There's no ifsans or bots about it grief is a weird human experience to have.
And the ways that we cope with it, while often perceived as weird,
are actually kind of smart backdoor ways to helping ourselves find a sense of stability,
or normalcy, or consistency in a world that loss has turned upside down.
[Music]
Hi there, grief growers, and welcome back to grief grower.
I am so delighted and jazz to be with you here today as always.
If you have been growing alongside me in my work for a while,
welcome back.
If you are new to me in my work and found me through the title of this podcast,
or the title of this YouTube video wherever you're finding me,
hello, my name is Shelby Fersitia, I am a grief coach, a two-time author,
and the founder of Life After Loss Academy.
And I have had the honor of helping thousands of grieving people stop feeling lost and stuck
in the midst of grief, and start building lives that they love from the lives that
loss force them to live. This includes not only death losses, of course,
but also losses like divorce and breakup, major diagnosis, and any other loss that drastically
changes your life. Here on the show, we believe that grief is not something to get over as society
often tells us to do, it is something to grow with and alongside for the rest of our lives.
And today on the show, we're going to be talking about the weird ass ways that grief shows up.
The weird coping strategies that a lot of us have, that none of us are talking about,
that actually freaking work. Because there is definitely a societal script for
respectable grief or how grief should go. And it goes a lot like this, it's like cry a little,
journal some, maybe meditate, get back to normal around the one-year mark, and then if everything
is operating as it should, you won't be grieving anymore. People who are listening, I know you can't
see me on YouTube, but I'm using very heavy air quotes on this one. But there is a way that grief
actually shows up for us in the world. And sometimes it's, it's really weird. And despite what movies
and TV shows and music and social media portray to us, grief doesn't always look like controlled
to years in a private therapist's office. And, and meditation at a retreat center and journaling
about your feelings until something cathartic happens. And as we all know, on this show, grief does
not end after just one year. Sometimes grief looks like cutting all your hair off, having conversations.
Yes, out loud in your house with inanimate objects, engaging obsessively in a I'm going to eat cereal
for every meal phase. And it can also manifest as 3am video game marathons. And seasons where all you
want to do is get another tattoo or get another piercing or maybe a whole month where the only thing
that you wear is this same consistent uniform of a hoodie and jeans at home at work and out running
errands. You just do not care. That is the only outfit you can see. These are all bizarre things that
happen in grief. And they're often made up of like little rituals or little choices that we make
that usually no one else notices. But for whatever reason, we need them or we keep doing them
because they help us keep going. And are they weird? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. But it doesn't necessarily
mean that they're wrong or that there's signals that we're coping with grief incorrectly. So this
episode today is for all of my weirdos out there. Or if you don't identify as a weirdo,
for all the people who think that this thing in my grief is kind of an odd manifestation of it.
Is it normal to insert thing here? This is this is for you. I'm going to cover five things that are
often perceived as weird in the aftermath of grief that are actually really normal. And also
more than that, they actually work whether they're backed by science or they're backed by the stories
of grieving people who say, Hey, this is something I've done. And it actually really works for me.
So let's start with number one. This is playing Tetris or other video games to cope with grief.
This gives you a sense of order in a disordered world. Cognitive relief, oftentimes from making
decisions or have to think very hard about things. And emotional regulation at a time when it can
feel like your emotions are like, woo, all of the place. If you have ever played Tetris or another
game where your task is to sort things or finish a puzzle or do some sort of strategy. If you've
done this on repeat after a loss, you are not alone. And actually, you might be on to something in
choosing to play games after significant loss event. There was a study that was published in
plus one, which found that playing Tetris shortly after seeing something traumatic reduce the
buildup of intrusive visual memories. And the researchers in this study believe that the games
visual spatial demand on the brain interfered in a good way with traumatic memory consolidation.
So said in very simpler terms because all of us are out here with grief brain,
games similar to Tetris give your brain something to do besides relive trauma. Now I will offer a
huge asterisk here that this was a very small study with a sample size of just 40 people. But this
is a really cool finding and this weird grief response that can be perceived as weird either by
yourself or by other people can actually make a lot of sense because when our brains are spiraling
or overwhelmed, participating in an activity that has clear rules, we're in control, we're in
the driver's seat, literally or metaphorically race car games, anybody. And goals I know what I'm
aiming for and I know what it takes to achieve it can be really, really helpful. And games that offer
other soothing patterns or puzzles or interactions, things like stardew valley or candy crush,
that's one of my personal favorites or animal crossing. These things can help reduce our sense of
being emotionally overloaded. It can provide predictable rewards when my feels like chaos.
