at the airport like exhausted by myself too, which is the worst.
Like after you have a fun weekend like that in your, the worst is traveling home, you
know, the next day.
But I was like, but at least you have a friend with you to be like hungover with on the plane
or on the drive home.
Right.
Now is by myself.
Jen had a drive home by herself.
She took her eight hours to get home.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Eight hours with traffic and cold road closures and poor girl.
Ha, da.
Yeah.
I know.
I was like in my, in my house and air conditioning, she was still on the road.
I am too old for that.
I know.
I was a little old for all of this whole story.
I was like, two, even two that was young.
I was kind of an old person, even when I was, you know, I mean, don't get me wrong.
I loved going to strip clubs, but I was always also sort of obsessed with like, like, can
you have cellulite and still be a stripper?
Well, that's what Jen was saying.
Because I really wanted to remember that story.
How a girl tried to talk me into it.
And I was so on the cusp of like thinking it was a good idea.
But I was like, you don't understand.
Like I have a really big butt with a lot of cellulite.
Like I just don't think that's going to be a good look.
And it's not, you'd be surprised.
I, well, I was, I mean, I guess what the, the girl was trying to tell me.
She's like, no, you don't understand the lighting.
It's kind of dark.
I was like, hey, no amount of lighting.
I'm going to cure my butt.
I could be surprised.
Yeah.
Now, there was, you can, you know, if you pay attention, if you're like Jen and I are
just sitting there going, where is everybody looking at these strippers and then Jen going,
I don't feel so bad about my body anyway.
And she's a beautiful girl like, yeah, he, he, you don't have to be perfect to be a stripper.
Right.
But it's tough and as a notion that I was, that was the only thing putting me out of the
race.
I'm like, no, my butt, like my boobs.
Yeah, I have natural, natural boobs.
Right.
But I was like, the butt part is going to be what kills me.
Like, they're, I'm not going to get tips.
And I really was like calculating how much would I need to make?
Like is it worth it?
And I remember asking really specifically like how, because my whole thing that also caught
me up was, but how am I going to learn how to dance on the pole?
Quick enough to, right?
Who, how do you do that for the first time?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then the girl was like, ah, you just do it.
You just like fake it.
And to me, this was no different than trying to wing it on stage as a comment.
Right.
I was like, something I will not do.
I need to script.
I need to know exactly.
I need to choreograph some moves.
There was no S factor.
There was no stripper.
Stripping.
Right, right.
There was no like stripping as exercise classes back then.
We're talking.
Yeah.
90, early 90s.
Yeah, there was none of that.
No, it was not cool.
It was still something sort of CD.
Yeah, it was.
It was.
And I was fine with that.
Right.
Me too.
I thought about it for like a day.
She was like, oh, you just go to Vegas and you just like, you just get up there.
I was like, just get up there.
Have you met me?
Like, I have a lot of anxiety.
I'm going to be having anxiety about my body.
What am I going to do with the poll?
Can I avoid the poll?
Right.
Maybe you can do it without the poll.
Well, I asked her, can you just do lap dances?
Because I'm like, that seems sort of easy to figure out.
Right.
You just climb on their lap and like, you know, grind around.
I can do that.
If your boobs in their face.
Right.
That's all about that's fine.
She's like, everybody has to go up though.
She's like, that's kind of how you get the business for the lap dances is you, you, they cycle
through all the girls, you're going to have to go up and do a little poll dance at least
twice a night.
Right.
And that's where I was like, well, I guess I'm out.
I'm out.
Yeah.
That's too shy too.
I know.
And people are like, you should be a stripper when I like even I was in my 20s.
Totally.
You would have been a great stripper.
Yeah.
Skinny with the big boobs and the name.
Look at me.
I'm all like, let's go back in time and get you out there on the poll.
Come on, man.
You're wasting time.
You still do it.
I, yeah, I get still do it.
Let's start a new reality show.
Women in their 50s get back up there and do their stripper.
Yeah, side hustle.
Kaelin, you with us for this?
Yeah.
That sounds like fun.
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Okay, so you get home where you so tired.
I was exhausted.
I was so tired.
And then I just crashed.
What did I do?
My weekend to be in pat and my place, my little bungalow.
So thank God.
And it was weird because it was my like first three day weekend as a separate, as a, you
know, not a married woman, I guess.
And so Adam was with the kids and I was like, oh, so I don't know, that's too many things.
Hmm.
So yeah, I just slept pretty much.
Podcasts, listen to podcasts.
No, I slept.
I stayed in bed.
I didn't do anything.
I was so tired.
I've been, because I didn't sleep like days leading into Vegas.
What did I do?
I just talked on the phone.
Mmm, that's about it.
