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Why do you feel so lonely, even with people around you?

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If that question brought you here today, you're not alone in asking it.

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This is a guided meditation for a very particular kind of loneliness, the kind that has nothing

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to do with how many people are in the room with you, and everything to do with the social

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isolation of the heart.

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I'm Martin, I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, and this is Carmen Angzaiati, your daily 10

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minutes sanctuary.

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If this is your first time here, hi.

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Every episode lives free at calminganxiety.fm, and if you'd like these sessions wherever

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you go, the Anchored app brings a whole library into your pocket.

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Let's begin, as we always do, with the breath.

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Find your stillness now, sitting or lying somewhere you won't be disturbed, somewhere

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company, eyes closed if it's safe.

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We're going to use the pattern that I've used for years, in for full, holding for two,

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and then out, releasing and relaxing for six.

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That longer out breath shifts your nervous system out of alert and into rest.

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So focus now, feel every breath and let's breathe together.

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1 2 3 4 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 3 4 5 6 and again ready.

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2 3 4 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 HOLD 2 3 4 5 6 as you keep that rhythm,

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allow your shoulders to soften with every exhalation, there's nothing you need to perform right now, no conversation to manage, no version of yourself to maintain.

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Just breathe in this room, however many people are or aren't actually in it, allow the tension, that sense of worry to evaporate with every outbreak,

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but within this moment of calm, imagine or in a forest walking through it slowly in your mind between the tall trees, each standing on its own,

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a little distant from the next, the way people often stand at a party, close enough to see each other, far enough to feel separate,

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but beneath the soil, something else is happening, the roots of every tree in that forest are reaching towards each other, tangled together in a vast underground network,

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find threats of fungus weaving from root to root, passing water, nutrients, even warning signals between trees that above the ground never touch at all,

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the trees look alone, but they have never been alone, you're standing in the forest now, feel the ground beneath your feet,

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and know that underneath you, just like underneath every other person in the room, that you've ever felt lonely in, there is a network you cannot see,

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other people right now in their own rooms, feeling exactly what you've been feeling, the thread reaches you too, even when you can't feel it on the surface,

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let yourself stand there a little longer, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to find the right thing to say, or the right person to talk to, just notice,

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the loneliness sits on the surface, underneath it, something else has been holding steady this whole time,

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so let's bring this into a few simple affirmations, I'll say each one once, and I'd like you to repeat it quietly within your mind,

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I am allowed to feel close to others without performing for them,

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my quiet does not mean I am unseen, I can be in a room full of people and still be gentle with myself,

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connection does not depend on being the loudest voice in the room,

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I am rooted to others in ways I cannot always see or hear,

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allow those words to settle a little deeper now, for past the noise of the day and into the part of you that already knows them to be true,

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and with every out breath, drift deeply and safely, further and further down,

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I am allowed to feel close to others without performing for them,

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my quiet does not mean I am unseen,

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I can be in a room full of people and still be gentle with myself,

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connection does not depend on being the loudest voice in the room,

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I am rooted to others in ways I cannot always see or hear,

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now relax truly, loving all that you are,

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and take with you today's three daily caring tips,

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one, the one true conversation, next time you are in a room that feels too big,

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stop trying to connect with everyone in it, find one person, ask one real question,

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and let the rest of the room take care of itself,

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one genuine conversation will do more for the lonely feeling than ten polite ones,

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two, name it quietly, when that hollow feeling rises in company,

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try naming it silently, this is loneliness, not a fact about my worth,

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simply labeling a feeling rather than figuring it has been shown to lower its intensity almost immediately,

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and three, the five minute check in, don't wait for the next big gathering to feel connected,

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send one message today, no agenda, just thinking of you to one person,

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small, unscheduled contact does more for loneliness than the largest party on the calendar,

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now time to come back gently wiggle your fingers and toes,

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take a deep in breath hold and then as you exhale stretch the arms out overhead,

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and when you are ready open your eyes,

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wherever you have been sitting, however many or few people were actually around you,

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I hope you leave this ten minutes a little less alone than when you were right,

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if today's session helped you please do share it, and also in my youth,

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I was referred to as centre of attention man, I was loud, but internally I was so alone,

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and I find more strength and calm in gatherings now by being quiet, by sitting back,

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by observing and just loving where I am at, and I hope you do too,

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take care my friend, let's reconnect tomorrow, and as always in everything,

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mind-loved and positivity whenever you can and your beautiful self be kind.

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