It can help us feel like, oh my god, I've accomplished something even if that accomplishment is
happening in a digital world or like I've completed a task and sometimes that's a success when you're
grieving and offering a sense of escapism, but one that actually helps you come back to yourself in
a way. So many people when they're grieving report feeling more capable or more in control or like
they have a sense of power when they're playing games or when they're engaging in activities where
it's sort of like a time limited or a goal limited quest and then finishing that thing in a season
of grief where everything's kind of weird and ambiguous and it seems like nothing's ever really done
can can can be such a relief for people who are caught up in the midst of grief. I will say if
video games are not your thing, which is a okay, anything else that is a nonviolent pattern based
game with clear rules and goals. This could be something like analog crossword puzzle with pen and
paper doing the daily wordle from the New York Times, Sudoku, a number based game could be helpful,
card games, board games, anything that has sort of this structure or setup and there's a start at
an end and a clear goal and in some ways you are in control can be really really great ways to cope
with grief and as a bonus, I will say some of these games many of these games can be played with
other people whether you're texting people in a group chat your wordle results for the day or you're
actually going to like a board game cafe or a neighbor's house or something like that and playing
an interactive card game with people and playing games in the aftermath of loss can help you strengthen
connections in a season where it's really easy to feel isolated and alone and it's kind of one of
those things to do where you're like we're playing this thing together and we're not directly
talking about grief but the thing that is happening is helping with the fact that you're grieving.
This is a quote that I pulled from a reddit thread about video games after a loss.
Somebody said I played so much Mario Kart after my dad died. I'd spend a lot of time with family
the first week but when I was home it was video games. I think the easiest way to shut your mind off
and distract yourself. TV can be randomly triggering because you really never know what you're
going to see especially in a world where crime dramas are really possible to see on TV and you don't
necessarily want to leave the house and sleep comes with nightmares but driving around in circles
collecting coins in Mario Kart is the perfect balance of distraction to pass the time and this
is from a user on reddit named Aaron MKC and that was on a discussion on the reddit thread for grief
support and I'm not saying reddit is kind of the end all be all for where grievers are telling their
stories but in terms of do video games help with grief or do you find yourself playing games as a way
to cope with grief it was a really neat deep dive to take on the internet because I know I'm not the
only person who has leaned on logic or gameplay they are small ways in which we can reassure our
brains that there are ways in which the world can be put in order again even if it's not fixing
our loss even if we're not getting any sort of tangible result there and there are pockets of the
world where things are orderly or predictable or in the case of like more emotional relationship
games places that are kind or generous or have coins or gifts or interactions to give.
Number two weird things that can actually be very helpful in grief is talking to an animate
objects and this is another one I've done myself and what this offers you is ongoing connection
potentially if the person you're grieving or the thing you're grieving is a person who died
and a sense of emotional release and this could be done you could whisper to a photo or talk to
a photo of your wallet you could say goodnight to a loved one's favorite stuffed animal I know a lot
of people who have lost children do something like that you might pray to a figurine or a statue
you might place your hand on a certain tree or a stone in your garden because it just feels like
it carries the soul of a person that you love and to outsiders this behavior might look really
strange that person is talking to themselves or that person's talking to a picture on a wall
but grief experts say that doing things like this is one manifestation of something called
continuing bonds theory and continuing bonds are ways that we keep in touch with people we love
who have died rather than letting go and I'm using air quotes again letting go but which is kind of
what society wants us to do is let it go forget about it leave it in the past get over it blah blah blah
but here on grief grow where we're like no we're we're we're holding on to it if anything else
we're doubling down and doubling down in grief looks a lot like setting up places and spaces in our
homes and our gardens and our workspaces out with friends maybe it's something even we wear on our
bodies to talk to and interact with to feel as if we are still connected to people we love who are
no longer here there is a grief scholar by the name of Thomas Attic and he has a book called How We
Grief where he writes the continuing bond is not morbid or pathological in other words it's not
assigned something's wrong with you it is a living connection that grievers nurture in their own way
and talking to inanimate objects which is also known as anthropomorphizing is a way to cope with loss
and maintain a connection so this can involve reporting back on memories expressing feelings that
maybe you didn't or couldn't express in life or maybe just like seeking comfort from this object