Sprelaxed.
That's nice.
What'd you do this three day weekend?
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
I took Zander clothes shopping.
You did.
I'm doing the hands-wing the things excitement level strip club in Vegas, taking my son to
the to pay them all.
So I guess what I'm trying to say, Lynette is my weekend was pretty exciting.
Really?
Yeah.
I'd rather have been into paying them all.
No, it was really cute.
So Zander, he's gone through a little grocery and none of his clothes, like he basically
just wears sweatpants.
He's like me.
Yes.
He's like a 40-50-year-old woman who just wears drawstring, but he just wears anything with an
elastic waistband.
So his jeans got too small and he just, he doesn't have any, he likes all his clothes to
be just comfortable.
Right.
So does this, is this so exciting?
Shorts with elastic waistband, holster, shorts and t-shirts.
But as you might remember about Zander, he's also kind of a brand-ho.
And he doesn't, he gets in and out of stuff.
So like, holester?
No.
No more.
What's the new one?
Like, what are they like now?
What are these age?
He likes like skater brands, thrasher and like stuff from like Dickies, skate stores, vans.
So he's tough.
He's a tough to shop for.
Yeah.
But so I brought him, so but he needs je- so he doesn't have any jeans.
He had a-
So while he-
He wants some, he wanted some jeans.
Okay.
Because he likes to dress cool.
Yeah.
So he doesn't only want to be in like shorts.
Of course, me being the mom, I'm like, where are you gonna wear jeans to?
You're not gonna wear them.
Like I'm gonna buy you jeans.
Right.
And you're never gonna wear them.
Where are we going?
Right.
Like as far as his 13 year old self is concerned, it's still basically a pandemic.
They can't do that much.
Right.
There's nothing happening.
I know.
He requires putting on a pair of pants with a bike, right?
Right.
But whatever he wants them.
So, you know, and he doesn't ask for that much.
So I took him to American Eagle.
Yeah.
And we were walking around.
Yeah.
And I honestly was like, I wouldn't even know what size he is at this point.
So because I'm still- you know, you think of your kids, even though he's a teen, I still think
of him as a kid, right?
Right.
Where I would go shop for him in the boys section.
Right.
He's at that age where he's a man size, but like the smallest.
Uh-huh.
He's still pretty short.
Yeah.
So anyway, they're in between.
They're in between.
They're in it.
That's like that too.
Yeah.
So the guy who was working there was so nice.
I was like, what size do you think he is?
And he was like, oh, he is a, you know, a 26 or a 28 waist at 28 length.
Right.
Yeah.
So we sent him in with a couple different pairs of jeans and he put them on and he looked
so cute.
They fit him perfect.
Just so he knows what to, because like, does Sadie want to go and pick them out outfits?
Like I got like with Natalia wanting to buy sunny outfits and then sunny ever.
So he does not really like shopping.
She likes, you know what?
She likes to just buy stuff off that website, Shine.
Right.
She likes to just pick stuff out.
Yeah.
And then she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to go shopping.
She doesn't want to try stuff on.
Yes.
So still really hit our miss with fitting rooms.
I know.
Some of them are open.
Some of them are not.
Yeah.
So American Eagle, the fitting rooms were open and that was a big draw.
The guy was like, we have fitting rooms.
I was like, all right.
Send us in with some stuff.
Right.
So he went in and he, he found two pairs.
He's very particular.
He knows what he likes.
That's good.
So he got two pairs of jeans and then I got him some shoes, some like kind of skater,
van, all black, black, this part.
What do you call that part?
The, the, the, the base, the rubber sole, black, black, suede.
They're very cool.
They're on sale.
Everything was on, uh, well, okay.
So anyway, decked him out.
Only found one t-shirt, but he was all happy.
But of course he's never, he hasn't worn it since.
Well, that was like Friday afternoon.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I was like, see you weren't going anywhere.
Right.
But it was fun.
I felt like I was a bond with him.
It's fun to go and do something that they want to do the bond.
Like, sunny doesn't want to go shopping and, you know, Xander, this was like a once, I
haven't taken him shopping in a really long time.
Yeah.
But you know, it's kind of fun because you get to hear some of the school tee.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And he's been going, he's been going one day a week.
One day a week.
Once our last day, this week?
No.
So this, so they go Wednesday and then they go, I think next Wednesday would be their
last one.
I think my kids are done this week.
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I think they have Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
That's it.
I think Albi has this week and the next week was supposed to be finals, but most of the
teachers made the finals projects.
Oh, really?
So they have like a final project.
Right.
So she's busy doing that, but then I think she won't have to sit for any finals.
Oh, okay.
But she's not in person at all.
She's not.
Mm-hmm.
And then back in the fall.
