Why do you feel so lonely, even with people around you?
If that question brought you here today, you're not alone in asking it.
This is a guided meditation for a very particular kind of loneliness, the kind that has nothing
to do with how many people are in the room with you, and everything to do with the social
isolation of the heart.
I'm Martin, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, and this is Carmen Angzaiati, your daily 10
minutes sanctuary.
If this is your first time here, hi.
Every episode lives free at calminganxiety.fm, and if you'd like these sessions wherever
you go, the Anchored app brings a whole library into your pocket.
Let's begin, as we always do, with the breath.
Find your stillness now, sitting or lying somewhere you won't be disturbed, somewhere
company, eyes closed if it's safe.
We're going to use the pattern that I've used for years, in for full, holding for two,
and then out, releasing and relaxing for six.
That longer out breath shifts your nervous system out of alert and into rest.
So focus now, feel every breath and let's breathe together.
1 2 3 4 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 3 4 5 6 and again ready.
2 3 4 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 3 4 5 6 as you keep that rhythm,
allow your shoulders to soften with every exhalation, there's nothing you need to perform right now, no conversation to manage, no version of yourself to maintain.
Just breathe in this room, however many people are or aren't actually in it, allow the tension, that sense of worry to evaporate with every outbreak,
but within this moment of calm, imagine or in a forest walking through it slowly in your mind between the tall trees, each standing on its own,
a little distant from the next, the way people often stand at a party, close enough to see each other, far enough to feel separate,
but beneath the soil, something else is happening, the roots of every tree in that forest are reaching towards each other, tangled together in a vast underground network,
find threats of fungus weaving from root to root, passing water, nutrients, even warning signals between trees that above the ground never touch at all,
the trees look alone, but they have never been alone, you're standing in the forest now, feel the ground beneath your feet,
and know that underneath you, just like underneath every other person in the room, that you've ever felt lonely in, there is a network you cannot see,
other people right now in their own rooms, feeling exactly what you've been feeling, the thread reaches you too, even when you can't feel it on the surface,
let yourself stand there a little longer, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to find the right thing to say, or the right person to talk to, just notice,
the loneliness sits on the surface, underneath it, something else has been holding steady this whole time,
so let's bring this into a few simple affirmations, I'll say each one once, and I'd like you to repeat it quietly within your mind,
I am allowed to feel close to others without performing for them,
my quiet does not mean I am unseen, I can be in a room full of people and still be gentle with myself,
connection does not depend on being the loudest voice in the room,
I am rooted to others in ways I cannot always see or hear,
allow those words to settle a little deeper now, for past the noise of the day and into the part of you that already knows them to be true,
and with every out breath, drift deeply and safely, further and further down,
I am allowed to feel close to others without performing for them,
my quiet does not mean I am unseen,
I can be in a room full of people and still be gentle with myself,
connection does not depend on being the loudest voice in the room,
I am rooted to others in ways I cannot always see or hear,
now relax truly, loving all that you are,
and take with you today's three daily caring tips,
one, the one true conversation, next time you are in a room that feels too big,
stop trying to connect with everyone in it, find one person, ask one real question,
and let the rest of the room take care of itself,
one genuine conversation will do more for the lonely feeling than ten polite ones,
two, name it quietly, when that hollow feeling rises in company,
try naming it silently, this is loneliness, not a fact about my worth,
simply labeling a feeling rather than figuring it has been shown to lower its intensity almost immediately,
and three, the five minute check in, don't wait for the next big gathering to feel connected,
send one message today, no agenda, just thinking of you to one person,
small, unscheduled contact does more for loneliness than the largest party on the calendar,
now time to come back gently wiggle your fingers and toes,
take a deep in breath hold and then as you exhale stretch the arms out overhead,
and when you are ready open your eyes,
wherever you have been sitting, however many or few people were actually around you,
I hope you leave this ten minutes a little less alone than when you were right,
if today's session helped you please do share it, and also in my youth,
I was referred to as centre of attention man, I was loud, but internally I was so alone,
and I find more strength and calm in gatherings now by being quiet, by sitting back,
by observing and just loving where I am at, and I hope you do too,
take care my friend, let's reconnect tomorrow, and as always in everything,
mind-loved and positivity whenever you can and your beautiful self be kind.