it's comforting to have it around it's comforting to talk to it I have coffee mugs from my best friend
who died I have jewelry from my mother and pictures of hers and sometimes I'll talk to her face like
there are things that exist in my home that allow me to still feel surrounded by her and yes I do
still talk to them I also once worked with a client whose son died and every morning she had this little
10 minute ritual where she would hold a necklace that had his thumbprint stamped into it and she
would speak to him as if he could still hear her she said she felt more connected to him during the
rest of her day just by doing this ritual for sing the morning and also felt like he was still
updated and a part of all the goings on of her life and it wasn't a big ritual and it wasn't
something that was publicized and it wasn't this big memorial that she had to invite 300 people to
it was her relationship with him made manifest and then something that allowed it to continue on
throughout the day these 10 minutes she spent with this necklace with this inanimate object talking
to it allowed her to feel more connected to him throughout the rest of the day and then of course
over time throughout the rest of her life let's move on here to number three which is drastically
changing your appearance this is something that so many grieving people do in grief this often gives
you a sense of control and something I really like about a symbolic sort of outward mirror for
interchange sometimes changing your appearance in some way can help you signify to yourself and to
other people that I have been through something I have been impacted greatly by something and now I
carry it with me I wear it on my face I wear it on my body grief can drastically impact our identities
and oftentimes we wake up in the morning and I hear this from so many grieving clients I work with
I don't recognize myself anymore or I don't know who I am anymore or I look the same
in the mirror but I feel absolutely different and untethered from myself inside and so a lot of people
after devastating loss they'll die their hair they're cut it all off they'll get a buzz cut they
might get colorful wigs they get piercings or tattoos they overhaul their wardrobe it is a way
to signify I have been through something something has happened to me I feel it on the inside and now
I'm wearing it on the outside there's an author by the name of Elizabeth DeVita Rayburn who wrote a
book called the empty room who lost a sibling and she got a tattoo to signify and symbolize the
loss of her sibling and she has this very simple quote in the book that just says I needed the pain
the mark the reminder that I survived I needed all three of those things all at once and sometimes
especially for tattoos and piercings there can be a sense of I am controlling the pain that happens to
me I'm opting into a painful experience as opposed to with loss we often feel like it's forced
upon us against our will we don't opt in to experiences of loss oftentimes and then especially with tattoos
and piercings we get to keep the mark the scar or the jewelry or the ink is visible and now there is
a reminder that you have survived something so in a world in a society that often tells us as
grieving people to go back to normal or revert back to the person you used to be outward aesthetic
shifts even if they seem trivial a lot of people like you cut her hair after the breakup which is one of
my like favorite troubles I'm like yeah cut your hair after the breakup hair holds memories do it
absolutely it is a way to say I am not going back I am a different person there is only going forward
but that going forward is going to include the person I am now and the person that I used to be
and it's just one of these ways that we can really signify to ourselves and to others that something
really big has changed I will say in like westernized Eurocentric society we don't have a lot of
overarching cultural recognition uniform practices for these so grievers often create their own
just really quickly down the line hair changes you could shave your head to reflect
inner a people or symbolic rebirth maybe I'm taking a fresh start so I'm shaving all my hair off
dyeing your hair black or white or another sort of bright or artificial color you might cut your
hair drastically as a mark of before and after I was this one I walked in I was this one I came out
it's a very liberating and cathartic experience to get a haircut after a major loss for clothing
choices a lot of people will choose to wear all black by personal choice like continuing
wearing black for longer than the memorial or continue to wear another color for longer than the
memorial it's traditional to wear black at funerals in most Eurocentric countries and areas but oftentimes
people will extend that like way far beyond the memorial you might buy new clothes because the old
clothes feel tainted by the before by the loss you might choose clothes that are soft or oversized
or like armor like like don't talk to me for a sense of sensory safety or social safety like just
send the message don't talk to me or send the message of like I'm protected from something or I'm
guarding myself against something with my grief or in the case of of me and so many other grieving
people I know you might choose to consistently wear a loved one's personal clothing shoes accessories
or jewelry if you have access to them I know a lot of people especially in the early months and years
following a loss will wear items that belong to a person they love who died as a way of kind of
wearing them forward into the world carrying them forward into the world with them they are not being
left back there they're actually going out into your day-to-day with you so they are not left behind