Yeah.
In person, starting in August.
I mean, I hope so.
I would think so.
L-A-U-S-D though.
I don't know.
We have an hour.
These teachers are going to be like, we're not going to, I don't know, I don't know what
angle the teachers are going to like take.
I don't know if they're going to say like, we're not coming back or we don't feel safe.
I don't know or if they're going to come because hybrid.
I don't know.
I mean, God, please let them come back.
I would think so.
I mean, everything is coming back.
The Broadway is open today.
Do you know that?
No.
Yeah.
That's the opposite.
That's the opposite today.
Like Broadway as of this month.
I mean, as of the 15th, no masks in California unless small businesses want to endorse it.
Can you believe it?
I mean, in Florida.
I mean, in Florida, the entire world stopped for over a year.
I know.
Now it's like this week, I think stuff starting, like really open back up again.
Sadie's friend came over yesterday who is, was real.
This was the friend that Sadie could only see like in her backyard for like two hours.
She came in our house yesterday and it was a huge deal.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's nice.
Yeah.
I mean, she's vaccinated, but she's had one shot.
Sadie and Zander have had one shot.
They get their second shot this Thursday.
Nice.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, Natalia's getting her second shot this week.
Yeah.
I mean, so exciting.
It is exciting.
I know.
Oh my God, I'm excited.
Yeah.
The whole family will be 100% vaccinated.
Isn't that awesome?
I still sometimes feel naked.
Like if I go when I'm walking the dog because I used to get yelled at.
Remember, if I forgot the mask, I've had people say that.
But now I've had the opposite.
I've had somebody go, you don't need to be wearing a mask.
Oh, got some hair.
You can't fucking win.
You cannot.
Yeah.
I mean, I got used to being in Vegas now every weekend, like walking around no mask, getting
the cab didn't have to put out a mask, you know?
There was a, the dawn had a car.
Casinos?
They don't know masks.
No masks.
Mm-mm.
Well, from what I heard, like, Ari, I was the one Casino that you have to have a mask.
But the, Mike, I was in a bunch of them.
There are no masks.
How's the, like, the smoking level?
The same.
Oh, God, I just can't.
I know.
When we go to Vegas with Natalya, there's the Delano, which is a hotel that doesn't have
a casino.
So therefore, there's like a whole area when you walk in, there's no smoking, which is
nice.
And that's what I used to go and stay with Natalya, with Sunny for basketball.
But this time around, we're all staying at another hotel where the, where the convention
is, where the volleyball convention center is.
Right.
And that's all Casinos and smoke and blugh.
Like my hair smells like cigarette smoke right now.
I don't look.
It's so hard to get it out.
I know.
It's disgusting.
By the way, I'm listening to, uh, Kaelin, look alive for one second.
I'm listening to the vaping fix.
Have you heard it?
No, I haven't.
It's really good.
It's podcast one, I believe.
Mm-hmm.
And what is it?
Yeah, I haven't heard of it.
The whole, how the vaping, how the vaping thing started the, the,
cigarettes.
No, it's not e-cigarettes.
It's the, it's the vaping, mm-hmm, where with the cassettes where it looks like the little
cartridges and the, you know, it's a jewel.
Yeah, it's a jewel.
It's a jewel.
The thing that skewed you up.
Yeah, e-cigarettes.
Well, there's a difference.
E-cigarettes are one thing and jewels are another thing or another, it's, it's different.
Oh, some you plug in, some are, they're not.
The vaping is a vaporized, e-cigarettes are a different thing.
They're electric, right?
It's a different thing.
Believe me, if you listen to the vaping fix, you're going to hear it's, this is the next
generation, jewels were the next generation of e-cigarettes and a lot of people didn't love
e-cigarettes, but they love jewels.
Right, you know, like those blues, yeah.
Yeah, the, yeah, jewels were different than those.
I remember them.
They were their own thing, which is, I guess, which is why they called on me.
And the jewels are the flavor with the flavor.
They, they used to be, yeah, before they, they did eventually.
They banned the flavors of the jewels.
I mean, I think you can get knock off ones still, but yes.
So this is a podcast about how it became really attractive to kids.
And then I think eventually in the series, I think today I was listening to episode four.
And then eventually I think it's going to get into the health, you know, problems.
Because it opens up with a guy, the whole series opens up with a guy who, this is by the
same like dirty John, right?
And those of the LA times is presenting it too.
So anyway, it opens up with a guy who has a major, like, health, like he ends up going to the
hospital.
He's a college kid.
And then they backtrack you to the origin of it and how is this young company and how they
were profiting a billion dollars, like within three years.
And, you know, and then how it became a huge thing because it was being marketed for kids.