for tattoos and piercings a lot a lot of people these days get memorial tattoos including names
or dates or handwriting of somebody they love and there are some tattoo studios now that can
mix in a loved ones ashes if you have them cremated into the tattoo ink and so you're literally
carrying pieces of them with you a lot of people will get things like new piercings either as I
mentioned before a form of controlled pain or a way of reclaiming their body from something that
happened to them or they may include tattoos or piercings that have symbols related to the person
who died things like stars or butterflies or hummingbirds or initials or plants or flowers that they
found really significant or special there's a really really cool article from the offing which is
called my hair is an archive of my grief and there's a quote by the writer jody msavage she says
my hair is an archive of my grief a collection of who and what I have loved and lost a reminder
of what I have survived she is a black woman talking about having cancer and caring for her
grandmother as her grandmother was dying and remembering how her grandmother tended to her hair it's a
really really cool article and definitely one worth reading and I resonate with this idea of my
hair as an archive of my grief myself just a couple years ago I cut my hair from mid backlink
like pretty long I was trying to grow it as long as possible to a very very short bob like just
sweeping shoulders as the second anniversary of my best friend's death was approaching her she
died in the spring and it was also like march aprilish it was like spring equinox time so here in the
northern hemisphere that's like fresh start time when all the flowers are popping up and I posted
about it on instagram and talked about what it is or feels like to get a grief haircut or a haircut
in memory of grief and I got a whole bunch of comments from people who talked about I cut my hair
after my mother died I buzzed my hair after my child died there's a lot of different people who
resonate with this idea of grief happened and then I needed to make a visual change on my body that
was experiencing this loss okay number four is wearing a grief uniform this is such a cool weird
thing that can give you relief from having to make a lot of decisions after a loss but kind of like
we talked about with changing clothing and changing your physical appearance it can also give you a
sense of comfort and emotional safety because the clothes we wear are often tied to how comfortable
we feel in the world and I will say that like people who are grieving struggle to make basic
choices that is why a lot of people who are grieving will wear the same outfit or type of outfit
sort of a uniform for weeks or months after a loss and to be extraordinarily clear this is not
laziness I have a firm belief that no grieving person is lazy gravers are trying very hard to be alive
at all times and just exist in a world where their losses have happened so this is not laziness
needing to wear a uniform or sticking to only a handful of clothing or outfits is not I'm lazy
and I don't want to make decisions it is literally decision fatigue which is a real neurological
side effect of loss aka grief brain where making choices feels difficult or exhausting because you
are in a season where it feels like everything is changing and this sense of decision fatigue and grief
is really well explained by their person making define in a 2022 Instagram post and in her Instagram
post she said even something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner can feel overwhelming
grief itself is full of changes major and minor so you're already starting at a low mental elasticity
and capacity gravers aren't necessarily starting from zero when they wake up oftentimes they're starting
from negative in terms of making decisions they made so many decisions the day before or in
their in a season where so much is changing all the time that it feels like everything is a decision
that it can feel like I'm not just starting it zero I'm starting in the negatives so the less
decisions I have to make every day the better so when your brain your mind your body isn't survival
mode things that felt small before like picking out what the heck shirt you're gonna wear today
can feel literally impossible like that is an impossible thing to do especially when so many people
around grieving people are saying let me know if you need anything let me know how I can help if
there's anything I do let me know landing on what that thing is one of the hardest things to do
is agree very much less do you want to wear the white shirt the blue shirt or the yellow shirt today
I don't know stop asking me questions it's such it's such a real experience and grief so stop
giving me options stop giving me choices the decision of one thing or a handful of things can make
life so much easier when you're grieving even if the people around you think it's weird I know for
me personally I wore the same brand of jumpsuit it was like a one piece body suit situation for
months after my best friend died from covid in 2022 I had three colors and I rotated between them
and I would go to work I would run errands I would travel and I would hang out with friends all in
the same outfit I called it my grief fit which is a combination of the word grief and outfit so it's
like my grief fit outfit and I still pull this out this these jumpsuits come out when my life is
getting really stressful or really griefy because I know without a shadow of a doubt they fit their
comfy I'm gonna look good I can add a jacket or take it off of it gets too hot I can wear it with
any pair of shoes that I have in my closet and I look like I've got my shit together for lack of
better phrasing and now I've got I don't know probably like seven different colors of these jumpsuit
because they have been such an aid to me in seasons when life is really overwhelming or really stressful
I want to get to number five though too because this kind of ties into picking out a grief uniform
and that is fixating on a grief meal or choosing a grief meal and what this will grant you when
you're grieving if you're not doing this already is familiarity ritual simplicity and sensory
grounding you're like I've got it I am I am rooted into some sort of pattern and routine because
grief has the ability to magically take your appetite away from you or narrow it down to just a
handful of things that sound good and for me again after my best friend's death I'm drawing a lot on
that experience in this episode because it's kind of the more recent loss for me as opposed to my
mother who died more than 10 years ago my best friend died in 2022 after she died I was wearing my
jumpsuit my grief uniform and I was also eating toasted bread with mayo, dill and scrambled eggs and I
ate this breakfast lunch dinner for weeks if not months after she died and it's not because I loved it
although I do love it it is an open-faced sandwich with egg and mayo and dill is amazing but I also
loved it because it was easy and it was predictable and like I'm getting some protein I'm getting
some carbs and some nourishment in here I'm eating something that's going to satiate me for a while
and I know I can make it again I will have the energy to make this again it's not a hard thing I'm
not standing over the stove for hours and hours I'm not having to chop a bunch of stuff which is
like my least favorite kitchen chore ever it was easy it was predictable and the ingredients were
really easy to find and a lot of people I work with report this same sort of desire for simple
predictable food I worked with a client once who expressed a sense of shame for ordering so much
door dash after her dad died and we actually reframed it as her taking care of her grieving body in a
way that was fast that was low effort and that was hella effective and her season of door dash grief
meals did not last forever but in this immediate aftermath of her father's death it was a relief to
have food she knew she liked just poof show up on her front porch side note if you're looking to
support somebody who's grieving oftentimes sending money for food whether it's groceries or meal
delivery is one of the best things you can give them because they can pick what they want and it's good
forever you can order food forever you can order delivery of groceries to your porch or meals to your
porch forever and it's not like a casserole that's going to go about eventually or you don't know
what their allergies are or you don't know if they're vegan or gluten free or whatever the case
may be it is something that is so incredibly easy to gift to a griever but so so appreciated because
in a world a land of decision fatigue where lots of change is happening being able to say
I consistently like the chicken sandwich from this restaurant and I can get 10 chicken sandwiches
for the next two weeks because of this person's gift card oh my goodness what a blessing
I will say that grievers who are finding themselves repeating one simple meal or a rotating
selection of like minimal foods this is not about disordered eating this is not about having an
eating disorder it is about self soothing at a time when it feels like life is out of order so this
is not generally about grieving people wanting to control their weight or how they look it is
oftentimes a decision that's made for the sake of narrowing down the decisions that need to be made
it's for the sake of simplicity and predictability and consistency in a world where loss is turned
all of those things upside down I will say and this is a topic for a totally other episode
grief can be activating of eating disorders if you have one already so if that's something that
you're struggling with please look up eating disorder therapists or mental health practitioners in your
area who aren't just trained in eating disorders but are trauma informed or grief informed as well
because the blend of those things oh my gosh is so incredibly powerful and we'll definitely touch
on that in a future episode that'd be a good one one of my favorite quotes and this is a book I
actually have a copy of it's called Extra Helping by Janet Rich Ellsbach it's a it's a cookbook for
all sorts of seasons of life transition so things like somebody is injured somebody has a new baby
somebody's going through cancer somebody has had a loss in the family it's a cookbook of different
types of meals to bring for those specific things my favorite section in the book is meals to bring
people who have just moved house and it's so smart because who would think of this I would not think
of this until I read her words of people who've just moved house probably don't know where their
silverware is yet because they haven't unpacked it and so the whole section of things to bring to
people who have just moved house is all no silverware required it is hand food and that is such a
blessing to people who may not know where the plates and the forks are because they literally
have just moved house but in this book it's called Extra Helping once again by Janet Rich Ellsbach
she writes everyone has to eat the things we survive have one common thread if we got through it
we must have eaten something and so grievers know it's it's kind of annoying that you have to keep
eating that you have to keep feeding yourself in addition to figuring out how to navigate life