And on Instagram and how they realized, oh, we have a problem first with the fact that
it was so many teenagers were doing it.
Yeah, I mean, I used to be heavily addicted to my jewel.
I would smoke it everywhere all the time.
So what do you smoke it inside?
I'd smoke it in movie theaters and I smoke it on an airplane.
Like it was different because before then you, the, the kind of vaping would always produce
like these big, huge clouds of smoke, you know, those annoying ones that people, but jewels
are different.
It was like you could smoke it and there wouldn't be any smoke.
So I could smoke it literally anywhere.
Wow.
And I would.
Wow.
And then until my health crisis issue happened, I went to the hospital and since then I've been
wearing nicotine patches.
So you don't have anything?
You still are.
I don't do anything.
Yeah, still one.
You still wear nicotine patches?
Yeah.
Well, good for you though, Kaylon.
Thank you.
So you don't smoke.
What do you do?
I do drink.
Don't smoke.
What do you do?
I do drink a little tiny bit every now and then.
I will just with Amy.
I'm sorry.
But that's it.
Yeah.
That's good for you.
Yeah, that's it.
Good for you.
So what else?
Are you watching any new shows?
Are you kidding?
I haven't been able to.
What I would like to.
I haven't been watching anything.
I've been so busy.
What are you watching?
I'm watching this show called HACTS.
No, HACTS.
HACTS.
Not HACTS.
That would be a totally different show.
HACTS.
It's with Gene Smart and Lorraine Newman's daughter, whose name is like Hannah Eimbinder.
I think it's her name.
Lorraine Newman's daughter.
Lorraine, you ignorant slut?
Yeah.
No, that was Jane Curtin.
Jane Curtin.
Same thing.
Jane, you ignorant slut.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's pretty.
It's so like it's good.
It's about this young comedy writer who ends up having to work for Gene Smart plays like
a Joan Rivers character who's sort of getting washed up.
But she's still doing these, you know, casinos.
Speaking of Vegas and then Hannah plays a girl who got kind of canceled on Twitter.
She sent out a tweet.
I don't remember what the tweet was, but she got canceled for it.
So she nobody will hire her as a TV writer because she's canceled.
So they her manager or agent gets her a gig against the Gene Smart doesn't want her,
doesn't want to have a young writer because she thinks she's doing just fine.
But I guess they have the same agent.
So he gets them together and it's like crazy.
What network is it?
HBO Max.
Hey, HBO Max, man, new thing now.
A lot of shows on HBO Max.
Yeah.
Speaking of which, me and Amy just finished one last night called mayor of East town.
Everybody saying that's good.
Yeah.
And Kate Winslet and it is.
It was very good.
It's like a murder mystery.
But is it is there going to be time travel?
No.
Is there a time travel?
Is it a spoiler alert?
Is it modern?
Yes.
It is the yes, it is modern.
Oh, okay.
I need modern.
Everything, there need to, I want entire shows in like tech speak at this point.
Like I want to feel like just happened.
Mm-hmm.
Me too.
At this point, even if it's like five years old and shit, no, please stop making shows about
queens.
Yeah, even if it is about chess, I don't want to, I don't want any queens.
I cannot tell you how much I don't care about royalty.
I mean, either, sorry.
I think this is the one area that we actually do agree on is the royalty.
Why?
Does anybody care so much?
I don't care either.
Oh my god.
I know.
I have friends that are like up watching the weddings and shit when it happens.
No, thank you.
I know.
And every show has to have some sort of tie to like, right, royalty, right?
We kind of queens.
I'm out.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I agree.
Don't want it.
And I'm English.
I should be into that stuff and I couldn't care.
Yeah, what that is.
Yeah.
About real life or made up.
Yeah.
Couldn't care.
Hey, you know, it's a good show.
It's with Justin Thoreau on the Apple Plus.
It's a mosquito coast.
Okay.
It's really good.
Okay.
And you know what I like.
It's really good.
Well, I'm on like episode four.
Okay.
Justin Thoreau is a smart guy.
I don't think he would do a shitty, anything shitty or, you know, cheesy or anything.
He's and this is based on a book written by I think by his brother.
His brother wrote the book.
Oh, but it's really good.
Let me ask you this.
Who do you think was the cause of the Jenna Anderson?
I knew you said.
Ben Affleck.
No, I'm kidding.
His fault was that.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston together?
No.
Yeah.
Um, I don't know what the deal is with those two, but her first Christmas Eve alone, she
was at Jimmy's house, right?
A picture of her with Natalia.
Should have asked her.
I should have.
But she was there too.
They were broken up, but he was there.
Oh, so maybe they're friends.
They are friends.
They get along.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks everybody.
Thank you.
I need advice.