after loss and one great way to do that is to reduce decision fatigue you get to pick a grief meal
that you love and can consistently eat over and over again a lot of neurodivergent people would
call this a hyper fixation meal or you can make a list of of foods that you know that you enjoy maybe
things that are prepackaged or things that are pre-chopped or cut and ready for you to eat at a
moment's notice and just like keep that rotating cast of characters 10 foods 20 foods on a rotating
basis and your refrigerator or on your counter so that you can keep feeding yourself as you grieve
I will say this one thing also about fixating on a grief meal in addition to reducing decision
fatigue smell and taste which are activated when we're eating are directly tied to memory
and so a consistent and predictable grief meal that you choose for yourself can also if you want
to go the extra mile becoming ritual of remembrance when you're grieving sort of a sensory way to say
I'm still here I'm still connected to a person who died I'm still nourishing myself especially if
your food is connected to a positive memory of a loved one I'm thinking things like mac and cheese
and thinking things like casseroles I'm thinking things like childhood foods or desserts that somebody
made for you if you need to eat that for the next two three months you go right ahead like I'm not
going to come in here in food police you when you're grieving that's the last thing that anybody should
be doing in the aftermath of devastating loss but if your grief foods are kind of again go the extra
mile tied to positive memories of someone you love who died it can feel twice as nourishing to eat
because the food is nourishing not just your body which is the thing that needs the fuel to keep
going but also your soul you may continue to feel tended to by somebody you love who died simply
by eating foods they love and I get chills thinking about that that's something that really
that really lands with me I want to say as we're wrapping up here that just uh grief does not have
to make sense to be valid it can be weird and still be valid if you are playing video games on an
infinite loop if you're like playing candy crush on your phone if you are walking around your house
alone and talking to photos or plants or stuffed animals or other inanimate objects if you find
yourself living in the same pair of sweatpants your own little grief uniform if you have this raging
desire to chop off all your hair or you've done it already if you find yourself eating the same
three things over and over and over again there's nothing wrong with you you are not broken you
are a grieving person and I got to say this to your weirdness is a kind of wisdom in the aftermath
of loss the things that you keep leaning on for support and help are your unique ways of coping with
challenges and changes and upheavals and secondary losses and all the stuff that's coming with life
with grief and as long as you're not hurting yourself or hurting other people and fulfilling the
obligations you have to care for yourself and others it's more than okay for your grief to present
as a little bit's grub all a little bit odd grief is weird grief there's no ifs ands or bots about
a grief is a weird human experience to have and the ways that we cope with it while often perceived
as weird are actually kind of smart backdoor ways to helping ourselves find a sense of stability
or normalcy or consistency in a world that loss has turned upside down I will say if you want to
get support from people who truly understand the weirdness of grief you are always welcome to join
us in life after loss academy it is not a place where we only talk about moving forward we talk about
building a life that includes your grief honors the behaviors and rituals that other people might
perceive as weird and help you build sort of your own path for navigating life after loss in a way
that feels true for you I've talked about it on previous episodes of the podcast as well as
my website but we use something that I call the five step grief method we get grounded even
when the world is spinning we release old identities hopes and dreams that loss forced away from
you or took away from you we integrate loss into the life that you're still living and a lot of
those things include kind of the behaviors of rituals we talked about today we establish boundaries
with people who've shown that they cannot be supportive of your grief and we help you foster a
relationship with grief that feels friendlier than battling grief or getting over grief or leaving
behind so if this episode today felt like it really resonated with you or you were inspired to
let your inner weirdo grief like fly I hope you'll join us in life after loss academy it is really a
place where every single conversation about grief is welcome and honored and we love talking about
the the lesser spoken about elements of grief and the ways they continue to show up for us months
years even decades later grief makes us all a little weird and it is a place where grief and
weirdness can go together that's all for this episode of grief grower thank you so much for joining
me today if you're looking for grief support beyond this show you can find free workshops blog
articles and my signature what's your grief support style quiz at shall be for sithia.com/links
if this podcast felt validating to your weirdness or otherwise helpful to you please subscribe and
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grief growers hosted by me shall be for sithia with theme music by adi goldstein until next time
i see you i am so proud of you and the work that you're doing in the world and i love you
because even through grief we are growing
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